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Title: Gymkata (1985)
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| Complete credited cast: | |||
| Kurt Thomas | ... | Jonathan Cabot | |
| Tetchie Agbayani | ... | Princess Rubali | |
| Richard Norton | ... | Zamir | |
 |
Edward Michael Bell | ... | Paley (as Edward Bell) |
|
|
John Barrett | ... | Gomez |
| Conan Lee | ... | Hao | |
| Bob Schott | ... | Thorg | |
| Buck Kartalian | ... | The Kahn | |
|
|
Eric Lawson | ... | Colonel Cabot |
|
|
Sonny Barnes | ... | Western Trainer |
| Tadashi Yamashita | ... | Eastern Trainer | |
| Sharan Lea | ... | Connie | |
|
|
Zlatko Pokupec | ... | Mackle (as Z. Pokupec) |
|
|
Slobodan Dimitrijevic | ... | Tamerlane (as S. Dimitrijevic) |
|
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Ivo Kristof | ... | Brockschmidt (as I. Kristof) |
Johnathan Cabot is a champion gymnast. In the tiny, yet savage, country of Parmistan, there is a perfect spot for a "star wars" site. For the US to get this site, they must compete in the brutal "Game". The government calls on Cabot, the son of a former operative, to win the game. Cabot must combine his gymnastics skills of the west with fighting secrets of the east and form GYMKATA! Written by Max Halperin <halperin@usc.edu>
The best thing about "Gymkata" is that it takes itself very seriously. Actual men and women worked on this film with no intention of creating a hysterically abominable failure. Yet, despite a premise that fails to produce anything beyond derisive laughter, the project somehow landed financing.
Highlights include: The Khan of Parmistan, a man who looks like Albert Einstein with Carl Levin's comb-over. "The Town of the Crazies," a village of criminally insane people. A man who severs his own hand for no apparent reason in the aforementioned town. A man (also in that town) who wears a cloak with the back cut out to reveal his buttocks. The oft-repeated location, "Karabal, on the Caspian Sea." The title card that lets us know when we've arrived at "Karabal, on the Caspian Sea." Princess Rubali and her odd fascination with cutlery. A man named "Thorg," who has been admired by the hero "since Munich." An actual line of dialogue that refers to "a nightmare in hell." The five punch/kick sound effects that get recycled beyond believability. A character who presumably fell to his death in a gaping, barren canyon only to have his fall "broken by some trees." The random placement of gymnastics apparatuses. The complete lack of resolution to numerous dangling plot points. Kurt Thomas's wardrobe and haircut. The men working at "The Salt Mines," who just poke a large pile of refined salt with hoes. Also, we get the privilege of seeing a shadowy government agent push away a gymnastics groupie who tries to get too close to a post-dismount Kurt Thomas.
If you happen across this movie, you must watch it. "Gymkata" stands as an example of what happens when no one offers a dissenting opinion anywhere in the filmmaking process. This is a technique that was later revealed in Joel Schumacher's "Batman & Robin."
"Gymkata" fulfills every expectation you may have of a film combining gymnastics and ninjitsu. Plenty of gymnastics, plenty of ninjitsu. See it with a friend and enjoy its many failures. All hail "Gymkata!"