- [repeated line]
- Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
- Westley: Give us the gate key.
- Yellin: I have no gate key.
- Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
- Yellin: Oh, you mean *this* gate key.
- [Vizzini has just cut the rope The Dread Pirate Roberts is climbing up]
- Vizzini: HE DIDN'T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE.
- Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
- Vizzini: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
- Man in Black: You're that smart?
- Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
- Man in Black: Yes.
- Vizzini: Morons.
- Fezzik: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?
- Man in Black: Oh no, it's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.
- Inigo Montoya: Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.
- Westley: Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.
- Buttercup: You mock my pain.
- Man in Black: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
- Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
- Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
- Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
- Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.
- Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
- Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
- Vizzini: Enough of that.
- Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
- Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
- Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
- Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
- Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH!
- Inigo Montoya: Who are you?
- Man in Black: No one of consequence.
- Inigo Montoya: I must know...
- Man in Black: Get used to disappointment.
- Inigo Montoya: Que.
- Inigo Montoya: I donna suppose you could speed things up?
- Man in Black: If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do.
- Inigo Montoya: I could do that. I have some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.
- Man in Black: That does put a damper on our relationship.
- Inigo Montoya: But, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.
- Man in Black: That's VERY comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.
- Inigo Montoya: I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard.
- Man in Black: No good. I've known too many Spaniards.
- Inigo Montoya: Isn't there any way you trust me?
- Man in Black: Nothing comes to mind.
- Inigo Montoya: I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive.
- Man in Black: Throw me the rope.
- Man in Black: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead.
- Vizzini: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
- Man in Black: You've made your decision then?
- Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
- Man in Black: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
- Vizzini: Wait till I get going! Now, where was I?
- Man in Black: Australia.
- Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
- Man in Black: You're just stalling now.
- Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
- Man in Black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
- Vizzini: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!
- Man in Black: Then make your choice.
- Vizzini: I will, and I choose... what in the world can that be?
- [Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. The Man in Black looks backwards. Vizzini swaps the goblets]
- Man in Black: What? Where? I don't see anything.
- Vizzini: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. But no matter.
- [Vizzini tries to hold back laughter]
- Man in Black: What's so funny?
- Vizzini: I'll tell you in a minute. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
- [Vizzini and the Man in Black drink]
- Man in Black: You guessed wrong.
- Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - the most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...
- [Vizzini stops suddenly, his smile frozen on his face and falls to the ground dead. The Man in Black removes the blindfold from Buttercup's head]
- Buttercup: Who are you?
- Man in Black: I am no one to be trifled with. That is all you ever need know
- Buttercup: To think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.
- Man in Black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Iocane powder.
- Miracle Max: Beat it or I'll call the Brute Squad.
- Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.
- Miracle Max: [sees Fezzik] You ARE the Brute Squad!
- Buttercup: We'll never succeed. We may as well die here.
- Westley: No, no. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurt - no problem. There's a popping sound preceding each; we can avoid that. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.
- Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?
- Westley: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.
- [Immediately, an R.O.U.S. attacks him]
- Man in Black: You've done nothing but study swordplay?
- Inigo Montoya: More pursue than study lately. You see, I cannot find him... it's been twenty years now and I'm starting to lose confidence. I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.
- Man in Black: Well I certainly hope you find him someday.
- Inigo Montoya: You are ready then?
- Man in Black: Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair.
- Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow... I hate to kill you.
- Man in Black: You seem a decent fellow... I hate to die.
- Inigo Montoya: Begin.
- Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.
- Westley: No. To the pain.
- Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
- Westley: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
- Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
- Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
- Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
- Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
- Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
- Westley: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain means." It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
- Prince Humperdinck: I think you're bluffing.
- Westley: It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.
- [slowly rises and points sword directly at the prince]
- Westley: DROP... YOUR... SWORD!
- Prince Humperdinck: [Humperdinck's mouth hangs open, drops sword to floor]
- Inigo Montoya: [falls to his knees] Kill me quickly.
- Man in Black: I would sooner destroy a stained glass window than an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you follow me either...
- [knocks Inigo unconscious]
- Man in Black: Please understand I hold you in the highest respect.
- Inigo Montoya: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
- Man in Black: Do you always begin conversations this way?
- [last lines]
- The Grandson: Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.
- Grandpa: As you wish.
- Miracle Max: You got any money?
- Inigo Montoya: Sixty-five.
- Miracle Max: I've never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause.
- Inigo Montoya: This is noble, sir. His wife is... crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation.
- Miracle Max: Are you a rotten liar!
- Inigo Montoya: I need him to help avenge my father, murdered these twenty years.
- Miracle Max: Your first story was better.
- Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
- Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
- Fezzik: I could kill you now.
- Man in Black: Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.
- Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.
- Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?
- Inigo Montoya: Let me explain.
- [pause]
- Inigo Montoya: No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry Humperdinck in little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.
- Westley: That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying.
- Fezzik: You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful.
- Westley: I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?
- Inigo Montoya: There is but one working castle gate, and... and it is guarded by 60 men.
- Westley: And our assets?
- Inigo Montoya: Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel.
- Dread Pirate Roberts: Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.
- Miracle Max: Have fun stormin' da castle.
- Valerie: Think it'll work?
- Miracle Max: It would take a miracle.
- Miracle Max: Get back, witch.
- Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that any more.
- The Grandson: A book?
- Grandpa: That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you.
- The Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
- Grandpa: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...
- The Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake.
- Grandpa: Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.
- The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...
- [cut to Westley, Inigo, and Fezzik]
- The Impressive Clergyman: And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...
- [cut to the trio again]
- The Impressive Clergyman: So tweasure your wuv.
- Prince Humperdinck: Skip to the end.
- The Impressive Clergyman: Have you the wing?
- [cut to the trio once more]
- The Impressive Clergyman: ...and do you, Pwincess Buwwercup...
- Prince Humperdinck: Man and wife. Say man and wife.
- The Impressive Clergyman: Man an' wife.
- Inigo Montoya: We're in a terrible rush.
- Miracle Max: Don't rush me, sonny. You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.
- Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
- [Inigo advances on Rugen, but stumbles into the table with sudden pain. Rugen attacks, but Inigo parries and rises to his feet again]
- Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
- [Rugen attacks again, Inigo parries more fiercely, gaining strength]
- Inigo Montoya: Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!
- Count Rugen: Stop saying that!
- [Rugen attacks, twice. Inigo avoids and wounds Rugen in both shoulders, the same spots where he wounded Inigo. Inigo attacks, bellowing:]
- Inigo Montoya: HELLO! MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA! YOU KILLED MY FATHER! PREPARE TO DIE!
- [Inigo corners Count Rugen, knocks his sword aside, and slashes his cheek, giving him a scar just like Inigo's]
- Inigo Montoya: Offer me money.
- Count Rugen: Yes!
- Inigo Montoya: Power, too, promise me that.
- [He slashes his other cheek]
- Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please...
- Inigo Montoya: Offer me anything I ask for.
- Count Rugen: Anything you want...
- [Rugen knocks Inigo's sword aside and lunges. But Inigo traps his arm and aims his sword at Rugen's stomach]
- Inigo Montoya: I want my father back, you son of a bitch!
- [He runs Count Rugen through and shoves him back against the table. Rugen falls to the floor, dead]
- Inigo Montoya: You are wonderful.
- Man in Black: Thank you; I've worked hard to become so.
- Inigo Montoya: I admit it, you are better than I am.
- Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?
- Inigo Montoya: Because I know something you don't know.
- Man in Black: And what is that?
- Inigo Montoya: I am not left-handed.
- [switches sword to his other hand, and begins to fight far more successfully]
- Man in Black: You are amazing.
- Inigo Montoya: I ought to be, after 20 years.
- Man in Black: Oh, there's something I ought to tell you.
- Inigo Montoya: Tell me.
- Man in Black: I'm not left-handed either.
- [switches his own sword to his other hand, suddenly driving Inigo back]
- Buttercup: Oh, Westley, will you ever forgive me?
- Westley: What hideous sin have you committed lately?
- Buttercup: I got married. I didn't want to - it all happened so fast.
- Westley: Never happened.
- Buttercup: What?
- Westley: Never happened.
- Buttercup: But it did! I was there; this old man said 'man and wife.'
- Westley: Did you say 'I do?'
- Buttercup: Um, no... we sort of skipped that part.
- Westley: Then you're not married. You didn't say it; you didn't do it.
- Westley: [to the Prince who has just entered the room] Wouldn't you agree, Your Highness?
- Prince Humperdinck: A technicality that will shortly be remedied.
- Westley: Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and he told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts' he said. 'My name is Ryan; I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.'
- Miracle Max: He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him.
- Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.
- Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.
- Inigo Montoya: What's that?
- Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
- Vizzini: Finish him. Finish him, your way.
- Fezzik: Oh good, my way. Thank you Vizzini... what's my way?
- Vizzini: Pick up one of those rocks, get behind a boulder, in a few minutes the man in black will come running around the bend, the minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock.
- Fezzik: My way's not very sportsman-like.
- Inigo Montoya: You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, ah?
- Man in Black: I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain.
- Inigo Montoya: Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro?
- Man in Black: Naturally, but I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro. Don't you?
- Inigo Montoya: Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa... which I have!
- Grandpa: It was ten days to the wedding. The King still lived, but Buttercup's nightmares were growing steadily worse.
- The Grandson: See, didn't I tell you she'd never marry that rotten Humperdinck?
- Grandpa: Yes, you're very smart. Shut up.
- Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?
- Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed.
- Grandpa: Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.
- Buttercup: Farm boy, polish my horse's saddle. I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
- Westley: As you wish.
- Grandpa: "As you wish" was all he ever said to her.
- Buttercup: Farm boy, fill these with water - please.
- Westley: As you wish.
- Grandpa: That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.
- Buttercup: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher.
- Westley: As you wish.
- The Grandson: Hold it, hold it. What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the sports?
- The Grandson: Is this a kissing book?
- Grandpa: Wait, just wait.
- The Grandson: Well, when does it get good?
- Grandpa: Keep your shirt on, and let me read.
- Man in Black: Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?
- Fezzik: I just want you to feel you're doing well.
- Inigo Montoya: My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man. He was a great swordmaker, my father. When the six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job. He slaved a year before it was done.
- [Shows the Man in Black the sword]
- Man in Black: I've never seen its equal.
- Inigo Montoya: The six-fingered man returned and demanded it, but at one tenth his promised price. My father refused. Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father. So naturally, I challenged his murderer to a duel. I failed. The six-fingered man left me alive, but he gave me these.
- [strokes the scars on his cheeks]
- Man in Black: How old were you?
- Inigo Montoya: I was eleven years old. And when I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
- Buttercup: You can die too for all I care!
- [pushes him down a high hill]
- Man in Black: AS... YOU... WISH!
- Buttercup: [realizes the Man in Black is Westley] Oh, my sweet Westley! What have I done?
- [throws herself down the hill]
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