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The Lair of the White Worm (1988) Poster

Quotes

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Lady Sylvia Marsh: I change my cars as regularly as a snake sheds its skin.

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Lady Sylvia Marsh: [snatches a harmonica away from Kevin he played that briefly hypnotized her, catching her off-guard] That's enough of that, Kevin! That sort of music freaks me out.

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Lord James D'Ampton: Do you have children?

Lady Sylvia Marsh: Only when there are no men around.

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Kevin: I'm not really into headbanging.

Lady Sylvia Marsh: Are you into any kind of banging?

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Lady Sylvia Marsh: [as Lady Marsh places the game of Snakes and Ladders into the fireplace] Rosebud!

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[last lines]

[James is driving with Angus, whom appears transformed at this point, along a country road]

Lord James D'Ampton: So... who was that on the phone back there? Was it the hospital?

Angus Flint: [gruff voice] Hospital?

Lord James D'Ampton: Yeah, was it about the girls and any updates on them?

Angus Flint: No. It wasn't the girls.

Lord James D'Ampton: Oh. Say... I'm famished. Before we go to the hospital to see the girls, do you want to stop some place for a bite?

Angus Flint: [wickely smirks] Why not?

Lord James D'Ampton: Perfect.

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Lady Sylvia Marsh: Now, if you're sitting comfortably, I shall tell you why you must not be afraid to die. To die so that the god may live is a privilege, Kevin, and if you know anything at all about history, you will know that human sacrifice is as old as Dionin himself, whose every death is a rebirth into a god ever mightier!

[doorbell rings]

Lady Sylvia Marsh: Shit.

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Lord James D'Ampton: No, the common earthworm was not always the lowly creatures it is today. Remember that the next time you bisect one with your shovel. You want some more?

[offering a spoonful]

Angus Flint: Mmmm. It's very tasty!

Lord James D'Ampton: Oh, good! So you've taken to our local specialty. Pickled earthworms in aspic is not to everyone's taste, I can tell you.

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Lady Sylvia Marsh: Dionin has a propensity for virgins, Eve, just like your false god. Problem is, they're so hard to come by these days. Aren't they, Eve?

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Lady Sylvia Marsh: Oh, God, Kevin, you do have *appalling* B.O.! Save your breath... you've halitosis, too!

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Lady Sylvia Marsh: Fancy praying to a god who was nailed to a wooden cross, who locked up his brides in a convent. Did they really enjoy themselves, hmm? Poor little virgins masterbating in the dark and then in penance for their sins indulging in flagellation 'til their bodies wept tears of blood. Captive virgins, hmm, in the hands of an impotent god. Dionin will have none of that, Eve.

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Kevin: That's some system you've got there.

Lady Sylvia Marsh: How do you rate the music?

Kevin: I'm not really into it, banging.

Lady Sylvia Marsh: Are you into any sort of banging?

Kevin: I'm not bad on a mouth organ.

Lady Sylvia Marsh: [chuckles] You're sweet.

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Lady Sylvia Marsh: Can I help you?

P.C. Erny: Oh, your ladyship, I've been stung by a snake.

Lady Sylvia Marsh: Snakes bite. Bees sting.

P.C. Erny: Yeah, it wouldn't be a bee this time of year.

Lady Sylvia Marsh: Hardly a snake either. It's probably a nettle.

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Eve Trent: You silly moo.

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Mary Trent: [as archaeologist gives victory yell upon unearhing gigantic skull] What's to do? You cut yourself or summit?

Eve Trent: [comes running up out of the farmhouse] Who's that yelling blue murder?

Mary Trent: Angus. You would think he found the missing link or something. Don't worry. It's only an old fossil. It won't bite. Sexy beast, is he not? The cave man, I mean.

Eve Trent: If that's a primitive man, it looks like a dinosaur sat on him.

Angus Flint: It is a dinosaur, I think.

Mary Trent: Oh, go pull the other one.

Eve Trent: Our Dad had a cow looked like that once, called Bessie. I reckon that's Bessie.

Mary Trent: Silly moo. That's not a cow. It's got no horns!

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Lord James D'Ampton: But only nutty pot-holers go down there. It's supposed to be dangerous as hell.

Eve Trent: I know that!

Lord James D'Ampton: Do you want me to drive you over?

Eve Trent: [shakes her head] There's no point now. Besides, it's too late, we'll never catch up with them. I'll just have a lie down until they get back.

Lord James D'Ampton: Right. Yeah, I'm a bit tired myself. How could you keep me up all night?

[kisses her neck]

Lord James D'Ampton: Dancing, for God's sake.

[she smiles]

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Eve Trent: [rearing backwards, gasping] I remember now! After I passed out! I remember! A serpent! A horrible thing! Towering above me! Curled around the crucifix!

Lord James D'Ampton: Was it white? Like the one in the yard?

Eve Trent: What?

Lord James D'Ampton: Just relax. Was it like the one in the excavation?

Eve Trent: There's no snake there! What do you mean?

Lord James D'Ampton: Okay, come with me.

[reaches for her hand]

Eve Trent: [panicking] No!

Lord James D'Ampton: Come on, it's just a little snake, it can't harm you. It's very important you see it.

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Lady Sylvia Marsh: [sitting up a branch just like the Cheshire cat in Alice In Wonderland] Eve... oh, Eve...

[as the unsuspecting girl looks up:]

Lady Sylvia Marsh: Eve, I feel so silly. I saw a little kitten up here that couldn't get down. So I climbed up. Now it's gone. And I don't seem able to get down myself. If you could just stretch up your hand...

[smiling, radiantly innocent Eve obliges]

Lady Sylvia Marsh: Perfect! And I'll steady myself.

[climbed down]

Lady Sylvia Marsh: Thank you. You look tired, Eve. You want to rest? You're weary. Come with me. Come with me and take your ease at Temple House a while. Come with me. It's no distance at all.

[leads her off]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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