Two brothers are entrusted by their uncle to uphold the ritualistic cannibalism of the ancient cult of Sheetar. In order to do so, they have to prepare a feast of sacrifice for the resurrection of their goddess.
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Title: Blood Diner (1987)
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| Cast overview, first billed only: | |||
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Rick Burks | ... | Michael Tutman |
| Carl Crew | ... | George Tutman | |
| Roger Dauer | ... | Mark Shepard | |
| LaNette La France | ... | Sheba Jackson | |
| Lisa Elaina | ... | Connie Stanton (as Lisa Guggenheim) | |
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Max Morris | ... | Chief Miller |
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Roxanne Osco | ... | Little Michael (as Roxanne Cybelle) |
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Sir Lamont Rodeheaver | ... | Little George (as Sir Rodenheaver) |
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Dino Lee | ... | King of White Trash |
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The Luv Johnsons | ... | The White Trash Review |
| Drew Godderis | ... | Anwar | |
| Bob Loya | ... | Stan Saldin | |
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Alan Corona | ... | Paul Stanton |
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Deseree Rose | ... | Mrs. Stanton |
| Laurie Guzda | ... | Joanne | |
Two cannibals/health food diner owners are on a wacky quest to restore life to the five million year old goddess Shitaar. Aided by their uncle's brain and penis, the two set about getting the required parts - virgins, assorted body parts from whores, and the ingredients for a "blood buffet". Their adversaries are the police: the chief with a Russian accent, the "player" detective, and the new Yorker with an Australian accent. Written by Erik Swanson <egswanso@midway.uchicago.edu>
Well, quite frankly, I knew what the makers of this film were attempting to do: put together a horror-gore-spoof in the tradition of Herschell Gordon Lewis basically stealing much of his plot elements from Blood Feast. Two brothers dig up the brain of their dead uncle and then listen to him(it) tell them how to bring back an ancient goddess of evil. Naturally, a virgin and the body parts of tramps were needed for sacrifice and a blood buffet(movie definitely steers clear from using the word "feast"). The film succeeds with what it was trying to do, yet it is painfully far from a cinematic success. It is obvious the people involved in the film gave it their all, but the actors made me wince more than once with what they were doing. Now bad acting is a staple in a Lewis production, but the actors in this film consciously tried to be funny with a script that had few laughs. A couple moments made me smile: the biker guy and the kid in the truck with the mambo music, the policeman wearing clothes that no one probably ever wore, and the absurd dummy and ventriloquist diner cook. But the rest, the annoying brain and eyes in a glass jar that talked, the weird penchant for Hitler(used in a wrestler's name and two night club singers), the atrociously directed death scenes(the one with the batter was just soooo bad), and so much more. The acting leads really try way too hard to make something out of nothing(which is another name for the script used here!). Blood Diner is an obvious homage to Lewis and his style of film-making, but it is a rather trite, tiresome, and uneven spoof at best. Yes, there is gore and blood and body parts, but like any Lewis film it has not relation to reality at all. Nor will this film produce even a twinkling of a fright!