This Is Spinal Tap (1984) Poster

Tony Hendra: Ian Faith



  • David St. Hubbins : I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem *may* have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being *crushed* by a *dwarf*. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.

    Ian Faith : I really think you're just making much too big a thing out of it.

    Derek Smalls : Making a big thing out of it would have been a good idea.

  • Ian Faith : Nigel gave me a drawing that said 18 inches. Now, whether or not he knows the difference between feet and inches is not my problem. I do what I'm told.

    David St. Hubbins : But you're not as confused as him are you. I mean, it's not your job to be as confused as Nigel.

  • Ian Faith : The Boston gig has been cancelled...

    David St. Hubbins : What?

    Ian Faith : Yeah. I wouldn't worry about it though, it's not a big college town.

  • Nigel Tufnel : [about the back-stage buffet]  Look, this. This miniture bread, it like... I've been working with this now for about half an hour and i can't figure out... let's say I wanted a bite, right. You got this...

    Ian Faith : You'd like bigger bread?

    Nigel Tufnel : Exactly. I don't under stand how...

    Ian Faith : [gestures to the meat]  You could just fold this... though.

    Nigel Tufnel : [folding the bread]  Well, no... then it's half the size...

    Ian Faith : No, not the bread.

    [folding the meat] 

    Ian Faith : You could fold the meat...

    Nigel Tufnel : [still folding the bread]  Yeah, but then it breaks up. It breaks apart like this...

    Ian Faith : [putting the folded meat onto the miniture bread]  No, no, no... you put it on the bread like this; see?

    Nigel Tufnel : [folding the miniture sandwich]  But if you keep folding it, then it keeps breaking...

    Ian Faith : Why would you keep folding it?

    Nigel Tufnel : ...and then everything has to be folded... and then you have

    [holds up miniture sandwich] 

    Nigel Tufnel : ... this. And I don't want this. I want large bread, so I can put this...

    [puts meat between two pieces of miniature bread] 

    Nigel Tufnel : ... so then it's like this. But this doesn't work, because then it's all...

    Ian Faith : Because it hangs out like that?

    Nigel Tufnel : Look! would you be holding this?

    Ian Faith : No. I wouldn't want to eat...

    Nigel Tufnel : No! Alright, A. Exhibit, exhibit A.

    [throws down miniture sandwich] 

    Nigel Tufnel : And now we move onto this...

    [picks up an olive] 

    Nigel Tufnel : Look, look; who's in here? No one.

    [picks up an olive stuffed with pimento] 

    Nigel Tufnel : And in here, there's a little guy, look! So, it's a complete catastrophe!

    Ian Faith : Alright, Nigel, Nigel... calm down...

    Nigel Tufnel : Look... no, it's no big deal, It's a joke... it's really... it's a joke.

    Ian Faith : I'm sorry, it's just some prat at university, you know? I really... I don't want it to affect your performance.

    Nigel Tufnel : It's not going to affect my performance, don't worry about that. I just hate it... it really, it does disturb me, but i'll rise above it; I'm a professional.

  • Bobbi Flekman : You put a *greased naked woman* on all fours with a dog collar around her neck, and a leash, and a man's arm extended out up to here, holding onto the leash, and pushing a black glove in her face to sniff it. You don't find that offensive? You don't find that sexist?

    Ian Faith : This is *1982*, Bobbi, c'mon!

    Bobbi Flekman : That's *right*, it's 1982! Get out of the '60s. We don't have this mentality anymore.

    Ian Faith : Well, you should have seen the cover they *wanted* to do! It wasn't a glove, believe me.

  • Jeanine Pettibone : [following the disastrous Stonehenge performance]  If it got solved, that would be alright, but it doesn't get solved. I mean what do you think happened out there? What got solved tonight?

    Ian Faith : For one thing that goes wrong... one... one single thing that goes wrong, a hundred things go right. Do you know what I spend my time doing? I sleep two or three hours a night. There's no sex and drugs for Ian, David. Do you know what I do? I find lost luggage. I locate mandolin strings in the middle of Austin!

  • Ian Faith : They're not gonna release the album... because they have decided that the cover is sexist.

    Nigel Tufnel : Well, so what? What's wrong with bein' sexy? I mean there's no...

    Ian Faith : Sex-IST!

    David St. Hubbins : IST!

  • Ian Faith : Sir Denis Eton-Hogg is being knighted for founding Hogwood, a Summer Camp for Pale Young Boys...

  • Ian Faith : Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful.

  • Ian Faith : Fuck the napkin!

  • Ian Faith : I'm not talking to this twisted fruit anymore!

    Hotel Receptionist : I'm... just as God made me, Sir.

  • Ian Faith : I've got a small piece of bad news.

    Mick Shrimpton : For a change!

    Ian Faith : We're cancelled here.

    Derek Smalls : At the hotel?

    Ian Faith : No. The gig is cancelled.

    Mick Shrimpton : Fuck.

    Ian Faith : It say's "Memphis show cancelled due to lack of advertising funds."

  • Ian Faith : You know what? I quit!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

Recently Viewed