Action Jackson (1988)
Officer Kornblau: So what's your name?
Albert: A-Albert. A-Albert Smith.
Officer Lack: Albert, your mother and father weren't by any chance brother and sister, were they?
Albert: Hey man, what's gon' happen to me?
Officer Kornblau: Oh, nothing. Uh, wel-nothing much, uh... you might have to endure a little session with, uh, Action Jackson.
Albert: Wh-who's Axon...?
Officer Lack: *Action*, Albert. *Action Jackson*.
Officer Kornblau: Yeah, some say he didn't even have a mother. That some researchers at NASA created him to be the first man to walk on the moon without a space suit.
Officer Lack: Mm-hmm.
Officer Kornblau: Others say his mother was molested by Bigfoot and, uh, Jackson is their mutant offspring.
Officer Lack: They bring in Jackson when they want to re-educate some young ne'er-do-well such as yourself, Albert.
Officer Kornblau: Yeah, I remember one kid got re-educated so bad, his testicles climbed back up into his belly. Wouldn't come out.
Officer Lack: They called it a medical miracle.
Officer Kornblau: Yeah. Another kid, handcuffed to a chair; gnawed his own hand off like a trapped skunk, or wolverine, or somethin'.
Officer Kornblau: It was a regular fuck-o-rama at my place last night.
Officer Lack: Can the shit, Kornblau. There ain't been any pussy at your pad since your mother helped you move in. They oughta call your place the House of Wax.
[turning a flamethrower on a bad guy]
Action Jackson: How do you like your ribs?
Peter Dellaplane: You have this nickname - what is it, excitement, enthusiasm, esprit de corps-
Action Jackson: [cutting off Dellaplane] -It's ACTION!
Capt. Earl Armbruster: Just because Dellaplane had a few family problems...
Action Jackson: The man's son is a sexual psychopath! If I had family problems like that, I'd have myself neutered.
Capt. Earl Armbruster: You almost tore that boy's arm off!
Action Jackson: So? He had a spare.
Officer Lack: Have you ever had your head forcibly rammed up your ass?
Officer Kornblau: uh, no
Officer Lack: Well mark your calendar...that day's coming!
Officer Kornblau: That's one dead piece of shit car builder!