- [Spock is still learning how to use profanity correctly]
- Spock: They like you very much, but they are not the hell "your" whales.
- Dr. Gillian Taylor: I suppose they told you that.
- Spock: The hell they did.
- [faced with a 20th century computer]
- Scotty: Computer! Computer?
- [He's handed a mouse, and he speaks into it]
- Scotty: Hello, computer.
- Dr. Nichols: Just use the keyboard.
- Scotty: Keyboard. How quaint.
- [after landing and cloaking a Klingon spaceship in Golden Gate Park]
- Kirk: Everybody remember where we parked.
- Punk on bus: [Playing loud music on the bus]
- Kirk: Excuse me.
- Punk on bus: [He ignores him]
- Kirk: Excuse me. Would you mind stopping that noise?
- Punk on bus: [He turns it up louder]
- Kirk: [louder and firmer] Excuse me! Would you mind stopping that damn noise?
- Punk on bus: [He flips him off]
- Kirk: [He looks at Spock]
- Spock: [He gives the punk the Vulcan neck-pinch, followed by the delighted applause of the grateful bus passengers]
- Dr. Gillian Taylor: Don't tell me! You're from outer space.
- Kirk: No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space.
- Dr. Gillian Taylor: Sure you won't change your mind?
- Spock: Is there something wrong with the one I have?
- McCoy: [1:24:46] Tearing of the middle meningeal artery...
- Doctor #1: What's your degree in, dentistry?
- McCoy: How do YOU explain slowing pulse, low respiratory rate and coma?
- Doctor #1: Fundascopic examination!
- McCoy: Fundascopic examination is unrevealing in these cases!
- Doctor #1: A simple evacuation of the epidural hematoma will relieve the pressure!
- McCoy: My God man, drilling holes in his head is not the answer! The artery must be repaired! Now, put away your butcher's knives and let me save this patient before it's too late!
- Kirk: [Explaining Spock's odd behavior] Oh, him? He's harmless. Back in the sixties, he was part of the free speech movement at Berkeley. I think he did a little too much LDS.
- Dr. Gillian Taylor: LDS?
- Kirk: Mr. Spock, have you accounted for the variable mass of whales and water in your time re-entry program?
- Spock: Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral, so... I will make a guess.
- Kirk: A guess? You, Spock? That's extraordinary.
- Spock: [to Dr. McCoy] I don't think he understands.
- McCoy: No, Spock. He means that he feels safer about your guesses than most other people's facts.
- Spock: Then you're saying...
- [pause]
- Spock: It is a compliment?
- McCoy: It is.
- Spock: Ah. Then, I will try to make the best guess I can.
- McCoy: Please do.
- [the crew is on a shuttlecraft pondering what their new starship will be]
- Sulu: ...I'm counting on the *Excelsior*.
- Scotty: The *Excelsior*? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts?
- Kirk: A ship is a ship.
- Scotty: Whatever you say so.
- [pause]
- Scotty: Thy will be done.
- [the new starship USS *Enterprise* 1701-A emerges into view]
- Kirk: My friends.
- [pause]
- Kirk: We've come home.
- Elderly patient: [1:27:07]
- [1:27:07]
- Elderly patient: The doctor gave me a pill, and I grew a new kidney! The doctor gave me a pill, and I grew a new kidney!
- Intern #1: [in disbelief, walking ahead of the patient] Fully functional?
- Intern #2: [incredulous] Fully functional!
- Spock: Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall we say, more colorful metaphors, "double dumb-ass on you" and so forth.
- Kirk: Oh, you mean the profanity?
- Spock: Yes.
- Kirk: Well that's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.
- Kirk: Out of the way...
- Shore Patrolman: Sorry, Doctor, I have strict orders...
- Dr. Gillian Taylor: [Gillian moans in pain]
- McCoy: My God, man. Do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate postprandial, upper-abdominal distention. Now, out of the way! Get out of the way!
- [They enter the operating room]
- Kirk: What did you say she has?
- McCoy: Cramps.
- Spock: To hunt a species to extinction is not logical.
- Dr. Gillian Taylor: Whoever said the human race was logical?
- Disgruntled guy in car: Hey, why don't ya watch where you're going, ya dumb-ass!
- Kirk: Well, uh, double dumb-ass on you!
- McCoy: [1:23:00] What's the matter with you?
- Elderly patient: [weakly] Kidney
- [pause]
- Elderly patient: dialysis.
- McCoy: [geniunely surprised] Dialysis?
- [musing to himself]
- McCoy: What is this, the Dark Ages?
- [He turns back to the patient and hands her a large white pill]
- McCoy: Here,
- [pause]
- McCoy: you swallow that, and if you have any more problems, just call me!
- [He pats her cheek and leaves]
- Ambassador Sarek: As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet. It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character.
- Spock: They are my friends.
- Spock: Admiral, if we were to assume these whales were ours to do with as we pleased, we would be as guilty as those who caused their extinction.
- Dr. Gillian Taylor: Wait a minute. How did you know Gracie's pregnant? Nobody knows that.
- Spock: Gracie does.
- Spock: [in response to Kirk pawning his antique spectacles from The Wrath of Khan] Excuse me, Admiral. But weren't those a birthday gift from Dr. McCoy?
- Kirk: And they will be again, that's the beauty of it.
- [to the Antique Store Owner]
- Kirk: How much?
- Antique Store Owner: Well, they'd be worth more if the lenses were intact. I'll give you one hundred dollars for them.
- Kirk: [pause] Is that a lot?
- Gillian: You're not from the military are you? Trying to teach whales to retrieve torpedoes or some dipshit stuff like that?
- Kirk: No, ma'am. No dipshit.
- Gillian: Well, good. That was one thing, I would have dropped you off right here.
- Spock: Gracie is pregnant.
- [Gillian brakes to a sudden stop]
- Gillian: All right, who are you? And don't jerk me around anymore, I want to know how you know that!
- Kirk: We can't tell you.
- Gillian: But...
- Kirk: Please, just let me finish. I can tell you that we're not in the military and that we intend no harm to the whales. In fact, we may be able to help - in ways that, frankly, you couldn't possibly imagine.
- Gillian: Or believe, I'll bet.
- Kirk: Very likely.
- Klingon Ambassador: Vulcans are well-known as the intellectual puppets of this Federation!
- Ambassador Sarek: Your vessel did destroy the USS Grissom, your men did kill Kirk's son. Do you deny these events?
- Klingon Ambassador: We deny nothing. We have the right to preserve our race.
- Ambassador Sarek: You have the right to commit murder?
- Amanda: Spock, does the good of the many out weigh the good of the one?
- Spock: I would accept that as an axiom.
- Amanda: Then you stand here alive because of a mistake made by your flawed, feeling, human friends. They have sacrificed their futures because they believed that the good of the one - you - was more important to them.
- Spock: Humans make illogical decisions.
- Amanda: They do, indeed.
- Federation Council president: The Council is now in session. If you will all take your seats. Bring in the accused.
- [Spock leaves his seat and he moves at side of Kirk]
- Federation Council president: Captain Spock, you do not stand accused.
- Spock: Mister President, I stand with my shipmates.
- Federation Council president: As you wish. The charges and specifications are: conspiracy, assault on Federation Officers, theft of Federation Property namely the Starship Enterprise, sabotage of the U.S.S. Excelsior, wilful destruction of Federation Property specifically the aforementioned U.S.S. Enterprise, and finally disobeying direct orders of the Starfleet Commander. Admiral Kirk, how do you plead?
- Kirk: On behalf of all of us, Mister President, I am authorised to plead guilty.
- Federation Council president: So entered. Because of certain mitigating circumstances, all charges but one are summarily dismissed. The remaining charge, disobeying orders of a superior officer is directed solely at Admiral Kirk. I'm sure the Admiral will recognise the necessity of keeping discipline in any chain of command.
- Kirk: I do, sir.
- Federation Council president: James T. Kirk. It is the judgment of this Council that you be reduced in rank to Captain, and that as a consequence of your new rank, you be given the duties for which you have repeatedly demonstrated unswerving ability: the command of a starship.
- [Chekov is being interrogated]
- FBI agent interrogating Chekov: Name.
- Chekov: My name?
- FBI agent interrogating Chekov: [sarcastically] No, my name.
- Chekov: I do not know your name.
- FBI agent interrogating Chekov: You play games with me, Mister, and you're through.
- Chekov: I am? May I go now?
- Dr. Gillian Taylor: He's just gonna hang around the bushes while we eat?
- Kirk: [shrugs] It's his way.
- Spock: Ready to engage computer, Admiral.
- Kirk: What's our target in time?
- Spock: Late twentieth century.
- Kirk: Can you be more specific?
- Spock: Not with this equipment. I've had to program some of the variables from memory.
- Kirk: What are some of the variables?
- Spock: The availability of fuel components, mass of the vessel through a time continuum, and probable location of humpback whales - in this case, the Pacific Basin.
- Kirk: And you programmed all that from memory?
- Spock: I have.
- McCoy: Angels and ministers of grace, defend us!
- Spock: [recognizing the quote] Hamlet, Act One, Scene Four.
- Kirk: [smiling] No doubt about your memory, Spock. Engage computers. Prepare for warp speed.
- Shore Patrolman: How's the patient, doctor?
- Kirk: He's gonna make it.
- Shore Patrolman: He? You came in with a she.
- Kirk: One little mistake...
- McCoy: [18:57] Perhaps, we could cover a little philosophical ground. Life
- [pause]
- McCoy: Death
- [pause]
- McCoy: Life.
- [pause]
- McCoy: Things of that nature.
- Spock: I did not have time on Vulcan to review the philosophical disciplines.
- McCoy: C'mon, Spock, it's me, McCoy. You really have gone where no man's gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like?
- Spock: It would be impossible to discuss the subject without a common frame-of-reference.
- McCoy: You're joking!
- Spock: A joke
- [pause]
- Spock: is a story with a humorous climax.
- McCoy: You mean I have to die to discuss your insights on death?
- Spock: Forgive me, Doctor. I am receiving a number of distress calls.
- McCoy: I don't doubt it.
- [Gillian has just beamed aboard the Klingon ship for the first time]
- Kirk: Hello, Alice. Welcome to "Wonderland".
- Lt. Saavik: [to Kirk] David died most bravely. He saved Spock. He saved us all. I thought you should know.
- Kirk: You mean the profanity? That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays attention to you unless you swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the period.
- Spock: For example?
- Kirk: Oh the collected works of Jacqueline Susann. The novels of Harold Robbins...
- Spock: Ah, the "Giants".