Here I was complaining about how Michele Soavi's The Church was lacking in that good old Italian cheese that flavoured the late-era horror films they were producing, so here comes Lamberto Bava to plunge me into a huge tub of molten Fontina. Just get a load of those auditions at the start, that's pure eighties fromage right there.
This one (a TV movie) is a kind of horror comedy which involves a lot of those staples required for an Italian horror film of the era. A creepy location, annoying youngsters running around, neon lighting, bad effects, and a low budget.
This one's even dafter than usual as it involves four would-be entertainers (including the worst comedian in the world this side of Jimmy Carr, a singer, an actress, and dancer Yvonne Scio – and for those out there with the Kleenex ready for Yvonne, hold onto your mess until you see Rutger Hauer's Armageddon – she's way too young here). They've all passed an audition and are now being invited to a famous director's creepy house, with a view to starring in his new film.
Things get strange right away when a boz-eyed hunchback lets them in, complete with a ludicrous, Nick Alexander dubbed voice. There's also a management type with Bela Lugosi's voice and a woman who seems to spend her time laughing at everything. That's nothing compared to the director himself, played by George Hilton (a man who is probably pinching himself to this day judging by the amount of nude scenes he had with Edwige Fenech), who promptly reveals that he's a vampire! George's proposal is this: His human side is bored of being immortal, and he wants to be killed. However, his vampire side doesn't want to die, and will spend the night trying to kill our four heroes. The night will either end with George dead or the four kids dead, and there's only one way to kill George, and it's not the traditional vampire slaying way
For a film that's set in one place and basically involves the youngsters running around, I wasn't bored for a second. George Hilton for instance is an old hand and kind of straddles the thin line between horror and comedy while prancing around in a cheap cape, while the kids actually come across as likable (the annoying comedian actually comes through as the hero in the end). There's a bit of gore (hearts being pulled out of chests etc), and some low rent Plasticine make up effects (like that show Trapdoor!). The ending makes no sense whatsoever and although the younger me wouldn't have liked that, it's now become a requirement for old, brain damaged me.
Going back to The Church, I'd say that film was a bit taxing on me due to the amount of characters, actual plot etc. Dinner with A Vampire is the kind of film where your brain goes into a low gear and is all the better for it. Next up: Fulci's Aenigma. God help me! P.S – How come George didn't cast a reflection in life but did on film? How did that chick go from being a vampire to not being a vampire? Was that guy in the end meant to be George? What happened to the henchman guy after he becomes a zombie? Next up: Fulci's Sweet House of Horrors. God's Kelpie!
