The Simpsons (TV Series 1989– ) Poster

(1989– )

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Groundskeeper Willie, Krusty the Clown, Sideshow Mel, Mayor Quimby, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Hans Moleman, Santa's Little Helper...



  • Lisa : Dad, just for once don't you want to try something new?

    Homer : Oh Lisa, trying is just the first step toward failure.

  • Homer : I hope I didn't brain my damage.

  • Marge : Homer, it's easy to criticize.

    Homer : Fun, too.

  • Bart : Dad, I can't believe you're risking my life to save your own.

    Homer : Son, you'll understand one day, when you have kids.

  • Homer : Oh, I'm in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to myself. I'm drunk.

  • Marge : Sitting that close to the TV is bad for your health.

    Homer : Talking to me while I'm watching TV is bad for your health.

  • Homer : Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

  • Homer : [after doing or saying something stupid]  D'oh!

  • [Lisa is strangling Bart] 

    Homer : Lisa, no. Your hands are too weak.

    [begins strangling Bart] 

  • Homer : Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.

  • Homer : Well, I hope you've learnt your lesson, Lisa: never help anyone.

  • Homer : [Comforting]  There, there. Shut up boy.

  • Homer : Ahh, now to spend some quality time away from my family.

  • Homer : Take that, Lisa's beliefs!

  • Homer : Hi Fat Tony! Still in the Mafia?

    Fat Tony : Er, yes, Homer. Thanks for asking.

  • Homer : Oh, kids are great! You can teach them to hate what you hate!

  • Barney : I'm just saying that when we die, there'll be a planet for the French, a planet for the Germans, and we'll all be a lot happier!

    Lisa : Mr Gumble, you're upsetting me!

    Barney : No I'm not!

  • Homer : [Gasps]  You mean the Mafia only did me a favour to get something in return? I will say Good Day to you, Sir!

    Fat Tony : [Thoroughly ashamed]  Okay, I will go.

    [Leaves through the fire exit] 

    Fat Tony : Hey, wait a minute!

  • Homer : Boy, everyone is stupid except me.

  • Homer : [Defending himself in Court]  If these Celebrities didn't want people going through their garbage or saying they're Gay, they should not have expressed themselves creatively...

  • Homer : Its been three days and my mind is clearer, my sperm count is up and I'm able to recognise simple shapes and patterns.

    Lisa : Dad, you just said that three minutes ago.

  • Krusty the Clown : Talk to the audience? Oh, this part is always death.

  • Grampa : Ah, my first kiss! I remember it like it was yesterday!

    [a thought bubble appears and fills up with static] 

    Grampa : Uh-oh.

  • Bart : [slapping Lisa]  Don't hit Maggie. She's just a baby.

    Homer : [slapping Bart]  Don't hit Lisa. She's a girl.

    Grampa : [slapping Homer]  Keep your hands off of him Homer!

  • Krusty the Clown : We're going to drop him out of a helicopter and see what happens!

    [Pats Mr. Teeny] 

    Krusty the Clown : Aw, don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to you, Mr. Teeny Number 7.

  • Homer : [Homer is a Bounty Hunter]  Stop in the name of a Private Citizen with no connection to the Law!

  • Homer : [Blundering into the Everyman Casting Session]  Hello, can I have change for a dollar? Also, can I have a dollar?

    Comic Book Guy : [Sees Homer as Everyman]  You. Are. Acceptable!

    Homer : Great, would you like to see me naked?

    Hollywood Casting Lady : Oh, there's no nudity in this movie.

    Homer : What movie?

  • Marge : You should probably see a doctor about this...

    Homer : OK.

    Marge : [realizing]  A competent doctor.

    Homer : D'oh!

  • Homer : Lousy Smarch weather.

  • Homer : Oh no, Aliens! Well, I suppose you want to probe me, might as well get it over with.

    Kang : Stop!

    [Tentacles quiver] 

    Kang : We've reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us...

  • Homer : Marge, can I go out and play?

  • Krusty the Clown : You, sir, are an idiot.

  • Homer : Lisa's with writers, now. The happiest people in the World!

  • Lisa : History is written by the winners, Dad.

    Homer : I thought it was written by losers.

  • Homer : [to Marge]  I toil not on ye Sabbath, Woman. A pox on thee!

  • Homer : Hey, Weiner Boy... where do you think you're going?

  • [repeated lines] 

    Homer : Shut up, Flanders!

    Ned Flanders : Okily-dokily!

  • Homer : Wait, what did my Dad always say?

    Grampa : [Memory bubble]  If you can't build a robot, be a robot!

  • Cool New Teacher : This school is a glorified hamster wheel! These stuffed suits can get you through a test, but you will fail the test of life!

    Groundskeeper Willie : [dragging him out]  It's always the good ones that go crazy the fastest.

    Cool New Teacher : Alcohol is the only thing that makes life bearable! You must Drink, Always Drink!

  • Marge : [Bart is in an asylum after faking sociopathy to get back at his parents for testing him for it]  How could he go so wrong!

    Homer : We did everything we could for him during the commercials!

  • Homer : Which is society's fault because...

  • Bart : I'm done working. Working is for chumps.

    Homer : Son, I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that out.

  • Homer : [proud of the Bear patrol]  Not a Bear in sight! The Bear patrol is working like a charm.

    Lisa : That's specious reasoning, Dad.

    Homer : Thank you, honey.

    Lisa : By that logic, I could say this rock keeps tigers away!

    Homer : Oh yeah, how does it work?

    Lisa : It doesn't. It's just a stupid rock! But I don't see any tigers around here, do you?

    Homer : Lisa, I'd like to buy your rock...

  • Homer : [Johnny Newspaperseed Museum]  If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

  • Homer : I'm a simple man! I love America, and films where murder is legal one night of the year...

  • Homer : Name me one person who overcame adversity just on his own!

    Marge : Balzac!

    Homer : No need for pottymouth just because you can't think of anyone.

  • Homer : You wouldn't understand, Dad, you're not with it!

    Grampa : I was with it once! And then they changed what it was! And now what I'm with isn't it and what's it seems weird and scary to me! And it'll happen to you!

  • Homer : I see the light... it burns!

  • Marge : We don't have room for another child.

    Homer : We'll let Bart sleep in Lisa's room until he leaves home.

    Marge : Won't that warp him?

    Homer : It didn't warp my Uncle Frank.

    Marge : What happened to him?

    Homer : He joined that Cult. I think he's Mother Shabooboo now.

  • Homer : What you Celebrities must understand is that we own you for life! And the second you're dead, you'll all be dancing around selling toilet cleaner.

  • Homer : Sanctuary!

    Reverend Lovejoy : Oh, why did I teach him that word?

  • Homer : [at a company picnic held at Mr Burns' mansion]  Oh, boss. Look what we brought.

    [holds up a jello mould] 

    Homer : Gelatine desserts.

    Mr. Burns : [slaps his head]  Oh, for the love of Peter. That's what everybody brought. Some damn fool


    Mr. Burns : went around telling everyone I love that slimy goop.

    [motions to a whole collection of jello moulds] 

    Mr. Burns : Well, toss it in the pile over there.


    Mr. Burns : And make yourselves at home.

  • Lisa : You can't take revenge on an animal! That's the whole point of "Moby Dick"!

    Homer : The point of "Moby Dick" is "Be yourself"...

  • Homer : Thank you for correcting me, Lisa, people are always glad to be corrected.

  • Sideshow Mel : [dressed as a caveman with a bone through his green hair]  My opinions are as valid as the next man's!

  • Therapist : You hate your father, don't you?

    Homer : The guy I really hate right now is your father!

    Therapist : I'm sorry, I was just venting...

  • Homer : Moe, it seems to me that everytime I drink too much something like this always happens. Maybe I should...

    Moe : [Cramming beer down Homer's throat]  Yeah, take your medicine, you lush, ya.

  • Homer : [forseeing the Rapture]  In a World this crazy, only a lunatic is truly insane...

  • Captain Tenniel : I don't know if it's the saltwater in my veins or the nitrogen bubbles in my brain, but I've really taken a shine to you. You're like the son I never had.

    Homer : And you're like the father I never visit.

  • Grampa : [Abe is fronting for his grandkids writing for Itchy & Scratchy]  I get paid $600 a week to tell a cat and a mouse what to do!

    Homer : [fantasises about dumping Abe in a Mental Institution] 

  • Homer : It's because they're stupid, that's why everyone does everything.

  • Dr Hibbert : We can't fix your heart, but thanks to modern technology we can tell you exactly how damaged it is!

    Homer : What an age we live in!

  • Homer : In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women.

  • The Rich Texan : I want you to have my hat. I wore it the day Kennedy was shot, and it aaaaaaalways brings me good luck!

  • Kent Brockman : And that's how a Hippo became a Deputy.

    Homer : ...Stupid Hippo.

  • Homer : [the Nahasapeemapetalans have had Octuplets]  I'm sterile, right, Baby Doll?

    Marge : Yes, dear, from the Nuclear Plant.

    Homer : Sweet.

  • Homer : Spider poison is people poison?

  • Bart : Homer, your half-assed underparenting was much easier to put up with than your half-assed overparenting.

    Homer : But I'm using my whole ass!

  • Bart : We're rich, Homer! What shall we buy first?

    Homer : A Singing Rubber Fish, of course!

  • Homer : And should I reveal any of the secrets entrusted to me, may my belly swell up and my head be plucked of all but two hairs...

    Moe : I think he should take a different Oath.

    Chief Stonecutter : We all take the same Oath!

  • Professor Frink : [Homer is a Chiropracter]  Will this help my Sciatica?

    Homer : I don't know what that is, so I'm going to say "Yes!"

  • Homer : But Lisa, if this works all Daddy's lies will be true. Don't you want all of Daddy's lies to be true?

    Lisa : I want a Daddy who lives in the real World!

    Homer : To Daddy, the real World gets fainter and fainter every day...


  • Homer : What's the matter, can't you afford an icecream?

    Kid : Yes, but I'm lactose intolerant.

    Homer : Son, I will not stand for intolerance!

  • Marge : Just when things were at their lowest...

    Grampa : I realised I could make extra money selling my medication to Dead-Heads!

    Marge : Grampa, what are you talking about?

    Grampa : Er... nothing.

  • Marge : Right, no more TV at all!

    Homer : Marge, this is a Noble Experiment, but like Prohibition it's just going to end in a hail of bullets.

  • Principal Donderlinger : [remedial Science]  I'm going to burn this donut to show you how many calories it has...


    Principal Donderlinger : The bright blue flame shows that this was a particularly sweet donut.

    Homer : This is not happening! This is not happening!

  • Homer : [Rock Camp]  I took some pills I found on the floor and now I'm afraid if I stop talking I'll die.

  • Homer : [trying to send Bart off to school with good advice] 

    Grampa : [in memory bubble]  Homer, you're dull as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!

    Homer : Lousy traumatic childhood...

  • Homer : Oh, great! Mormons!

    Kang : Actually, we're Quantum Presbytarians...

  • Marge : I wish you wouldn't drink so much in front of the kids.

    Homer : I tried drinking in the pantry but you claimed that was antisocial.

  • Homer : To Alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

  • Mr. Burns : Would you care for some dangerous drugs?

    Homer : Well, if that is your custom...

  • Prison Warden : Look at this painting of a Unicorn! What's it breathing? There's no air in space!

    Homer : There's an Air 'n Space Museum!

    [Thrown out] 

  • Homer : Oh Lisa, your Mother used to suggest ways for me to improve myself all the time too. But then a little piece of her died, and she stopped being so annoying.

  • [repeated line] 

    Krusty the Clown : Hey-hey, kids!

  • Grampa : [his medication]  The pink ones stop you from screaming!

  • Groundskeeper Willie : My shack! I just got it the way I like it!

  • [repeated line] 

    The Rich Texan : Yee-haw!

  • Homer : [leaving Bart at fat camp]  Let me give you this fatherly advice: go emotionally dead. Leave your body. Make lots of friends, bye!

  • Homer : You know your problem, Flanders? You're afraid to be Human.

  • Krusty the Clown : I'm not the kind of Dad who's much fun. But the love is there!

  • [repeated line] 

    Homer : Lousy _...

  • [repeated line] 

    Mayor Quimby : Liser Simpson!

  • The Rich Texan : [Giving away Santa's Little Helper's new friend]  I want you to have my dawg. Once they fall in love they're no good.

    Marge : But won't you miss her love and companionship?

    The Rich Texan : Ah-ha-ha-ha! Lady, you're aaaaalright!

  • The Rich Texan : [after shooting in the air]  Sorry, I can't live without passion.

  • Bart : Tell us a story, Grampa, you've led an interesting life.

    Grampa : That's a lie and you know it! But I have seen a lot of movies...

  • Homer : [Homer is an ice-cream man]  I've got to get back to my round! If these kids ever make the link between eating right and feeling good, I am screwed!

  • Homer : Now who's stupid!

  • Homer : If that's your World, I don't want it!

  • Homer : Anything's possible with Captain Cuckoo-Bananas in charge.

  • Homer : [Spanish Armada]  Oh, Lord, please help us kill these foreigners who think your Mother should be revered...

  • Homer : [repeated line] 

    Homer : Stupid Flanders!

  • Homer : Ah, they got me with their Legal Mumbo-Jumbo.

  • Homer : It was a simpler time, when all we had to worry about was Total Nuclear Annihilation...

  • Grampa : I'll be glad when we've buried the last of you Hepburn types!

  • Homer : Give me learning, Sir, and I will have none of your black bread!

  • Homer : Alas, my gastronomic rapacity knows no satiety...

  • Homer : In the boudoir the gourmand becomes the voluptuary!

  • Homer : Then I bonked my head on the table and blacked out. The Doctors thought I might have brain damage.

    Bart : Dad, what is the point of this story?

    Homer : I like stories.

  • Homer : That's just my birthmark, and I'll thank you not to stare.

    Chief Stonecutter : This means you're the Chosen One! Remove the Stone of Shame!

    Homer : Woo hoo!

    Chief Stonecutter : Attach the Stone of Triumph!

    Homer : D'oh!

  • Groundskeeper Willie : Alright, I've taken all their salty snacks! Just like the English took all our sheep and our women in 1294! And then they gave them back! Which was worse!

  • Grampa : What's wrong? Usually I have to wrestle the bucket away from you.

    Homer : Dad I'm in love.

    Grampa : Uh-oh. This girl, she good-looking? Belle of the ball?

    Homer : Yeah.

    Grampa : No, no! Don't over-reach! You've got to go for the low-hanging fruit, the dented car, the less attractive girl. I blame myself for not having this talk sooner.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera : This is genuine human hair.

    Homer : This is legal, right?

    Dr. Nick Riviera : Yeah, sure, whatever.

    [Holds up syringe] 

    Dr. Nick Riviera : This will make the operation go like a beautiful dream.

    [knocks Homer unconscious and injects himself. Cuts open Homer's head with a Pizza Slicer] 

  • Homer : [Pinchy is nipped by a crab]  Hey! You don't have to take that from a punk-ass crab! What's wrong with you?

    Captain McCallister : Arrr, it's not his fault he's a sissy. Someone's been coddling him.

    Marge : Don't look at me! I wanted to eat him!

    Captain McCallister : Sorry, it's usually the Mother. I run an academy for lobsters, we stress tough love and discipline, if you want to try it.

    Marge : No! We're not sending the lobster to a snooty boarding school!

    Captain McCallister : Arr, then answer me this: do you have any loose change?

  • Dr Marvin Monroe : [after Grampa's money]  I've invented this isolation tank, it's state of the Art!

    Grampa : Interesting, how much do you need to build it?

    Dr Marvin Monroe : It's already built, that's the beauty part! I just need $200,000 to buy a baby to raise in it. I have this theory he'll grow up maladjusted, harboring a deep resentment towards me!

    Grampa : Sounds pretty stupid, but it's the best I've heard so far.

  • Groundskeeper Willie : Get yer Haggis! Sheep's Lungs and Heart boiled in the wee beast's stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds! Get it while it's hot! Ach!

  • Homer : [Lost the kids abroad]  Will you raise my kids in the Christian tradition?

    Foreigner : Well... Coptic Christian.

    Homer : NOOOOOOOOOO!

  • Grampa : Those pearly gates look a lot like teeth!

  • Homer : Protect the Duck! Protect the Duck!

    [Crushed by Millwheel] 

    Homer : Produck the Tect!

  • Homer : I hate the modern World and all its crazy words.

  • Homer : Immigrants are the glue that hold together the gears of our society.

  • Homer : Hi, I'm Homer Simpson, I Mooned for rebuttal.

    Marge : Yes, I remember.

  • Mayor Quimby : Remember, if anyone asks, you're my Niece from out of town!

    Niece : I am your Niece, Uncle Joe!

    Mayor Quimby : Oh, Good Lord, I'm an abomination!

  • Homer : Only a true father would lead his son to believe he belonged to someone else.

  • Homer : Just give me a ticket.

    Lou : Maybe we don't feel like giving you a ticket. Maybe we feel like hauling your ass in.

  • Homer : Part of being a parent is doing things that make your kid never want to talk to you again.

  • Mayor Quimby : [St Patrick's Day]  Oh no! Without the booze these guys all remember how much they hate each other!

  • Bart : Grampa, everyone's calling me a coward!

    Grampa : Well join the club! Anyone who makes it to old age has got to be part coward.

  • Bart : What's a Muppet?

    Homer : Well it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a Puppet, but boy-oh-boy! So in answer to your question, I don't know.

  • Marge : You don't need friends to be happy! I haven't had a friend in years!

    Homer : You've got me! Who've I got?

  • Homer : You might not be the smartest guys in the Army.

  • Homer : [Kirk Van Houten's Midlife Crisis]  Ha! He's afraid of dying!

  • Mr Van Houten : [sighs]  You know why all this happened, don't you? Because I took my marriage for granted. You know in twelve years, I never once helped out with the housework.

    Homer : Oh yeah, you got to do that.

    Mr Van Houten : I could have at least stayed in shape for her.

    Homer : Oh, and for yourself.

    Mr Van Houten : I could have taken just a little time to... to make her feel special.

    Homer : It can't just be sex! It can't!

    Mr Van Houten : God, I'm so self-centred! No wonder I didn't see it coming! That's how it is though - one day your wife is making you your favourite meal - the next day you're thawin' a hotdog in a gas station sink.

    Homer : Oh, that's tough, pal. But it's never gonna' happen to me.

    Mr Van Houten : Well, how do you know? What makes you guys so special?

    Homer : Cause' Marge and I have one thing that can never be broken - a strong marriage built on a solid foundation of routine.

    [cuts to Homer returning to an empty house] 

    Homer : Marge, I'm home. Where are you? Are you OK? I don't smell dinner.

    [takes a note off the refrigerator door] 

    Homer : "Dear Homer"... aw. "Sorry you didn't want to join me tonight. I've left you hotdogs for dinner. They're thawing in the sink".

    [Homer sees them and screams] 

  • Lurleen Lumpkin : Oh Homer, no man has ever been this nice to me without... you know... wantin' somethin' in return.

    Homer : Well, I was gonna' ask you for a glass of water but now I feel kinda' guilty about it.

    Lurleen Lumpkin : [laughs]  Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar.

    Homer : Thanks! You did say sugar, right?

    Lurleen Lumpkin : Uh huh.

  • Horst : [the new German owners of the power plant have not yet decided whether to keep Homer on]  You've been safety inspector for two years now. What initiatives have you spearheaded in that time?

    Homer : Uh... all of them.

    Horst : [Horst and Hans glance at one another]  I... see. Then you must have some good ideas for the future as well?

    Homer : I sure do!

    Hans : [after Homer fails to elaborate]  Such as?

    Homer : Well, er... well, I wish the candy machine wasn't so picky about taking beat-up dollar bills.

    [Hans and Horst exchange another look, this time Homer picks up on it and begins to squirm under they're glare] 

    Homer : Because... a lot of workers really like candy.

    Horst : We understand Homer. After all, we are from the land of chocolate.

    Homer : Mmmmm... the land of chocolate.

    [Homer starts daydreaming about living in a world of chocolate until Hans' voice jolts him out of it] 

    Hans : Mr Simpson? Mr Simpson?

    Homer : Oh, I'm sorry. We were talking about chocolate.

    Horst : [irritably]  That was ten minutes ago.

  • Ned Flanders : [Flanders pours Homer a beer from a tap in his rumpus room]  Here's a tasty little lager that came all the way from Holland.

    Homer : Well, beggy can't be choosy.

    [Homer drinks some and let's out a loud belch] 

  • Homer : You'll have to climb the ladder boy.

    Bart : But I'm scared!

    Homer : Scared? What are we giving you all those meds for?

    Bart : So you can do less parenting?

    Homer : Ha! Babysitter in a bottle...

  • Homer : I have misplaced my pants.

  • Homer : [wakes up next to waxwork John Lennon. Waxwork Yoko Ono is mysteriously broken in two] 

    Rod : Mr Simpson, why did you hurt the Dolly?

    Homer : Because like 80% of Americans I'm whacked out on prescription Drugs.

    Rod : But users are losers!

    Homer : You're confusing Drugs with

    [wiggles fingers, spooky voice] 

    Homer : DRU-U-U-UGS!

    Rod : [screams and runs away] 

  • Homer : The Brain is so stupid.

  • Bart : Who says "ersters"?

    Homer : Songwriters who are stuck!

  • Bart : Snap out of it! You're Krusty the Clown! One of Look Magazine's Hundred Most Promising Clowns of 1958!

    Krusty the Clown : A lot of suicides in that group. Funny suicides...

  • Krusty the Clown : I work like I drink, alone!

  • Krusty the Clown : I'd rather be a happy Shnook than a noble Shlumpf.

  • Selma Bouvier : No resenting us, ever!

    Homer : That's some great flutenastics!

    Selma Bouvier : Shut up! You can't praise her! She'll think she's smart and slack off! All our loving would be wasted!

  • Homer : Enough with the Secrets and Lies! It's always Secrets and Lies!

  • Homer : According to this test, you're both idiots!

    Lenny : Thanks, what do we owe you?

  • Homer : I must have a Guardian Angel.

  • Marge : Why all the bowling balls?

    Homer : Marge, I'm not going to lie to you.

  • Homer : I love watching Canadian on Canadian Violence!

  • Homer : Wait a minute! That's not something people really feel...

  • Milhouse : [Mattress Fort]  Mr Simpson, it smells funny in there!

    Homer : No, it doesn't.

  • Homer : They're DOGS and they're playing POKER! AH HA HA HA HA HA!

  • Grampa : I was mainly in it for the spankings!

  • Homer : Marge, if I die, promise me one thing!

    Marge : Anything, my Love.

    Homer : Burn down the Hospital!

    Marge : Well, I did say anything...

  • Marge : You can't keep doing this to yourself!

    Homer : I'm as Healthy as a Horse!

    Marge : Horses only live 30 years!

    Homer : [Whinnys] 

  • Bart : With this Broken Leg I'll miss the whole Summer!

    Homer : Don't worry, Son, when you're a Grown Up like me, you'll miss Every Summer!

  • Homer : Your suitcase is kinda light, Lisa.

    Lisa : Maybe you're getting stronger.

    Homer : Well, I have been eating more.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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