Memorial Valley Massacre (1989) Poster

User Reviews

Review this title
30 Reviews
Sort by:
Filter by Rating:
8/10
Interesting and entertaining film
slayrrr6666 September 2007
Warning: Spoilers
"Memorial Valley Massacre" is a more than capable slasher when it gets going.

**SPOILERS**

Arriving at the Memorial Valley Park, head Ranger George Webster, (John Kerry) informs David Sangster, (Mark Mears) that the park isn't ready to open but is allowed to do so anyway. As the crowd pours in, including friends Tom, (Zig Roberts) Emily, (Dusty Woods) and Chuck, (Michael Spenard) bikers Eddie, (Eddie D) Leon, (Dan S. Fambeau) Morie, (Charles Douglass) Flo, (Christina Sullivan) Rita, (B.B. Selco) and Sara, (Lyvingston Holmes) as well as local girl Cheryl, (Lesa Lee) all decide to stay with them and rough it in the wilderness. As night falls, one member of the group is found dead in the forest, and local bear reports force them to put the blame on a bear. Forming a search party with the others, they all go out to find it, but are soon separated and disappear one-by-one. Realizing that a mysterious killer has been responsible all along, they all launch a stand against them to get out of the park alive.

The Good News: This was quite a nice surprise. One of the best parts of the film is the simply spectacular last half-hour of the film. This is where the killer goes crazy and begins offing the members like crazy. Except for a couple, the film's over-a-dozen kills all come in this section of the film, and there are some quite good ones as well. Several are crushed under a flipped-over truck, another is set on fire when they stand in a pool of spilt gasoline, impaled in the stomach with a spear, another falls into a trap with spikes lining the bottom, an ax in the chest and much more. This is such a fast paced series of scenes that it leads into the next one very quickly, hardly leaving the previous one in question before it's on to the next one. That's the way to handle a slasher film, where the slashing is quite excellent and it gets a lot of time. It's not necessarily suspenseful, but there's enough to warm over any genre fan as this end section is pretty loaded with such things. There's even some nice chasing going on, where it gets some more excitement into the film. The chase through the forest to catch the rider on the scooter is a prime example, where the film keeps on delivering great action without it being a killing. The assault on the campground at the end works for the same way, and it is also a great action scene. There's plenty of innovative ideas brought into play, and the non-stop action of it really excites. The last really good part is that, even though the middle section isn't all that suspenseful, action-packed or even showing of normal slasher elements, this one doesn't really become boring. Nothing happens, but it stays watchable throughout and doesn't slip into moments of boredom or sleepiness. That's a great factor for the film, and it adds with the others into a nice slasher.

The Bad News: This isn't all that bad and has a few problems. The most obvious is the complete and utter nonthreatening killer. The women in the film are bigger than the killer, and that in itself should be a clear indication of how large he is. The fact that he wears a bunch of animal skins and looks like a caveman doesn't help with intimidation either. Even worse is the fact that the movie decides to reveal the identity of it early in the beginning of the film, as this one really could've been driven in the middle section by making it a real mystery about who was responsible without ruining anything else in the film. They still could've played up the jungle-man version, but it would've had the middle section all the more suspenseful if it plays off the unknown member in the campground aspect a little more. The last real flaw is that there's way too much time in between the killings. The first one occurs pretty early into the film, then they drop off until the end segment, where it goes completely killing crazy. That leaves the middle section pretty slow-going, and for the hardcore slash fans, the middle is going to be a little slow. The low-budget feel could be a problem, but it isn't pronounced like the others, and not as detrimental either.

The Final Verdict: A completely cheesy and quite clichéd affair, this is a really fun and enjoyable slasher when it gets down to it. Really recommended to those who enjoy the style of campground slasher or the genre in general, while those who aren't huge genre fans will find this one to be quite bad and not worth it.

Rated R: Graphic Violence, Language, Brief Nudity and a mild sex scene
4 out of 7 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
8/10
Funny slasher flick.
HumanoidOfFlesh13 October 2001
This completely obscure slasher flick is pretty good.It's funny,violent and easy to follow.The acting ranks from acceptable to downright awful,and this Tarzan-like killer is really stupid looking.The plot:A killer is preying on tourists in new opened Memorial Valley.Don't let the plot outline fool you:he uses axe only one time in the whole film.The characters are likable(gotta love especially those two moronic heavy metal fans!)and there's no happy ending here.Much more tamer than previous horror film by Robert C.Hughes "Hunter's Blood","Memorial Valley Massacre" is still worth a look.Check it out,if you can find the copy.8 out of 10.
5 out of 9 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
7/10
Campy fun at the camp
valiumthousand5 December 2011
Late entry in the slasher/teen campground genre is better than the low viewer ratings would indicate, as long as one isn't looking for a straight-up horror flick.

Campground owner Cameron Mitchell envisions the grand opening of Memorial Valley Campground as the opening salvo in his attempt to create a kind of resort destination that will lines his pockets with a lot of $$$$. However, a madman (or should I say "mad caveman"?) who lives on the campground has other plans.

With a full crew of potential victims at hand, this movie doesn't take itself seriously and the pacing is actually fairly deft. There are slayings galore in the latter part of the film and countless moments of hysteria and humor via the acting and script.

I found myself laughing but totally involved in the film and as long as one's expectations aren't too high, this film is a good diversion from the usual 80s slasher fare, and there are some memorable characters among the expected clichés.
1 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
6/10
Slow, but cheesy
Bezenby9 May 2016
This late-eighties slasher is slow to realise what it's supposed to be doing but is served with a nice slice of melted eighties cheese to the point where you can't help but like it. A wee bit.

Cameron Mitchell is opening up a new camping park but someone or something is seemingly planning to stop that happening by killing the staff and the campers alike. For the record, Cameron kind of turns up at the start of this one and disappears, and does do too much either.

His son (in the film at least) is on the staff and along with the ranger try to find out who's killing dogs, killing fat kleptomaniac campers, and wrecking the place. But who is this mysterious killer who looks like a wayward member of Motley Crue? It ain't very bloody and it ain't very booby, but it's worth a watch anyway. I couldn't help but enjoy it, even though the first three times I tried to watch it I fell asleep (it takes a good while to get cooking, this one). Watch out for Big Bill Smith in yet another cameo.
0 out of 0 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
6/10
Quest For Fire meets Meatballs
shark-4327 August 2005
Wow - this movie fails on so many levels and yet for fans of real cinema "cheese" it is a hoot. See, a caveman has been living i the woods for twenty years and no one has ever seen him, but damnit, they open a new campground right near his hunting ground. And this Caveboy hates noise and you how noisy humans were in the late 1980's. The gore is laughable, the acting isn't even community theatre bad, the score is so bizarre and all over the place that I would buy it if I ever came across it - that's how unique and strange it is. Almost every scene starts with the "actors" literally waiting for the Action cue from the director and then they start the scene - so the editing is awful too. Lots of bad speeches - some of the script is Ed Wood level bad. My pals and I laughed at this one a lot. A real cheesfest!
3 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
6/10
Campy slasher fun
Leofwine_draca28 August 2016
Warning: Spoilers
The 1980s was the decade of cheese. There was tons of it everywhere; in fashion, in music, in television and especially in films. MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE is a late-era slasher flick that's absolutely laden with it. Bad fashions, bad hairdos, cheesy characters, and rubbish mock-serious dialogue: it's all here, and it's all utterly campy. I was half-wondering if this was a comedy when I sat down to watch it, and indeed there are some bits that are openly comic. But in the end, it proves to be yet another backwoods slasher heavily inspired by the likes of Friday the 13th.

The flick kicks off with Cameron Mitchell cameoing as a ruthless property developer opening his latest venture, a campsite. Mitchell's cameo is about two minutes long, and he looks surprisingly healthy despite his advanced years. The other big cameo in the film is the star of '70s biker flicks, William Smith, here looking a lot like Bennett in COMMANDO. Smith doesn't have a great deal to do either, but it's nice to see some older faces amongst the mainly youthful mulleted cast members.

So what does MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE offer the viewer? A poor pacing to begin with. The last half hour is pretty good, packed with death and action; the first hour has none of this, so it really is just a bunch of folk talking in the woods. There's a hilarious romance scene inserted to pad out the running time, and it lasts a full ten minutes. There's a wet t-shirt dance to entrap the male audience's attention. There's some creepy narration from cast member Jimmy Justice, playing a black janitor who surprisingly DOESN'T get killed first of all, as is usually the case with non-white actors in these movies. Justice is a great guy and he helps make the first hour surprisingly bearable. Not so John Kerry, the nominal lead, whose ham acting gets worse as things go on. I did enjoy Mark Mears' straight-mannered youthful hero, though.

Elsewhere, all kinds of clichéd folk make up potential victims. There's a kooky old couple, their creepy fat 20 year-old son, a bimbo, some jocks, a gang of bikers (!), a few other black people to make up the numbers, and an ageing blonde bimbo. If they'd have thrown a nerd into the mix then it would have been just right. Sadly, John Ceso's hermit villain is probably the worst character in the film, and the least scariest bad guy you'll see in a horror. It isn't really down to his acting, although he's never more than an ugly, skinny 20-something. No, the moment you see his cheap, tacky caveman costume, his mop hair and his goofy joke-shop teeth, all suspense and fear is blown, and that's not too good seeing as his identity is revealed early on in the proceedings.

So, as is always the case with slashers, the film makes or breaks its reputation on the strength of the kills. The last half an hour is an orgy of murder, ranging from axe deaths to knifings, people falling in spike traps, getting burnt, or crushed beneath cars. The little gore we do see is campy and fake, but the murders have an inventiveness that makes them fun to watch. The ending goes for pathos but fails spectacularly. I found MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE surprisingly entertaining, and although it's bad, it's a lot of fun because of just how bad and dated it is. Give me this trash over a po-faced mock-horror any day.
0 out of 0 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
5/10
Non-violent, but still pretty fun, 80s slasher (See This Slasher #12)
Shattered_Wake8 November 2008
Warning: Spoilers
Synopsis: David Sangster (Mark Mears) has just accepted a new job from his father (Cameron Mitchell) to oversee the opening of the brand new Memorial Valley campground. With the help of George (John Kerry. . . no, not that one), David must attempt to get around all of the problems the camp is facing (dead construction workers, tainted water supplies (with rotting animal corpses), inoperable bathrooms, etc.). To add to the heap of problems, a psychopathic murderer is wandering the camp unleashing his vengeance and attempting to cut short the campers' weekend.

Review: Hoping for a lighthearted romp through the California wilderness, I picked up Memorial Valley Massacre on a whim, without actually looking up any reviews or ratings. I saw the plot, saw the availability, and that was enough for me. After I started watching, I decided to take a peek at the IMDb page just to see what I was getting into. Needless to say, the 2.6/10 user rating did not instill much confidence in me. But, I kept on with it and decided to give it a fair shot. Ratings have been wrong before (many, many times). Somehow, regardless of all the hate it received. . . I really enjoyed it. It's not a great film by any means and fans of the more grisly 80s slashers won't like it, but it's very watchable in some inexplicable way to the point where I actually had a lot of fun with it. Technically speaking, you could do a lot worse: The acting is passable, as is the writing. The direction was actually quite good and took advantage of the beautiful location they had, taking plenty of time to give the viewer a look at the wildlife around them. Obviously, there are plenty of negatives: The film is extremely unoriginal, taking no risks whatsoever and essentially only going for a watchably dumb film (which it achieves). The predictability doesn't help much and, even with the weirdo killer, it's extremely obvious to see where it's going. Also, the movie's very tame, showing little and not giving much of what a slasher fan would hope to find. In the end, if one is looking for the next great hidden slasher gem, they won't find it here. . . but, if a good time is all that's wanted and thinking can be put on hold for 90 minutes, I wouldn't totally disregard Memorial Valley Massacre.

Obligatory Slasher Elements:

  • Violence/Gore: There's a bit of violence, but the majority of it is very tame and the worst of it is offscreen. There isn't much blood, except for a few scenes with just a few drops.


  • Sex/Nudity: Just a wet t-shirt, a girl in a towel, and some heavy making out. . . nothing to see here, folks.


  • Cool Killer(s): If by 'cool,' it means 'hilarious.' The guy is, seriously, some kind of caveman, dressed in animal skins and fang necklace and all. Weird.


  • Scares/Suspense: Very little. There are some attempts at jump scares, but you can see them coming from a mile away and really don't do much at all.


  • Mystery: There's one 'mystery' of the film, but it's so obvious when it's introduced that it shouldn't even count.


  • Awkward Dance Scene: Dancing in the rain in a thin shirt with no bra? Not awkward, just hot.


  • - -


Final verdict: 5/10. Simply for the watchability.

-AP3-
0 out of 1 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
5/10
Killer Caveman
acidburn-1024 November 2007
Plot = Memorial Valley Campsite has just opened for business even though it's far from finished. A bunch of campers set up camp, unknowing of the terror that awaits them in the forest. You see, a Tarzan-like forest boy does not approve of the recent changes in Memorial Valley and has decided to start killing the campers.

Well I can say that I've definitely never seen a movie about a killer caveman before, cheesy for the first hour in other words just ain't that good only one person dies during that time, however once the movie gets going the last thirty minutes is pretty entertaining as should they be seeing as how fourteen people get killed in the final half hour of the movie.

This is one of the last backwoods slashers that we got from the 80s and I think it's pretty safe to say that this was one of the movies that killed the trend. The movie is obviously very low-budget with a bunch of incompetent actors and an even more incompetent special effects team. The gore effects are ridiculous. Memorial Valley Massacre is far from a flawless film but as I said before, the final 30 minutes kind of make the first hour feel worth while.

All in all it may not be a very good movie but it's quite enjoyable during the last thirty minutes which is why I've given a 5 instead of a 4.
5 out of 7 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
5/10
Cheesy 80s Horror Film... Not As Good As You Hope It Is
gavin694223 January 2007
A rich landowner and a rugged, alcoholic outdoorsman open up a campground to raise money for surrounding projects (shopping malls and such). But in the maiden weekend of camping, the campers face a bear, nasty storms and a hermit caveman who is none too fond of his peace being ruined.

The film has some standard 80s staples: punk kids, a few token blacks (though, unlike many horror films, not killed off right away), a campground (see "Friday the 13th" or "Sleepaway Camp"), metal music, topless girls, etc. If you like 80s horror (and I do) you will find some familiar themes here and that's a good thing, in my opinion. But even a good set-up doesn't always make for the best follow-through.

The death scenes are really weak. And the problem with that is, I am not sure if this movie was trying to be a horror film or a comedy. It's not scary enough to really be a true horror film, but not funny enough to be a comedy. What it ends up being is a bland mix of both. The same goes for the caveman: he is in no way threatening, but also not really funny. So what happens? He ends up just being bland and dumb, being more silly than anything. Not to mention the makeup department did a horrible job, and his background story makes no sense. (I won't give it away, but let's just say he comes across a lot more primitive than you'd expect.)

Somebody, somewhere loves this film and probably watches it and screens it for friends. I am not that guy. I have no doubt I will some day watch it again, but I can't say it will be soon and I can't imagine why I would unless there was some sort of money or alcohol involved. If you need to see one more 80s film where campers get hacked up, this is your film. Otherwise, just listen to Weird Al's "Nature Trail to Hell"... it's actually less cheesy and more graphic.
9 out of 9 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
5/10
It could have been an animal? What if it wasn't!
sol121828 March 2008
Warning: Spoilers
**SPOILERS** The movie "Memorial Valley Massacre" tries to be different from your average run of the mill killer on the loose films and in a way it succeeded it what it set out to do.

The villain in the film a clean shaven cave boy,John Caso, does kill more then half the cast in the movie by the time its over but at the same time you can't hold it against him for what he does. The cave boy we later find out was abandoned by his father and never had a normal childhood. This instilled a deep resentment in the boy for the human race whom he held, together with his dad, responsible for the predicament that he finds himself in: Living in a cave and living off the scraps of tourists who vacation in the valley.

All this killing and destruction would not have happened if it wasn't for real-estate tycoon Allen Sangster, Cameron Mitchell, deciding to build a campground in the valley that the cave boy dwelled in. With dozens of campers in the area the cave boy just went wild, in his hatred for civilized man, going on a rampage killing some dozen of them by the time the movie was over. We have to understand the cave boys frame of mind in what he did. Feeling that the campers represented his father the cave boy took it out on them for what his dad did to him by leaving him out in the woods to fend for himself at an early age.

Besides the interesting and deep psychological aspects, father and son relationship,of the film the rest of the movie was just too hard to take seriously even if you tried. The cave boy not only survived in the wild for some 17 years he also somehow learned how to drive heavy earth moving equipment, like bulldozers, and how to start fires. Not by rubbing two rocks or sticks together but by releasing gas from a gas-tank and then having the unsuspecting victim light a match blowing himself, and anyone within 50 feet of him, to pieces.

The cave boy at first has the local park ranger George Webster, John Kerry, feel that it's a killer bear that's doing all the killing in and around the "Memorial Valley" campground. Together with his assistant Allen Sangster's son David, Mark Mears, Webster sets out to track down the killer bear before he does any more damage. Later when two of the campers bikers Eddie & Leon, Eddie D. & Don S.Fambeau, helping in tracking down the bear instead find the cave boy's home, with scores of human body parts and bones in it, thing really start to get unraveled. The cave boy feeling he's the victim of a home invasion loses it. Mad at what Eddie and Leon did, in stealing his prized skull, the cave boy comes out in the open killing everyone, including Eddie & Leon, that he comes in contact with.

The movie ends on a high note, of sorts, with the cave boy finally finding his old man who in fact, instead of abandoning him, was searching for the confused young man all these years. ****SPOILER ALERT**** The heart-breaking ending has the cave boy, in his efforts to keep people from finding his secret lair, unwittingly do in his old man. All this happens when father and son were about to reunite, after some 17 years, and forget about the past.
4 out of 6 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
5/10
hey, not bad
lifesoboring8 June 2014
Kept my attention till slowed down a bit two-thirds of way thru. I considered shutting it off but kept on and it picked up--fast. Overall, pretty realistic, good variety of characters, decent acting. A couple of corny romantic scenes--but still that was alright as far as adding variety. Enjoyed the different types of people in the group of campers-- bikers and their chicks, an old army officer in his Winnebago with his wife, two teen boys and their girlfriend, etc. Watching it,I tried to place it in time. estimated 1983 (based on the styles)--but at end I saw the Roman numerals said 1988. Also the conflicts between the characters kept the interest. Some funny lines, in fact, a lot of humor in the movie. The violence and killing seemed just right. I like B-movies and this one filled the bill. Entertaining.
0 out of 0 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
5/10
Forgettable but entertaining
ChuckStraub16 October 2005
Memorial Valley Massacre is one of many run of the mill slasher movies. The acting is very rigid and staged and the actors don't always fit the characters they play very well. Most of the movie looks scripted. You can almost feel them trying to say the right line. There is one character that in my opinion stood out. I do think that Jimmy Justice did a good job playing Zeke. For the most part though, most of the acting was pretty bad. The "slasher" bad guy was a big disappointment. He's not scary looking at all but he does manage to perform a good number of kills, some of them halfway decent. The killer's abilities and knowledge are totally unbelievable but there is so much in this film that just doesn't make sense that it really doesn't matter. Just shake your head, laugh and keep watching. What I did enjoy about this movie is that it's so simple, light and easy to follow. There's nothing complicated in this movie. Some of the kills were pretty good and a good portion of the film falls under the "It's so bad it's good" category. It might be better to say it's so bad it's funny. There are so many films out there that are much worse. At least this one has some entertainment value. Although forgettable, you could make a worse pick.
12 out of 13 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
4/10
Slashing through the unmemorable valley of Darkness...
Coventry9 July 2006
Forgettable, by-the-numbers 80's slasher in the woods, which is saved from total mediocrity by an unusually high body count and a fair amount of tongue-in-cheek humor during the first hour. The beautiful forest region of Memorial Valley is being turned into a fancy camping site by a rich business man. Various campers begin to arrive, even though the site is far from ready yet, and so does a primitive caveman killer. At first, it simply looks like the scarcely dressed Tarzan Junior is butchering campers because they're messing with the ecological balance in Memorial Valley, but there's also a personal vendetta. He has been living in the deep forests for almost twenty years, and his presumable father – who just happens to be in charge of the campsite – never managed to track him down. The murders in this low-budget slasher are pretty imaginative, albeit completely gore-free and rather tame. A couple of insufferable characters are massacred with ingenious booby-traps (pits with stakes, falling trunks, ...) but the cave boy himself is one of the most UN-menacing killers in the history of horror movies. His total lack of evil charisma is even funnier when a supposedly tough and macho biker runs away from him, screaming with fear like a little girl... Multiple other reviewers also pointed out already that it's quite remarkable that our Mowgli has the knowledge to blow up a caravan without ever having seen one before in his life! There are loads of amusing little stupidities in "Memorial Valley Massacre" and they effectively distract you from the total lack of tension, plausibility and gore. Robert C. Hughes' previous movie, the fascinating survival horror flick "Hunter's Blood", was a lot better and more tense but still this quickie is recommended to undemanding horror fans. The character of the retired military general (played by veteran William Smith) is truly cool.
4 out of 8 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
4/10
The death of stupid characters is relaxing to watch...
adrian_tripod21 October 2001
I saw this 80s slasher on British video as 'Valley of Death' and it's one of those flicks where everyone is so naff and stupid the reason to keep watching is to see how many of them die horribly. Unfortunately the violence is a bit too restrained, which is a problem because the stupidity rating of the characters is high - all the cliches are here, the obnoxious fat kid, a pair of poodle-haired teenage hoodlums and a gang of acting school rejects trying to be tough bikers. The girls are old-school, i.e. they don't tool up and try to be Sigourney Weaver as soon as there's a threat. The main problem is with the maniac who's stalking them - he's obviously like the cannibal killers in 'The Hills Have Eyes', but instead it looks more like Cindi Lauper designed him. Not very threatening! But if you need a dumb campsite murder flick to end the night with, it's bearable and you can enjoy the formula even if it could do with some nastier payoffs.
12 out of 13 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
4/10
So bad it's cute
ThrownMuse5 May 2005
Memorial Valley, which has remained an untouched preserve, is opening a campground. Things are off to a rocky start when a mutilated dog is found in a well on opening day. Soon, the valley's first campers find themselves terrorized by a crazy (and rather silly looking) primitive type who is ticked off at the noise and land pollution. So, everyone knows that many 80s horror cheesefests are "so bad they're good." Well, this one is so bad it's...cute? Yeah, I think that's what it is. Everything about it comes across as endearing. I don't see how anyone could watch this and not have a hilarious time. And there's an environmentalist subtext to boot. Fabulous 80s fun. My Rating: 4/10.
2 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
4/10
Entertaining crap
Dragoneyed36327 January 2009
My summary really tells you all you need to know about this film, or all you really should expect from it. I had my hopes up for Memorial Valley Massacre, per say, because from the very beginning it seemed as if it had that good sense of cheesy B-Movie fun and I can always get a kick out of a B-Movie if it's done correctly.

The movie does get really very stupid at times, but that's to be expected at the least, and at other points in the movie it gets so uninteresting that I forget I'm even watching it for a little while, that is, I kind of shied away and then remembered that it was still on. The plot isn't that great either and even though the acting was decent enough it gets weak at a few parts, but in the end, it entertains, and it has some decent murders, even though the killer is not scary, horrific, or intimidating in any way.

For this type of film, they had very good character structure as well, such as, some of the characters are appealing and enjoyable, and even though it has a lot of problems, you really shouldn't expect it to be flawless to begin with, because of course it's going to disappoint in a few areas, but it is too lighthearted for me to hate, though it is certainly no masterpiece. Overall, Memorial Valley Massacre shouldn't be taken too seriously, at all. Put yourself in the right mood and you can find it somewhat likable, I'm positive.
0 out of 0 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
4/10
Better than The Prey
Tikkin11 September 2006
I've seen many low budget slasher flicks and although Memorial Valley Massacre certainly isn't the worst, it certainly isn't the best either. Let's put it this way - it's more interesting than The Prey.

The main problem is that it lacked any real gore. There is a high body count but all the deaths are done in non-gory ways. If there had been some blood splatter then it would have been really cool. The acting varies from OK to terrible, the killer is a Tarzan lookalike, and the film takes a little too long to reach the conclusion. There's a few interesting moments and it's not as boring as some of the 80's slasher flicks were.

Fans of forest slashers will want this in their collection, but gore-hounds should avoid it.
1 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
3/10
Fifth-rate but sometimes amusing slasher film.
gridoon18 July 2003
From a horror standpoint, "Memorial Valley Massacre" is a worthless slasher that no serious horror fan should bother with. What saves it from being a total bomb is the tongue-in-cheek approach of the filmmakers, at least in the first half. For example, early on a man says "We've got a problem with the water" (the movie is set on a camp) and proceeds to pull a dead dog out of the well! Hilarious! Then Cameron Mitchell (who appears for about 2 minutes as an investor; did he actually get paid for this?) asks: "Screw the dog, is the water fit to drink?" (!!!). The film also includes the following exchange: "Are you the head ranger here?" - "Well, I'm the only ranger here, so I guess you can say I'm the head one". Oh, and the primitive kid who has lived all his life away from civilization, apparently knows how to create a gas explosion. (*1/2)
4 out of 6 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
3/10
Time to Pull Up Stakes
BaronBl00d11 December 2005
A valley deep in the woodlands of the United States unveils its new campsite for people who have a yen to set out and...CAMP! Whilst there in this untouched wilderness, that looks strangely like any old campgrounds, campers begin to fall victim to a 20 year-old who has learned to survive and rough it in this untamed wilderness. He wears what looks like bear skins and has the most amazing buck-teeth. He uses big sticks to bludgeon a fat kid to death and spooks a beer-guzzling cyclist into a pit of sharpened stakes. He kills many others, but over the many years in the wilderness he has learned a few other tricks like pulling out the right cables and wires in a jeep, disarming a hut from its phone line, and, my favourite, rewiring an RV's outdoor gas supply so it combusts! Wow! The wilderness is not just a place to learn survival but also offers those skills one might pick up in a technical college. Let's face it, this movie is ridiculous and would you expect anything less with a title like Memorial Valley Massacre - by the way, these murders take place on none other than Memorial Day Weekend. Hasn't every holiday been used at this point as a vehicle for a bloodthirsty psycho? The film though is never trying to be anything other than light camp. None of the murders are done in any realistic fashion. There is little gore and none of it convincing. "Conan the Barbarian" looks just stupid as he hops about and grunts. The acting is appallingly bad with a largely unknown cast. One of the main leads is character actor John Kerry - not the man who ran for office - who plays a man with a dream of convincing a rich builder to transform this rich, "inner sanctum" of nature(actually a line from the film) - so he can drink beer/liquor, track animals, and find his son who was lost here 17 years ago. Kerry is bad but towers over some of the other performers. We get all the types in this one: the annoying fat slob who steals things and is a major nuisance to all, the beer-guzzling cyclists that are "rebels" of society with their wives dressed in Harley attire, three teens who just think about sex, an ex-military man with all the experience in the world and his buxom, dumb wife, the girl who will fall for the lead in the shortest shorts available at the time, the wise friend of the tracker with spooky stories and gems of good advice, and, finally, the smug young owner's son out to prove he is different from his rich father. What a bore! These actors are all acceptable(bad as they are)because the movie is trying to be campy(no pun intended) rather than serious. But why make a film like this? It really has no message, little real humor, no great cinematography, and a real crummy story. It's just silly without trying to be all out silly. Would someone ever want to see this a second time again? Not me. Cameron Mitchell has a small cameo in the beginning of the film playing the wealthy developer and William Smith gives the film's most enjoyable performance(not really a great feat) as the military general who likes hard liquor and watching army football games on his VCR.
1 out of 3 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
3/10
The Hills Have Glaucoma!
Jonny_Numb19 July 2006
You know you're in trouble when a movie trots out the toilet paper before the 10-minute mark. A bunch of cranky campers have come out for the grand opening of Memorial Valley, which is plagued by negatory vibes (dead dog in the well); woe be unto the unfortunate souls who decide to stay, because a Beastmaster-type with poor oral hygiene is stalking our resident idiots (horny, mullet-headed teens; drunk program director; his Ivy League apprentice). Many phony-looking deaths ensue, plus a twist that's completely obvious the moment it's 'revealed.' "Memorial Valley Massacre" is an inferior rip on Wes Craven's "The Hills Have Eyes" (which wasn't that great to begin with), with a pulse that alternates between campy humor and stone-cold seriousness (or at least as much as a film like this can convey); as a result of the tonal indecision, it becomes an unintentional hoot, perfect for a MST3K-style skewering ("Space Mutiny" star Cameron Mitchell even has a cameo!).
2 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
2/10
Just plain stupid.
unakaczynski31 May 2008
Warning: Spoilers
***POTENTIAL SPOILERS*** (Not that they'll hurt this trite.) My Mom has a tendency to buy some generally crappy box sets of generally crappy old, forgotten-for-a-reason horror movies that even the most ardent horror fans look at with confusion at the sub-substandard films listed therein. That's where I found this little gem. In a box set I swiped from my Mom. There's a reason some of these movies end up stuffed into half-assed box sets. Let me enlighten you on the many reasons this claptrap ended up stuffed away in a bottom-feeding box set.

First off, wow. Just, wow. The movie starts off right from the gate with crappiness as the opening title is painfully lame. It's a "rustic" ye olde west style font with bright yellow and orange colors and a faked 3-D look. It slides into view from the right of the screen akin to the first PowerPoint presentation of a high school student who just learned how to have a text box slide into view. The film revolves around a national park/campground which, despite being unfinished, is now open for business. Most of this "terrifying" film takes place in daylight, by the way, so picture that atmosphere. Well, there appear to be some omens afoot, all of which appear to look bad, none of which are ever investigated—like the deaths of two dogs, theft from the park manager's office, a window knocked out of a storage shed, stuff like that. All manner of clichéd guests arrive and stay at this campground which, mind you, doesn't even appear to have camping spots fleshed out so that we are met with a montage scene of people haphazardly setting up camp, backing over trees, chopping down other trees (one of which, mind you, falls over below the level at which it was being cut) and stupid stuff like this, all accompanied with dreadfully happy music. Turns out, there's hardly a massacre going on here at all (another one of those old horror films with blatantly misleading titles to draw in an audience), just some stupid mountain wild-man dressed in cliché caveman garb who terrorizes people. By the way, he's also the long-lost son of someone important in the film—a fact which is all-too-easily figured out--so don't try to call me out on that as a spoiler. This film has all the clichés: The old guy who dramatically tells of mysterious backgrounds, the badass biker gang, the slutty chick and obnoxious teenagers, the tough guy connected to the plot twist, and the lone sweet girl who predictably falls for the "handsome" hero guy.

There are some occasionally nice death scenes, but some of them could've used some foreshadowing or additional thought. There's a big trap built by the wild-man just like the one in Mel Gibson's Apocalypto (which I've also just recently seen) but some foreshadowing would've been nice to tie to the beginning of the film to the end—just like Gibson did in his film. Here, no such luck. The trap comes out of nowhere and makes little sense compared to extremely simple nature of the wild-man. There is no depth at all and the acting is just plain bad. Boring, mundane, clichéd characters that have little to say that's even remotely interesting or for that matter--plot relevant. Zero atmosphere. Also, I don't think a series of killings done over a few days by a scared/crazy guy trying to (apparently) protect his territory necessarily count as a massacre. Stupid things like the wild-man supposedly starting a tractor and allowing it to run into a building happen that don't make any sense. Hell, several people are killed by simply not walking away from their respective threats! The old man storyteller is set on fire and everyone just watches him run past in flames. No one tries to help him! They just watch him slowly saunter past with "Gosh! Look at that! It's bad!" facial expressions. Aside from a scant few fairly interesting kills and some partial nudity (in a sex scene where you really see nothing), there is no reason at all to watch this film. The base concept behind the story isn't terrible, but since everything else was just done way wrong, there is no redeeming value. Not recommended for anyone.

2/10
2 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
2/10
Dire Late-80s Slasher
FilmFatale23 September 2008
Warning: Spoilers
I think the makers of "Memorial Valley Massacre" may have been trying to capture the heyday of the slasher film even as the genre was on its last legs. Squeaky-voiced fat kid? Check! Slutty Girl? Check! Cameron Mitchell? Check! I'm just still not sure if they meant it to be a comedy or not.

Plotwise, we've got people at a campground and some murders. But there IS a discussion about torrential rain that won't let up, even when it's obviously bone dry. It also becomes Memorial Day at 5am too. That reminded me of Slaughter High, where April Fool's day ends at noon. MVM has a decent body count but no real gore (at least in the version I have). And it seems to go on forever, even with a mere 90-minute runtime. Absolutely awful.
1 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
2/10
I Know. Don't Take Things So Seriously!
Hitchcoc18 December 2006
If we are going to stack movies against each other, this is the best I can do. I don't know if this the biggest wastes of time I've ever used, but it ranks up there. We have a pack of rednecks and "bad kids" staying at a dumb looking campground. Running around is a guy who apparently knows how to make clothes out of animal skins, but can't help breaking the necks and backs of the campers. The principle characters are campy and stupid, as are the people running the camp. It's just that there is no effort to make things even remotely interesting. There is a wet t-shirt, some biker talk, and some kids harrassing the stupidist looking people on the face of the earth. I knew I was in trouble when the title came on from the right. As if someone had an overhead projecter and put it over the film, already in progress. Sometimes I have fun with these silly rip off movies. This one was just horrible.
2 out of 5 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
2/10
"So bad, it's good?" No, it's just bad.
soulexpress28 August 2017
Warning: Spoilers
As soon as I saw Cameron's Mitchell's name in the cast list, I knew this movie would stink. If that guy ever did a good film, I've yet to see it. And yet, he's the best thing MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE has to offer.

Made at the tail end of the slasher-movie craze, this "Friday the 13th" retread is about a newly-opened campground terrorized by a serial killer—in this case, a feral teen-ager with gag teeth, a New York Dolls wig, and a Party Express caveman suit. Seems the kid was lost in the woods years ago during a botched ransom drop and doesn't want obnoxious campers despoiling his home. Can't say I blame him.

The basic tenets of a slasher flick are here: remote location; lousy acting; shallow, obnoxious characters; killings that eschew feasibility; an authority figure (a park ranger named George) who wants the murders kept quiet; the young idealist (David, the owner's son) who defies him; a main character with a link to the killer; a tie-in with a holiday (in this case, Memorial Day); and plenty of room for a sequel. What it lacks are the scares and suspense of the genre's better films. We learn the killer's motives and identity way too soon, and the killings are light on the gore. There's also no nudity unless you count the wet T-shirt dance that a shapely lass performs in the rain. Is it really a slasher film without gratuitous nudity and gore?

Some say this film is "so bad, it's good." I disagree; it's just bad.

Item: The movie's tagline reads, "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the tent…."

Item: Early in the film, George pulls a dead dog up from deep in the camp's well. There are two ropes tied around the animal. It's never explained how they came to be tied to the dog's submerged carcass.

Item: After George spends the first 15 minutes of the film insulting and berating David, he tells the kid, "It's nothing personal."

Item: William Smith appears as a retired Brigadier General who is camping in a soundproofed Winnebago. He never leaves the mobile home, which makes me wonder what he's doing in the woods to begin with. The character also has no bearing on the storyline, which makes me think someone involved with the film owed Smith a favor.

Item: The overly-dramatic score attempts (unsuccessfully) to elicit tension the film itself lacks.
0 out of 0 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
1/10
Pure Camp!
CharlestonNole19 October 2003
You've heard the phrase "it's so bad it's good". Well it sorta applies to this amusing, yet un-scary horror flick. The acting is atrocious and the script is even worse. However, I couldn't hit the stop button to save my life. Un-intentionally funny! I say it's worth one late night viewing, but that is it. Bottom Line: 4/10! Pure Scholck!!
7 out of 9 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
An error has occured. Please try again.

See also

Awards | FAQ | User Ratings | External Reviews | Metacritic Reviews


Recently Viewed