Tony the Hotdog Vendor: [as Tony reads a newspaper headlined: Headhunter-3, Cops-Zero] Hey Moran! Have you read what it says in here?
Lieutenant Frank Moran: You kiddin' Tony? You know cops can't read.
Tony the Hotdog Vendor: [Teasingly to Moran] What does 'INCOMPETENT' mean?
Lieutenant Frank Moran: [Speaking to Detective Bedsoe] That mayor, he calls me at 2 o'clock in the morning! I mean I don't even answer the phone anymore!
Tony the Hotdog Vendor: Hey! What does 'BAFFLED' mean? Hee hee hee hee! Ha ha ha ha!
[Moran and Bledsoe give Tony an irritated look]
[repeated line by Ramirez, The Kurgan and Connor MacLeod]
Connor MacLeod: There can be only one!
Ramirez: [narrating] From the dawn of time we came; moving silently down through the centuries, living many secret lives, struggling to reach the time of the Gathering; when the few who remain will battle to the last. No one has ever known we were among you... until now.
Priest: This is a house of God. People are trying to pray. You're disturbing them.
Kurgan: He cares about these helpless mortals?
Priest: Of course He cares. He died for our sins.
Kurgan: That shall be His undoing.
Kurgan: Father! Forgive me , I am a worm...
[starts laughing diabolically]
Kurgan: [to everyone in the church] I have something to say! It's better to burn out than to fade away!
Connor MacLeod: I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was born in 1518 in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel. And I am immortal.
Kurgan: [to a pair of nuns passing by him] Happy Hallowe'en, ladies!
Kurgan: Nuns. No sense of humor.
Connor MacLeod: Ramirez's blade did not cut deeply enough. He was right about you. You're slime.
Kurgan: Ramirez was an effete snob! He died on his knees. I took his head and raped his woman before his blood was even cold.
[MacLeod looks at him in fury]
Kurgan: Ah, I see. Ramirez lied. She was not his woman. She was *your* woman. And she never told you. I wonder why. Perhaps I gave her something you never could, and secretly she yearned for my return.
Kurgan: [MacLeod attempts to throttle Kurgan in a church] Holy *ground*, Highlander! Remember what Ramirez taught you.
Connor MacLeod: I apologize for calling your wife a bloated warthog, and I bid you good day.
Ramirez: Why does the sun come up, or are the stars just pinholes in the curtain of night?
Ramirez: The Kurgan. He is the strongest of all the immortals. He's the *perfect* warrior. If he wins the Prize, mortal man would suffer an eternity of darkness.
Connor MacLeod: How do you fight such a savage?
Ramirez: With heart, faith and steel. In the end there can be only one.
[after Connor has called Ramirez a "haggis"]
Ramirez: Haggis? What is haggis?
Connor MacLeod: Sheep's stomach, stuffed with meat and barley.
Ramirez: And what do you do with it?
Connor MacLeod: You eat it.
Ramirez: How revolting!
Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez: You must leave her, brother. I was born 2,437 years ago. In that time I've had three wives. The last was Shakiko, a Japanese Princess... When Shakiko died I was shattered. I would save you that pain. Please, let Heather go.
News Reporter: The garage is watered from the sprinklers. It also left a man's decapitated body lying on the floor next to his own severed head. The head, which of this time, has no name.
Kurgan: I know his name.
[Inserts cassette tape into car stereo]
Kurgan: At last. The Gathering...
[Mini-blades pop open from Kurgan's sword before a knock is heard by his door]
Candy: Hi. I'm Candy.
Kurgan: Of course you are...
Connor MacLeod: I don't like boats, I don't like water. I'm a man, not a fish.
Ramirez: So you complain endlessly.
Connor MacLeod: You look like a woman you stupid haggis.
Ramirez: Haggis? What is haggis?
Connor MacLeod: Sheep's stomach stuffed with meat and barley
Ramirez: And what do you do with it?
Connor MacLeod: You eat it!
Ramirez: How revolting!
Connor MacLeod: Be still for God's sake! You'll tip us over.
Connor MacLeod: I cannot swim you Spanish peacock.
Ramirez: I'm not Spanish, I'm Egyptian.
Connor MacLeod: You said you were from Spain! You're a liar!
Ramirez: You have the manners of a goat and you smell like a dung-heap. And you've no knowledge whatsoever of your potential. Now, get out!
[Throws MacLeod into the lake]
[Connor and Heather look baffled]
Ramirez: I am Juan Sánchez Villalobos Ramírez, Chief metallurgist to King Charles V of Spain. And I'm at your service.
Ramirez: MacLeod, I was born 2,437 years ago. In that time, I've had three wives. The last was Shikiko, a Japanese princess. Her father, Masamune, a genius, made this for me
[shows MacLeod his Samurai sword]
Ramirez: in 593 B.C. It is the only one of its kind... like his daughter. When Shikiko died, I was shattered. I would save you that pain. Please... let Heather go.
[after some passionate sex]
Heather: You can do that to me forever if you like, my Lord.
Connor MacLeod: Aye! I will.
Connor MacLeod: I've been alive for four and a half centuries, and I cannot die.
Brenda: Well, everyone has got their problems
Sunda Kastagir: Macleod, it's good to see you again. It seems like a hundred years.
Connor MacLeod: It's been a hundred years.
[to a german soldier during WWII]
Connor MacLeod: Whatever you say, Jack. You are the master race.
Connor MacLeod: [Paying his respects at church] For you, my bonny Heather: Happy birthday. And you, Juan Ramirez: Take care of her, you overdressed haggis.
[after Kurgan rips the top of a car off and throws the driver out]
[looking over at the old woman in the passenger seat with insincere affection]
Kurgan: [smiling] Mom...
Ramirez: Patience, Highlander. You have done well. But it will take time. There are generations being born and dying. You're at one with all living things. Each man's thoughts and dreams are yours to know. You have power beyond imagination. Use it well my friend. Don't lose your head.
Connor MacLeod: What is it?
Sunda Kastagir: Boom-boom. A big strong man like you shouldn't be afraid of a little boom-boom. Or maybe you think I'm trying to poison you.
Connor MacLeod: I think you're crazy, Kastagir.
Ramirez: [after MacLeod misses him with his sword] Crude and slow clansman, your attack was no better then that of a clumsy child.
Connor MacLeod: This cannot be, it's the devil's work.
Ramirez: You cannot die, MacLeod, accept it.
Connor MacLeod: [laughs before realising Ramirez was serious] I hate you.
Ramirez: Good. That is a perfect place to start.
Connor MacLeod: Tell me how'd it happen for God's sake.
Ramirez: Why does the sun come up? Or are the stars just pin holes in the curtain of night, who knows? What I do know is that because you were born different, men will fear you... try to drive you away like the people of your village.
[MacLeod turns his back]
Ramirez: You must learn to conceal your special gift and harness it until the time of the gathering.
Connor MacLeod: What gathering?
Ramirez: When only a few of us are left, we will feel an irresistible pull towards a far away land... to fight for the prize.
Connor MacLeod: Wanna hear another theory?
Lieutenant Frank Moran: Uh-huh.
Connor MacLeod: This Fasil was so upset about the lousy wrestling tonight, that he went down to the garage and in a fit of depression cut off his *own* head!
Ramirez: The sensation you are feeling is the quickening.
Connor MacLeod: Who are you?
Ramirez: We are the same, MacLeod. We are *brothers*!
Angus MacLeod: He's a Highlander, by God, and the last sound he hears should not be that of a wailing woman!
Connor MacLeod: What are you looking at, Rachel?
Rachel: The eyes in the back of your head. People are asking about you. What am I supposed to tell them?
Connor MacLeod: Simple. Tell them I'm immortal.
Connor MacLeod: I don't like boats. I don't like water. I'm a man not a fish.
Ramirez: [singing] B-A-L-A-N-C-E, balance...
Connor MacLeod: I don't like boats, I don't like water. I'm a man, not a fish!
Ramirez: Oh, you complain endlessly.
Connor MacLeod: You look like a woman, you stupid haggis!
Connor MacLeod: [Drunk with a wig covering his eyes whilst in the middle of a duel] Christ, I've gone blind!
Ramirez: Sometimes, MacLeod, the sharpest blade isn't enough.
Connor MacLeod: I have the power! Aye, the quickening that empowers me! I feel everything! I know... I know everything! I am everything!
Connor MacLeod: You're a liar!
Ramirez: You have the manners of a goat. And you smell like a dung-heap! And you have no knowledge whatsoever of your potential! Now.
Ramirez: Get out!
[rocks the boat, sending MacLeod into the lake]
Connor MacLeod: [as Ramirez rows away] Help me, I'm drowning!
Ramirez: You can't drown, you fool, you're immortal!
Garfield: Are you a faggot, Nash?
Connor MacLeod: Why, Garfield? Cruisin' for a piece of ass?
Garfield: I'll tell you what happened, Russell. You went down to that garage for a blow job. But you didn't want to pay for it.
Connor MacLeod: You're sick.
[Just before the MacLeod clan goes to war]
Kate: Angus, you'll keep him in one piece, ya hear?
Dugal MacLeod: And we all know what piece that is!
[Looking at the body lying next to its head]
Garfield: What do you think the cause of death was, Lieutenant?
Ramirez: You cannot die, MacLeod. Accept it.
Connor MacLeod: I hate you!
Ramirez: Good. That is a perfect way to start.
Rachel: Will you listen to me for one moment? You can't hide your feelings from me! I've known you too long.
Connor MacLeod: What feelings?
Rachel: How about loneliness?
Connor MacLeod: I'm not lonely. I've got everything I need right here.
Rachel: Oh no you don't. You refuse to let anyone love you.
Connor MacLeod: Love is for poets.
[Saying his farewell to Rachel]
Connor MacLeod: Hey, it's a kind of magic!
Connor MacLeod: Nice to see you Kurgan. Who cuts your hair?
Connor MacLeod: [to Ramirez] If it came down to just us two, would you take my head?
Connor MacLeod: I can love and have children. Live and grow old. You never prepared me for that... you Spanish peacock.
Ramirez: Patience, Highlander. You have done well. But it'll take time. You are generations being born and dying. You are at one with all living things. Each man's thoughts and dreams are yours to know. You have power beyond imagination. Use it well, my friend.
Motel Clerk: Hey, Rockefeller. I hear you liked Candy. She said you were kinda kinky.
Kurgan: Don't ever speak to me.
Heather: Don't see me, Connor - let me die in peace. Where are we?
Connor MacLeod: We're in the Highlands, where else? Running down a mountainside. The sun is shining. It's not cold. You've got your sheepskins on, and the boots I made for you. Good night, my bonny Heather.
Connor MacLeod: You only have one life! If you value it, go home!
[Connor is being chased out of the village]
Angus MacLeod: Can you walk, Connor?
Connor MacLeod: I'll bloody well walk out of here!
Brenda: I was hoping you could give me some advice.
Connor MacLeod: Are you the kind of woman who takes advice?
Connor MacLeod: Advice about what?
Brenda: What can you tell me about a seven foot lunatic hacking away with a broadsword at one o'clock in the morning, New York City, 1985?
Connor MacLeod: ...Not much.
Connor MacLeod: [after discovering Brenda's hidden gun] I like your place, Brenda.
Connor MacLeod: What are you doing here?
Brenda: I'm looking for a dead guy named Nash. He died at birth in Syracuse, New York.
Connor MacLeod: Sweet Rachel, you always knew this would happen: Russel Nash dies tonight.
Dugal MacLeod: [as the McLeods prepare for battle against the Fraziers] . Are you scared Conner? Ha ha!
Connor MacLeod: No cousin Dugal. I'm not!
Angus MacLeod: Don't talk nonsense, man! I peed my kilt the first time I went into battle!
Dugal MacLeod: Aye! Angus pees his kilt all the time!
Heather: [after having just had sex with Connor] You can do that to me forever if you like my lord.
Barman: [Brenda sitting alone in a pub] Hey, Brenda. The usual?
Brenda: Lots of it.
Barman: [Barman pours Brenda's drink into her glass] Say when.
Barman: [Connor arrives and sits at the bar] Excuse me a minute, Brenda.
Connor MacLeod: A double Glenmorangie on the rocks.
Barman: Glenmorangie? - Right.
Connor MacLeod: Go to the Garden often?
Brenda: What did you say?
Connor MacLeod: [Connor points at himself] Hmm?
Brenda: [Brenda walks over to Connor] What did you say?
Connor MacLeod: Madison Square Garden. Do you go there often?
Connor MacLeod: Basketball, the circus, wrestling...
Brenda: Why are you asking me about it? Have you been following me?
Connor MacLeod: I'd like to walk you home, Brenda.
Brenda: I can take care of myself.
[Brenda throws money on the bar and leaves]