Jill Layton: Care for a little necrophilia? Hmmm?
Sam Lowry: Give my best to Alison and the twins.
Jack Lint: Triplets.
Sam Lowry: Triplets? My how time flies
Sam Lowry: I only know you got the wrong man.
Jack Lint: Information Transit got the wrong man. I got the *right* man. The wrong one was delivered to me as the right man, I accepted him on good faith as the right man. Was I wrong?
Sam Lowry: Excuse me, Dawson, can you put me through to Mr. Helpmann's office?
Dawson: I'm afraid I can't sir. You have to go through the proper channels.
Sam Lowry: And you can't tell me what the proper channels are, because that's classified information?
Dawson: I'm glad to see the Ministry's continuing its tradition of recruiting the brightest and best, sir.
Sam Lowry: Thank you, Dawson.
Arresting Officer: This is your receipt for your husband... and this is my receipt for your receipt.
Harry Tuttle: Listen, kid, we're all in it together.
Mr. Helpmann: He's got away from us, Jack.
Jack Lint: 'Fraid you're right, Mr. Helpmann. He's gone.
Santa Claus: What would you like for Christmas?
Little girl on his lap: My own credit card.
Mr. Warrenn: What is this mess? An empty desk is an efficient desk.
Harry Tuttle: Bloody paperwork. Huh!
Sam Lowry: I suppose one has to expect a certain amount.
Harry Tuttle: Why? I came into this game for the action, the excitement. Go anywhere, travel light, get in, get out, wherever there's trouble, a man alone. Now they got the whole country sectioned off, you can't make a move without a form.
Jack Lint: It's not my fault that Buttle's heart condition didn't appear on Tuttle's file!
Sam Lowry: My name's Lowry. Sam Lowry. I've been told to report to Mr. Warrenn.
Porter - Information Retrieval: Thirtieth floor, sir. You're expected.
Sam Lowry: Um... don't you want to search me?
Porter - Information Retrieval: No sir.
Sam Lowry: Do you want to see my ID?
Porter - Information Retrieval: No need, sir.
Sam Lowry: But I could be anybody.
Porter - Information Retrieval: No you couldn't sir. This is Information Retrieval.
Shirley: [no meals yet] Salt?
Kurtzmann: [on Buttle] You see? The population census has got him down as "dormanted." Uh, the Central Collective Storehouse computer has got him down as "deleted."
Sam Lowry: Hang on.
[goes to a computer terminal]
Kurtzmann: Information Retrieval has got him down as "inoperative." And there's another one - security has got him down as "excised." Administration has got him down as "completed."
Sam Lowry: He's dead.
Guard: Don't fight it son. Confess quickly! If you hold out too long you could jeopardize your credit rating.
Mr. Helpmann: Bad sportsmanship. A ruthless minority of people seem to have forgotten good old-fashioned virtues. They just can't stand seeing the other fellow win. If these people would just play the game...
Mrs. Terrain: There's been a little complication with my complication
Sam Lowry: Can you fix it?
Harry Tuttle: No, I can't. But I can bypass it with one of these.
[Holds up a bizarre device]
Telegram Girl: [dancing wildly, while singing in an absurdly high soprano] A-a-a-a-a-a-A-a-a-a-a-a-a-A-a-a-a-a-a-a-A-A! Mrs Ida Lowry requests the pleasure of your COMPANYYYY! At her APARTMENT TONIIIIGHTT! For eight thirtee-EE-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-EE, to MIDNIGHTTT! To celebrate the completion of her recent cosmetic SURGERYYY! E-e-e-e-e-e-E-e-e-e-e-e-E! wwwWWAAAAAAIIIIIIIII!
[very long pause, Sam glances around nervously]
Sam Lowry: ummm... Thanks.
Telegram Girl: It's reply paid.
Sam Lowry: Is it?
[telegram girl nods]
Sam Lowry: oh... um... two, three,
Sam Lowry: Mother, I sorry that I am unable to come to your parrrttty...
Telegram Girl: You DON'T have to sing it!
Sam Lowry: I don't?
Mr. Helpmann: He's got away from us, Jack.
Jack Lint: Afraid you're right, Mr. Helpmann. He's gone.
Mr. Helpmann: Mmm.
Jack Lint: Well...
Charlie, Department of Works: Bloody typical, they've gone back to metric without telling us.
Harry Tuttle: Listen, this old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn't even turn on the kitchen tap without filling out a 27b/6... Bloody paperwork.
T.V. Interviewer: How do you account for the fact that the bombing campaign has been going on for thirteen years?
Mr. Helpmann: Beginners' luck.
Mr. Warrenn: There you are, your own number on your very own door. And behind that door, your very own office! Welcome to the team, DZ-015
Holly: Put it on, big boy. I won't look at your willy.
Jack Lint: [about his wife's cosmetic surgery] Remember how they used to stick out?
Sam Lowry: Oh, um yes. I always used to wonder if they were real.
Alison: My ears?
Mrs. Ida Lowry: Sam! Can't you do something about these terrorists?
Sam Lowry: It's my lunch hour. Besides, it's not my department.
Kurtzmann: Has anybody seen Sam Lowry?
Kurtzmann: Dead? That's awful. We'll never get rid of the bloody thing now!
Bill - Dept. of Works: Mistakes? We don't make mistakes.
Harry Tuttle: ...well, that's a pipe of a different color.
Harry Tuttle: My good friends call me Harry.
Sam Lowry: Tuttle!
Harry Tuttle: Call me Harry!
Kurtzmann: It's been confusion from the word go!
Mrs. Buttle: What have you done with his body?
Sam Lowry: Yes, I always used to wonder if she wore falsies. False ears...
Mr. Helpmann: All I can say is don't fall at the last fence. The finishing post's in sight. See you in the paddock... keep your eye on the ball.
Sam Lowry: Are you alright?
Jill Layton: Yeah.
Sam Lowry: Well, you don't deserve to be!
Singers: [TV commercial jingle] Central Services: We do the work, you do the pleasure.
TV commercial pitchman: Hi, there. I want to talk to you about ducts.
[Lime blows the dust from the keyboard, then presses a key. waits for something to happen]
Lime: [worried and somewhat frustrated] Sod it, it's broken!
Sam Lowry: You haven't switched it on.
[presses a key, the computer starts]
Lime: Oh, yes.
[looks at Sam, waiting for him to say something]
Lime: [convincingly] Look, you're putting me off, standing there. Why don't you go back to your office and I'll give you a knock when I finish?
Jack Lint: Until this whole thing blows over, just stay away from me.
Sam Lowry: Yes... No... I don't know. I don't know what I want.
Sam Lowry: Sorry, I'm a bit of a stickler for paperwork. Where would we be if we didn't follow the correct procedures?
Sam Lowry: I assure you, Mrs. Buttle, the Ministry is very scrupulous about following up and eradicating any error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than happy to send you the appropriate forms.
Mr. Helpmann: Jill? Yes... Sam I think I ought to tell you. I'm afraid she's upped stumps and retired to the pavillion. Thrown in the towel.
Dr. Lewis Jaffe: Just me and my little knife! Snip snip - slice slice... can you believe it?
Spoor: Where'd you get this from, eh? Out yer nostril?
Spoor: All you've got to do is blow your nose and it's fixed, in't it?
Jack Lint: This is information retrieval not information dispersal.
[Sam is arguing with his mother while Jaffe tries to perform cosmetic surgery on her]
Dr. Lewis Jaffe: Mr. Lowry, can you wait in reception? You're giving her wrinkles.
Sign: Suspicion builds Confidence.
Poster: Happiness: we're all in it together.
Dr. Chapman: In three weeks, she'll look like Grandma Moses!
Dr. Lewis Jaffe: At least mine don't end up looking like they've been mugged!
Jack Lint: You won't get anywhere in a suit like that.
Sam Lowry: Mr. Helpmann, I'm keen to get into Information Retrieval. Mr. Helpmann, I'm dying to get at this woman... no, no, no.
Mr. Helpmann: We're fielding all their strokes, running a lot of them out, and pretty consistently knocking them for six. I'd say they're nearly out of the game.
Dr. Lewis Jaffe: Faces are a doddle compared to tits and ass. No hairline.
Lime: Computers are my forte!
Sam Lowry: So you don't trust me?
Sam Lowry: No, they'll be lying in wait!
Sam Lowry: Are you alive? Well you don't deserve to be! It was a bomb, I knew it!
Jill Layton: Here's your bomb! A bribe for corporate stooges like you. Come on, make yourself useful.
Priest: In life, Mrs Terrain was beautiful. In death, not so beautiful. But the Spirit is still the same!