Heathers (1988) Poster


Christian Slater: J.D.



  • J.D. : Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling

  • Kurt's Dad : My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.

    J.D. : Wonder how he'd react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.

  • J.D. : Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes.

  • J.D. : Greetings and salutations... you a Heather?

    Veronica Sawyer : No, I'm a Veronica... Sawyer.

  • Veronica Sawyer : This may seem like a really stupid question...

    J.D. : There *are* no stupid questions.

    Veronica Sawyer : You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?

    J.D. : That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.

  • J.D. : People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say; "now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.

  • J.D. : The extreme always seems to make an impression.

  • J.D. : I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya...

  • Veronica Sawyer : I just killed my best friend.

    J.D. : And your worst enemy.

    Veronica Sawyer : Same difference.

  • J.D. : I like it. It's got that what-a-cruel-world-let's-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience.

  • Ram Sweeney : [after watching J.D. flirt with Veronica]  Let's kick his ass!

    Kurt Kelly : Shit, Ram - we're seniors, man. We're too old for that kind of crap. Let's give 'im a good scare, though.

    [They walk to where J.D. is sitting] 

    Ram Sweeney : [Sticking his fingers into J.D.'s lunch]  You gonna eat this?

    Kurt Kelly : What did your boyfriend say when you told 'im you were movin' to Sherwood, Ohio?

    Ram Sweeney : Answer him, dick!

    Kurt Kelly : Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a "No Fags Allowed" rule?

    J.D. : Well they, uh, seem to have an open door policy for assholes though, don't they?

    Kurt Kelly : What did you say, dickhead?

    J.D. : [He sighs, stands, and pulls out a gun]  I'll repeat myself.

    [He shoots Kurt and Ram] 

  • J.D. : Is your life perfect?

    Veronica Sawyer : I'm on my way to a party at Remington University... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.

    J.D. : I... I don't really like your friends either.

    Veronica Sawyer : Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.

    J.D. : Maybe it's time to take a vacation.

  • J.D. : Our love is God, let's go get a Slushie.

  • J.D. : The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.

  • J.D. : I knew that loose was too noose... uh... noose too loose...

  • J.D. : Well, ah... Let's take a look at some of the homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant at the scene.

    [He picks up a shopping bag and pulls items out of it] 

    J.D. : All right. Got an issue of "Stud Puppy."

    Veronica Sawyer : Great!

    [She laughs] 

    J.D. : Candy dish. Joan Crawford postcard. Let's see, some mascara. All right. And here's the one perfecto thing I picked up. Mineral water.

    Veronica Sawyer : Oh, come on, a lot of people drink mineral water, it's come a long way.

    J.D. : Yeah, but this is Ohio. I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.

    Veronica Sawyer : Oh, you're so smart.

  • Veronica Sawyer : You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel you're fucking psychotic!

    J.D. : You say 'toh-may-toe', I say 'toe-mah-toh.

  • J.D. : Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination.

  • Veronica Sawyer : That knife is filthy.

    J.D. : What do you think I'm going to do with it, take out her tonsils?

    Veronica Sawyer : Excuse me, I think I know Heather a little bit better than you do. If she were going to slit her wrists, the knife would be spotless.

  • J.D. : Let's pretend I blew up the school... all the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?

  • J.D. : Your society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself.

  • J.D. : Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?

    Veronica Sawyer : I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.

    J.D. : Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.

  • J.D. : [underlining words in Moby Dick]  Es-ki-mo...

  • Veronica Sawyer : If you think I'm doing another suicide note you're wrong!

    J.D. : You don't get it do you? Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think upon itself. Nobody is going to care about exact handwriting.

  • J.D. : Um... 'to me, though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me'.

    Veronica Sawyer : That's good but Heather would never use the word myriad.

    J.D. : This is the last thing she'll ever write; she'll want to use as many 50-cent words as possible.

    Veronica Sawyer : She missed 'myriad' on the vocab test two weeks ago.

    J.D. : That only proves my point more. The word is a badge for her failures at school.

  • J.D. : [lying on the ground with Veronica under his jacket]  Mmm. I thank you. That was my first game of strip croquet.

  • J.D. : [after killing Heather]  What are we gonna tell the cops? "Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge".

    Veronica Sawyer : The cops? This is my life. Oh, my God. I'll have to send my S.A.T. scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford.

  • Veronica Sawyer : I really don't like my friends.

    J.D. : I don't really like your friends either.

    Veronica Sawyer : They are just people I work with and and our "job" is being popular and shit.

  • J.D. : I'm a no-rust-build-up man, myself.

  • J.D. : [shows Heather pictures] 

    Heather Duke : Me and Martha Dumptruck? Where did you get this?

    J.D. : I just had the nicest little chat with Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously. It's kind of scary that everyone's got a little story to tell. You wanna see the canoeing shots?

    Heather Duke : What is this? Blackmail?

    Heather Duke : [pause] 

    Heather Duke : I'll give you a week's lunch money.

    J.D. : I don't want your money. I want your strength. Westerburg does not need mushy togetherness. It needs a strong leader. Heather Chandler was that leader but...

    Heather Duke : But she couldn't handle it.

    J.D. : I think you can. Moby Dick is dunked. The white whale drank some bad plankton and splashed through a coffee table and now it's your turn to take the helm.

    Heather Duke : What about the photographs?

    J.D. : Oh, don't worry. I'll ask you to do me a favor. That will be one you'll enjoy. Then you'll get the negatives and everything back then. But in the meantime... strength. Here's a little gift. From Heather to Heather.

    J.D. : [gives her Heather Chandler's red hair bow] 

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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