Nine Deaths of the Ninja (1985) Poster

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10/10
Superb parody of the 80's action genre?
whippyx21 August 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I can understand why this film has received an average score of 2.7 at the time of writing. It's no masterpiece of modern cinema. However I personally feel it's beyond what most people are viewing it as.

Sure it's corny and tacky, but it's also a superb parody of the 80's action film. A greasy wheelchair bound Nazi drug-baron with a pet monkey in a diaper and a homosexual crush on a giant laughing murderer in a turban, who commands a squad of mercenaries made up of Germanic lesbians and rednecked rapists? A gigantic Gatling gun called "The Dancer"? A training sequence which involves cutting watermelons by the poolside and barely missing a kitten that just happens to be sitting beside a watermelon? A ninja who eats Lollypops? Random ninjas that appear out of nowhere? A final death which involves polo players? Random disguises and costume changes? A single actor playing multiple roles? Attack midgets? An opening sequence with ballet dancers and a ninja performing a modern-dance in a smoke filled room? It's all there!

And if the over-the-top parody elements in the film aren't enough, the film is filled with fantastic dry humour. Genuinely well written and delivered dry humour. Really.. Spike and Macho Man chase a guy up a staircase from which he jumps to escape.. he falls two metres, through a box. When Spike and Macho get to him, he has blood pouring from his mouth and nose.. Spike mournfully states : "That was his last jump."

It is a simply a wildly entertaining parody of the 80's action genre, and sadly it just isn't being seen this way by the masses. I hope this review can help people to see it in a different light as I think for too long it has been misrepresented as a straight action film. This should be a cult classic, and not seen as a moronic joke of a film!

(or maybe it's just a really terrible but unintentionally hilarious film... either way it's great fun to watch)
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And now the screaming starts...
Mad Matt15 September 1998
As one who pretends to have benefitted from a post-graduate education, I am almost ashamed of my love for this, the best/worst of the Ninja flicks. And while Ninja films are no longer in vogue among the "militia in training " college drinking crowd, this one is worth a look by anyone who loves MST3K or bad movies in general. The stupidity of this film is so self-contained that it needs no clever running commentary, but feel free to drink a few beers and add you own MST3K witticisms anyway.

Check out this plot: a band of terrorists hijacks a busload of tourists and makes several unclear demands. The terrorists are led by Alby the Cruel (Blackie Dammett, father of Red Hot Chili Pepper Anthony Kiedis), who sits in a wheelchair wearing elegant lady's gloves, accompanied by his pet monkey. Alby speaks in a poor German accent, with such great lines as "Az you gan zee, the hoztagez are un-har-med!" Alby's crew includes sexy Col. Honey Hump (a militant lesbian), Dr. Wolf (a sexual deviant) and Rahji the Butcher (Alby's gay lover). Of this bunch, Rahji is the most hilarious, wandering around with this forced malevolent chuckle all the time.

The good guys that come to save the day include Sho Kosugi, whose normal gravelly, yogurt-filled voice is cleverly dubbed by someone who sounds like a pop radio deejay, and Bent Huff, who spends most of his time grinning Puckishly whenever Sho Kosugi gets into a fight (trust me, I'm not making this up). Emilia Lesniak rounds out the trio, a sexy blonde of such immeasurable talent that she never worked in cinema again. Their commander , Vijay Rankin, is played by Vijay Amritraj, that dorky Indian tennis pro who starred in the lame James Bond flick "Octopussy" opposite Roger Moore. Amritraj has many pathetic lines, but the best one comes when he gets a phone call and exclaims, "What? Hijacked?"

Is there a reason to see this film? Well, this one has the potential to be one of the all-time great beer-drinking movies, even though it has nothing to do with fraternities, sex or keggers that last until the wee hours of dawn. I quit drinking when I graduated from college, but I still pop "Nine Deaths" in the VCR now and then because in brings back the giddy sensation of intoxication without the hangover. This one is as bad as it gets, and yet, like a car crash or an episode of "Saved By the Bell," you watch it in spite of yourself.

If ever a bad film deserved a cult following, however, this one is it.
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9/10
Revenge of the 80's: Starring Sho Kosugi
Captain_Couth29 October 2003
9 Deaths of the Ninja (1985)is one of those guilty pleasure films. It's so bad that it's enjoyable. A fourth entry into the Ninja series (following Enter the Ninja, Revenge of the Ninja and Ninja III: The Domination). 9DOAN stars Sho Kosugi as a government agent who travels to the Philippines in order to stop a gang of terrorists.

Sho Kosugi's acting is about as good as his English and the rest of the cast makes him look like Sir Lawrence Olivier. This movie is so bad, bad in the tradition of the cheese classic Final Mission. But I enjoyed very, very much. If you like Sho Kosugi or those wacky Cannon films, then this one's for you!

Highly recommended (for all the wrong reasons).
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Hysterical movie for all the wrong reasons
MadameCassel19 September 2004
For starters, the title is misleading. Nine Deaths of a Ninja? Fat chance. I hope the ninja would have used up his nine lives early on and get this movie done with. Nine deaths? Pfffft.

Okay, the plot, if there is one. A German (of course a German, and a Nazi, swastika flag and all) terrorist and his amazing bunch of henchmen and -women kidnap a bus load of tourists. They take them to a remote place in jungle and demand the release of Rahji Mohammed, some kind of fellow terrorist. The best special team, consisting of Shô Kosugi, Brent Huff who looks like he's escaped from a toothpaste ad and a gorgeous but oh-so-clever blonde Emilia Crow, is sent to take care of the problem.

The actor who plays Rahji Mohammed, Sonny Erang, sure has a challenging role to play. No one, not even the severely retarded mental patients I have seen in hospitals, laugh menacingly all the time. Rahji had two or three lines in the whole movie, the rest of the time he just laughs. Oh and he must be a really nasty guy: he takes some balloons away from children and squeezes the balloons until they pop. Terrifying. The rest of the terrorists show their bad to the core nature by stealing medication from a girl with severe heart condition.

The rest of the actors are just as wooden as Sonny Erang. Brent Huff is expressive as a brick (and I always thought Ben Affleck is wooden!) and Shô Kosugi is downright awful. The same you can say about every single soul in this pathetic excuse of a martial arts movie. Oh wait! There is someone who was relaxed and expressive: the little monkey. He was well cast.

The fight scenes are so stupid they are laughable. The bad guys stand in line and neatly wait their turn as they are being slaughtered. I wonder why this movie has been cut and given high PG, there is nothing to see here, not so gory violence and no sex, excluding a pair of titties in one scene.

Saving the hostages is forgotten for a long time while the brave men of the rescue team visit a floating whorehouse (Madame Whoopee's Floating House of Fun or something like that) where the assassin-trained whores try to kill our hero's, but one of the assassins loses her bikini top and they have to abort the mission...

The "hejsan så ska vi dansa" amazon women, lead by the queen bitch Honey Hump (!!) are maybe the most laughable element of this movie. And the Rahji's explosives in the mouth scene... how the hell can it leave the head untouched but come out of his butt???! Beats the hell out of me. But what can you expect of a movie where the best actor is a monkey in diapers.
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7/10
Someone's gotta' stick up for this one.
Yagamei9 June 2005
9 Deaths, despite the mediocre score I've given it, definitely has a place amongst some of my favorite 80's action fliks. I'm actually surprised at the multitude of the negative feedback it's receiving here on the IMDb. I believe this is partly due to the common misconception that this movie is a serious, devoted stab at a true action movie (and it doesn't help that the site lists it only as being an action movie in genre). 9 Death is, to the enth degree, a COMEDY. It is intended to be a parody and comedy of martial arts/action movies and television of its time. Spike Shinobi A.K.A. lollipop (ala Kojak)? Come on, you know this is a joke.

You should be able to tell this film is deliberate humour, just watch the opening credits. It's a spoof off of the over-the-top Bond introductions, and there are other Bond parallels as well, such as the moronic laughing "arab" guy (who is subsequently played by a white guy .. riiiight), or Kosugi's speedo swim to the over-the-top whore boat. All taking ques from Bond movies as well as others. Secondly, you have your gung-ho American commando type ala Rambo or Ah-nold in Predator, mowing people down with a ridiculous chain gun.

There are simply too many comedic elements to list. The fighting midgets, the ridiculous, out-of-the-blue ninja fight near the end (with not a hint of explanation as to how or why the ninjas are even there), the melodramatic nazi villain, and the grace jones may-day esquire lesbian combat killer, "honey hump".

So before you watch this movie, I think it's important that you realize it is a comedy, and that it is filled with spoof or parody elements, right down to the cheesy music and characters. Of course, the film COULD be a little less deceptive in which genre it fits under. I can easily see how many would think the director was just a goof trying to make a serious action film - and the use of Kosugi's kids in the movie doesn't help (has it ever in the past? remember the Kane Kosugi/horrible actress fight in Revenge of the Ninja).

Even as a comedy, though, the movie isn't perfect. There are a lot of shots that don't make sense, some of the acting is terribly wooden, and the title (while I suspect is all part of the humour) is just ... EXTREMELY misleading. And, unfortunately, some of the jokes that 9 Deaths tries to pull off just simply aren't funny -- and it can be excessively campy and cheesy at points, whether this film is a satire or not. Regardless, I recommend it to anyone looking for a cheesy, funny throw-back to 80s martial arts/action films. It's not bad for an afternoon viewing.
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6/10
Entertaining tongue in cheek action movie parody
HaemovoreRex15 May 2006
Make no mistake, Nine deaths Of The Ninja is not a great film by any stretch of the imagination, however, reading a number of reviews on the web for this film, it is plainly overt that a great many of the reviewers have woefully missed the point.....this is NOT a movie that begs to be taken at all seriously!

What it actually is, is a deliberate tongue in cheek parody that mixes and simultaneously pokes fun at a number of other movies such as its main star's previous ninja films which were produced by Golan Globus. Also added to the mix we have elements that could well have jumped straight out of a James Bond film such as a group of midget assassins, a sadistic lesbian militia leader and a megalomaniac wheelchair bound Nazi!

With such exaggeratedly comic characters on display it frankly baffles me how any reviewer could perceive this as and subsequently attempt to judge this against the criteria of a serious action film!

As to the actual quality of the film in question, and adjudicating it for what it actually represents, Nine Deaths Of the Ninja comes out as a fairly entertaining watch.

Sho Kosugi plays Spike Shonobi aka lollipop (on account of his predilection for them!), head of the fictional highly elite 'DART' team. Under his command are Steve Gordon aka Macho Man and Jennifer Barnes aka Foxy (and she is to!!!) Their mission in this case is to free a group of hostages who have been seized by the exceedingly evil Alby the Cruel.

The above plot provides a great excuse for lots of martial arts action, big explosions, military shenanigans and even some ninja along the way!

As mentioned previously, the whole thing is basically played for laughs and plenty of fun can be derived throughout (check out the hilarious scene when our man Sho is besieged by some villainous midgets!)

Overall then, whilst ambiguously labelled as an 'action' film, this is not a classic by any means, but is in fact a refreshingly light hearted and self effacing take on what is for the most part a stoic and humourless genre.

All in all, good fun!
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4/10
A mess of a movie with only a handful of passable moments
Leofwine_draca4 September 2016
Warning: Spoilers
More of a plot less cut-and-paste pastiche of all the action clichés popular in the last half century than a real movie, this drivelling and dumb addition to the popular '80s B-movie war sub-genre is a real letdown from start to finish but not without incidental amusement. Lensed in the Philippines, where supporting cast members and shooting locations are cheap, the film features an unlikely central pairing of characters. The first is Steve, a steroid-pumped meathead who likes to wield an unfeasibly large gatling gun and who covers himself in baby oil and army gear before going into action. Steve is payed by Brent Huff who plumbs the depths of woodenness in a way few unknown actors are capable of doing; his sexist and idiotic hero is just one of many popular from the period where casting male leads with big muscles but no acting skill was a popular process. Sure, there were a few successes – the Stallones and Schwarzeneggers of the period – but these household names are exceptions to the rule and for the most part, any untalented bodybuilder could become a cheap war hero or fighter.

The second lead is more interesting, mainly because he is played by the one and only Sho Kosugi. For those who don't know, Kosugi was a middle-aged action hero of the '80s who first came to success playing the villain opposite Franco Nero in 1981's ENTER THE NINJA. Proving more of a success than the moustachioed Italian star, Kosugi swapped sides and went on to play the hero for a decade, usually starring in films involving ninjas. In the rare instance in which his films didn't involve ninjas (1988's BLACK EAGLE for example) you could at least guarantee that a level of martial arts would be involved in the movie anyway. Here, he's a ninja who somehow also happens to work for an elite US agency responsible for combating terrorism both home and abroad. People who look out for nepotism in movies will note that Kosugi casts both of his kids in fairly substantial roles – a trend he would follow as his career progressed.

Although the heroes don't provide much excitement, at least their characters are mildly realistic and subdued when compared to the trio of villains that the film offers. First up is a turbanned Arab who just laughs manically throughout and sweats a lot – trust me, this soon becomes irritating. Next up is an afroed black female mercenary whose over-the-top acting style is a real annoyance, and finally there's a crippled (?) German scientist ringleader, played by a guy who's overacting knows no bounds. Gosh, this guy is terrible, and whether dubbed or not his comedic, racist accent is utterly abhorrent and moronic. I had to make an effort not to mute the movie when he was on screen, he's that bad. The female characters are of the blonde bimbo variety popular on our screens during the misogynistic decade.

The film shambles badly from one scene of action to the next, taking in a variety of locations. The best I can say about this film is that at least it isn't a homegrown Filipino movie – now they usually are bad, confined to a single location and looking cheap every second. At least this film looks slightly polished. But it doesn't help a lot. Everything is clichéd and even fights on board helicopters don't really help to fuel the minimal excitement levels. Instead, it just looks like the film-makers have copied some scenes from the likes of James Bond and Rambo in a bid to win homegrown appeal. Combined with a title which has no relation to the film in hand (the ninja action is inconsequential to the plot and takes up about ten minutes of filler time) and some poor fight choreography, the result is a mess of a movie with only a handful of passable moments.
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3/10
9 Yawns of The Audience
lemon_magic3 May 2011
You know, I can sort of see where the director and producer were trying to go with this one.

There are some elements here that are obviously supposed to be funny, or at least camp: the "Cherman" pervert/Nazi in the wheelchair, the attack midgets, the alarming hairdoes on the two female leads, the Amazon squad, etc.And there are some other elements that were obviously supposed to be sexy and glamorous - the opening credit sequence apes James Bond, Sho Kosugi spends a lot of time with his shirt off, various and bad guys are always on the verge of molesting their female hostages. And some action sequences were obviously meant to pull in the ninja/covert ops fans.

So it looks as if these guys were trying to promote Sho Kosugi from the ninja film ghetto to a more mainstream audience by imitating a Jackie Chan film from the "Armor Of God"/"Protector" era. But they didn't have the chops or the cast or the writing to pull it off. The results are, well, pretty crappy.

9DOTN is stupid where it tries to be witty or camp, and the action sequences are strictly going-through-the-motions. By trading the old rough-cut, cheesy Golan-Globus approach for something slicker and duller, and with even worse acting, the movie manages to throw away whatever reason there was to watch Sho in the first place.

I found my copy of "9 Deaths" in a Crown Pictures compilation with 12 flicks for 5 bucks, so I'm not complaining - much. Watch only if you are the hardest-of-hard-core fan of stupid movies.
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6/10
Join Spike Shinobi and the gang!
tarbosh2200018 October 2010
When German, wheelchair-bound terrorist Alby the Cruel (Dammett) uses his team of female soldiers to take a busload of Americans in the Philippines hostage, a team of special anti-terrorist agents are dispatched to save the innocents. Steve Gordon (Huff), Jennifer Barnes (Emilia Crow) and of course Spike Shinobi (Kosugi) are sent in to save the day. It seems Alby is demanding the release from prison of Rahji (Sonny Erang), a grinning, drooling idiot of a terrorist. He's so evil, he goes around popping kids' balloons just for fun. Once he is released, only one group of people can stop the terrorists and free the hostages...Steve, Jennifer and Spike! Did you think it would be someone else? The fact that Sho Kosugi's name here is Spike Shinobi should tell you everything you need to know about this movie. And that it was shot in the Philippines (and that it's a Crown International production). Knowing these things should help you appreciate the silliness within. This anti-terrorist crew hangs out together by the pool, and Spike practices his sword skills on watermelons, then serves them to his compatriots. Narrowly missing a kitten while blindfolded sword-chopping is an important technique to have. Also they have very snappy matching jumpsuits. But when their boss calls in "Dark Team - Red Option 4" they snap into action. This obviously isn't to be confused with Robert Vaughn's "Control 5" from Deadly Reckoning (1998).

Blackie Dammett chews the scenery as Alby, and his beloved pet, a monkey with a diaper, is a highlight of his terrorist training camp (any bad guy worth his salt has one). But are they any match for the blow-pop loving Spike (he has a special holster on his belt to hold his blow pops)? When the action in the movie turns to a jungle scenario as the team gets closer to the training camp, Huff goes all Rambo with his headband and giant machine gun. They're really pulling out all the stops because Kosugi's sons Shane and Kane are trapped on the hijacked bus. Luckily, they are crafty li'l devils that have some tricks up their sleeve as well.

Sure, many things about this film make no sense, including the fact that Sho isn't technically a ninja in the film, and the title makes NO sense considering the action in the film, but they needed to call it something cool, especially because the ninja boom was in full swing at this time. I guess they figured simply the presence of Sho Kosugi made this a ninja movie. All of the silly stunts and nonsensical actions are completely and totally justified by the amazing opening credits sequence. They really don't make 'em like this anymore. It really should have gone on longer. Sadly, the movie never improves upon this opening sequence. We can't describe it, you just have to see it for yourself. You'll be glad you did.

For pretty ridiculous, pseudo-ninja action, try Nine Deaths of the Ninja. You could do a lot worse. This at least has some crazy, silly, funny stuff, which can't be said about a lot of other movies of its ilk. Plus it has Sho. If you see it, get it.

For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com
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8/10
Over the top silly action film is worth a a bowl of popcorn and a soda. How do I know its good? Its used to be one of the top stolen VHS tapes at my store
dbborroughs18 August 2009
Warning: Spoilers
One of the early ninja movies that was responsible for the brief vogue of low budget ninja films. This stars Sho Kosugi as a ninja who is part of elite anti-terrorism squad sent to the Philippines to rescue a bus load of kidnapped tourists. Another of the films from my days at the video store that was perpetually rented and perpetually stolen since it's a fine example of grind house exploitive cinema coupled with the manic "Mondo Macabro" of films of Asia . This is a film that broke out of the normal grind houses and found a wider release in other theaters before finding a home in the action section of video stores. At the time this came out most people really didn't know that much about martial arts films out side of the typical period Shaw Brothers films or Bruce Lee so it over the top style that included Dick Tracy wrist radios and a pack of killer dwarfs in fedoras. Very tongue in cheek the film never takes itself seriously and its easy to forgive its lumpy bits, more so because the action, while often fantastical is really well done. Watching the film last night for the first time in probably a decade or more I was shocked by how good it was. I was smiling from ear to ear. Once more I know why this film once was a much sought after film for a Saturday night rental. Those looking for a good way to spend a lazy evening on the couch are directed toward this wonderfully tongue in cheek film. Worth a Bowl of popcorn, a soda and repeated viewings.
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10/10
An astonishingly abominable unsung camp classic
Woodyanders28 May 2007
Warning: Spoilers
A band of nefarious terrorists lead by crippled ruthless drug kingpin Alby the Cruel (the stunningly dreadful Blackie Dammett, who does a third-rate Dr. Strangelove impression throughout the entire movie) kidnap a bus full of tourists who include a U.S. congressman. Alby demands the release of a dangerous criminal cohort and that all the drug enforcement agents in the Phillippines leave the country. The American government send in the courageous DART team -- lollipop-sucking ace martial artist Spike Shinobi (stolid Sho Kosugi), macho meathead Steve Gordon (the extremely obnoxious Brent Huff) and hot blonde babe Jennifer Barnes (the gorgeous Emilia Lesniak) -- to save the day. Emmett Alston, the same low-budget movie blunder wonder who blessed us with the shoddy seasonal slasher stinker "New Year's Evil" and the amusingly inane Bigfoot sci-fi/horror bomb "Demonwarp," writes and directs this amazingly abominable chopsocky action opus with a staggering ineptitude that's a true gloriously ghastly marvel to behold. Ray H. Wagner's crude cinematography, Cecile Colayco's cheesy score, the ridiculous villains (an especially wicked lesbian is named Honey Hump!), and the incredibly awful acting are all uniformly pathetic. A simply stupendous pseudo-James Bond style opening credits sequence with a bare-chested sword-brandishing Kosugi, lots of swirling mist, and three terrible lady dancers clad in leotards rates as a definite campy highlight. The maladroitly staged action scenes are often unintentionally uproarious: Kosugi beats up a bunch of guys while disguised as an old man and even fights four dwarfs sporting sunglasses and really bad teeth. A total four-star sidesplitting schlock howler.
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8/10
Utterly hysterical!
sarastro728 June 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Of course, you know the phrase "so bad, it's good". Well, I'm usually not into bad taste for the sake of bad taste (as several of my friends are), but this movie is an exception. It is quite simply the funniest "serious" movie I've ever seen. It's supposed to be a cool, albeit uproariously derivative, action/ninja movie, and it's just impossibly bad. The plot doesn't work, the Dr. Strangelove-clone - a relatively subtly gay Nazi - is allied with Black lesbians (the leader of which, to top it off, is named "Honey Hump") and Muslim terrorists, and the ninjas that the main character fights are not connected to the rest of the cast or story at all! They just appear and are vanquished and that's that. The hero, Sho Kosugi, acts (and fights) atrociously, and his lollipops and various ninja gadgets are so silly that you are forced to laugh from the very moment he appears on screen.

The action sequences are beyond laughable (a guy casually jumping from ten feet and onto a cardboard box dies from the terrible fall - you'll know the scene when you see it; it's priceless - just after the dwarf fight) and the dialog is absolutely ridiculous - in most cases most likely made up on the spot. I had a very hard time believing that this was a serious movie, but I've been persuaded that it is (except of course for its conscious ripping off of several better-known movies and story lines).

The genius of this movie is that it maintains its outrageously bad style perfectly throughout its duration. I have not laughed so much at a bad movie since I can't remember when. Trust me, this is going to end up as the Rocky Horror Picture Show of action movies. It is a camp cult movie of epic proportions.

In 1985 I probably would have rated it a 2 out of 10. In 2005 the badness of it has become vintage.

8 out of 10.
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So Bad It's...Bad.
heroinhotwater24 November 2004
As soon as I saw the box, I knew that I was going to buy this. However, as we have all learned, it is a mistake to judge a book by it's cover. I thought that I would be getting myself into some hilarious ninja kung fu action cheese and instead, I am treated to a bunch of wimpy commandos who tie people up instead of finding unique ways to kill them. The back cover depicts a man hanging from a helicopter while another man (inside the helicopter) kicks at him and a fleet of four women in tan commando clothing (led y a black woman with a big afro, holding a gun). I was SEVERELY let down and expected it to be a lot more entertaining than it actually was. I have the same feeling that I got after I watched "Bulletproof Monk." Expecting something that's going to be horribly good and instead getting something that is horribly horrible. How HORRIBLE!
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1/10
My name is honey hump
nogodnomasters22 September 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Thee people form an anti-terrorist group. They must fight in the Philippines to save a tour bus full of hostages. The bad guys are lead by Dr. Strangelove and Angela Davis or their doubles. Her name is Honey Hump.

The acting was terrible. The plot inane. What was with the midget fighters? My mouth was agape during the opening ballet credits. Futuristic, as this was made with MST-3000 in mind. A "so bad it is good" film.

No swearing, sex, or nudity in the multi-pack version I watched.
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1/10
Hokum Galore
zardoz-1316 April 2016
Warning: Spoilers
"Three-Way Weekend" writer & director Emmett Alston's "Nine Deaths of a Ninja" qualifies as a campy, low-budget, abduction actioneer lensed on location in the Philippines. Primarily, Alston's film showcases Sho Kosugi's skills as a martial artist and he is pretty good with his swordplay. We learn from a flashback sequence that our courageous hero failed to become a ninja because he refused to kill a woman who would have killed him after insisting on mercy from him. The lollipop sucking Kosugi ends up serving as part of an elite, three-member, anti-terrorist strike force designated the DART Team that carries out missions against America's enemies. A demented cripple confined to a wheelchair, with a small pet monkey decked out in briefs, commands a million dollar drug smuggling business. He kidnaps a bus load of American tourists at gunpoint with the help of black lesbian colonel named Holly Hump. This nutty villain demands the release of a ruthless terrorist associate as well as ousting several drug enforcement agents home who have harassed his illicit operation. Spike Shinobi (Sho Kosugi of "Enter the Ninja"), Steve Gordon (Brett Huff of "Oblivion 2: Backlash"), and Jennifer Barnes (Emilia Lesniak of "Fear City") show up as a response to a summons from a government official named Rankin (Vijay Amritraj of "Octopussy"). Meantime, the tone of this farcical feature is set by that whining villain with the pet monkey. The chief adversary is known as Alby the Cruel (Blackie Dammett of "Lethal Weapon") and he speaks in a helium voice, has tantrums, and behaves like Doctor Strangelove. He wears a Nazi swastika pin on his coat lapel, puffs away on crudely rolled marijuana cigarettes and behaves like an ass. Spike and company rescue the hostages after a series of tame ordeals and tangle with the ruthless terrorist goon, Mohammed Rahji (Sonny Erang of "Super Mouse and the Roborats"), modeled on that ultra-huge James Bond villain Jaws. This absurd Rahji character is virtually indestructible and constantly laughs. At one point, Spike discharges an automatic pistol at point blank range into Rahji's fist, and the villain catches the bullet and hands it back to Spike. This goofy adventure opus is laced with low humor. In another scene, a small child intervenes in the rape of a woman by one of the kidnappers. The child squirts lighter fluid on the villain buttocks and ignites the fluid, foiling the rape attempt. Things get really hilarious when our hero has to fight four midgets in a museum. Yes, this movie came out long after Roger Moore fought one midget in "The Man with the Golden Gun." The opening credits look as if Alston designed them to imitate a 007 epic because two scantily clad babes dance while Kosugi demonstrates various ninja moves. At another one, the masculine American hero that Brent Huff plays wields a multi-barreled machine gun like Rambo might shoot. Naturally, Kosugi plays everything straight when he doesn't don his usual disguises. Later, he went on to double for Lee Van Cleef in the short-lived NBC-TV series "The Master." The lady-in-charge of an exotic love barge, Madame Woo-Pee (Judy Wilson), delivers the most memorable line when she replies to our hero's inquiry about the cleanliness of her prostitutes: "My girls are sterilized, sanitized and lobotomized!" Mind you, there is no nudity, but there is a severed head in a box. At best, this travesty of an action movie is a curiosity piece. If you're looking for vintage 1980s style nonsense with lots of loopy humor, "Nine Deaths of a Ninja" will satisfy you. Actually, only one ninja dies in this idiocy.
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1/10
Too many ways to reach # 1....(Out of 10)
fmarkland327 August 2006
Nine Deaths Of The Ninja stars Sho Kosugi as a Ninja who with commando Brent Huff kicks a lot of terrorist butt while saving hostages in the process of this painful Ninja movie which could very well be the worst ninja movie ever made. Imagine that, worse than American Ninja 3, worse than Ninja III:The Domination, worse than Ninja Turf, worse than any Godfrey Ho ninja movie. Does that say anything or what? Nine Deaths Of The Ninja was terrible when it came out but now it is even more unwatchable. The action sequences are badly staged and the movie is so awful we can't believe what we are seeing half of the time. Worst of all is that Kosugi rarely uses his martial arts skills and in general seems wasted in this effort. Also of note is that the terrorist angle was lame since this happens in some third world country where this was obviously filmed on the cheap. This is one really bad movie but worst of all is just how direly unwatchable it all is. It is dull, badly made and just cringe inducing to watch. It is quite possibly the worst ninja movie ever made and although I haven't seen every Ninja movie, I highly doubt that anything can be worse than this stinker.

1/2* out of 4-(Awful)
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1/10
i would prefer the nine deaths than to have to experience this travesty again
disdressed1229 May 2010
wow.is this thing ever horrid.i tried to get through it all,but at the 44 minute mark,i couldn't take it anymore.it isn't the low production values that killed this thing.many movie have low production values due to budget constraints,and still turn out to be decent film,or better.no,what kills this monstrosity is the horrific dialogue with even more horrific delivery and non acting.plus,the plot(although that may be too strong a word)is pretty incoherent.Sho Kosugi is one of the stars,and he has actually been in some decent films.this just isn't one of them.given a choice i'd use my face as a pin cushion before going near this thing again.or better yet,give me the nine deaths in the title.one of the worst travesties i've had the misfortune of viewing.1/10
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9/10
The best Ninja film of all-time!
NickDeckard16 October 2009
Firstly, this isn't the worst ninja film of all-time...if you want to see proper Ninja badness try any of Godfrey Ho's works of genius! (Ninja Squad / Ninja Terminator / Ninja Dragon / Golden Ninja Warrior etc etc) - They have production costs that make this film seem like the most expensive production of all time.

Secondly - this is the funniest Ninja film of all time. I suspect that the cast and crew of this film were not completely sober the whole time - in fact, most of the actors(not Sho Kosugi!) seem drunk/out of it/stoned. Watch it and see! Sho Kosugi is under the impression that he is James Bond....from the opening (extremely cringey) credits you can see this...its quite funny to watch as he seems to be the only actor taking this seriously. Sho Kosugi doesn't really do hardly any actual martial arts in this film which is a bit weird considering its a ninja film.

Third - Alby the Cruel. Now this is the best bad guy of all time! He has a pet monkey. He drives round in a wheelchair (even though he doesn't need it). Hes an escaped gay Nazi (I think the film makes this clear). Hes totally demented. His private army are a bunch of lesbians lead by the most demented woman you have ever seen on your TV (watch her crazed face and eyes - she is definitely on something during the whole film - its that or shes the best actress in the world ahem). Hes like Dr Strangelove - on acid. Every time he is on the screen Im almost crying laughing....and this was when I was sober! You want more? OK - how about the all-American hero whose nickname is 'Macho Man' and is a contender for worst actor of all time. How about their boss who is so wooden he must actually be the worst actor of all time - I think he must be the money behind the film as there is no other explanation as to how he could get on film (I checked into this - and my suspicions were correct!). The blonde 'communications expert' is the eye-candy of the film - shes very nice to look at but while you're watching you will notice how she seems completely stoned all the time! See how her eyes are barely open even when shes talking and the fact that she slurs all her lines! Its quite amazing...

Even more? OK - how about the "7ft pervert" (quote from the film) who gets released from jail and keeps laughing all the time? For no apparent reason. He is so bad he bursts kids balloons for fun! There's also a Peter Crouch lookalike with bad teeth who is pretty funny too.

I don't know how to stop talking about this film! I got the Korean Region 0 DVD - its in proper 2:35 format and the picture is really good compared to the old USA 4:3 one I had. Definitely get the Korean one if you can because its way better than the USA one (you can find it on Ebay easy enough).

I've been re-watching all the old 80s ninja films and they are all funny to a degree or so. Some even are quite good in a no-brainer action way. But - none of them are as entertaining as this one. Even if you don't like ninja films (in fact, if you hate them that might help!)you will love this unsung gem...

Have I convinced you yet? Are you ready for the 9 Deaths of the Ninja?
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1/10
utterly dreadful
ajb787620 May 2006
I was unlucky enough to catch this movie on sky a few night ago,i saw a few of those eighties ninja movies in my youth and in a generous and drunken nostalgic mood i thought that i would give it a try.That turned out to be a mistake because this movie is so awfully,shockingly,unbelievably bad that you will not be able to take your eyes off the screen,a 90 minute train wreck,wooden acting,lousy script,bad camera and sound work,rubbish editing,not to mention the not very convincing fights(this movie is even worse than that other Sho kosugi flic "Black Eagle") .And that opening sequence with Sho Kosugi doing that bit with his sword while those three bimbo"s dance around him,my God i would rather watch puppies being tortured.This movie only works if you get good and drunk before watching it and then take the mickey without mercy all the way through.A masterclass in how to get it wrong.
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Great film for the brain dead
modius12 May 1999
Will somebody find the director and producer of this film and convince them to take new employment!

Lets be honest, one man cannot dodge five people firing arrows at him whilst he is three foot away!

At the beginning of the film why is the so-called ninja prancing around in a traffic warden's outfit.

I quite enjoyed the beginning of the film where the Ninja apparantly 'trains' on a smoke filled battle field. But I feel it would have been better served had the cast all died during the grenade scene.

The plot, the little there is of it, is so mind numbingly boring that I had to take a 15 minute break half way through the film to watch something intellectual like the teletubbies.

I like to question the use of tin foil as throwing stars in the film!

The film as far as I could make out was about a terrorist who wears ladys gloves, kidnaps some tourists and makes some bad speechs whilst the US government gets Sho Kosgui, some ninja bloke, to rescue them with the aid of some intelligence officers.

I lost the plot after this point, I was put off by the bad dialogue, wooden acting and less than convincing special effects.

Some people claim this film to be a cult film, however I'd like to point out that my definition of a cult is a small group of people who are mentally unstabled which is perfect for this film. And now I hear this film is on DVD - I urge you not to buy this film, unless you want a good laugh.
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3/10
Grade-F.
gridoon21 October 2002
A grade-F martial-arts flick. The action/fight scenes (which can sometimes redeem an otherwise lousy film of this genre) are below average (let's just say that the bad guys are more than willing to die all-too-easily), and the actors (especially the villains) have no conviction in what they are doing. This one is only if you're DESPERATE for a ninja film, no matter how bad it may be. (*1/2)
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9/10
Ninja Girl getting an Arrow in her Back
blocherd19 September 2004
The most interesting part of the film was when the lead character had to practice in a forest of other ninjas! One of the Ninjas he pulls off the mask as is revealed to appear as a teen age girl! He refuses to kill her and proceeds to walk away, she then pulls out a knife to go after him but unknown to the girl that his master was watching over him with a bow & arrow in hand, and the master shot an arrow squarely into this girl's back, and she staggered with it for about a minute before she finally collapsed! It seems so seldom to see a female character getting wounded in the back! I just wish that the camera could have shown the girl from behind showing the arrow sticking in her back!
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3/10
Bored to Death by the (lack of) Ninja
bgajunkie1 December 2015
A team of worldwide anti-terrorism specialists are called in for high impact combat missions - starring Sho Kosugi. Right up front I will state that I was sorely disappointed - if not downright angry that Sho Kosugi was ever involved in this rubbish p.o.s. film.

It has been a long time since I watched Sho in a movie, but I well remember him as the guy that started the ninja movie craze from humble beginnings. So I had hoped that this would be at least watchable if not satisfying. I wondered why this had never been shown AFAIK, on network TV for a long time if ever, so when it showed up on Talking Pictures TV on Freeview, thought - why not. I am sorry I wasted my time recording it.

Talking Pictures TV (channel 81 Freeview or Sky 34)
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1/10
The Nadir
haildevilman11 May 2007
Thankfully, this finished off the Ninja films that were all the rage at the time.

This was one utter piece of tripe. It had no business finding itself among the Sho Kosugi numbers that were coming out yearly. The plot was a carbon copy of the previous ones. And the acting was so wooden and/or OTT it wasn't even amusing.

The action was barely passable. But it wasn't anything that hadn't been seen over and over again already. I felt like I had seen this many times before.

There is a very good reason why this video is found in cheap bins. Also why most outlets have this in the used/for sale pile. Translation; "Please get this out of here." Toss it.
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1/10
Sigh... (might contain spoilers - is there anything here that can be spoiled, btw?)
borchorst25 February 2007
This is the worst piece of cr*p I've ever seen. Unrealistic fighting, bad choreography, lousy actors. The only mitigating factor in this excuse for a film are the female sidekicks - they really found some babes to do the job. I practise martial arts myself, and seeing people fall over before they're hit might be hilarious, but not in any way realistic, as well as the bad guys consistent groaning and the high-pitched, hysterical voice of the boss in the wheelchair and the female, black (!) malaysian terrorist with the wide open eyes and the hysterical voice. The best actors in this film are the two small boys. I might have enjoyed this "movie" at the age of 12.
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