Never Too Young to Die (1986)

A top secret Agent is murdered, so his estranged son, a high school gymnast, teams up with his dad's attractive female partner to stop the psychopathic hermaphroditic gang leader who killed him, and now plans a major terrorist attack.

Director:

Gil Bettman

Writers:

Steven Paul (story), Stuart Paul (story)

Stars:

John Stamos, Vanity, Gene Simmons

Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
John Stamos	...	Lance Stargrove
Vanity	...	Danja Deering
Gene Simmons	...	Carruthers / Velvet Von Ragner
George Lazenby	...	Drew Stargrove
Peter Kwong	...	Cliff
Ed Brock	...	Pyramid
John Anderson	...	Arliss
Robert Englund	...	Riley
Tara Buckman	...	Sacrificed Punkette
Curtis Taylor	...	Barton
Jon Greene	...	Coach Madsen
Tim Colceri	...	Grady
John Miranda	...	Mr. Wilder
Patrick Wright	...	Exploding Biker
Gary Kasper	...	Wrestler (as Gary F. Kasper)

Storyline

Velvet Von Ragner is a powerful murderous psychopathic gang leader, but also a hermaphrodite who prides himself of being both a man and a woman. He's holding a gang rally where he announces his plans to poison the water supply and pipeline of a major US city. However, top US secret agent and double O counterpart Drew Stargrove steals a key component he needs to pull this off. After an action packed shoot out, Stargrove is surrounded and although he puts up a good fight, he's eventually killed by Von Ragner. However, the component is not on him. Meanwhile, his estranged son Lance, a talented high school gymnast, receives the word of his father's death. As part of their denial protocol, the government claims that he's been killed in a car accident, which Lance doesn't buy. Lance notices that part of his inheritance is a farm he never knew his father had, so he goes there to check it out. The only person living there turns out to be Danja Deering, a beautiful female spy, who worked with ...

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Plot Keywords:

hermaphrodite | gymnast | roommate | excrement on face | gay slur | 

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Taglines:

Vanity: the new breed of temptress! Stamos: the new breed of hero!

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Genres:

Action | Adventure | Comedy | Drama

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Certificate:

R

Details

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Release Date:

17 July 1986 (West Germany)

Also Known As:

Lance - Stirb niemals jung

Filming Locations:

Fort MacArthur, San Pedro, Los Angeles, California, USA

Box Office

Budget:

$3,000,000 (estimated)

Opening Weekend USA:

$46,500, 18 June 1986

Company Credits

Production Co:

Paul Entertainment

Technical Specs

Runtime:

97 min

Sound Mix:

Dolby

Color:

Color (Metrocolor)

Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1

Did You Know?

Trivia

Steve Carver was originally slated to direct this movie.

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Quotes

Velvet Von Ragnar: I've figured out how to access their computers to re-channel radioactive waste so it goes from Diablo Canyon... into their *drinking water*.
[Ragnar's henchmen look at each other in confusion]
Velvet Von Ragnar: Poison the water supply!
[shouts]
Velvet Von Ragnar: I'm gonna poison their water supply! For gold! For ransom! For jewels! For money!
[laughs maniacally]

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Connections

Referenced in Best of the Worst: Deadly Prey, Hard Ticket to Hawaii, and Miami Connection (2013)

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Soundtracks

I'LL FIND YOU
Performed by Minor Messages
Produced by Iren Koster, Chip Taylor, Ralph Lane
Written by Chip Taylor, Ralph Lane, Michael Kingsley, and Iren Koster
1986 Paul Music

User Reviews

Titillating nipple biting with a twist.

This movie is bad. But it's the laughable, entertaining kind of bad you find in movies like Grease II. You see great and crummy actors and actresses cast together that you would have never imagined, EVER. Gene Simmons of KISS fame plays the villainess gal with 'something extra'. You camp it up, Gene! You gotta love Gene Simmons, who has been playing in drag longer than Dame Edna. John Stamos plays himself basicly, no change in hair or motivation. He's handsome enough I suppose, but there is no acting range for this man. George Lazenby (one time James Bond) even makes an appearance!! Vanity made her career on those flawless cheekbones/exotic beauty, matched with dazzling clothes and sexy prancing, works her formula to the hilt. But she's convincing, because she seems like the type who really could beat the stuffing out of someone. She's a tough gal, secret agent with a heart of gold. The flirtation scene between John Stamos, Vanity and the garden hose will make heterosexual men lose sleep over her. (And make transvestites pine for Vanity's jungle bikini) The breast and nipple biting in this movie will truly surprise and titillate you! See it to laugh, to mock, and to marvel at the feminine charms of Gene Simmons. Nothing beats a great pair of legs!