Hobgoblins

How Rick Sloane was allowed to make five movies is harder to believe than cold fusion. This film is absolutely criminal. Before watching this movie I thought Manos: Hands of Fate was the worse piece of crap I ever saw, but at least Manos moves so slowly you might fall asleep, thereby rescuing your eyes from the pain it will suffer. The greatest tragedy of this movie is that the old man that keeps the Hobgoblins "locked" up makes it to the final scene. The time I spent watching this movie was an absolute waste of my life.

After Gremlins hit box office gold it must have seemed like a really good idea to rip it off. Unfortunately Hobgoblins lacks some of the key ingredients of Gremlins, notably the likable characters, plot, credibility and effects, and Gremlins was quite funny in places whereas Hobgoblins just isn't.

In fiction good writers try hard to make you like the main character, that's how fiction has worked ever since some Greek guy put a mask on and pretended to be someone else. So what character have you got to bond with in Hobgoblins? How about a whiny henpecked little weasel in a dead end job with a totally frigid girlfriend and a bunch of friends that are more irritating than having Vanessa Feltz sewn into your face? His friends include a rake-fighting military tough guy, some weedy gay guy in red shorts and a girl so sexual that the mere sound of her boyfriends car horn causes her to lift her skirt up in anticipation.

The film has one good idea, basically these hobgoblins can bring your every fantasy to life. Sadly this good idea is squandered by the actors sheer inability to act as well as plenty of scenes where they hug plush toys to themselves and try to act scared. There's not much logic to it either, the hobgoblins are supposedly locked safely away in a vault with a cage around it. But when we see it neither are even shut. How much effort would it have taken to shout at a stage hand to close them? Too much for this movie unfortunately.

I couldn't escape the feeling that the people responsible for this film put in the very least effort they thought they could get away with. The poster (shown to your left) depicting a 50's pinup being bummed by a gremlin is pretty tacky too.

Ever seen a movie that actually caused you pain to watch? This is movie is the poster child of that. The only reason I watched it at all was because it was on MST3K. HOBGOBLINS is without a doubt the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life.

The story is stupid, so I won't go into much detail. I don't really remember many of the characters anyway. A loser named Kevin (Tom Bartlett) is trying to make his annoying and non-supportive girlfriend proud of him, so he takes a job as a security guard and unleashes a band of stupid-looking puppets called Hobgoblins, who kill people by giving them what they really want. The way this leads to people getting killed is very idiotic. The hobgoblins go on a rampage which results in one guy getting hurt a little and a car getting destroyed. The ending is also stupid and not worth bringing up.

The acting is the worst I have ever seen. None of the actors went anywhere after this movie, nor did any of them deserve to. The special effects, if you can really call them that, were unforgivable. The hobgoblins themselves are the most fake looking puppets I have ever seen.

Unless in MST3K, this movie should be avoided at all costs. I am only praying that some day the government will burn every copy still around, or maybe use it as a weapon in the army someday.

This movie is not just bad, not just corny, it is repulsive. Something about Daphne, about the creepy call-girl, about the whole damn (and I use the word literally) film radiates a grotesquery that would offend a brothel mistress. This film makes my skin crawl, makes me regret having reproductive organs, and makes me feel unclean.

One of the things that bothers me most about this movie is that they used such a good concept. A creature that makes fantasies with disastrous results, rather than the cliché Worst Nightmare and the overdone Twisted Wish, is a truly fascinating film idea.

Thought: The reason why hobgoblins need to be killed before day is that they are attracted to bright lights. During the day, bright lights don't show up well, so they could go anywhere.

Count the Hobgoblins: Four hobgoblins drive out of the film studio, and yet at least nine of the pernicious plush-toys are killed throughout the course of the movie.

Discussion Question: If you had a frigid, demanding, unappreciative girlfriend, would you enter garden-tool-combat with a military chunkhead? Explain.

If movies like Ghoulies rip off Gremlins, then Hobgoblins sinks to the new low of ripping off garbage like Ghoulies. These barely-animated furbies have some kind of scheme to fulfill fantasies (which involve basically groteque characters' sex dreams - oh joy), but what that has to do with anything is anybody's guess, except to let the director indulge his kinky penchant for erotica. They show this down in the 8th circle of Hell, one suspects. There's no real plot - just "goblins - kill!" and feeble attempts at humor and a mild attempt to arouse the viewing audience.