Evils of the Night (1985)
User ReviewsReview this title
Some people may think that these kinds of movies are completely worthless, but I must disagree. "Worthless" in my opinion means that it pretends to be important but doesn't actually amount to anything. This movie doesn't pretend to be anything but nice, silly fun. Cool.
First of all, the cast is amazing. Carradine and Newmar - no strangers to this terrain - actually manage to pull their roles off with style and dignity. Aldo Ray was probably used to this kind of movie as well, having already appeared in such things as Mongrel and Biohazard - while Tina Louise was `Ginger' on Gilligan's Island. Neville Brand had a distinguished record in World War 2, and afterward found his way into a major Hollywood career, specializing in westerns during the fifties - and notably played Duke, the embittered POW in Stalag 17. In this, his last film, he plays the role of Ray's lackey - and actually appears to be enjoying himself, even while unpleasantly ogling and pawing his captured female victims. Also worth mentioning is the fact that the victims and potential victims are not just cardboard cut-outs, and you actually like them.
Is this movie any good? Well, let me put it this way - it's dumb and cheap and sleazy - but that's exactly what it's intended to be. It would have been a perfect feature on the late, great USA Up All Night, as it's very much in that "style". For the people who consider that a recommendation, dive right in.
The plot has a team of aliens - Dr. Kozmar (John Carradine), Dr. Zarma (Julie Newmar), and Cora (Tina Louise) among them - arriving on Earth. They manipulate two ceaselessly stupid and sleazy garage mechanics, Kurt (Mr. Brand), and Fred (Aldo Ray) into abducting as many of the local airhead oversexed college students as possible, to be used in biological experiments.
Since the victims here are so utterly pathetic (they sure don't do a very good job of trying to save their own worthless asses), one may end up rooting for the antagonists by default.
Add to this mix some painfully loud and peppy pop tunes, a respectable amount of female nudity, and the fumbling direction of Mohammed "Mardi" Rustam, and you get fromage writ large, a cheap genre item that's pretty hard to resist. Rustam had worked as a producer of 70s favourites such as "Psychic Killer" and Tobe Hoopers' "Eaten Alive", and this was his only feature length directing credit on a motion picture.
Newmar and Louise look quite good, as do many of their young co-stars. Carradine may have appeared in a lot of junk unworthy of his talents over the years, but the fact remains that even in stuff like this, he never seemed to phone it in; his performance is the most fun.
Buffs will note that two of the younger cast members, Karrie Emerson and Tony O'Dell, also worked together subsequently in "Chopping Mall".
Eight out of 10.
** (out of 4)
Now here's a strange little oddity. A group of aliens come to Earth where they hire a couple masked men to go out and bring teenagers back to their lair. Once there, the aliens drain them of blood so that they can live.
EVILS OF THE NIGHT is a pretty bad movie but at the same time it has such a fascinating cast that you can't help but be slightly entertained by the madness as long as you're fans of the actors. You've got TV legends Tina Louise and Julie Newmar playing the female aliens in need of blood. You've got John Carradine playing the person that they follow. Then you've got Neville Brand and Aldo Ray playing a couple no-good characters. Five famous and well-known stars surrounded by some young talent with many of them having adult titles to their credit.
Mardi Rustam produced some well-known films ranging from Al Adamson junk to Tobe Hooper's second film. It's clear from this movie that he wasn't meant to be a director but what's really strange about this film is the fact that it looks like a decade too late. If you've seen Jerry Warren's FRANKENSTEIN ISLAND then you know that film seems to be about thirty-years too late and that the director didn't progress with the times. The same can be said here because this is just such an old-fashioned film that you can't help but wonder who it was aimed at.
Of course, the director was at least smart enough to throw some blood to the viewers and there's quite a bit of nudity early on. There are also some pretty silly sex scenes where the women are totally naked and being nailed by men who are still wearing their pants. I'm not sure why but I've always found this to be quite funny. The only saving grace to this picture is the fact that it have five well-known faces.
Pretty cast and lots of things that seem to be building to porno scenes that then stop give this the things you'd fast forward to to get to the sex scenes feel of most of what's left.
Cast of fun and cheesy guest roles are mostly wasted in nothing or slightly silly parts--though all of them seem to try. As to the few porn actors guesting here and the rest, well they are pretty but they really do mostly define "porn" acting at its bad norm.
Film has no sense of style or comedy but the taste in attractive female and male flesh must be praised for what it's worth.
Aliens hang out at a hospital that seems to have no one else in it but the aliens, who are just girls in left over Flash Gordon outfits and John Carradine in a silver jump suit, playing it sober.
Aldo Ray and Neville Brand seem to be having some sleazy fun as the sleazes and they trap some of our young pretty non actors and torture them in what briefly becomes a bit serious and suspenseful.
Lots of flesh, not much sense, a fair amount of boredom, very Little blood, no real alien creatures, perhaps a great porn film that wasn't... or parts of a horror film which does kill some characters you'd not expect to have die.
Not much though really, the director has no clear sense of how to make a film and certainly not how to make a genre blending one like this. Re release poster art removes the large cartoon nipples that adorned the original box and poster art, a really silly badly done poster, now stripped of its most outlandish element. Shows how times have changed.
It begins with some young adults camping, and having lots of sex. Some are murdered and taken to a cheap looking hospital. Two women in '50s style scifi Jetsons outfits wander the halls. Three old aliens of human appearance (Carradine, Louise, and Newmar!) are there, mapping out their plan. They depend on fresh victims for their blood, and they are paying two idiotic mechanics (a gold coin each) to do the kidnapping.
It's a lot of fun. There's a ridiculous easy-listenin' song during a love scene, and other lousy 80s music (one which I suspect might be sung by the dumb blond character). Lots of bad acting, and Karrie Emerson looks hot in red! And, it features the time-honored line "gives me the creeps!". Do they say that in every horror movie???
Irrelevant trivia: at least 3 or 4 porn stars have bit parts in this movie. Even the script was written by a porn veteran. I would love to hear how this project came to be. I hope this gets a DVD release someday soon!
I bought this one for five bucks. The movie starts off on the right foot. Horny teens are making out in the woods. Breasts are freed from their bras before the credits are finished. There are other scenes of girls rubbing suntan lotion on each others breasts and one where two porn stars make out, (Jerry Butler and Amber Lynn). Then the movie goes downhill.
Three geriatric aliens arrive on Earth from their floating disco ball and need blood. So they hire two elderly mechanics to go out and get it for them. Preferably from half naked teens if possible. My guess is that the producers had two locations to shoot at, (a hospital and an auto garage), and then built the movie around that. After the gratuitous nudity in the first 15 minutes, the movie dies a quick death. No scares, barely any blood but plenty of bad acting to torment you.
Three vampire aliens, Dr. Zarma (Julie Numar, who of course is the Catwoman, but is also a writer, real estate mogul and lingerie inventor), Cora (Tina Louise, who is of course Ginger from TV's Gilligan's Island) and Dr. Kozmar (John Carradine, who is of course skinny Dracula), have come to a college town to get the blood of young co-eds, which keeps them young.
There's also Neville Brand (Al Capone from TV's The Untouchables) and Aldo Ray (whose career trajectory goes from the highest of heights to the lowest of lows) as two old mechanics that are helping the aliens. As for the teens, we've got Tony O'Dell (Ferdy in Chopping Mall), Karrie Emerson (who was also in Chopping Mall), 80's adult movie queen Amber Lynn and "Raw Talent" Jerry Butler, who was also a well-known adult film star.
Director Mardi Rustam (who wrote and produced Psychic Killer and Tobe Hooper's Eaten Alive) is the person to blame for all of this. If you're used to sex in the woods looking fake and feeling gratuitous, then this film will decimate your sensibilities. It feels like porn sex could literally break out at any minute, but the only penetration if when one of the girls gets drilled. With a drill. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Along the way, there are lesbian aliens, spaceships, axe murders, the Millenium Falcon on the poster for the movie, rings that shoot lasers, John Carradine in a space suit and more.
You can also blame Aquarius Releasing for this one, the fine (well, maybe not fine) folks who brought Dr. Butcher, M.D., Zaat, Deep Throat, Make Them Die Slowly (Cannibal Ferox) and Silent Night, Deadly Night to 42nd Street. They also released The Beyond as Seven Doors of Death, cutting out plenty of gore along the way to get an R rating.
Look, this movie is terrible. But that doesn't mean it isn't entertaining. The pathos at the end when one of the mechanics laments his dead friend are poignant. You could find a worse movie at 4 AM to watch.
The plasma best suited to the aliens is from 16-24 year olds, this plot detail allowing director Mohammed Rustam to fill his flick with teens/twenty-somethings of both sexes stripped to their underwear (or less). Helping to collect the unwilling donors for the extraterrestrials are two garage mechanics (played by Aldo Ray and Neville Brand) who sell their services for gold coins.
It's cheap, poorly directed, badly acted tosh, to be sure, but the plentiful T&A from a collection of attractive young women (a couple of whom get completely nekkid for their art) ensured that I was never bored, and towards the end of the film there is some unexpected mean-spirited violence, with Ray and Brand killing off my two favourite girls (ditzy blonde Connie, played by G.T. Taylor, and gorgeous brunette Nancy, played by Karrie Emerson) with a power drill and axe.
In the end, the aliens escape unscathed, but Brand and Ray get their just desserts.
6/10 - Garbage, but entertaining garbage.
Can you ask for a stranger cast? Seriously, Tina Louise didn't perform in the Gilligan's Island TV movies, but she'll appear in this mess? I suppose it could have been a contractual issue, but I have a feeling she just didn't want to be involved with such a silly premise as Gilligan's Island. She's "too good of an actress..." Well, flash forward 20 years and things are slightly different, ain't they, Tina? This hodgepodge of a film boasts the aforementioned stellar cast and a moronic premise that is horribly executed. Two dirty old men mechanics work for aliens, and by aliens, I mean humans in weird clothes with glowing Cracker Jack rings that double as blasters and communicators. The grease monkeys, Brand and Ray, capture goofy teens who like to hang out near a lake during the summer. The teens are brought to a hospital at night, a hospital run by aliens(don't ask), where the kids get their energy sucked out by zero-budget machines(real hospital equipment meant to fool the viewer into thinking it's something from beyond the stars---ugh). The aliens are sort of vampires(nothing new to Carradine) who need the teen energy to stay young for hundreds of years. A slasher films in some respects, the scenes of the teens being stalked and molested by Brand and Ray are the best parts of the film(though one wonders what a battle ax is doing out in the middle of nowhere).
Ah, yes, the audio track. I firmly believe a 13 year old was responsible for handling this. 99% of the film's audio is drowned in echo and reverb, and the scenes with Carradine, Newmar, and Louise are barely audible in parts.
I can't find anything redeeming in this to recommend it, unless you have a thing for Julie Newmar, and you might, but she's looking quite haggard and out of place here. As I mentioned, Carradine is wasted in his role(probably needed to pay the rent that month), and Tina Louise should have known her bread will always be buttered on that isle of castaways.
EVILS OF THE NIGHT is a real threat to anyone's intelligence.