Demon: You're gonna get it, bitch!
Anita: Lighten up, Demon, you'll feel a lot better after you shit.
Demon: I'll feel a lot better when I'm out of here. This shitbox is gross.
Anita: You better watch out for the snake that's going to crawl up that crapper and bite your ass.
Sheriff Tucker: I know who it is.
Mayor Cobb: What?
Sheriff Tucker: I said I know who it is.
Mayor Cobb: Who?
Sheriff Tucker: It's Jason Voorhees.
Mayor Cobb: Jason Voorhees? You're outta your fucking mind. You've been out in the sun too long. Jason Voorhees is dead! His body was cremated. He's nothing but a handful of ash.
Sheriff Tucker: [Tucker stands up firmly] You know that for sure, Mayor? Were you there? Did you see him cremated?
Mayor Cobb: Jason Voorhees?
Mayor Cobb: I can't believe this! Look.
[pulls out an ashtray]
Mayor Cobb: This is your "Jason Voorhees" here.
[pours ashes out]
Mayor Cobb: This!
[plants ashtray in Tucker's hand]
Mayor Cobb: Your ass is on the line here, Tucker. Are you getting that? You get me a Goddamn LIVE suspect!
[Cobb exits. Tucker, enraged, breaks the ashtray by throwing it against a wall]
George: Go and let everyone else know breakfast is ready.
Reggie: Yo! Breakfast! Come and get it!
George: I could've done that.
Sheriff Tucker: [talking to himself] What the hell's going on here?
Roy: You talking to me, Sheriff?
Sheriff Tucker: Huh?
Roy: I thought you were talking to me.
Billy: [pulls up to diner] LANA! HEY, LANA!
Lana: Sorry, buster. We're closed.
Billy: It's all right, I just want a take out order.
Lana: You do, huh? Well, what would you like?
Billy: I would like Lana to go with nothing on her.
Lana: Oh, and who wants her?
Billy: The pride of the Unger Institute of Mental Health, who has just dumped his last bedpan and would like very much to party. Will you get your ass out here?
Sheriff Tucker: Morning, Ethel. My, don't you look lovely today.
Ethel: Horse shit! Now, Sheriff, you better hear me, and hear me good. I want this looney bin closed down. You hearin' me fella? Now these kids ain't nothing but trouble. They don't respect other's property, and they're all crazy!
Junior: You tell 'em Ma! Ha hah.
Sheriff Tucker: Ethel, these kids weren't doing...
Ethel: Doing? Doing? You think I don't know what those two perverts were doing in my yard?
Junior: Say it like you mean it, Ma!
Ethel: Would you shut the fuck up?
[the kids laugh for a minute]
Ethel: Now, I'm gonna tell all of ya, you mark my words, the next little bastard that comes near my farm, I'm gonn' blow your fuckin' brains out, you hear me?
Ethel: Don't you come near me, Sheriff, I'm warnin' ya! I got a bomb on me. I swear to ya. You make one move toward me I'm gonna blow us all up. Start the engines, Junior!
[gets on motorbike]
Ethel: That's it. My final words.
[gives them the finger as they drive off]
Ethel: [to chicken] I'm gonna chop you into itty, bitty little pieces, my friend. Just like they done to that piggo over at that fuckin' crazy farm. Eeeeyah!
[imitates Ethel using spoon]
Junior: Ha ha ha ha.
Ethel: You big dildo. Eat your fucking slop! Ain't I make the best goddamned stew in the whole wide world?
Junior: Best goddamned stew in the whole wide world, Mama.
Lana: Hmm, Lana. Lana...
Lana: Hey Lana? Do you want Billy?
Lana: You sure?
Lana: She says she wants you too, but you're gonna have to wait a few minutes 'till she's done inside.
[enters the restaurant]
Ethel: That is one fucking ugly man that goes there.
Junior: That's one fucking ugly man, Mama.
Ethel: Would you shut your trap? You ain't so pretty yourself, you know.
Junior: I ain't so pretty myself, I know.
Vinnie: This is a mess. No way. I refuse to do this! You're the one who keeps fucking around with it so get off your ass and fix it! You understand? Pete!
Vinnie: [Pete honks the horn loudly, startling Vinnie. He then begins to laugh] You are an asshole!
Pete: Aww, what's the matter, Vinnie? You scared of the dark? You all creeped out by that murder at the nuthouse?
Vinnie: Oh yeah, sure. Look, as far as I'm concerned, all those loonies should be killed off one by one. Can you try it now?
Pete: [engine won't start] Geez, man, can't you do anything? Stop screwin' around! Get this thing done by the time I get back. I gotta take a crap.
Vinnie: Crap my ass!
Pete: Just do it, man! I mean it.
Vinnie: [Pete walks away] Fucking asshole!
[Billy is preparing cocaine]
Billy: That's it. That's the whole fuckin' thing right there. There it is, you just stay right there, doll. That's just what the doctor ordered. Nothin' like a little prevented medicine. And, the forecast is; Cloudy in the mountains, sunny in the valleys, and snow flurries, up your nose!
[Takes a whiff]
Ethel: Holy shit! Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?
Vinnie: I'm telling you, Pete, this is bullshit. This really sucks!
Pete: Just do it. Fix it, man. Those cunts aren't gonna wait all night.
Vinnie: [looks under the hood] Oh fuck, this is a mess.
Pete: Alright, either you got the car started for you're a dead man.
[while humming a tune, he tries to start the car]
Pete: It ain't starting, man. You fucked up again. It ain't startin'. I'm gonna kick your ass... Kick your ass. Come on now. Come on now, everybody... It ain't starting. Come on, motherfucker... Fix the fucking car! You fucked up again, you asshole... Hey what you doing out there Vinnie?
[the car finally starts]
Pete: Whoo! Alright, and we're off! Let's go!
[Jason grabs him from behind and slashes his throat]