Clue (1985)

Eileen Brennan: Mrs. Peacock

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Quotes 

• Colonel Mustard : Just checking.

  Mrs. Peacock : Everything all right?

  Colonel Mustard : Yep. Two corpses. Everything's fine.

• Professor Plum : What are you afraid of, a fate worse than death?

  Mrs. Peacock : No, just death, isn't that enough?

• Colonel Mustard : This is war, Peacock. Casualties are inevitable. You can not make an omelet without breaking eggs, every cook will tell you that.

  Mrs. Peacock : But look what happened to the cook!

• Wadsworth : ...and to make a long story short...

  Miss Scarlet , Mrs. White , Colonel Mustard , Mrs. Peacock , Mr. Green , Colonel Mustard : Too late!

• Mrs. Peacock : Well, someone's got to break the ice, and it might as well be me. I mean, I'm used to being a hostess, it's part of my husband's work. And it's always difficult when a group of new friends meet together for the first time, to get acquainted. So I'm perfectly prepared to start the ball rolling. I mean, I-I have absolutely no idea what we're doing here. Or what I'm doing here, or what this place is about, but I am determined to enjoy myself. And I'm very intrigued, and, oh my, this soup's delicious, isn't it?

• Mrs. Peacock : What are you all staring at?

  Mr. Green : Nothing.

  Mrs. Peacock : Well who's there?

  Colonel Mustard : Nobody.

  Mrs. Peacock : What do you mean?

  Wadsworth : Nobody. No body, that's what we mean. Mr. Boddy's body, it's gone.

  Mrs. White : Maybe he wasn't dead.

  Professor Plum : He was!

  Mrs. White : We should've made sure.

  Mrs. Peacock : How?

  [muttering] 

  Mrs. Peacock : By cutting his head off, I suppose.

  Mrs. White : That was uncalled for!

• The Chief : Good evening. Have you ever given any thought to the kingdom of heaven?

  Mrs. Peacock : What?

  The Chief : Repent. The kingdom of heaven is at hand.

  Miss Scarlet : You ain't just whistlin' Dixie.

  The Chief : Armageddon is almost upon us.

  Professor Plum : I got news for you - it's already here.

  Mrs. Peacock : Go away.

  The Chief : But your souls are in danger.

  Mrs. Peacock : Our lives are in danger, you beatnik.

• Mrs. White : [Smashes glass on fireplace]  PLEASE! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here!

  [Drops thre rest of the glass with a crash] 

  Miss Scarlet : Yeah!

  Professor Plum : How can we throw him outside in this weather?

  Miss Scarlet : If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious!

  Professor Plum : If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious!

  Colonel Mustard : If I were him, I'd be suspicious already!

  Mrs. Peacock : [hysterical]  Oh, who cares? That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour. The police will be here by then... and there are two dead bodies in the study!

  All : Shhhhhhhhhhh!

• Mrs. Peacock : Uh, is there a little girl's room in the hall?

  Yvette : Oui oui, Madame.

  [points] 

  Mrs. Peacock : No, I just wanna powder my nose.

• [doorbell rings during 'events of the evening'] 

  Mrs. Peacock : Oh, who ever it is, they gotta go away or they'll be killed.

• Miss Scarlet : What about that motorist? What kind of information did he have?

  Colonel Mustard : He was my driver during the war.

  Wadsworth : And what was he holding over you?

  Colonel Mustard : He knew that I was a war profiteer. I stole essential Air Force radio parts, and I sold them on the black market. That is how I made all my money. But that does not make me a murderer!

  Mrs. Peacock : Well, a lot of our airmen died, because their radios didn't work.

• Wadsworth : Ladies and gentlemen, you all have one thing in common: you're all being blackmailed. For some considerable time, all of you have been paying what you can afford, and in some cases more than you can afford, to someone who threatens to expose you. And none of you know who's blackmailing you. Do you?

  Mrs. Peacock : [nervously smoking]  Oh, please! I've never heard anything so ridiculous. I mean, nobody could blackmail me. My life is an open book. I've never done anything wrong.

  Wadsworth : [short pause]  Anybody else wish to deny it?

• Mrs. Peacock : [fanning herself]  Oh, my God.

  Wadsworth : She's going to faint.

  Professor Plum : Somebody catch her!

  [Wadsworth goes behind Mrs. Peacock and encircles her with his arms] 

  Wadsworth : I'll catch you. Fall into my arms.

  [Mrs. Peacock falls straight through Wadsworth's arms and onto the floor] 

  Wadsworth : Sorry.

• Miss Scarlet : Why?

  Wadsworth : To create confusion.

  Mrs. Peacock : It worked!

• Wadsworth : [Wadsworth has just returned inside after throwing the key to the cupboard away]  Well, what now?

  Mrs. White : Wadsworth, let me out.

  Wadsworth : No.

  Mrs. White : Why not?

  Wadsworth : We've gotta know who did it. We're all in this together now.

  Mrs. Peacock : If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both.

  Miss Scarlet : Me too.

  Mr. Green : Me too.

  Colonel Mustard : Me too.

  Mrs. White : [Suddenly becoming mysteriously flirtatious]  Oh, Wadsworth, I'll make you sorry you ever started this.

  [She grabs hold of Wadsworth's tie, rubbing his chest] 

  Mrs. White : One day, when we're alone together...

  Wadsworth : Mrs. White, no man in his right mind would be alone together with you.

  Mrs. White : [Letting go of Wadsworth]  Oh.

• Mrs. Peacock : So, what do you do in Washington D.C., Mr. Green? Come on! What do you do? I mean, how are we to get acquainted if we don't say anything about ourselves.

  Miss Scarlet : Perhaps he doesn't wanna get acquainted with you.

  Mrs. Peacock : Well, I'm sure I don't know. But if I wasn't trying to keep the conversation going, then we would just be sitting here in an embarrassed silence.

  Professor Plum : Are you afraid of silence, Mrs. Peacock?

  Mrs. Peacock : Yes-What? No! Why?

  Professor Plum : Well, it just seems to me that you are. You seem to suffer from what we call "Pressure of Speech".

  Miss Scarlet : "We"? Who's we? Are you a shrink?

  Professor Plum : I do know a little bit about psychological medicine, yes.

• Professor Plum : Well, I'm gonna start while it's still hot.

  Mrs. Peacock : Oh, now, shouldn't we wait for the other guest?

  Yvette : I will keep something warm for him.

  Miss Scarlet : What did you have in mind, dear?

• Wadsworth : Why should the police come? Nobody's called them.

  Mrs. Peacock : You mean... oh my God, of course!

• Wadsworth : Let's consider each murder one by one. Professor Plum, you knew that Mr. Boddy was still alive. Even psychiatrists can tell the difference between patients who are alive or dead. You fired the gun in the dark and missed. So, you pretended he was dead, that's how you were able to kill him later, unobserved.

  Miss Scarlet : That's right! He was the missing person in the kitchen after we found the cook dead!

  Mr. Green : But he was with us in the Billiard Room when we found Yvette screaming. If that's when the cook was killed, how did he do it?

  Professor Plum : I didn't!

  Mrs. Peacock : Oh, you don't expect us to believe that, do you?

  Wadsworth : [to Mrs. Peacock]  I expect *you* to believe it. *You* killed the cook. She used to be your cook, and she informed on you to Mr. Boddy. You made one fatal mistake.

  [Leading everyone back to the Dining Room] 

  Wadsworth : Sitting here, at dinner, Mrs. Peacock told us she was eating one of her favorite recipes. And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C.

  [Leads the group to the front door] 

  Wadsworth : Colonel Mustard, when we saw the motorist at the front door, you took the key to the weapons cupboard out of my pocket. Then, you suggested that we all split up. You separated from Ms. Scarlet, crossed the hall, opened the cupboard, took the wrench, ran to the Conservatory, entered the Lounge through the secret passage, and killed the motorist with a blow on the head, like *that*!

  [Wadsworth takes Mrs. White by the hand from the Conservatory and up the stairs] 

  Mrs. White : This is incredible!

  Wadsworth : Not so incredible as what happened next! After we had all split up again, I went upstairs with you-yes, *you* Mrs. White-and while I was in the Master Bedroom, you hurried downstairs and turned off the electricity, got the rope from the cupboard, and throttled Yvette. You were jealous that your husband was shtupping Yvette, that's why you killed him, too!

• Wadsworth : Professor Plum, you were once a professor of psychiatry, specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur.

  Professor Plum : Yes, but now I work for the United Nations.

  Wadsworth : Your work has not changed, but you don't practice medicine at the U.N.; his license to practice has been lifted, correct?

  Miss Scarlet : Why? What did he do?

  Wadsworth : You know what doctors aren't allowed to do with their lady patients?

  Miss Scarlet : Yeah?

  Wadsworth : Well, he did.

  Miss Scarlet : Ha!

  Mrs. Peacock : Oh, how disgusting!

• Mrs. Peacock : So, what does your husband do?

  Mrs. White : [quickly]  Nothing!

  Mrs. Peacock : Nothing?

  Mrs. White : Well, he just lies around on his back all day.

  Miss Scarlet : Sounds like hard work to me.

• Mrs. Peacock : Take your hands off me! I'm a senator's wife!

• Mrs. Peacock : This is one of my favorite recipes.

  Wadsworth : I know, Madam.

• Mrs. White : You say you are used to being a hostess as part of your husband's work?

  Mrs. Peacock : Yes, it's an integral part of your life when you are the wife of a... Oh, but then I forgot, we're not supposed to say who we really are, though, heavens to Betsy, I don't know why.

  Colonel Mustard : Don't you?

  Mr. Green : I know who you are.

  Miss Scarlet : Aren't you gonna tell us?

  Mrs. Peacock : How do you know who I am?

  Mr. Green : I work in Washington, too.

  Professor Plum : Washington? So you're a politician's wife?

  Mrs. Peacock : Yes, I-I am.

  Colonel Mustard : Well, come on then, who's your husband?

• Mrs. Peacock : [to the furnace]  Argh. Don't you touch me!

• Professor Plum : [Mr. Boddy is apparently dead after Mrs. Peacock has turned the lights back on. Professor Plum is knelt down to check if Mr. Boddy is alive]  Stand back! Give him air! Let me see.

  [Professor Plum checks for a pulse or any sign of breathing] 

  Professor Plum : He's dead!

  Mrs. White : Who had the gun?

  Professor Plum : I did.

  Mrs. Peacock : Then you shot him.

  Professor Plum : I didn't!

  Mrs. Peacock : Well, you had the gun; if you didn't shoot him, who did?

  Professor Plum : [Professor Plum flips Mr. Boddy over]  Nobody! Look, there's no gunshot wound. Somebody tried to grab the gun from me in the dark and the gun went off.

  [Professor Plum points to the wall] 

  Professor Plum : Look, the bullet broke that vase on the mantle.

  Colonel Mustard : [the group begins rushing to the spot where the bullet hit and Colonel Mustard bumps into Professor Plum]  I'm sorry, excuse me. He's absolutely right. Look, there's a bullet hole here in the wall, see that?

  Mr. Green : [In a demanding tone]  How did he die?

  Professor Plum : [In an aggravated tone]  I don't know! I'm not a forensic expert.

• Wadsworth : [Walking about the room, collecting all of the weapons]  Look, we still have all of these weapons. The gun, the rope, the wrench, the lead pipe. Let's put them all in this cupboard and lock it.

  [Picking up the weapons and locking them in the cupboard] 

  Wadsworth : There's a homicidal maniac about.

  [Everyone agrees. Wadsworth puts the key in his pocket] 

  Mr. Green : What are you doing with the key?

  Wadsworth : Putting it in my pocket.

  Mr. Green : Why?

  Wadsworth : Well, to keep it safe, obviously.

  Mrs. Peacock : That means you can open it whenever you want.

  Wadsworth : But it also means that you can't.

  Mrs. Peacock : Well, what if you're the murderer?

  Wadsworth : I'm not.

  Colonel Mustard : But what if you are?

  Wadsworth : Well, it's got to be put somewhere. If I've got it, I know I'm safe.

  Mrs. Peacock : [Expressively; Mrs. Peacock is waving her hand rapidly back and forth, lightly hitting Mrs. White's chest accidentally. Mrs. White reacts with a startled look]  We don't know that we are!

  [Mrs. Peacock's leaf hat falls off as she gets frustrated with it] 

  Wadsworth : I've an idea. We'll throw it away.

  Colonel Mustard : Good idea!

  Mr. Green : Good idea!

  Yvette : Wonderful!

  Miss Scarlet : Brilliant!

  Professor Plum : That'll do it!

• Wadsworth : Are you making moral judgements, Mrs. Peacock? How, then, do you justify taking bribes - in return for delivering your husband Senator Peacock's vote to certain lobbyists?

  Mrs. Peacock : My husband is a paid consultant. There is nothing wrong with that!

  Wadsworth : Not if it's publicly declared, perhaps. But if the payment is delivered by slipping used greenbacks in plain envelopes under the door of the men's room, how would you describe that transaction?

  Miss Scarlet : I'd say it stinks.

  Mrs. Peacock : Well, how would you know. When were you in that men's room?