Never Too Young to Die (1986)

A top secret Agent is murdered, so his estranged son, a high school gymnast, teams up with his dad's attractive female partner to stop the psychopathic hermaphroditic gang leader who killed him, and now plans a major terrorist attack.

Director:

Gil Bettman

Writers:

Steven Paul (story), Steven Paul (screenplay)

Stars:

John Stamos, Vanity, Gene Simmons

Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
John Stamos	...	Lance Stargrove
Vanity	...	Danja Deering
Gene Simmons	...	Velvet Von Ragnar / Carruthers
George Lazenby	...	Drew Stargrove
Peter Kwong	...	Cliff
Ed Brock	...	Pyramid
John Anderson	...	Arliss
Robert Englund	...	Riley
Tara Buckman	...	Sacrificed Punkette
Curtis Taylor	...	Barton
Jon Greene	...	Coach Madsen
Tim Colceri	...	Grady
John Miranda	...	Mr. Wilder
Patrick Wright	...	Exploding Biker
Art Payton	...	Minister

Storyline

Velvet Von Ragner is a powerful murderous psychopathic gang leader, but also a hermaphrodite who prides himself of being both a man and a woman. He's holding a gang rally where he announces his plans to poison the water supply and pipeline of a major US city. However, top US secret agent and double O counterpart Drew Stargrove steals a key component he needs to pull this off. After an action packed shoot out, Stargrove is surrounded and although he puts up a good fight, he's eventually killed by Von Ragner. However, the component is not on him. Meanwhile, his estranged son Lance, a talented high school gymnast, receives the word of his father's death. As part of their denial protocol, the government claims that he's been killed in a car accident, which Lance doesn't buy. Lance notices that part of his inheritance is a farm he never knew his father had, so he goes there to check it out. The only person living there turns out to be Danja Deering, a beautiful female spy, who worked with ...

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Plot Keywords:

hermaphrodite | gymnast | roommate | excrement on face | gay slur | 

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Taglines:

Action: Bond style. Beauty: Vanity style. Hero: American style.

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Genres:

Action | Adventure | Comedy | Drama

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Certificate:

R

Did You Know?

Trivia

Whenever a fan compliments Gene Simmons on this movie, he's been known to respond, "You are too kind. I sucked in that movie."

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Goofs

When Ragnar hurls young Stargrove over the top rail of the dam, one can see the attached safety cable keeping the stunt double from plummeting to his death.

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Quotes

Velvet Von Ragnar: I've figured out how to access their computers to re-channel radioactive waste so it goes from Diablo Canyon... into their *drinking water*.
[Ragnar's henchmen look at each other in confusion]
Velvet Von Ragnar: Poison the water supply!
[shouts]
Velvet Von Ragnar: I'm gonna poison their water supply! For gold! For ransom! For jewels! For money!
[laughs maniacally]

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Alternate Versions

UK video release was cut by 16 seconds to get an 18 certificate.

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Connections

Featured in Best of the Worst: Russian Terminator, Ninja Vengeance, and Never Too Young to Die (2013)

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Soundtracks

Stay and Burn
Performed by Ralph E. Boy and Major Catastrophe
Produced by Iren Koster, Chip Taylor, Ralph Lane
Written by Jon Voight, Chip Taylor, Ralph Lane and Iren Koster
© 1986 Paul Music

User Reviews

Gene Simmons is the only reason to see this one.

Gene made me laugh until I cried. He took this horrible mess and ran with it. The rest of the cast...well, what rest of the cast? This one is a real stinker but if you're a hardcore KISS fan you can appreciate the utter hilariousness of Gene's performance. Don't get me wrong, this movie overall is the worst I have ever seen but if seeing Gene Simmons in drag will live on tape long enough for my grandkids to see it, then it's worth it. LOL I pull it out of the cabinet whenever I need a good gut busting laugh with a horrible script.

Details

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Release Date:

17 July 1986 (West Germany)

Also Known As:

Never Too Young to Die

Filming Locations:

Fort MacArthur, San Pedro, Los Angeles, California, USA

Box Office

Budget:

$3,000,000 (estimated)

Company Credits

Production Co:

Paul Entertainment

Technical Specs

Runtime:

97 min

Sound Mix:

Dolby

Color:

Color (Metrocolor)

Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1