Christian Slater: J.D.
J.D. : Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling
J.D. : Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes.
Veronica Sawyer : This may seem like a really stupid question...
J.D. : There *are* no stupid questions.
Veronica Sawyer : You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?
J.D. : That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.
J.D. : People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say; "now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.
J.D. : The extreme always seems to make an impression.
J.D. : I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya...
J.D. : I like it. It's got that what-a-cruel-world-let's-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience.
Ram Sweeney : [after watching J.D. flirt with Veronica] Let's kick his ass!
Kurt Kelly : Shit, Ram - we're seniors, man. We're too old for that kind of crap. Let's give 'im a good scare, though.
[They walk to where J.D. is sitting]
Ram Sweeney : [Sticking his fingers into J.D.'s lunch] You gonna eat this?
Kurt Kelly : What did your boyfriend say when you told 'im you were movin' to Sherwood, Ohio?
Ram Sweeney : Answer him, dick!
Kurt Kelly : Hey Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a "No Fags Allowed" rule?
J.D. : Well they, uh, seem to have an open door policy for assholes though, don't they?
Kurt Kelly : What did you say, dickhead?
J.D. : [He sighs, stands, and pulls out a gun] I'll repeat myself.
[He shoots Kurt and Ram]
J.D. : Is your life perfect?
Veronica Sawyer : I'm on my way to a party at Remington University... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
J.D. : I... I don't really like your friends either.
Veronica Sawyer : Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
J.D. : Maybe it's time to take a vacation.
J.D. : Our love is God, let's go get a Slushie.
J.D. : The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.
J.D. : I knew that loose was too noose... uh... noose too loose...
J.D. : Well, ah... Let's take a look at some of the homosexual artifacts I dug up to plant at the scene.
[He picks up a shopping bag and pulls items out of it]
J.D. : All right. Got an issue of "Stud Puppy."
Veronica Sawyer : Great!
J.D. : Candy dish. Joan Crawford postcard. Let's see, some mascara. All right. And here's the one perfecto thing I picked up. Mineral water.
Veronica Sawyer : Oh, come on, a lot of people drink mineral water, it's come a long way.
J.D. : Yeah, but this is Ohio. I mean, if you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
Veronica Sawyer : Oh, you're so smart.
J.D. : Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination.
J.D. : Let's pretend I blew up the school... all the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?
J.D. : Your society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself.
J.D. : Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
Veronica Sawyer : I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
J.D. : Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean.
J.D. : [underlining words in Moby Dick] Es-ki-mo...
J.D. : Um... 'to me, though, suicide is the natural answer to the myriad of problems life has given me'.
Veronica Sawyer : That's good but Heather would never use the word myriad.
J.D. : This is the last thing she'll ever write; she'll want to use as many 50-cent words as possible.
Veronica Sawyer : She missed 'myriad' on the vocab test two weeks ago.
J.D. : That only proves my point more. The word is a badge for her failures at school.
J.D. : [lying on the ground with Veronica under his jacket] Mmm. I thank you. That was my first game of strip croquet.
J.D. : I'm a no-rust-build-up man, myself.
J.D. : [shows Heather pictures]
Heather Duke : Me and Martha Dumptruck? Where did you get this?
J.D. : I just had the nicest little chat with Ms. Dumptruck. Got along famously. It's kind of scary that everyone's got a little story to tell. You wanna see the canoeing shots?
Heather Duke : What is this? Blackmail?
Heather Duke : [pause]
Heather Duke : I'll give you a week's lunch money.
J.D. : I don't want your money. I want your strength. Westerburg does not need mushy togetherness. It needs a strong leader. Heather Chandler was that leader but...
Heather Duke : But she couldn't handle it.
J.D. : I think you can. Moby Dick is dunked. The white whale drank some bad plankton and splashed through a coffee table and now it's your turn to take the helm.
Heather Duke : What about the photographs?
J.D. : Oh, don't worry. I'll ask you to do me a favor. That will be one you'll enjoy. Then you'll get the negatives and everything back then. But in the meantime... strength. Here's a little gift. From Heather to Heather.
J.D. : [gives her Heather Chandler's red hair bow]