Hawaii has fallen under the control of a ruthless cartel of seven gangsters. The FBI acquires the services of an ex-agent turned assassin Drew Savano (William Smith) who in turn assemble a team of seven hitmen to stop them.
Smooth-talking Texan sexy cowboy and ambitious private investigator Cody Abilene is assigned by the cryptic Contessa Luciana with the task of watching over the eccentric and well-off Lady Lillian Chamberlain after following up on a lead. In the meantime, an elusive traitor and a serious threat to National security is acting as a courier stealing state-of-the-art computer technology right under the government's nose and selling it back to the Russians. Inevitably, the bodies will soon start piling up as the inconspicuous Cody who infiltrates the luxurious Chamberlain's villa in Bel-Air will unearth a family member's involvement with a project led by the nefarious computer magnate Jonathan Harper. Without a doubt, someone wants desperately Cody dead, however, between murder, blackmail and espionage, good old Cody will always help any woman in distress because after all, there will always be knights in the world.Written by
Generally considered to be the initial Andy Sidaris and Christian Drew Sidaris "L.E.T.H.A.L. Ladies" or "Girls with Guns"-series film despite being the only installment with no major characters or cast members who reappear in future chapters. Continuity is provided in Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) when the character of Rowdy Abilene, played by Ronn Moss, is said to be the brother of Cody Abilene, played by Darby Hinton in this film. See more »
Cody's car does not have license plates. He would never get away with this. See more »
Apparently this is one of Sidaris's better films, which makes me scared.
This is the first film I've watched from my Andy Sidaris 12-film box set (aptly titled Girls, Guns and G-Strings) and if I had any sense it would probably be the last (sadly, I have very little nous when it comes to my choice in film, so it looks like I have my work cut out for me). Sidaris's formula is simple: dumb action films with dumb heroes and sexy women. The men boast big 'taches, big guns and big muscles; the women sport big hair, big tits, and unfeasibly tiny outfits. But while this might sound like B-movie heaven, in Sidaris's hands, it all proves rather tiresome, the deliberate trashiness becoming really boring, really quick.
The plot to Malibu Express comes second to the macho posturing and female nudity, so I won't go into detail, other than to say that it's about industrial espionage and it's crap—not that the action is much better, consisting of poorly choreographed fight scenes, unconvincing shootouts, and the occasional car chase. Even worse is the comic relief, which comes in the form of a family of obnoxious, obese hicks who repeatedly challenge cowboy private eye Cody to drag races—imagine Enos from The Dukes of Hazzard, crossed with Sheriff J.W. Pepper from Bond, the Beverly Hillbillies, and those bikers from Every Which Way You Can, and you still won't come close to how inane and irritating these characters are.
The women are, of course, all attractive (fat hillbilly mother and wheelchair-bound matriarch aside), all over-sexed, and all over the hero, meaning that there are regular bouts of soft-core sex. With such regular titillation on display, it soon loses its novelty factor. Who would have thought that big tits could become tedious? I had more fun keeping a mental tally of the shower scenes and marvelling at the treasure trove of now defunct technology that is on display throughout the film (Cody drives a Delorean, and is mighty proud of his pager and micro-cassette Dictaphone; bad guy Shane opted for Betamax to record his sex sessions).
Malibu Express's wall-to-wall hot totty means that, according to my strict(ish) code, I am compelled to give the film a 4/10; Sybil Danning topless always earns another point, making it a 5 in total, but on no account take that rating as a recommendation.
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