Lethal Weapon (1987)
Mel Gibson: Martin Riggs
Martin Riggs : Hey, look friend, let's just cut the shit. Now we both know why I was transferred. Everybody thinks I'm suicidal, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me; or they think I'm faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I'm fucked.
Roger Murtaugh : Guess what?
Martin Riggs : What?
Roger Murtaugh : I don't want to work with you!
Martin Riggs : Hey, don't.
Roger Murtaugh : Ain't got no choice! Looks like we both been fucked!
Martin Riggs : Terrific.
Roger Murtaugh : God hates me. That's what it is.
Martin Riggs : Hate him back; it works for me.
Roger Murtaugh : Okay, clown, no bullshit! You wanna kill yourself?
Martin Riggs : Oh, for Chriss-...
Roger Murtaugh : Shut up! Yes or no - you wanna die?
Martin Riggs : Oh, I got the job done! What the hell do you want?
Roger Murtaugh : JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!
Martin Riggs : Well, what do you wanna hear, man? Do you wanna hear that sometimes I think about eatin' a bullet? Huh? Well, I do! I even got a special bullet for the occasion with a hollow point, look! Make sure it blows the back of my goddamned head out and do the job right! Every single day I wake up and I think of a reason not to do it! Every single day! You know why I don't do it? This is gonna make you laugh! You know why I don't do it? The job! Doin' the job! Now that's the reason!
[after rescuing Roger and Rianne]
Martin Riggs : What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd? Let's get the flock out of here!
Martin Riggs : I don't make things complicated. That's the way they get, all by themselves.
Roger Murtaugh : [discussing a theory] That's pretty fucking thin.
Martin Riggs : That's very thin.
Roger Murtaugh : What the hell, thin's my middle name.
Martin Riggs : Your wife's cooking, I'm not surprised.
[fires his gun several more times]
Roger Murtaugh : What? What?
Martin Riggs : Nothin'.
Roger Murtaugh : Remarks like that will not get you invited to Christmas dinner.
Martin Riggs : My luck's changing for the better every day.
Mr. Joshua : [Riggs is tied up and struggling] Why don't you save your strength? You're gonna need it.
Martin Riggs : Who's the chin?
Mr. Joshua : Endo, meet Mr. Martin Riggs. Endo here has forgotten more about dispensing pain than you and I will ever know.
Martin Riggs : Terrific.
Mr. Joshua : See, Martin, we have a problem. Since we have Murtaugh, we don't really need you. But I believe in being thorough.
Martin Riggs : Yeah, I've heard that about you.
Mr. Joshua : Yeah. Well, our problem, and yours too, is we have a shipment of merchandise to deliver.
Martin Riggs : Why don't you guys just call it heroin?
Mr. Joshua : It's rather large, this shipment. It would be unfortunate, however, if we showed up to deliver our HEROIN, and were surrounded by fifty cops.
Martin Riggs : That would be too bad.
Mr. Joshua : Yes it would be. So, it's essential for us to find out all the cops know.
Martin Riggs : Hey, we don't know shit. You- you did Hunsaker before he could say...
Mr. Joshua : No, no! I wish I could believe you. But unfortunately, I don't... Now if you would kindly tell me everything you know, I promise I'll kill you quick.
Martin Riggs : I've told you everything I know.
Mr. Joshua : Endo...
[gestures to Endo to 'start the pain']
Martin Riggs : Wha- what the hell is that?
Mr. Joshua : I'll tell you what it is. It's called electric shock treatment.
Martin Riggs : Well, I guess we're in for a long night, 'cause I don't know shit.
Mr. Joshua : We'll see. Endo...
Martin Riggs : I do it real good, you know.
Roger Murtaugh : Do what?
Martin Riggs : When I was 19, I did a guy in Laos from a thousand yards out. It was a rifle shot in high wind. Maybe eight or even ten guys in the world could have made that shot. It's the only thing I was ever good at. Well, see ya tomorrow.
Roger Murtaugh : Yeah, see you.
Roger Murtaugh : Hey Riggs! You really like my wife's cooking?
Martin Riggs : [fixing him] No. See you tomorrow.
Martin Riggs : You know they're going to kill her, don't you?
Roger Murtaugh : Yeah.
Martin Riggs : So if you want her back, you're going to have to take her away from them.
Roger Murtaugh : I know.
Martin Riggs : You do this my way. You shoot, you shoot to kill, get as many of them as you can. All you got to do is just not miss.
Roger Murtaugh : I won't miss.
Martin Riggs : We're going to get bloody on this one, Rog.
Roger Murtaugh : Are you really crazy? Or are you as good as you say you are?
Martin Riggs : You're just gonna have to trust me.
Drug Dealer #3 : [Riggs is in a Christmas tree lot, and pretends to sample some coke for a buy] Good, huh? Tasty? Smooth?
Martin Riggs : Yeah, that's good...
Drug Dealer #1 : [walking up with a beer] Here ya go, pal...
Martin Riggs : Thanks. Okay, so let's do it. How much?
Drug Dealer #3 : How much for how much?
Martin Riggs : For all of it.
Drug Dealer #3 : You want it all. He wants it all.
Drug Dealer #1 : He wants it all, beautiful. Congratulations!
Drug Dealer #3 : All right!
Martin Riggs : Maybe a nice six footer to put it under, huh?
Drug Dealer #2 : You want a tree? I'll tell you what. I'll give you the best tree I got on the lot, for nothin'. But the shit's gonna cost ya... a hundred.
Martin Riggs : What, that much?
Drug Dealer #3 : Hey, you said you liked it, that's a fair price.
Martin Riggs : Yeah... yeah! Hell, you only live once... get this together here...
[takes out his wallet, starts counting out a hundred dollars]
Martin Riggs : Twenty, forty, sixty, seventy...
Drug Dealer #1 : Hey, what the fuck...
Drug Dealer #2 : Hey, man... Hey!
Martin Riggs : C'mon, shut up man, I'm losin' count... Ninety-three, ninety-four, ninety...
Drug Dealer #2 : Forget it, you dumbshit. One hundred THOUSAND. One hundred THOUSAND, DOLLARS!
Martin Riggs : A hundred thousand?
Martin Riggs : I'm sorry, I can't afford that, not on my salary. But I'll tell ya what, I got a better idea, here. Let me say I take the whole stash of your hands for free, and you assholes can go to jail.
[takes out his badge and puts it on the table in front of them]
Martin Riggs : What do you say about that? Now I could read you guys your rights, but ah, you guys already know what your rights are, don't you?
Drug Dealer #2 : [drug dealers stare, then start to laugh] This badge ain't real. YOU ain't real.
Drug Dealer #1 : No, but you sure are a crazy son of a bitch!
Martin Riggs : [They all laugh] You think I'm crazy? You call me crazy, you think I'm crazy? You wanna see crazy?
[Riggs starts slapping him self on the head, Stooges style, then pokes their eyes and slaps them, and pulls out his gun]
Martin Riggs : . Now that's a real badge, I'm a real cop, and this is a real fucking gun!
Drug Dealer #2 : [menacing] Okay, pal...
Martin Riggs : Hey, noses in the dirt, asshole...
[And the guns start blazin']
[Endo shocks Riggs with a device]
Mr. Joshua : Hit him again!
Martin Riggs : [Endo does]
[Martin groans as his body shakes violently]
Mr. Joshua : [soft but enthused] Hit him again.
Martin Riggs : [Endo hits him again for longer]
Mr. Joshua : C'mon, tell me about the shipment!
Martin Riggs : [yells and spouts giberrish, then spits at Endo, tries to reach Joshua] I swear I'm gonna fucking kill the both of you.
Mr. Joshua : Yeah, yeah, very funny. Now what about the *shipment*?
Roger Murtaugh : 50 years old, what a birthday, goddamn 50 years old, been on the force 20 years, not a scratch on me, not a scar, got a wife, kids, a house, a fishing boat, but I can kiss all that goodbye because my new partner has a death wish, my fucking life is over
Martin Riggs : [looks at Roger] I was...
Roger Murtaugh : Just shut up you hear, why are you talking to me anyway, I'm a dead man, yeah fuck it, you're looking a dead man here
[oncoming traffic honks at them and swerve to get out of the way]
Martin Riggs : [points at oncoming traffic] watch, watch, WATCH...
Roger Murtaugh : Don't worry, I was driving before you were itching in your daddy's pants
Martin Riggs : You know you're not the first guy to thinnk of this you know. A lot people have got problems especially during the silly season like now.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : You know shit.
Martin Riggs : No, you're wrong, pal, you're wrong.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : You don't know nothing. Don't touch me!
Martin Riggs : Take it easy.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : Look, I didn't don any thing wrong.
Martin Riggs : I know that. It's not like your murdering anyone or anything.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : That's right.
Martin Riggs : That's right.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : The only one I hurt was me. Me!
Martin Riggs : Same way I feel. I know you're hurting. I get it. OK now, come on.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : Don't come near me!
Martin Riggs : Come on. Give me a break, will ya guy. My boss is down there and he's watching us and I gotta make it look like I'm at least trying to save you. Come on. Im just gonna stand here and talk to you. That's all.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : You won't try nothing.
Martin Riggs : No. I'm square with you. I won't try a thing. I won't try a thing.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : Really.
Martin Riggs : What, do you think I want to fall off? I promise, I'll just talk to you.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : [easing] OK. Alright.
Martin Riggs : [showing him a cigarette] Here, do you want a cigarette. Come on, lets smoke, OK.
Martin Riggs : Go on, take it yeah. If we take our time we will both die of cancer.
[lights his own cigarette]
Martin Riggs : Here.
[shows him the lighter but tricks him and cuffs the two of them together]
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : Hey, what are you doing.
Martin Riggs : See this key? Bye-bye.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper : You're crazy!
Martin Riggs : Now you can jump if you want to, but you'll be taking me with you and that makes you a muderer.
Martin Riggs : Maybe there's an opening in the L.A. Fire Department.
Police Officer : [cops drive up after the drug dealer shoot-out] Whaddaya got, Riggs?
Martin Riggs : There's three down, and one loose in here, he's got black hair and a red shirt...
Police Officer : Okay, let's go! I'm coverin' the left side...
[Riggs weaves around through Christmas trees, and the 3rd dealer jumps him]
Drug Dealer #3 : Freeze! Freeze! Gimme the gun!
[to Riggs, holding a gun to his head]
Drug Dealer #3 : How's it feel, sucker?
Martin Riggs : Hey... shoot 'im!
Police Officer : Drop it, prick!
Martin Riggs : Hey, shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him! Will somebody shoot this prick? Shoot 'im! Shoot 'im!
Drug Dealer #3 : Shut the fuck up!
Policewoman : [drawing a bead on the dealer] Freeze!
Martin Riggs : Shoot him! Shoot him! Somebody shoot this prick? Shoot 'im! Shoot 'im!
Martin Riggs : [to drug dealer] Shoot me! Shoot me! Shoot me! Ohhh...
[in frustration, Riggs head-butts him, grabs the gun away from him, and holds it to the dealer's throat]
Martin Riggs : [Riggs and Murtaugh go to a bust at a "rich house"] Think I saw this house on Lifestyles of the Rich and Shameless...
Martin Riggs : I didn't know that.
Roger Murtaugh : What?
Martin Riggs : That it was your birthday today.
Martin Riggs : Yesterday.
Martin Riggs : Well, happy birthday for yesterday.
Martin Riggs : I mean that, sincerely, happy birthday, man.
Roger Murtaugh : [grudgingly] Thanks.
Martin Riggs : Maybe we'll stay alive long enough for me to buy you a present.
[pause, then Murtaugh laughs, finally loosening up]
Martin Riggs : [holding his wife's wedding photograph, crying, after deciding not to kill himself] See you later, babe.
Martin Riggs : Do you really wanna jump? Do you wanna? Well then thats fine with me. Come on, lets do it asshole. Let's do it. I wanna do it. I wanna do it.
[Riggs and Murtaugh pull up outside Dixie's house to check out a theory]
Roger Murtaugh : Like I said, thin.
Martin Riggs : Probably nothing.
[the house explodes, knocking them both to the ground. Murtaugh throws himself on Riggs]
Martin Riggs : What are you, a fag?
Roger Murtaugh : Your coat's on fire!
[Riggs throws it off, then both of them look at the burning house]
Martin Riggs : Probably nothing!
Roger Murtaugh : Thin, very thin!
Martin Riggs : [after a kid identifies the tattoo on Riggs' arm as being on the man who rigged Dixie's house to explode] Roger, that's a Special Forces tattoo.
Roger Murtaugh : No kidding.
Martin Riggs : Yeah.
Roger Murtaugh : Special forces tattoo, mercury switches, what the hell have we gotten into?
Martin Riggs : Yep. I wonder if there're any openings at the L.A. Fire Department.
[During the mano - a - mano fight, Mr. Joshua has pinned Riggs to the ground, overpowering him]
Roger Murtaugh : Martin! Let me take him for you, Riggs! Let me take him!
Martin Riggs : [lifting his head up, growls hoarsely] *NO!*
Roger Murtaugh : *PLEASE!*
Martin Riggs : [growls] NO!
[to Mr. Joshua]
Martin Riggs : *BACK OFF!*
[Riggs rolls his body over Joshua, free himself]