Malibu Express (1985)
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That's right, and more power to him, I say.
Any guy who makes a living out of making red-blooded movies about murder, deceit, blackmail and double-crosses then loads them with more beautiful women than a year's worth of Playboy subscriptions is my kinda film maker.
Hinton is the detective on the case but let's not talk about him. What about those ladies? Weismeier, Edwards, Sutton and Michaels are all women who deserve a second look (or third or fourth or seventeenth), but then there's Sybil Danning.
Anyone familiar with my reviews of her movies knows I think any Sybil is good Sybil and this one is about as good as it gets. She is out in full force and takes command of the screen like no one else.
But even if you just pay attention to the story, that won't hurt, either. It's actually a good one this time around and makes you wonder what the next plot twist is.
The perfect guy movie. Sorry, ladies.
Eight stars and a big shiny pistol for "Malibu Express".
From his cute days as Daniel Boone's son he has developed into a very handsome man - and you see "most" of him in this soft core flick along with costar Brent Clark who has a HOT shower scene. Actually Darby's most fleshy scene is also in the shower (great ass but no frontal male nudity in this film). Pool views of his torso, however, are definitely eye-candy. There is also a lot of attractive female skin for those who seek it, but not to the point that this is exclusively a "guy flick."
Most of the characters are played with the same underdevelopment as they were written. Don't look for literature or drama here. But if you want light, frothy, sexual titillation... you've found it.
Former child star Darby Hinton takes over the hero role this time.
He's your typical macho hero too. Lives by the sea. Knows about weapons. Can drive anything. Big blonde dude with an eighties mustache. You know the type.
He also beds every loose woman in this film. And that's pretty much every woman in this film. Every 20 minutes it seemed like he scored.
The fact that there were a few porn stars among the cast helped. Ol' Darby wasn't the ONLY guy getting' lucky here.
This had more of a breast fetish than 'Stacey.' For that alone, most men will dig it. But this film was as realistic as your average A-Team episode. That's not a bad thing mind you, just don't forget.
It all ties to a businessman whose being supplied monetary funds from Lady Lillian's daughter, Liza(Lorraine Michaels). He sends his muscle after Cody(Hinton), needing to recover some film shot by Shane(Brett Clark), the butler before he died after the killer shot and stabbed him. The film has the face of the killer who was escaping after removing a tape from Shane's video recorder. Sybil Danning has a minor role as Contessa Luciana, an agent who not only hires Cody but is one of his (many)lovers as well. Well, Danning is here basically to show a little skin, mostly in a teeny bikini or gowns which are designed to showcase her figure and big jugs. Practically the entire female cast hired by Sidaris are nude models and Playboy bunnies, and Cody gets plenty of action(..as does Clark who not only beds Lady Lillian's daughter, Liza, but her daughter-in-law, Anita, played by Shelley Taylor Morgan, as well)in the process.
Thrown in the mix is this family of hicks who constantly challenge Cody to street races and a female cop, Beverly(Lori Sutton), who assists him in his case..among other things. Unveiled as Cody works on the case is that Lillian's son, Stuart(Michael A Andrews), married to Anita, is gay(..and moonlights as a transvestite,), one of three Shane was attempting to extort. Cody's affair with a race car driver, June Khnockers(..yuck, yuck), is played for laughs when he uses her vehicle to evade the trio of assassins after the role of film..Lynda Wiesmeier is always pulling out her tits, often getting the attention she seeks after. Another gag is two honeys who have a boat docked on the same harbor as Cody, always calling on him for a little hanky panky, with him often too busy to take them up on their offers. It's important to understand what you are getting yourself into when popping in an Andy Sidaris movie because his work doesn't exactly appeal to the head on your shoulders..if you catch my drift.
Sybil Danning. She's always impressed me with her acting, and boy does she look sensational! I'd watch any film she's featured in.
Good story. It's well-above the usual Sadaris films.
This film has one major gaff in it. I don't recall ever seeing a movie in which a guy gets stabbed in the gut, and his wound is revealed before he's ever stabbed! What's with that? Funny, though. Sadaris should be able to "fix" that problem in a matter of minutes, with modern-day tech skills.
I have this DVD, and wouldn't take anything for it. Well worth repeat viewing! Two thumbs up, even with the gaff!
Movie starts strong, but then meanders into really tough to sit thru story. And you start to player hate on Cody, since he gets all these beautiful 80's playmates.
No matter, I enjoyed it for what it was.
The woman in this movie were real not like his other movies where a average guy would not have a chance dating them. I liked this movie alot and would highly recommend it to my friends.
The plot to Malibu Express comes second to the macho posturing and female nudity, so I won't go into detail, other than to say that it's about industrial espionage and it's crap—not that the action is much better, consisting of poorly choreographed fight scenes, unconvincing shootouts, and the occasional car chase. Even worse is the comic relief, which comes in the form of a family of obnoxious, obese hicks who repeatedly challenge cowboy private eye Cody to drag races—imagine Enos from The Dukes of Hazzard, crossed with Sheriff J.W. Pepper from Bond, the Beverly Hillbillies, and those bikers from Every Which Way You Can, and you still won't come close to how inane and irritating these characters are.
The women are, of course, all attractive (fat hillbilly mother and wheelchair-bound matriarch aside), all over-sexed, and all over the hero, meaning that there are regular bouts of soft-core sex. With such regular titillation on display, it soon loses its novelty factor. Who would have thought that big tits could become tedious? I had more fun keeping a mental tally of the shower scenes and marvelling at the treasure trove of now defunct technology that is on display throughout the film (Cody drives a Delorean, and is mighty proud of his pager and micro-cassette Dictaphone; bad guy Shane opted for Betamax to record his sex sessions).
Malibu Express's wall-to-wall hot totty means that, according to my strict(ish) code, I am compelled to give the film a 4/10; Sybil Danning topless always earns another point, making it a 5 in total, but on no account take that rating as a recommendation.
* * Out of 4-(Fair)
The jokes weren't funny either. How this film got made is a wonder to me. This is the sorry pimple on the butt of the soft porn industry.
A pox on any who think this is worth while viewing material.