A pair of sorcerer brothers from 10th-century England show up in modern-day California and wreak havoc.
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Title: The Lords of Magick (1989)
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Cast
| Cast overview, first billed only: | |||
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Jarrett Parker | ... | Michael Redglen |
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Mark Gauthier | ... | Ulric Redglen |
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Brendan Dillon Jr. | ... | Salatin |
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David Snow | ... | Tommy |
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Devon Pierce | ... | Princess Luna (as Ruth Zakarian) |
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Candy Galvane | ... | Ellen (as Candace Galvane) |
| John Clark | ... | The King | |
| Clement von Franckenstein | ... | Edgar (as Clement St. George) | |
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Robert Ankers | ... | Merlin |
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Richard Rifkin | ... | The Corpse |
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Robert Hopper | ... | Tavern Keeper |
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Rene' St. Peter | ... | Prostitute |
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Debbie Davis | ... | Pea Princess |
| Robert Axelrod | ... | Pea Prince | |
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Fred Asparagus | ... | Theatre Performer |
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Plot Summary
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Storyline
A pair of sorcerer brothers from 10th-century England show up in modern-day California and wreak havoc.
Plot Keywords:
sorcerer | sword and sorcery | brother brother relationship | bare chested male | bare chested male bondage |Taglines:
Two wizards from the past on a quest into the future See more »Parents Guide:
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Did You Know?
Trivia
The Japanese release of this film had an alternate title, King of Wizards. See more »Goofs
In the opening credits, Devon Pierce is billed as "The Princess". On the end credits, she is billed as "Lina". however, she is referred to as "Luna" in the dialogue with several references to an association with the moon. See more »Quotes
Ulric Redglen: [Upon passing a prostitute in the street] No! Ulric, stray not from thy sworn duty! There are many temptations in this land, but thou shalt have time for none of them... until later. Then thou can hump thy ass off!See more »
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Details
Country:
USALanguage:
EnglishRelease Date:
12 June 1989 (USA) See more »Also Known As:
Czarnoksieznicy See more »Company Credits
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As a serious bad movie aficionado, this is up there with the very worst I've seen. Not just straight to video, but shot on video with video effects that 80s Canadian public access TV would be ashamed of, it features medieval sets that look like they were borrowed from a grade school pantomime, extras clearly recruited from a renaissance fair purely for their ability to provide their own costumes, and two brothers, Michael and Ulric, who are just about the most unlikeable heroes ever put to video.
Princess Luna (or Princess Moon, or Princess Lina -- she's called all three) is kidnapped by the dark lord Saletin... well, you pretty much know this part. To cut to the chase, our heroes are coshed and abducted from the nearest brothel where they were eyeing topless wenches, and tasked to travel to present day (in 1989) Los Angeles where Lord Saletin has hidden Luna in a cunning move to save on locations. Once they get there, they meander around aimlessly searching for exposition and the main villain, who spends the entire movie taunting them from an undisclosed location. In a profoundly adolescent touch, they have been told that the princess has a special birthmark on her left breast, so they rip the top off virtually every woman they meet to see if she is the princess they seek. You think I'm making this up. I'm not.
Whenever the plot really drags, our heroes are attacked at random by police, street punks, zombie bikers, and at one point concerned citizens who are outraged that our heroes have just sexually assaulted a woman in the street. It has already been established that the heroes' magic can teleport them out of any jam, yet they insist on duking it out in sequence after sequence of badly choreographed fights.
After one such fight, they team up with a 20th century D&D fanboy who has the vital special skill of being able to drive them to the villain's hidden lair. The third co-star has a distinct quality of "cousin James is prepared to put up $5,000 for financing, but he wants a leading role" about him. In one fight, instead of helping him, our heroes nobly start betting about when he'll bite it.
Boring, clichéd, with sub-adolescent sexual "humour", and paced so poorly it seems like the toughest obstacle the protagonists face is doing the paperwork to get into the local library's convenient vault of eldritch magic tomes, "Lords of Magick" is an abortion of a movie, utterly without redeeming merit. Do not watch it for the zombies or the topless wenches. In no way do they make up for the sheer tedium and humiliating embarrassment of enduring this turkey. You can actually see the expression play over Ruth Zakarian's face as she thinks "I'm so going to fire my agent."