Malibu Express (1985) Poster

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10/10
Good memories
Mike Eder1 April 2006
This movie is the 80s to me. Cheap and tawdry but also earnest and full of heart. Frankly me and friends liked seeing topless girls and were too young to see them any other way. Yet this movie also had a lot of humor and action. I can still watch it because the lead guy was genuinely personable. The world depicted in this movie exists on its own terms. A cross between the world of MacGyver and John Holmes. There were dubious sequels to this film, but the same cast was not used. While Hard Ticket to Hawaii had one or two moments of fun, they never had the down home feel of this Malibu. I must tell you it still makes me laugh. Now for different reasons. It is both an embrace and a condemnation of the high rollers of the 1980s. The crude attitudes about gays and even a semi rape wouldn't fly today, but it stands as a record of a more ignorant yet more laid back time.
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This one has it all!
BlackJack_B12 October 2001
This is what the "Dukes Of Hazzard" would be like if it was geared to adults! Cody Abilene, a man who can't shoot straight with a gun, but can with a...well, you know, is a P.I. trying to solve a crime involving a rich family being bilked out of its cash. This one has it all, gorgeous babes, graphic violence, great sex scenes (for 1985), a good plot, and a hilarious sub-plot involving The Hogg family's cousins, The Buffingtons. A Russ Meyer film made for the 1980's by Andy Sidaris, and a memorable one. The best scene is when Cody needs to find a new car to replace the one he lost, and he goes to a used car lot owned by a woman who recognizes who he is, and when he request to buy a car, the lady starts to seduce him; and later, when he leaves, he says (in a first person voiceover, that he was raped!). Good stuff.
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10/10
Greatest movie ever made...
MikeFX6 October 2001
And I've still yet to finish watching it! Definitely the guiltiest pleasure one could have. How can you not like a movie that features quasi-attractive 80's playmates and a red DeLorean! I recommend this to everyone.
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8/10
Jump on the Sybil "Express"!
Mister-618 November 1999
Okay, guys, why do we watch Andy Sidaris films?

That's right, and more power to him, I say.

Any guy who makes a living out of making red-blooded movies about murder, deceit, blackmail and double-crosses then loads them with more beautiful women than a year's worth of Playboy subscriptions is my kinda film maker.

Hinton is the detective on the case but let's not talk about him. What about those ladies? Weismeier, Edwards, Sutton and Michaels are all women who deserve a second look (or third or fourth or seventeenth), but then there's Sybil Danning.

Anyone familiar with my reviews of her movies knows I think any Sybil is good Sybil and this one is about as good as it gets. She is out in full force and takes command of the screen like no one else.

But even if you just pay attention to the story, that won't hurt, either. It's actually a good one this time around and makes you wonder what the next plot twist is.

The perfect guy movie. Sorry, ladies.

Eight stars and a big shiny pistol for "Malibu Express".
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Darby is a hottie
gcoberly26 August 2006
Hinton is charmingly alluring; the plot is inconsequential.

From his cute days as Daniel Boone's son he has developed into a very handsome man - and you see "most" of him in this soft core flick along with costar Brent Clark who has a HOT shower scene. Actually Darby's most fleshy scene is also in the shower (great ass but no frontal male nudity in this film). Pool views of his torso, however, are definitely eye-candy. There is also a lot of attractive female skin for those who seek it, but not to the point that this is exclusively a "guy flick."

Most of the characters are played with the same underdevelopment as they were written. Don't look for literature or drama here. But if you want light, frothy, sexual titillation... you've found it.
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8/10
Enjoyable lowbrow romp
Woodyanders8 June 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Cowboy private eye and studly ladies' man par excellence Cody Abilene (an affable performance by the hunky Darby Hinton) gets involved in a complex plot involving black and espionage while investigating the murder of a rich lady's husband. Writer/director Andy Sidaris relates the slight'n'silly story at a constant snappy pace and maintains a winningly breezy'n'easy tongue-in-cheek tone throughout. Moreover, Sidaris milks plenty of goofy laughs from a comic relief redneck family who always challenge Cody to an automobile race and Cody's hopeless ineptitude with handling firearms. Best of all, a bevy of beautiful babes happily bare their tasty wares with pleasing frequency: the always delectable Sybil Danning is in fine sultry form as the cunning and enticing Contessa Luciana, Lori Sutton burns up the screen as saucy cop Beverly, buxom blonde bombshell Lynda Wiesmeier has a field day as busty'n'lusty stock car race driver June Khnockers, and yummy Playboy Playmates Lorraine Michaels, Kimberly McArthur, and Barbara Edwards all dutifully doff their duds in the name of cheerfully leering exploitation. Veteran character actor Art Metrano has a cool supporting part as hot-tempered foul-mouthed goon Matthew while Brett Clark is suitably slimy as sleazy chauffeur Shane. The surprisingly convoluted narrative keeps the viewer guessing right until the very end. Howard Wexler's sunny cinematography gives the picture an attractive bright look. Henry Strzelecki's twangy countryish score hits the harmonic spot. Good blithely trashy fun.
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5/10
Stacey part II
haildevilman25 August 2006
Sidaris took his 'Stacey' and remade it with a male lead.

Former child star Darby Hinton takes over the hero role this time.

He's your typical macho hero too. Lives by the sea. Knows about weapons. Can drive anything. Big blonde dude with an eighties mustache. You know the type.

He also beds every loose woman in this film. And that's pretty much every woman in this film. Every 20 minutes it seemed like he scored.

The fact that there were a few porn stars among the cast helped. Ol' Darby wasn't the ONLY guy getting' lucky here.

This had more of a breast fetish than 'Stacey.' For that alone, most men will dig it. But this film was as realistic as your average A-Team episode. That's not a bad thing mind you, just don't forget.
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6/10
Russ Meyer Lite...And Worth It
statuskuo3 September 2013
"Malibu Express" are those movies your parents didn't let you watch back in the day. When the plot slows, that's when the girl's tops come off. And THANK GOD. Andy Sidaris knows what we want. Similar to Russ Meyer...this is a sweet romp of a ridiculous plot. But everyone attacks it with such sincerity, you HAVE to love it. I wished I was old enough to have given the option to watch this at a drive-in. This would've been awesome.

Movie starts strong, but then meanders into really tough to sit thru story. And you start to player hate on Cody, since he gets all these beautiful 80's playmates.

No matter, I enjoyed it for what it was.
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7/10
Malibu Express
Scarecrow-8826 September 2009
Warning: Spoilers
I believe that in order to enjoy an Andy Sidaris movie, you must be a REALLY undemanding viewer, accepting that story-telling takes a back seat to showing as much bare female flesh as possible along with a fair amount of violence(..carried out in a more tongue-in-cheek way). While the plot in Malibu Express does become rather needlessly convoluted, Sidaris doesn't allow it to get in the way of delivering plenty of fake tits and athletic bodies. Darby Hinton, the star of the film(..modeled after the looks of a Jameson Parker or Chuck Norris)is all smiles, as well as he should be considering the amount of ladies who offer their bodies to him, as a private eye put on the case of uncovering the identity of the person behind selling computer chip secrets to the Russians. Soon he is involved in uncovering the person involved in the murder of a butler / driver who was blackmailing the household of a rich wheel-chair bound aristocrat, Lady Lillian Chamberlain(Niki Dantine).

It all ties to a businessman whose being supplied monetary funds from Lady Lillian's daughter, Liza(Lorraine Michaels). He sends his muscle after Cody(Hinton), needing to recover some film shot by Shane(Brett Clark), the butler before he died after the killer shot and stabbed him. The film has the face of the killer who was escaping after removing a tape from Shane's video recorder. Sybil Danning has a minor role as Contessa Luciana, an agent who not only hires Cody but is one of his (many)lovers as well. Well, Danning is here basically to show a little skin, mostly in a teeny bikini or gowns which are designed to showcase her figure and big jugs. Practically the entire female cast hired by Sidaris are nude models and Playboy bunnies, and Cody gets plenty of action(..as does Clark who not only beds Lady Lillian's daughter, Liza, but her daughter-in-law, Anita, played by Shelley Taylor Morgan, as well)in the process.

Thrown in the mix is this family of hicks who constantly challenge Cody to street races and a female cop, Beverly(Lori Sutton), who assists him in his case..among other things. Unveiled as Cody works on the case is that Lillian's son, Stuart(Michael A Andrews), married to Anita, is gay(..and moonlights as a transvestite,), one of three Shane was attempting to extort. Cody's affair with a race car driver, June Khnockers(..yuck, yuck), is played for laughs when he uses her vehicle to evade the trio of assassins after the role of film..Lynda Wiesmeier is always pulling out her tits, often getting the attention she seeks after. Another gag is two honeys who have a boat docked on the same harbor as Cody, always calling on him for a little hanky panky, with him often too busy to take them up on their offers. It's important to understand what you are getting yourself into when popping in an Andy Sidaris movie because his work doesn't exactly appeal to the head on your shoulders..if you catch my drift.
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8/10
Sadaris' best movie.
Johnboy122110 November 2006
Although this is just like the other Sadaris movies, with lots of T and A (and I'm not complaining about that), this one is way better than the others. Here's why: Darby Hinton. He is actually engaging, and he gives a fine, believable performance. For the ladies, he's exceptionally good looking, and built like a Greek God. He should have gone on to better things.

Sybil Danning. She's always impressed me with her acting, and boy does she look sensational! I'd watch any film she's featured in.

Good story. It's well-above the usual Sadaris films.

This film has one major gaff in it. I don't recall ever seeing a movie in which a guy gets stabbed in the gut, and his wound is revealed before he's ever stabbed! What's with that? Funny, though. Sadaris should be able to "fix" that problem in a matter of minutes, with modern-day tech skills.

I have this DVD, and wouldn't take anything for it. Well worth repeat viewing! Two thumbs up, even with the gaff!
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5/10
Not a good start
gridoon8 September 2006
Although "Malibu Express" is officially the first film in the Andy Sidaris "Bullets, Bombs and Babes" series, it's clear that he still hadn't perfected the formula that would dominate his later work. The film has a male lead, and most of the women are portrayed as nymphos / sex objects. Of course, I know that in an Andy Sidaris film the women have a tendency to remove their clothes at the drop of a hat, but they also have a tendency to shoot people, blow things up, etc. Apart from one scene, of a crackshot policewoman embarrassing the hero who is a lousy shot, there is none of that in "Malibu Express": in other words, there is no empowerment to balance the exploitation. The film is a low-rent cross between James Bond, "Smokey and the Bandit" (country music, hicks and car races) and Agatha Christie (there is a murder in a household and everybody is a suspect). It's really not very good - Sybil Danning's exceptional body is one of the few redeeming virtues - but I guess it's better than "Howling II", where Sybil's body was the only redeeming virtue. (**)
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Plenty of Ladies...
Coxer999 March 1999
Andy Sidaris film simply made to show off the "talents" of numerous Playmates and Penthouse Pets. He then tries to mask the playmates by creating a murder mystery to keep the flow of the film going. This has become an ongoing trend in many of Sidaris' later films, which are kind of fun. Hinton plays a Magnum P.I.-wannabee who finds himself in a murder and in the clutches of sexy Sybil Danning. There's plenty of Playmates, sex and mystery to keep an audience entertained.
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Pleasure before business (#1)
unbrokenmetal24 May 2008
Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton) is a private eye (living on a huge yacht!) hired to watch over a rich family whose members get involved in cases of blackmail, espionage and murder. The movie uses the typical genre ingredients from the smart-ass off-monologue (explaining the detective's thoughts on the case and clues) to the irresistible femme fatale (Sybil Danning) he meets during his investigations. Because "Malibu Express" has a male hero, it is not completely in line with the 11 following movies about lethal ladies which Andy Sidaris wrote, directed and/or produced until 1998 (read on, I reviewed them all). It was rather "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" which perfected the formula of a typical Sidaris movie. Nonetheless: "Malibu Express" has a lot of scantily clad ladies along the way, is constantly moving at full speed and packed with comedy situations, sometimes as ludicrous as a Russ Meyer movie. I loved the scene when Cody tries to impress two baddies with his muscles - but all of a sudden finds out they are much more muscular than himself... or the girl (Lynda Wiesmeier) trying to make love in a racing car in the middle of a dangerous chase! Oh yes, and „Malibu Express" is "so 80s" with its "make my day" mustached tough guy!
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7/10
Pretty Good
russe-115 December 2002
I must say that Malibu Express is one of Andy Sidaris better movies.

The woman in this movie were real not like his other movies where a average guy would not have a chance dating them. I liked this movie alot and would highly recommend it to my friends.
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10/10
added information about this movie
rab7320 March 2004
i would like to mention that when i gave my view of the "malibu express" movie on wednesday,march 17th,i mispelled cody with a te instead of dy.darby hinton who played cody was a very good actor.he really stood out as being a man on a mission and also he stood out as someone who was very couragous and also someone who was determined to get a job done and also getting it done right.i wonder if he still is an actor today?darby hinton and lynda wiesmeier were both very good actors in this movie.as i previously mentioned,if anyone has any comments that they would like to share with me in regards to this movie,please feel free to do so.
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5/10
Apparently this is one of Sidaris's better films, which makes me scared.
BA_Harrison6 April 2012
This is the first film I've watched from my Andy Sidaris 12-film box set (aptly titled Girls, Guns and G-Strings) and if I had any sense it would probably be the last (sadly, I have very little nous when it comes to my choice in film, so it looks like I have my work cut out for me). Sidaris's formula is simple: dumb action films with dumb heroes and sexy women. The men boast big 'taches, big guns and big muscles; the women sport big hair, big tits, and unfeasibly tiny outfits. But while this might sound like B-movie heaven, in Sidaris's hands, it all proves rather tiresome, the deliberate trashiness becoming really boring, really quick.

The plot to Malibu Express comes second to the macho posturing and female nudity, so I won't go into detail, other than to say that it's about industrial espionage and it's crap—not that the action is much better, consisting of poorly choreographed fight scenes, unconvincing shootouts, and the occasional car chase. Even worse is the comic relief, which comes in the form of a family of obnoxious, obese hicks who repeatedly challenge cowboy private eye Cody to drag races—imagine Enos from The Dukes of Hazzard, crossed with Sheriff J.W. Pepper from Bond, the Beverly Hillbillies, and those bikers from Every Which Way You Can, and you still won't come close to how inane and irritating these characters are.

The women are, of course, all attractive (fat hillbilly mother and wheelchair-bound matriarch aside), all over-sexed, and all over the hero, meaning that there are regular bouts of soft-core sex. With such regular titillation on display, it soon loses its novelty factor. Who would have thought that big tits could become tedious? I had more fun keeping a mental tally of the shower scenes and marvelling at the treasure trove of now defunct technology that is on display throughout the film (Cody drives a Delorean, and is mighty proud of his pager and micro-cassette Dictaphone; bad guy Shane opted for Betamax to record his sex sessions).

Malibu Express's wall-to-wall hot totty means that, according to my strict(ish) code, I am compelled to give the film a 4/10; Sybil Danning topless always earns another point, making it a 5 in total, but on no account take that rating as a recommendation.
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5/10
Express yourself...
Frank Markland23 March 2007
Darby Hinton stars as a private eye (Who looks like a cross between Chuck Norris and Tom Selleck) who investigates espionage, murder and all kinds of fun stuff while getting laid lots and lots of times. Malibu Express is probably for what it's worth the best movie from Andy Sidaris on a technical level. Of course in my opinion his only other watchable movie was Hard Ticket To Hawaii, anyway Malibu Express has some okay action sequences (Even though Hinton's martial arts sequences are badly staged) and features tons of nudity which is the film's main selling point. The story is completely plot less and extremely hard to follow mainly due to the fact that none of the plot threads are ever pursued in a way that would make this work as a mystery. In fact the ending merely explains the outcome because the movie forgets to connect the dots earlier. Basically this is a plot less and rather goofy affair which works better as comedy than it does as action or mystery.

* * Out of 4-(Fair)
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1/10
mikefx is full of it
superjeppy7 May 2003
movie is a waste of film. lots of ugly naked people, thanks, Thats just what I wanna see...

The jokes weren't funny either. How this film got made is a wonder to me. This is the sorry pimple on the butt of the soft porn industry.

A pox on any who think this is worth while viewing material.
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