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¡Vampiros en La Habana! (1985) - Plot Summary Poster

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Summaries

  • A vampire family from Cuba is preparing for a showdown between the USA vampires and the Eastern European vampires. But with the aid of a scientist, they need a type of vaccination where they can live in daylight.

  • A scientist invents a potion that allows vampires to be able to live under the rays of the sun. When the word gets out to the vampires of the world, they fly to Cuba to gain control of the potion. It becomes a battle between the American and the East European vampires. A trumpet player is the scientist's nephew and holds the formula for the elixir.


Spoilers

The synopsis below may give away important plot points.

Synopsis

  • History of the Vampires: In 1870, vampires began to get organized. American vampires met in Chicago and founded the Capa Nostra Society, making Johnny Terrori their president. European Vampires met in Dusseldorf to create the Vampire Group and elected Count Dracula as their leader. One of Dracula's sons, the scientist Werner Amadeus von Dracula, began working on an anti-sun formula. In 1905, after years of testing his formula on vampire dogs, Werner tried it on a vampire, but it failed miserably. Werner was laughed out of Europe, so he took his young nephew Joseph and moved to Cuba where he perfected a new formula based on rum and pina colada that he called "Vampisol". Werner fed this formula to his nephew and found it so successful that young Joseph, now known as Pepe, grew up in the hot Cuban sun and had no idea that he was really a vampire. It is now 1933. A cold war has broken out between the American Capa Nostra Society and the European Vampire Group, both desiring world domination of the vampire community. Cuba has its own problems, being ruled by a tyrant named General Machado. Pepe, now a young man, plays trumpet at Club Pepito's and has joined the Cuban Underground in their fight against Machado. Pepe is also about to be drawn into the cold war between European and American vampires.

    Werner von Dracula has contacted the European Vampire Group with an offer to make Vampisol available free to all vampires. At the same time, the American Capa Nostra Society, after developing a number of vampire "beaches" in New York, San Francisco, and Chicago where vampires can swim and surf shielded from the sun (for a pretty penny), has sent their representative, Mr Goingdown, to approach the European Vampire Group with a plan to open the first European vampire beach in Dusseldorf. Fearing that Dusseldorf Beach will give Johnny Terrori worldwide dominance over vampires (and their money), the Vampire Group denies the request. Instead, they begin plotting to obtain the formula for Vampisol in order to market it themselves. With exclusive rights to Vampisol, they figure that there will be no need for vampire "beaches", which will effectively put the Capa Nostra Society out of business. Unfortunately for the European vampires, Mr Goingdown, who had been reduced to ashes and flushed down the toilet, managed to get a phone call to Johnny Terrori...but not quite in time.

    Back in Chicago, Terrori has just made a deal with gangster Al Tapone to fund Dusseldorf Beach, based on the success of other American vampire beaches. Just after Tapone warns Terrori that, if he doesn't pay it back in two months at 300% interest Tapone will "put the screws" on him, Terrori gets Mr Goingdown's call and learns about Vampisol and how, if Vampisol is distributed free to all vampires, it will crumble his domain (and cost his life) as vampires will no longer use his protected beaches. Vampires will now be able to hunt babes on the Riviera and give up having to sleep in boxes during the day. Terrori's only out is to destory the formula and stake Werner.

    Meanwhile, Pepe's mission in the Cuban Underground is to seduce Machado's wife and learn when he sleeps. When Machado's wife opens the special locks on the bedroom windows to let in Pepe, the plan is that his three faithful Underground companions will also be able to enter the room. Pepe's girlfriend Lola, after learning about the plan, is angry. Pepe ensures Lola that he loves her, that he wants to marry her, and that his trysts with Machado's wife are strictly business and involve no touching. While Pepe serenades Lola with his trumpet and Lola dreams of the 14 kids they're going to have, a freighter is arriving in the Havana harbor. A truck marked simply "Flowers" embarks and drives away with Johnny Terrori and his gang inside. At the same time, a shipment of boxes from Dusseldorf has also arrived, and they are being transported to Werner von Dracula's house.

    Werner is excited. Not only have the members of the European Vampire Group arrived, but tonight he plans to tell Pepe about his vampire heritage. Pepe has other plans, however, but he promises his uncle that he will return later. Lola has obtained a position as a housekeeper for General Machado, and tonight Pepe and his pals intend to raid Machado's safe. As planned, Machado's wife opens the window for Pepe, Pepe keeps her busy with his trumpet-playing, and his three pals sneak in, open the safe, and steal some papers. Unfortunately, their escape plan fails when Machado wakes up and starts firing at them. They manage to escape along with Lola. Pepe also escapes, minus his clothes and trumpet mute. He returns to his uncle but announces that he's in trouble with the law and must lay low lest he get shot. Uncle Werner informs him that bullets won't hurt him, because he's a vampire. Pepe doesn't believe it until Werner transforms and shows his fangs. Then Pepe tries, and it happens to him, too.

    Just as Pepe is trying out his new vampire wings and bemoaning the probable end of his life with Lola, the Group from Dusseldorf arrives. As Werner prepares to read the formula over Radio Vampire International, the Group suddenly turns on Werner and demands the formula. Pepe attempts to burn it just as Johnny Terrori and his boys break in and Terrori grabs the formula from Pepe. Meanwhile, Machada has tracked down Pepe, and his police force breaks down the front door. Placing all hope on his nephew, Werner grabs the formula from Terrori, tosses it to Pepe, and breaks open a window so that Pepe can escape with it. Werner is promptly burned to ashes along with some of the vampires, but Pepe escapes and is picked up by his pals who have been waiting outside.

    While the vampire underground attempts to raise a yacht so that Pepe can escape Havana, Pepe goes in search of Machado. He finds him having drinks with his wife in the bar, so Pepe transforms himself into a vampire. Unfortunately, Machado puts a bullet in Pepe's shoulder. Pepe runs outside where he is immediately captured by the European Group who demand the formula, but Pepe distracts them long enough to escape. He runs to Hideout 2 where he's been told that Lola is hiding. Pepe explains to Lola about being a vampire, but she doesn't care. They run away with the Underground but find that they're being pursued by Machado and the police. Pepe and Lola duck out in a theater. Also in the dark moviehouse are the European vampires. They notice Pepe and the chase is on again. As Pepe and Lola had for Hideout 3, they are spotted by Terrori who joins the pursuit. Pepe and Lola duck out in a motel, then escape through a window while the vampires are looking for him outside and Machado is distracted when he finds his wife in bed with another man.

    Pepe and Lola make it to Hideout 3. Thinking Lola will be safe, Pepe goes to the bar looking for his pals. While he is gone, one of the Dusseldorf vampires finds Lola and turns her over to the Group. They force Lola to telephone Pepe so that they can demand the formula from him. When Terrori finds out from his werewolf spy that the Dusseldorf Group has Lola, they head over but cross paths along the way with Pepe who is speeding on a motorcycle, hoping to save Lola. When Pepe arrives, they hold a knife to Lola's neck, forcing Pepe to hand over the formula...just as Terrori arrives. Terrori wants the formula burned, but it gets tossed back and forth between Pepe, the Group, and Terrori. Terrori ends up with the formula and starts to burn it while offering one last drink of O+ to Pepe. Pepe takes a sip and spits it out.

    Terrori realizes that Pepe has been taking the formula for so long that he hates blood and is basically human. Disgusted, Terrori heads for his car...and runs into Al Tapone, who is mad as hell that Terrori hasn't paid up. Tapone has Terrori staked, while Tapone strikes a deal with the European Group to market Vampisol. Everyone departs together, leaving Lola and Pepe to be rescued by the Underground, who announce that Machado has been toppled.

    While Tapone and the Underground congratulate themselves for obtaining the world market of Vampisol, they are surprised to hear Pepe on Radio Vampire International singing out the formula for Vampisol.

    "On the night of the full moon, measure carefully, I beg, 2 ounces of mint in a spoon, and add a chameleon's egg. 3-1/4 ounces you must add of brown sugar, and no default! A lizard's heart must then be had. 50 grams must be obtained of hummingbird's bleed, yes And lots of pina colada (pineapple that's strained) and a pinch of pepper, I guess. Take shark extract that's rather thick and pour it in without delay Add some rum, a swizzle stick and blend and blend away. Take some tulle to strain it through and set it to cool until it's blue."

    Original Synopsis by bj_kuehl.

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