Blood Diner (1987) Poster

(1987)

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5/10
My Blood Diner Nightmare
hazmat636 December 2006
I played a zombie in BLOOD DINER and believe me when I tell you, it was such a bizarre and sickening experience that I plan to devote an entire chapter to the nightmare in my memoirs. I have worked on a lot of films, and I mean a LOT, and I can say with all confidence that the depravity of the project, inhuman working conditions and incompetence of the production have been unequaled, and will be fresh in my mind if I die of Alzheimer's disease at the age of 300.

So many people walked off the set in the middle of production, that they ended up hiring homeless people and crackheads off the streets of Hollywood to fill in the ranks. They probably even gave some of them lines. Half of the female cast were literally called into casting on the basis of spreads in JUGGS magazine. The writer, who later became a good friend of mine (before I knew he had written the thing), had played Mengele in SURF Nazis MUST DIE (one of my favorite, and the most depraved of all Troma films).

Jimmy Maslon, the producer, has a reputation as one of the cheapest and most thoughtless coke-head producers in Hollywood (he forgot to feed the zombies on so many occasions, that to keep the rest of us from walking off one day, he ran to the store and bought us some generic white bread and baloney, from which we made our own sandwiches).

And don't get me started about Jackie Kong. "The Dragon Lady," as she was known to all who worked with her, will have a special mention in the book.

Suffice to say, that she once spent six hours on a 2 minute dialogue scene, while her zombies were sitting around in cheap gel make-up, which had completely melted off our faces by the time we got around to our scenes.

All that said, it actually is a pretty funny movie. I don't think any of the actors realized it was going to be though. In fact, I don't think anybody did but the zombies, who were all wasted on weed and CLUB margaritas the whole time -hic- ;-)
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The best vegetarian restaurant in town.
b. koski11 October 1999
Michael and George, owners of the best vegetarian restaurant in their small city, have an interesting social life. Where most people go home and spend time with their loved ones after work, Michael and George hang around with their deceased uncle. That's right, their deceased uncle -- who's actually just a brain and eyes in a jar that's ordering them to rebuild the goddess Sheetar so she can take over the world.

Sound like the perfect B-Movie? Well, in a way, it is. 'Blood Diner' is one of those little gems that takes you quite a while to appreciate. Sure, it's filled with as much low budget gore and cheesy sexist jokes as as Kong could fit into an hour and twenty eight minutes. And sure, there are members of my high school drama class that are better actors than two of the main characters in this film. But that's what makes it fun -- the fact that it was not only made to laugh at, but that you have so many chances to laugh at it.

Rent this movie if you ever get the chance and if you're into black humour and/or horrible but great films. And make sure to watch out for the biker, wrestling and Vitamin scenes. If you aren't rolling on the floor laughing at the end of it, never rent another B-Movie again.
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10/10
This may be the best film ever made
rhyatt123 March 2005
This movie is the classic old tale of two men trying to construct an Egyptian goddess for their castrated uncle from the severed body parts of young women.

This is one of those rare unknown cinema gems that reminds you of what 80's horror/slasher movies were all about and why video cameras were ever invented in the first place. It also contains the best movie line ever written: "On that night, on this mission, I lost my gentitals and my life." And yes, Uncle Anwar really says "gentitals".

The plot of this movie is thrown together as loosely as the body parts used to construct Shiitar. The movie is lightly based on Blood Feast with some horrible special effects and 80's hairdos thrown in.

There are more classic moments in Blood Diner than there are in most B horror movies combined. You'll be laughing all the way to the blood buffet from the weird stuffed talking dummy in the rival diner to the guy getting his head smashed by a car with hydraulics which causes an onlooker to ask "hey man, you OK?". The movie even has token 80's horror flick nudity when the brothers go into a topless aerobics class (don't ask why) and mow everyone down with a machine gun. Hey, it happens. Another epic scene is when a fat guy driving a van and listening to mambo music repeatedly runs over a dude in a failed yet hilarious attempt to kill him.

If you haven't seen this movie I suggest you quit your job and study it for the next few months. You'll be swinging a meat cleaver screaming SHIIIIIITAAAAAAAR!!!!! before you know it.
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7/10
Did you all expect this to be a serious film? Honestly?
speleorat200324 March 2008
The reviews of this movie honestly befuddle me to no end. The only way the movie could be rated this low by so many people, is that somehow, for some reason, they were expecting a serious film of some sort or another. Assuming the title itself didn't give them a rather obvious clue that this was to be a Herschell Gordon Lewis homage. And if they were..... well, if the first 5 minutes of the movie didn't serve them notice that they were dealing with a movie reveling in a flamboyant sense of camp and bad taste, then perhaps they would have been better off watching some pretentious art film. 'Twould serve them right for taking themselves sooooo very, very seriously.

This movie is a cheaply made gore fest, masquerading as a comedy, no excuses. Not that that's a bad thing, mind you. Sort of Grand Guignol in fish net stockings and garters. Evoking screams even as you laugh at it's over the top absurdity. Is it for all tastes? No, certainly not. But at what it tries to do, it succeeds at, for the most part. For me, at least, the movie struck a delicate balance between horror and comedy, two extremes that are fairly difficult to make work very effectively together, though it must be said, it succeeded far better with the latter than the former.

If you liked this genre (splatter comedies.... a rather narrow genre of film-making, to say the least), check out any one of the following, 2001 Maniacs, Frankenhooker, Psychos In Love, Bloodsucking Freaks, The Toxic Avenger, and Brain Damage. All cut from the same bolt of bloody cloth. And all equally worthwhile in their own way. Just try not to confuse any of them with Gandhi, okay? Class dismissed.
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8/10
funny, funny, funny 10/10
Thunderspawn20 February 2003
you guys need to lighten up! this movie was one of the funniest horror movies i have ever seen. this is not serious horror, but more a black comedy. go hushpuppy woman!!!!!! the bad dubbing and even worse acting makes this movie hilarious! i think that miss jackie kong should have done more with the horror genre. she has cult status in my book! i gave blood diner a 10/10 because this is a one of a kind movie. i have not seen anything like this since bloodsucking freaks and hard rock zombies. go hushpuppy woman!!!!!! one of my all time favorites, i would love to have the soundtrack. anyone who has seen this movie, or thought about seeing this, make sure to enjoy the 'shake it out' song in the club dread, awesome!!!!!! definately, one of the best horror movies of the eighties! also check out stan and his doll, hilarious! 'don't do it stan, stan you'll get in trouble...' enjoy!!!!!! funny, funny, funny 10/10
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10/10
Great Horror Movie
f_nichols12 October 2005
The bad reviews of this movie infuriate me. Why the hell would anyone watch this an expect anything other than comedy, gore, and nudity. The movie scores on all three! Best plot ever: Evil brain of uncle sends psycho nephews on mission to kill naked women and collect pieces...oh and they run a diner that serves the leftovers. I consider this required viewing for any REAL horror fan.

That's all I wanted to say but I need to do 10 lines here. This is not out on DVD yet but hopefully it will be someday. I recommend Night Train to Terror for the exact same reasons as this film. Also, here's line number 10.
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10/10
One of my all time favorites! Rent this if you like horror.
blklagoon13 September 2004
This film is a treasure. It's hilarious, it's gory, it's got a totally unique story line and some really great, memorable scenes. Who wouldn't want to see a cheerleader massacre? I ran into this film at a video store several years ago not knowing what to expect. SO glad I rented it because it's remained one of my favorite flicks ever since. Once in a while I run into other people who love BLOOD DINER as I do, and we all agree on the same points- and it really narrows down to that it's a horror fan's film. It's got all the best elements and really deserves more recognition. If you're a fan of the Evil Dead movies, early Carpenter and P. Jackson- any kind of quirky, off-beat horror you gotta love BLOOD DINER.
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2/10
Moronic horror comedy rubbish.
poolandrews1 July 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Blood Diner starts as youngsters George (Sir Rodenheaver) & Michael Tutman (Roxanne Cybelle) witness their uncle Anwar (Drew Godderis) get shot by the police but not before he gives them an ancient Egyptian amulet belonging to evil God Sheetar. Twenty years later & George (Carl Crew) & Micheal (Rick Burks) run a successful vegetarian diner by day & help their uncle Anwar's disembodied brain in a jar organise a 'blood buffet' in which they will resurrect Sheetar inside a stitched together body made from human parts from the people they murder, any left over parts are cooked & served up in their diner. Local LAPD cops Mark Shepard (Roger Dauer) & Sheba Jackson (LaNette La France) are on the case & trying to figure out who is murdering & dismembering pretty young girls...

Co-produced & directed by Jackie Kong one has to say that Blood Diner seems to divide opinion with those who love it's bizarreness, it's odd quirky sense of humour & gore & there are those like me who just think it's an idiotic piece of crap with no redeeming value. Originally envisioned as a sequel to the Herschell Gordon Lewis horror flick Blood Feast (1963) in which a guy tries to arrange an Egyptian 'blood feast' to resurrect an ancient Egyptian Goddess so both have similar stories although somebody decided Blood Diner should stand alone as a horror comedy in it's own right, it's just a shame they forgot to include any horror or comedy which could be considered a bit of an oversight. I have read plenty of review of Blood Diner that praise it for it's comedy but for the life of me I can't see anything funny here at all, the moronic lowbrow comedy like puking diner customers, talking brains in jars, bands dressed like Adlof Hitler, dumb one-liners & people trying to drive with both their hands severed make the Police Academy films look sophisticated. The plot is meandering, the majority of what happens seems random like the makers were making it up as they went along, the character's are awful, the dialogue is poor & even some blood & naked breast's can't save it. Blood Diner is not a funny experience or a scary experience & overall it didn't do anything for me.

The whole film is very camp, silly & at times surreal with a bizarre subplot about an Adolf Hitler impersonating wrestler (along with the Adolf Hitler band, do you notice a trend here?) & a talking shop dummy who for no reason whatsoever seems to be alive despite being, well, a shop dummy. There's a fair amount of naked female cleavage on show including topless aerobics. The gore didn't impress me much & I reckon the original Blood Feast is more excessive, there are a few body parts, a brain in a jar, some blood splatter, a guy has his hands cut off, there are a couple of decapitations, a head is crushed under a car tyre & someone is cut in two. There are some zombies at the end too as well as Sheetar who has a huge mouth in her stomach for some reason. The film looks alright with some nice neon lit scenes but it still doesn't make it any more watchable. The one & only time Blood Diner has ever been released here in the UK it had 3 minutes & 53 seconds cut from it & looking at an uncut version today I have no idea what those cuts could have been.

The budget was probably reasonable & it looks alright with decent production values & it's a shame it didn't turn out better. The acting mostly be people who had never acted before or since making Blood Diner is pretty poor & it's also interesting to note director Jackie Kong hasn't made another film since this either.

Blood Diner is a moronic horror comedy that fails miserably on both counts & just ends up being a random mess with an odd fixation for Adolf Hitler impersonators. Some seem to like it but I didn't & the current lowly IMDb 'User Rating' of 3 probably gives a fairer idea of what the general opinion of people actually is.
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10/10
Will have you coming back for seconds!
alanmora9 April 2007
This is one of the wackiest horror flicks you will ever find. It is rare and difficult to locate a copy but it is well worth the search especially for true horror buffs or those who have a penchant for the truly shocking and bizarre. "Blood Diner" is actually a salute to Herschell Gordon Lewis' "Blood Feast" it is not however a blatant rip-off. While a handful of scenes are similar to those in "Blood Feast" there are no blatant scene-for-scene rip-offs in this one and true fans of Lewis' will appreciate the tribute! The murder sequences in this film are exceptionally goofy and side-splittingly funny. From the french-fried "lady fingers" to the pickled uncle's brain in a jar (complete with eyes) that talks all the way down to the deep-fried prostitute and the woman who is literally hacked in two, not horizontally but vertically. There are plenty of shocks and laughs in this film but a warning: it is most definitely not for the squeamish so grab a barf bag and get ready for a bloody good time at the "Blood Diner"!
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2/10
A diner worth visiting, depending on your tastes
PeterMitchell-506-56436413 January 2013
I expected this film to be an actual serious one. What I got wasn't what I expected, but still the same it was different. Two cannibalistic brothers open this new diner, their Uncle's brain, still functioning, is kept in a jar in the backroom. He was a knife wielding maniac shot at the film's start when taken refuge in the home of their nephews making inventive dishes from putty. Many years later, the boys dig their uncle up as a part of a sacrifice to create this goddess Sheeitah. That may all be well, but this film is an exercise in bad taste, seriously. Like Motel Hell, the ingredients the boys put into their food is not always genuine, where these boys make a rapid turn over. The much better looking guy falls in love with the girl of a cheer leading team who is later all shot to s..t before being cut up, one ingredient necessary at their Uncles request in Sheeitah's creation. Two detectives working this massacre come across similar crime scenes later, and they are pretty gruesome. The male detective is fun to watch, like when trying to come onto his partner with suggestive mouth gestures, like the waggle of his tongue, etc. The female, is a serious straight down the line cop. This horror film is gruesome and will feed horror lover's appetites, but really it just comes off as plain stupid bottom grade trash that is likable, but on a plain surface this is just bad. And what's with the repetition of the line, "Stop screwing around George". Ha ha, I'm really laughing.
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Naked chick with hairy bush does karate!?!?
ManBehindTheMask6324 June 2011
I stand somewhere in the middle on Blood Diner (1987). It has everything I want from a B-grade horror flick. Tons of T&A, really cheesy acting, a paper thin plot, over the top (almost comical) gore. But somehow it just can't shake it's cheap production values and almost retarded direction. Blood Diner was developed as a sequel to Blood Feast (1963) but ended up being a stand alone film with emphasis on comedy/dark humor. Anyone expecting a riveting, well acted film is obviously going to be let down. If you expect that kind of film from a movie titled "Blood Diner", then I hate you. Blood Diner is a cool flick to check out cause it features some really entertaining scenes. Such as a naked chick performing karate on her attacker, a topless aerobics class getting machined gun down, deep fried body parts, tons of 80's T&A, and a talking brain with eyeballs. It's a cheesy film that doesn't try to be anything but outrageous and comedic. Blood Diner is best viewed under the influence of a few brewskies. Check it out for cheap but don't spend $ on it.
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Gore makes this watchable.
insomniac_rod16 July 2004
What was the deal with the horror comedies from the late 80's? Movies like Evil Dead II, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Jason Lives, Sleepaway Camp II, etc. set the standards for slasher comedies but it was too late when these kind of flicks became popular. Dark sense of humor helped this movie to at least be remembered by some people.

BLOOD DINER is a decent little gore flick. With no pretentions, a weak storyline, low budget, but with whacked characters, a weird humor, and lots of blood this is a must see for die hard fans of the genre.

Watch it to witness the 80's madness.

5/10.
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5/10
The Problem of Horror-Comedy
doctorgonzo6426 January 2009
Horror-comedy is something very difficult to do. So many films tried this blend of genres in the 1980s and failed miserably: Ghoulies 3, TerrorVision, pretty much anything Troma ever did. And only a few truly brilliant filmmakers were able to really succeed at this: Frank Henenlotter, Peter Jackson, Dan O'Bannon. This film is rare in that it falls generally between these two extremes. It's often very funny, and occasionally creative, but its obvious self-awareness can sometimes be trying.

Two brothers operate a vegetarian restaurant and secretly serve human flesh to their customers. They have an uncle (or what remains of him) who helps them to prepare for the feast of Sheetar by compiling a perfect woman out of assorted body parts. The bones of the plot are borrowed lovingly from H.G. Lewis's Blood Feast, but the majority of the film is pretty unique.

Unfortunately, because of their similarities, Blood Diner will always be compared to Blood Feast, and Blood Diner is just not that caliber of a film. Blood Feast brought on the sickening and sometimes too-real gore; Blood Diner's gore is cartoonish and cheap-looking. Blood Feast was technically flawed, but had enthusiastic performances and unmindfully creative camera work; Blood Diner is slick (as far as 80s horror-comedies go) and very self-conscious, but ultimately soulless in its execution.

The real key to a successful horror-comedy is that little dash of sincerity. You can have your jokes and fun, but a little sincere strangeness (or just plain scares) makes the film all the more real. If you like horror-comedy, and you've already seen Basket Case, Frankenhooker, Return of the Living Dead, Dead Alive, Re-Animator, and Brain Damage, you may want to give this a shot. It's sure as hell better than Troll 2.
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Gore Du Jour
BaronBl00d23 October 2004
Well, quite frankly, I knew what the makers of this film were attempting to do: put together a horror-gore-spoof in the tradition of Herschell Gordon Lewis basically stealing much of his plot elements from Blood Feast. Two brothers dig up the brain of their dead uncle and then listen to him(it) tell them how to bring back an ancient goddess of evil. Naturally, a virgin and the body parts of tramps were needed for sacrifice and a blood buffet(movie definitely steers clear from using the word "feast"). The film succeeds with what it was trying to do, yet it is painfully far from a cinematic success. It is obvious the people involved in the film gave it their all, but the actors made me wince more than once with what they were doing. Now bad acting is a staple in a Lewis production, but the actors in this film consciously tried to be funny with a script that had few laughs. A couple moments made me smile: the biker guy and the kid in the truck with the mambo music, the policeman wearing clothes that no one probably ever wore, and the absurd dummy and ventriloquist diner cook. But the rest, the annoying brain and eyes in a glass jar that talked, the weird penchant for Hitler(used in a wrestler's name and two night club singers), the atrociously directed death scenes(the one with the batter was just soooo bad), and so much more. The acting leads really try way too hard to make something out of nothing(which is another name for the script used here!). Blood Diner is an obvious homage to Lewis and his style of film-making, but it is a rather trite, tiresome, and uneven spoof at best. Yes, there is gore and blood and body parts, but like any Lewis film it has not relation to reality at all. Nor will this film produce even a twinkling of a fright!
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1/10
Not only is it woefully unfunny, but boring
callanvass20 October 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Two bumbling idiots witness their uncle getting shot to death by cops as kids. They grow up and dig up their Uncle's corpse, and manage to preserve his brain and penis, and put it in a jar. With their uncle's wisdom, they start by opening up a vegetarian buffet, and slaughter young women

I'm a big horror movie fan, and I've heard mixed stuff over the years about this movie from other fellow horror fans. I finally decided to watch it, and now I really wish I hadn't. It's honestly 90 minutes or so, I'll never get back, but that's the risk you take with movies. I couldn't get over how incredibly stupid this movie is. For starters, how is the Uncle managing to talk, despite being dead for many years, and only having a brain and penis? We get viewer discretion at the start, with a warning message that insists the stuff done in this movie, is performed by seasoned professionals. No kidding, Sherlock! Was that supposed to be cute? When it's not moving as slow as molasses, it does manage to be bloody. We get many severed limbs, evisceration, decapitation with a broom (Yes, seriously) and lots more. Too bad I was too bored to care. I expected the amateurish acting, but they didn't even manage to make this into a so bad, it's good movie. I'm not gonna mention the performances. Everyone is absolutely god awful. This was initially a sequel to Blood Feast, but they pulled away from that idea. At least Blood Feast was campy fun at times, this has none of that

Final Thoughts: Avoid it like the plague. There is nothing worthwhile about this movie, nothing at all.

1/10
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3/10
Not very good...
FrightMeter5 August 1999
I can remember being intrigued by the box of this film for the longest time when I was young, yet for some reason being terrified to rent it. The image of the neon sign with the hand holding the large butcher knife scared me for some reason. However, like most horror films, I eventually got around to watching it; unfortunately, the film was nowhere near as terrifying as I imagine.

First, it is important to realize that this film is definitely more comedy than horror. Granted, it is dark comedy with some gruesome murders thrown in, but still, the comedy outweighs the horror here. This is fine, as I have nothing against horror comedies--if they are done well. This one, however, is not. The premise should be slasher film gold, as the film centers around two psychotic brothers who run an isolated diner. They lure and kill young women in order to use them as a recipe for their various dishes. However, there is a subplot involving the brothers needing to make sacrifices to an long dead Egyptian queen that allows (or forces) the film to grapple with the comedic sub-plot that ultimately is the main downfall of the film. While the film sets up some creative and gory death scenes, they are played more for laughs than horror. The film tries too hard to be funny, and while fans of dark humor may be amused, horror fans will quickly become annoyed as the film ultimately drowns in its silliness.

Maybe my sense of humor is askew, but I did not find this film particularly amusing. Surely, though, there will be those who will, and to them I say more power to you. However, for true horror fans, be warned that this film will more than likely do nothing but frustrate you, Sure, you may get a few chuckles, mainly because of the stupidity of what you are seeing, but if a few chuckles is what you are looking for, turn on an old episode or "Roseanne." You'll be glad you did.
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1/10
EGADS!
mintonmedia29 September 2004
While I hate to deprecate any low-budget effort that actually gets made, BLOOD DINER, like the refrigerated body parts it delights in, stinks on ice.

I delight in pop culture and can appreciate a good horror spoof more than most, but the whole idea of a satire is to be FUNNY, even if only in silly ways.

I saw this film at a "Grindhouse"-series screening with the equally bloody but vastly superior LA HORRIPILANTE BESTIA HUMANA {NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES}(Mexico-1968), which had the audience in stitches. The writer of BLOOD DINER, who then introduced his film, said BLOODY APES would be "a tough act to follow". His fears proved all too well grounded, as the audience got a master-class on the difference between a hilariously inept film that actually WANTS to be scary and a disastrously inept one that tries for Troma-style archness through gross laughs and mega-splatter but fails to generate a single guffaw.

When the writer, along with a producer and one of the stars, reminisced before BLOOD DINER, it was obvious that they had a wonderful time making the film, despite the difficulties they each had with the reportedly touchy and humorless director, Jackie Kong (who wasn't even TOLD of the screening...lucky lady). Their "we-survived-Jackie" repartee was far funnier than anything in the film itself, which overflows with amateur attempts at comic overacting and with gags, both verbal and visual, that consistently overestimate their ability to shock, amuse or even generate a blip on the audience's EEG. (If this EVER comes out on DVD and someone forces you to watch it, choose the commentary track -- if they're bright enough to record one; the film's actual sound is as poorly recorded as it was written.)

The recently released THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVERA proves that a well-conceived horror satire can be a howl, just as the classic THE REANIMATOR shows that "the-bloodier-the-better" philosophy of film-making can have take an audience beyond fear into helpless laughter. Despite its smugness, BLOOD DINER merely feels desperate, like a 5-year-old trying to tell gross jokes to get attention and failing to make enough impression to even be sent to his room. (Though if he was in the back seat of the car, I probably WOULD say, "Don't make me turn around...!")

On reflection, maybe the smell coming off this film had nothing to do with all the body parts. It was just the collective flop sweat of some seemingly nice guys who wasted their chance by aiming too low with too much contempt for both their subject and their audience. When will people learn that MST-3000 humor actually requires the filmmakers to have more than a collective IQ-80?
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8/10
Bad taste but oh so good
eddie_baggins23 September 2013
Warning! The truly unusual motion picture you are about to see contains many scenes of graphic violence. It is not intended for the faint of heart nor the young and impressionable. While it is a sad fact that mass homicide and practitioners of blood cults infest our society, the producers of this film wish to express that they do not condone, nor do they want to inspire, any of the human butchery or violence portrayed in this film. If you feel you will be offended by such material, please leave the theatre at once. Note: All of the mutilations, bodily dismemberments and cannibal rituals were performed by seasoned professionals. Please do not attempt any of these stunts at home. Thank you. - Opening narration.

In 1963, Exploitation extraordinaire Herschell Gordon Lewis invented a brand new sub-genre of film that some 40 years on would become one of the most popular among American audiences, the Gore Film. There had been shocking violence in movies prior to this, but none that focused solely on providing the audience with graphic depictions of murder and mutilation in the way Lewis and this ground-breaking film Blood Feast did, and in starting colour to boot (those lucky enough like me to have the 1st edition of the rare paperback 'Herschell Gordon Lewis and his World of Exploitation Films' will know just how much of a censorship outcry this caused).

There were legs sawn off, brains removed and tongues ripped out of beautiful women by an Egyptian caterer hoping to bring Ishtar, an ancient Goddess of good and evil back to life, and in 1987 Jackie Kong would make the seminal film's spiritual sequel; Blood Diner.

This gloriously bonkers film presents us with Michael and George Tutman; your average American siblings who, being aided by their dead Uncles brain, set about getting the required 'parts' to complete his task of resurrecting five million year old Goddess Shitaar. The brothers also operate a health-food diner, with the secret ingredient in their vegetable patties being human meat (which renders it wrong on so many levels when a particularly energetic proprietor vomits all over another unsuspecting patron), and have to deal not only with the cops hot on their trail, but the owner of a rival diner desperately trying to attain the recipe for those tasty burgers. We're also provided with an appreciated amount of absolute randomness Kong decided to throw into the mix, such as a wrestling match involving the popular 'Jimmy Hitler,' a workout video like no other and a high-pitched character played by an incredibly unmoving actor… Blood Diner is unadulterated fan-boy beautiful ugliness, and you'll know by now if it's a movie you'll enjoy. I was first introduced to it by my old high school Student Executive teacher who rates it as his all-time favourite, and who helped form my opinion and enthusiasm for horror, being the first to recommend to me staples such as Umberto Lenzi's Cannibal Ferox (1981) and Romero's Day of the Dead. There are deep-fried heads, heads bitten off by carnivorous stomachs and this deformed classic is certainly at the head of the class when it comes to giddy entertainment.

Cheers, Mr Clark.

So if you've just missed the bus to Tromaville, or there is no vacancy at Motel Hell, why not stop by the Blood Diner? You'll have a killer time… just remember to take lots of serviettes.

4 Blood Buffets out of 5 For more movie reviews and opinions check out - www.jordandandeddie.wordpress.com
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5/10
Blood Feast 2? No, Blood Diner 1
haildevilman29 January 2012
Warning: Spoilers
Basically an 80's style comedy with European style gore. OTT gore too.

Two young brothers get a visit from Uncle Anwar. (Really.) He gives them a present right before the cops kill him in a hail of bullets. Unc was a killer apparently.

Years later same bros are running a greasy spoon when they manage to revive Unc's head with a voodoo spell. Now he needs a body. You see where this is going right?

Like Frankenhooker, they get body parts for him from unsuspecting customers. And it being a diner, how do you THINK they get rid of the body parts they don't need???

One poor lass gets deep fat fried, another fat dude gets creamed by a car, and another gets sawed in half.....lengthwise. The kills are creative beyond belief, and it's played as the blackest of black comedies. It almost seems like it could be a Police Academy knock-off at times.

The humor is as gross as the kills too. Don't eat while watching this. And the two leads (Burks and Crews) do a good job with the material. Burks would die in a car crash not too long after the film's release.

I used to own a cassette but got rid of it during on of my many international moves. I'm basing my review on a 20+ year old memory. I wonder if it's still watchable though?
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Resurrection comedy horror
smellthecult-com-130 October 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Horror comedy. Now that's a tricky formula to pull off. Many have tried, few have succeeded. For every 'Shaun of the Dead' there's an 'An American Werewolf in Paris', know what I mean? This one gets it about half right.

The plot is the purest nonsense - a mad scientist winds up disembodied, a brain in a jar if you will, and decides that the only thing to do is to construct a perfect female specimen in order to revive an ancient She-God who goes by the name of Sheetar. He enlists the help of a pair of cannibal locals, and the bits of the women they don't use go into the food at the diner they run, making their veggie burgers by far the best in town. Cue loads of ridiculous gore and general mayhem.

There are some wonderfully odd moments; the naked woman who 'turns' - one minute victim, the next karate chopping avenger; the guitar playing Hitler's and the stomach with teeth, but there's also a fair amount of slapstick which is less welcome. A mixed bag, but far from rubbish and, in its own weird way, quite original.

Enjoyable if flawed.
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7/10
An Overlooked 80's Classic
Reaper-of-Souls26 August 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I don't know why this film has gotten such crappy reviews, but it is a very overlooked late 80's classic! This film is not to be taken very seriously, and I think that is what people do. They read the plot summary or back of a tape or DVD and always expect a serious, straight up horror flick. Well, most people should know by now that 80's b-horror films were not always so serious. In fact, most of them were not. It's all about the campy feel. That's what makes these movies fun to watch. They are just as entertaining with comedy as they are with blood and horror. You have to take it for what it is, not for what you want it to be! The beginning has one of my favorite quotes of all time. After the Mom leaves the two little brothers home alone to go to the market because she "ran out of goddamn tampons," a NEWS guy on the radio begins talking about a man on the loose. ...and I quote, "He is armed and dangerous and has been spotted in the West Side area armed with a meat cleaver in one hand and his genitals in the other." That amuses me. You have to hear it. Anyway, the guy turns out to be the little boys' uncle who was trying to resurrect an Egyptian Goddess. He ends up being shot to death by the cops, but not before he is able to give his two nephews sacred necklaces.

Fast forward 20 years. The boys are grown up and ran a diner together. They dig up Uncle Anwar and remove his brain. He ends up in a jar with a pair of eyes attached to his brain so he can see. He also can talk! Don't ask me how. I never saw a mouth anywhere on the brain. So basically, the two brothers kill lots of young girls and cut them up into bits and pieces to put together a body that will become the Egyptian Goddess Shiitar (am I the only one who thought Shiitar was hot?). They also use the pieces to put into their food! Yummy! Great little movie here. It's full of body parts scattered everywhere, funny as hell, and just flat out entertaining even if the acting isn't so good. This is a great 80's b-horror film that is under appreciated by many. I wouldn't care to bet that half the people who left reviews didn't even watch the whole film...
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10/10
Classic Cult Comedy Horror Cheese Pleaser
jal-124 August 2003
First they great you then they eat you !

Canabilism, Senseless Violence, Black Magic, Gratuitous Nudity and More !

If you have questionable moral values you will love this. If you are a goody goody you may not.

The funniest most twisted movie you may ever see !
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10/10
The Last Emperor? Ha!
snstrx2 January 2003
Every once in a blue moon, a movie of this caliber comes along to change the landscape of cinematography as we know it. This is one such movie. From the heart-wrenching death scene of dear Uncle Anwar to the bone-jarring wrestling of Little Jimmy Hitler, this movie takes the viewer on an emotional roller coaster ride the likes of which has yet to be surpassed. How this movie didn't walk away with Best Picture in 1987 is completely beyond me.
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7/10
Today's menu: Gore & blood-drenched virgin with extra cheese!
Coventry8 August 2006
I loved this sick and twisted horror satire right away; from the early moment when the following announcement can be heard over a police radio: "Escaped lunatic Anwar Tutman has been spotted with a meat cleaver in one hand and his own genitalia in the other!" How seriously messed up is that? Okay granted, "Blood Diner" is a pretty lousy and incompetent film, but at the same time it's GREAT to see that the spirit of Hershell Gordon Lewis was still very much alive during the late 80's. "Blood Diner" is kind of like a tribute/unofficial sequel to his "Blood Feast"; the very first gore-flick ever made and still one of the most legendary cult movies ever. This demented movie by Jackie Kong ("The Being") borrows the main storyline of Lewis' classic as well as multiple side elements like the talking brain in a jar, etc… By the command of their dead uncle, the vegetarian restaurant owning siblings Michael & George attempt to resurrect the evil ancient Egyptian Goddess Sheetar. They require the body parts of slutty girls to put her together and a pure virgin for the essential blood sacrifice. "Blood Diner" is deliciously over-the-top in every department and therefore VERY entertaining to watch! The gore-effects are cheesy and tasteless (decapitations, severed limbs, crushed heads…) and the gags are extremely absurd (Nazi-wrestlers, ventriloquist cooks, disco-dancing zombies), and yet this movie is overall a lot more tolerable than, say, the oeuvre of Troma Productions. The acting performances are terrible; especially the duo of cops, and Jackie Kong seems to avoid logic and continuity on purpose! Judging by the overall very negative reactions of other reviewers around this site, I should probably consider it as one of my guilty pleasures. Well, so be it. "Blood Diner" is a whole lot of FUN!
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9/10
DO rent it
ethylester5 February 2002
I don't know what these people are talking about, this movie is GREAT! If you like to laugh and if you like an original story, this is it! It's got deep fryers, wrestling, nudity, gore, live band, zombies, cannibalism, evil spells, funny (bad) jokes, and a Janet Jackson look-alike. this is totally campy and totally good. Don't listen to those "it's not scary" people. Of course it's not scary. It doesn't have to be scary to be good. It's FUNNY and entertaining. That's all.
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