- Jack Burton: When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."
- [last lines]
- Jack Burton: Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it."
- Jack Burton: Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we're not back by dawn... call the president.
- Jack Burton: You know what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like this?
- Thunder: Who?
- Jack Burton: Jack Burton. *Me*!
- Jack Burton: [They are swimming through a tunnel filled almost to the top with water.] Would you stop rubbing your body up against mine? Because I can't concentrate when you do that.
- Gracie: What a pig you are, Burton!
- Jack Burton: What's in the flask, Egg? Magic potion?
- Egg Shen: Yeah.
- Jack Burton: Thought so, good. What do we do, drink it?
- Egg Shen: Yeah!
- Jack Burton: Good! Thought so.
- Wang Chi: Here's to the Army and Navy and the battles they have won; here's to America's colors, the colors that never run.
- Jack Burton: May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.
- Jack Burton: Like I told my last wife, I says, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see. Besides that, it's all in the reflexes."
- Jack Burton: [pointing to Chinese writing on elevator] What does that say?
- Wang Chi: [speaks Chinese] Hell of Boiling Oil.
- Jack Burton: You're kidding.
- Wang Chi: Yeah, I am. It says Keep Out.
- [Jack points to the wall]
- Jack Burton: Hollow?
- Wang Chi: Hollow.
- Jack Burton: Fuck it.
- [Jack wacks open the hollow wall with his knife]
- Jack Burton: All I know is, this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him with *light* coming out of his mouth!
- Jack Burton: I don't get this at all. I thought Lo Pan...
- Lo Pan: Shut up, Mr. Burton! You are not brought upon this world to get it!
- Egg Shen: Can see things no one else can see. Do things no one else can do.
- Jack Burton: Real things?
- Egg Shen: As real as Lo Pan!
- Jack Burton: Hey, what more can a guy ask for?
- Egg Shen: Oh, the six-demon bag!
- Jack Burton: Terrific, a six-demon bag. Sensational. What's in it, Egg?
- Egg Shen: Wind, fire, all that kind of thing!
- Jack Burton: You can go off and rule the universe from beyond the grave.
- Lo Pan: Indeed!
- Jack Burton: Or check into a psycho ward, which ever comes first, huh?
- Jack Burton: This is Jack Burton in the Pork Chop Express, and I'm talkin' to whoever's listenin' out there.
- Jack Burton: Well, ya see, I'm not saying that I've been everywhere and I've done everything, but I do know it's a pretty amazing planet we live on here, and a man would have to be some kind of FOOL to think we're alone in THIS universe.
- Egg Shen: Of course the Chinese mix everything up. Look at what they have to work with. There's Buddhism, Confucianism, and Taoist alchemy and sorcery. We take what we want and leave the rest. Just like your salad bar.
- [on phone to insurance company]
- Jack Burton: I'm gonna tell you about an accident, and I don't wanna hear "act of God"!
- Jack Burton: Feel pretty good. I'm not, uh, I'm not scared at all. I just feel kind of... feel kind of invincible.
- Wang Chi: Me, too. I got a very positive attitude about this.
- Jack Burton: Good, me too.
- Wang Chi: Yeah!
- [pause]
- Jack Burton: Is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?
- Lo Pan: And when I find her, I will marry her...
- Wang Chi: Never!
- Lo Pan: Ching Dai will be appeased, my curse will be lifted!
- Jack Burton: And you can go on to rule the universe from beyond the grave.
- Lo Pan: Indeed!
- Jack Burton: Or check into a psycho ward, whichever comes first, right?
- Wang Chi: Jack, will you...?
- Jack Burton: "Jack" what? I'm supposed to buy this shit? 2000 years, he can't find one broad to fit the bill? Come on, Dave, you must be doing something seriously wrong!
- Lo Pan: There have been others, to be sure. There are always others. But you know, Mr. Burton, the difficulties between men and women. How seldom it works out? Yet we all keep trying, like fools.
- Jack Burton: Wang, these guys, these Sing Dings...
- Wang Chi: Chang Sings.
- Jack Burton: They got enemies?
- Wang Chi: Wing Kong.
- Jack Burton: Who wear red turbans?
- Wang Chi: [sees they're now surrounded by Wing Kong warriors] Holy SHIT! These guys are animals, Jack!
- Lo Pan: [spots Gracie, Margo and Eddie on a security monitor] Who are these people? Friends of yours, huh? Now this really pisses me off to no end!
- Lo Pan: Then Ching Dai will be happy and my curse will be lifted!
- Jack Burton: And go off to rule the universe from beyond the grave.
- Lo Pan: Indeed!
- Jack Burton: Or check into a psycho ward, which ever comes first huh!
- Jack Burton: That is not water.
- Egg Shen: Black blood of the earth.
- Jack Burton: Do you mean oil?
- Egg Shen: I mean black blood of the earth.
- [in a whore house]
- Jack Burton: Henry Swanson's my name, and excitement's my game.
- White Tiger: Cash or charge?
- Jack Burton: Oh gosh, cash, I guess. I mean it's not deductible, is it.
- Gracie: [on their way to confront Lo Pan] Do you have a gun, I hope?
- Jack Burton: I have a knife.
- Gracie: A knife? This guy's twelve feet tall!
- Jack Burton: Seven. Hey, don't worry, I can handle him.
- Uncle Chu: What the hell is Gracie Law doing here?
- Jack Burton: She can't get enough of me.
- Gracie: Hah! He wishes.
- Wang Chi: They got this sorta clubhouse thing, you know, where they all hang out.
- Jack Burton: Sharpen their knives, huh?
- Wang Chi: I can't ask you to...
- Jack Burton: Where is it?
- Wang Chi: Thank you, Jack.
- Jack Burton: We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we, Wang?
- Wang Chi: No horseshit, Jack.
- Jack Burton: No horseshit.
- Jack Burton: [tapping on the walls] Two, three feet thick, I'll bet. Probably welded shut from the outside, and covered with brick by now!
- Wang Chi: Don't give up, Jack!
- Jack Burton: Oh, okay, I won't, Wang! Let's just *chew* our way outta here.
- Jack Burton: Oh, my god, no. Please! What is that? Don't tell me!
- Egg Shen: A guardian. What it sees, Lo Pan knows!
- Pinstripe lawyer: Okay. But if I'm gonna be your attorney, there are a few things that I have to know that, uh, still don't make any sense to me. Like, um, you really believe in magic?
- Egg Shen: You mean Chinese black magic?
- Pinstripe lawyer: Yes.
- Egg Shen: Oh, absolutely.
- Pinstripe lawyer: Are you still serious about this? And, uh, monsters and ghosts as well, I suppose?
- Egg Shen: Oh, sure. And sorcery.
- Pinstripe lawyer: And I suppose that, uh, you expect me to believe in sorcery as well?
- Egg Shen: Of course!
- Pinstripe lawyer: Why?
- Egg Shen: Because it's real.
- Pinstripe lawyer: How can I know that, Mr. Shen?
- Egg Shen: How?
- Pinstripe lawyer: Yes, how? Help me out here. Please, how?
- [Shen raises his hands, and a small bolt of lightning jumps between his palms. The lawyer stares, open-mouthed]
- Egg Shen: See? That was nothing. But that's how it always begins. Very small.
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