Throw Momma from the Train (1987) Poster

Annie Ross: Mrs. Hazeltine


  • Larry : [teaching a creative-writing class]  This is a real classic by Mr. Pinsky. It's entitled "One Hundred Girls I'd Like to Pork."

    Male Student #1 : "Pork"?

    Mr. Pinsky, Creative Writing Student : It's a coffee-table book.

    Larry : "One Hundred Girls I'd Like To..." Hmmm. Chapter One: Kathleen Turner. Chapter Two: Cybill Shepherd. Chapter Three: Suzanne Pleshette. Chapter Four: The Girl in the Taco Commercial. Chapter Five: The Woman in 4B. Chapter Six: The Oriental Laker Girl. Chapter Seven... Mr. Pinsky, this is not literature!

    Mr. Pinsky, Creative Writing Student : Well, you know, I would put in photographs, a brief character sketch, like a biography, and a nice dust jacket.

    Larry : Mr. Pinsky, what is this?

    Mr. Pinsky, Creative Writing Student : It's literature. It's a fantasy. My fantasy. Like Melville, this is my great white whale.

    Mrs. Hazeltine : It's whacking material.

    Mr. Pinsky, Creative Writing Student : Isn't that literature?

    Larry : Mr. Pinsky, how do you associate "Moby Dick" to a list of women you'd like to have sex with?

    Male Student #2 : Well, I think it's very brave.

    Mrs. Hazeltine : I think he's vulgar.

    Male Student #3 : That's what they said about Twain.

    Mrs. Hazeltine : That's what I'm saying about him.

    Male Student #3 : I think you're vulgar.

    Mrs. Hazeltine : I think you're a no-talent little shit.

    Mr. Pinsky, Creative Writing Student : Maybe I should change the title.

    Male Student #2 : I like the title!

    Larry : [bell rings]  OK, I'll see you Wednesday, class. Good work today. Remember, a writer writes, always.

    [as the students prepare to leave, voices are heard saying "Pinsky, I could do the photographs" and "Hey Pinsky, what about Vanna White?"] 

  • Mrs. Hazeltine : [reading her manuscript]  His guts oozed nice, like a melted malted.

  • Mrs. Hazeltine : "Dive... DIVE" yelled the captain through the thing. So the captain pressed a button, or something, and it dove. And the enemy was foiled again!

See also

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