Dead Ringers (1988)
Elliot, Age 9: You've heard about sex...
Beverly, Age 9: Sure I have.
Elliot, Age 9: Well I've discovered why sex is.
Beverly, Age 9: You have? Fantastic.
Raffaella: It's because humans don't live under water.
Beverly, Age 9: I don't get it.
Elliot, Age 9: Well, fish don't need sex because they just lay the eggs and fertilize them in the water. Humans can't do that because they don't live in the water. They have to - internalize the water. Therefore we have sex.
Beverly, Age 9: So you mean humans would have sex if they lived in the water?
Elliot, Age 9: Well they'd have a kind of sex. The kind where you wouldn't have to touch each other.
Beverly, Age 9: I like that idea. Have you heard of scuba diving? It's just new.
Elliot, Age 9: Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
Beverly, Age 9: Exactly.
Elliot, Age 9: [noticing girl on porch] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Beverly, Age 9: Yeah, you ask her.
Elliot, Age 9: Raffaella, will you have sex with us in our bathtub? It's an experiment.
Raffaella: Are you kidding? Fuck off you freaks. I'm telling my father you talk dirty. Besides, I know for a fact you don't even know what fuck is.
[retreats into her house]
Elliot, Age 9: [walking away] They're so different from us. And all because we don't live under water.
Elliot Mantle: Don't do this to me, Bev.
Beverly Mantle: But I'm only doing it to me. Why don't you get along with your very own life?
Elliot Mantle: Do you remember the first Siamese twins?
Beverly Mantle: Chang and Eng were joined at the chest.
Elliot Mantle: Remember how they died?
Beverly Mantle: Chang died of a stroke in the middle of the night. He was always the sickly one. He was always the one who drank too much. When Eng woke up beside him to find that his brother was dead... he died of fright. Right there in the bed.
Elliot Mantle: Does that answer your question?
Beverly Mantle: Poor Eli.
Elliot Mantle: Poor Bev.
Elliot Mantle: I've often thought that there should be beauty contests for the *insides* of bodies.
Beverly Mantle: [examining Claire] That's fantastic.
Claire Niveau: I've never heard anyone say that about the inside of my body before.
Beverly Mantle: Surely you've heard of inner beauty?
Beverly Mantle: Pain creates character distortion, it's simply not necessary.
Claire Niveau: I'm often in a lot of pain.
Beverly Mantle: What kind of pain?
Claire Niveau: I think... psychosexual.
Beverly Mantle: [crying about Claire] Yesterday, I found out she was having an affair. She's unfaithful to me, Eli.
Elliot Mantle: Bev, you mustn't take it so seriously. She's a showbiz lady. What can you expect?
Beverly Mantle: [sobbing hysterically] I'm in love with her! I have to take it seriously!
Elliot Mantle: It can't be love if it does this to you, can it? It can't be love, Bev.
Claire Niveau: I've been around a bit. I've seen some creepy things in the movie business. This is the most disgusting thing that's ever happened to me.
Elliot Mantle: I doubt that.
Beverly Mantle: [about the pills] You'll take an up so I won't take a down. This is crazy!
Elliot Mantle: I'm not you, Bev.
Claire Niveau: You've got a woman's name. Beverly. Why did your mother give you a woman's name?
Beverly Mantle: It's not a woman's name. It's just spelled different.
Claire Niveau: Does your brother have a woman's name too. Meriam spelled with an E and an A?
Beverly Mantle: What are you trying to suggest? That I'm gay or something? That my mother wanted girls? What the fuck is this BULLSHIT PSYCHOANALYSIS?
Claire Niveau: I've heard that you live together in the same apartment.
Beverly Mantle: We both like Italian furniture.
Elliot Mantle: Bev, you haven't done anything until I've done it too. You haven't fucked Claire Niveau until you've told me about it.
Beverly Mantle: Then I haven't fucked Claire Niveau!
Elliot Mantle: And tomorrow, we'll take some Percodan... just because it's Saturday.
Elliot Mantle: You could adopt.
Claire Niveau: It wouldn't have been part of my body.
Elliot Mantle: I know what you mean.
Beverly Mantle: There's nothing the matter with the instrument, it's the body. The woman's body is all wrong!
Claire Niveau: Listen. Doctor. I think there's something wrong with you. I don't know what it is, I can't put a label on it, but you're subtly - I don't know - schizophrenic? Or something. Sometimes I like you very much. and sometimes, you're an amusing lay, not much more. And I cant figure out why.
Beverly Mantle: [he extracts and rattles a prescription pill bottle]
Claire Niveau: [sympathetically] Beverly.
Beverly Mantle: One for you. One for me.
[they both ingest a pill]
Beverly Mantle: To achieve anything in life one has to keep life simple.
Beverly Mantle: Are you still doing the mini-series?
Claire Niveau: Re-shoots. The director didn't know what he was doing.
Beverly, Age 9: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Elliot, Age 9: Yeah. You ask her.
Beverly, Age 9: Raffaella, will you have sex with us in our bathtub? It's an experiment.
Raffaella: Are you kidding? Fuck off, you freaks! I'm telling my father you talk dirty. Besides, I know for a fact you don't even know what "fuck" is!
[she walks off]
Beverly, Age 9: They're so different from us...
Claire Niveau: [during a physical exam] Well, are all the necessary parts there, Doc?
Beverly Mantle: Yes they are, though there are a couple of extra ones that shouldn't be.
Claire Niveau: Not funny.
Beverly Mantle: Uh no, I wasn't joking.
Elliot Mantle: [on seeing her medical chart for the first time] What, THE Claire Niveau?
Beverly Mantle: Yeah.
Elliot Mantle: Ooo! What's she doing here?
Beverly Mantle: She's doing a miniseries. She's got 3 agents and a bodyguard in the waiting room.
Elliot Mantle: And her life is empty without children.
Beverly Mantle: How did you know?
Elliot Mantle: Oh come on, Bev, everyone knows that. Don't you ever read the National Enquirer? "Star's Life Empty Without Children"?
Beverly Mantle: Well, I hope the National Enquirer also explained how we can make her fertile, because I don't think i can.
Beverly Mantle: [spotting her at an art gallery] Claire.
Claire Niveau: Yes? Oh, it's you. Or should i say, "Which one of you is it?"
Beverly Mantle: Please, Claire, don't.
Beverly Mantle: What's that?
Elliot Mantle: Butazamine. She's heard that it makes sex come on like Nagasaki.
Beverly Mantle: [alarmed] You're not feeding her pills, are you?
Elliot Mantle: Listen, baby brother. I've got her number. This lady's hustling us for drugs.
Beverly Mantle: I don't think that's true at all.
Elliot Mantle: I think we should drop her, Bev.
Beverly Mantle: You drop her!
Elliot Mantle: This is unknown territory we're moving into.
Laura: Dear Beverly, dear Elliot. There are those that claim they can't ever tell the difference between them, but not me, dear. It's obvious to me that - well, perhaps before I go and say anything gauche you'd better tell me which one you're seeing.
Claire Niveau: You mean to say there's two of them?
Laura: Don't be an ass, dear, of course there are two of them. They're twins, dear, identical twins! My dear, you've gone absolutely pale. Have i said something?
Claire Niveau: No, no, not at all. Where's that waiter? I want some coffee.
Laura: Oh, how sick making. I have said something, haven't I?
Claire Niveau: [Beverly phones up Claire on a payphone] Hello. Hello? Who is this?
[Beverly hangs up]