Hardbodies (1984) Poster

(1984)

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Whoa, long trip back!
Ryan-776 April 1999
I remember watching this film when I was thirteen and just loving it: gorgeous naked women, gorgeous naked women, gorgeous naked women! Now my thoughts would be: 80s! 80s! 80s! AAAAGGGH! Okay, the 80s weren't so horrible, and I have fond memories of them, and this completely trashy teen sex flick (pretty much the quintessential movie of this quintessentially 80s genre) will zoom you back there so fast, you'll get whiplash and snap the flourescent strap on your sun glasses. Oh, the naked women are still gorgeous, but this thing never can have the same sort of fantastic appeal it did when you were 13 and afraid your parents would walk in the door while you and your buddies were watching it.
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7/10
Epitome of a good breast movie
FFT530516 April 1999
Before sitting down to watch Hardbodies, decide what you are looking for out of this film. Do you want a well-written movie with an engaging plot, Oscar-worthy performances and beautifully-written dialogue? Then stay away from this movie. Do you want to see a fairly entertaining movie centered around fitting as much gratuitous shots of topless women as possible? Then you've found what you're looking for!

Hardbodies is a cheesy, 80's teen sex movie. But if you like cheesy, 80's teen sex movies, it's actually pretty good. It's better than any of the other ones out there. Some funny, quotable lines. A few entertaining characters. And many, many hot naked women. I mean, really -- how can you go wrong when there's bikini tops flying off before the opening credits even end?
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8/10
Hooray for Hardbodies-Bring Back The 80's
OldAFSarge17 February 2008
I first saw this movie when I was living on Guam in the mid-to-late-80's. I was cleaning out old VHS tapes when I ran across this one. Popped in the VCR and cleaned and watched at the same time. It was as fun a movie today, as it was nearly a quarter-century ago. Grant Cramer as Scotty Palmer has gone on to have an impressive resume and is still working in 2008. Sad to say that his girl from the movie, Kristi played by Teal Roberts did two movies in 1984 and played at stripper in Beverly Hills Cop II and a dancer in The Last Boy Scout and that was about it for her. I really thought at the time that she had a big future in movies as she was really an attractive woman and could act, at least in my opinion. Courtney Gains played Rac and went on to play Malachai in The Children Of The Corn and he is still going strong today. Again, I thought his girl in the movie, Kimberly, played by Cindy Silver, might just go on to have a decent career, but alas, she did two movies in 1984 and that was it. The movie, not to give anything away, is a mostly teen beach party type movie. Scotty is trying to help three older dudes learn to dialog the girls and in the end to get laid as well. Yes, there is some nudity, but it is not over-done in the least. For a fun look back this is a great movie for a rainy Saturday afternoon. Can't see the user rating of 3.8. It is worth every bit of a 7 at least.
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Hardbodies 18th Anniversary
jimmy_james_8613 July 2002
Hardbodies, which was released in the summer of '84, came out around the same time as Ghostbusters and is similar with the latter in the respect that they are both classic films of their respective genres. This movie excels on so many different levels I don't even know where to begin. The performances of Grant Cramer as scammin'jammin' Scotty Palmer and Courtney Gains as his pothead buddy, Rag, are unforgettable. These actors bring such depth to their characters that at times the film seems to take on a documentary feel. "Are these actors, or are they real people just playing themselves," you may ask yourself while watching.

Their adventure begins when three middle-aged dorks turn to Scotty for advice on how to pick up the many beach babes which inhabit the SoCal location where the story takes place. He gives them the helpful advice of "dialoguing" the young girls with the promise that they will be offered the "B.B.D." (Bigger Better Deal). Many memorable characters are encountered along their journey of finding the ultimate piece of you-know-what in this already overpopulated area of hottys.

Who can forget Candy, the chick who "melts in your ear and not in your mouth". And Rag's ability to "flip people off in 48 languages". Hardbodies is also a standout in the category of "80's Party Movie" because it holds the distinction of being one of the few where just about every girl shown in the flick gets naked at least once. Let us all celebrate the 18th anniversary of "Hardbodies" by getting plenty of beer and picking up this brilliant masterpiece at the local blockbuster. A Cinematic triumph and a milestone in 80's cinema.
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10/10
if you dont like it, you dont know what the 80's are!
the_advenger2 April 2001
This was a funny movie! true it was medicore acting, but hell that is what the 80's comedies were like. I laughed, i enjoyed the music, this is what it is about. oh yeah, i liked the hardbodies too! btw yes there was plenty of nudity, but heck such is life that is why it is rated R anyways, keep the kiddies out of the room and quit complaining!
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6/10
Very likable 80's sex comedy
gridoon201820 January 2008
"Hardbodies" delivers what you should expect from a lightweight 80's sex comedy: plenty of fantastic-looking girls in bikinis or topless, a fun-carefree-sunny-summer-California-beach atmosphere, a couple of chuckles, and lots of 80's music. It does not deliver high cinematic artistry or a brilliant plot, but then again you should not expect any of that. The two main girls, Teal Roberts and Cindy Silver, are both enormously appealing and pleasantly natural, and the two main guys, Grant Cramer and Courtney Gains, are likable. The premise might have worked better if we had younger nerds in the roles of the middle-aged men, but to its credit the movie acknowledges their age and somehow manages to get away with it. It's the girls who are the most important here anyway, and as I said the casting was very good right down the line - I don't remember looking at even one less-than-pretty girl in this movie, even at the background. One of THE prettiest is no doubt a very young Kathleen Kinmont, in her first movie role: she doesn't get naked, yet her very tight white T-shirt leaves little to the imagination. (**1/2)
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10/10
Last Of The Late Great Beach Movies!
dgordon-129 August 2002
This movie has always been a strong favourite of mine. Everything from the California sunshine, to the funny storyline & characters is what gives this movie such a great appeal. Since the other reviewers have mentioned the plotline, I'm not going to mention it again. This movie has a nice flow to it which makes it an entertaining hour and thirty-minutes. I really liked this movie when it came out at the theatres in the summer of '84, and I still love it today, not only for the story but for the pure '80s nostalgia of it all. Five years before "California Dreaming" was released, but it didn't catch the same vibe that "Hardbodies" did, even though it was a good movie in it's own right. I bought a VHS copy of "Hardbodies" two years ago, and it's been a replayable & enjoyable addition to my library. I would really like to see this movie released on DVD someday.
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8/10
'No redeeming social value'!
Scott LeBrun24 January 2012
Yeah, just the way we like it!

Seriously, I don't understand how it's possible to truly HATE something like this; it's not even that raunchy by the standards set by other 1980's sex comedies. It's just good, upbeat, breezy fun, without any real mean-spiritedness, a lot of good vibes, a generous dose of catchy pop & rock tunes, a nice, warm look, lively performances, and, of course, the opportunity to appreciate the truly attractive ladies in all of their glory. Handsome Grant Cramer ("New Year's Evil", "Killer Klowns from Outer Space") is unambitious slob Scotty, who does have the ability to charm women that a trio of hopeless, middle aged schmucks envies. So they hire him to teach them how to score. Simple enough story there, allowing us to look at all of the pleasing visual attractions and have some good laughs along the way. Girl group Vixen adds to the entertainment value by playing "Diaper Rash" (!), the group in the movie. Cramer is engaging, and Gary Wood, Michael Rapport, and singer / songwriter Sorrells Pickard are amusing as the unlucky guys, especially Pickard, the most likable of the three, who even serenades us with the priceless "I Don't (ahem) Fossils for Free." Courtney Gains ("Children of the Corn"'s Malachai!) is a hoot as Scotty's friend Rag, and the assorted sexy female cast members include appealing Teal Roberts as Scotty's love interest Kristi, Cindy Silver as Kimberly, Kristi Somers as Michelle, Crystal Shaw as Candy, Darcy DeMoss as Dede, Kathleen Kinmont as the roller skater, Marcia Karr as the hardbody on the stairs, veteran actress Joyce Jameson ("Death Race 2000") in a cameo near the end, and 70's exploitation pro Roberta Collins as the older and wiser Lana. And that's the younger Kane Hodder, in his first credited acting role, as the "older geek". They all make "Hardbodies" a pleasure to watch, along with the ability to learn just what the word "hardbodies" and the phrase "Bigger and Better Deal" (B.B.D. for short) mean. In any event, no fan of this sort of thing can fail to notice the plentiful dose of female flesh, and delight in it. In general, this movie is energetic, irresistible stuff, and even got itself a sequel two years later. Eight out of 10.
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What a story!
hlw2729 July 1999
Hey, at least this movie is what it is! A t & a classic. And, what a concept: 3 older bachelors hire a younger guy to party with them and train them on how to pick up younger women? C'mon, that's a beautiful script. Genius! All guys should rent it, especially to see the characters come clean in the end... Moral to the story: it is more important to just be yourself.
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The first great beach movie!
BlackJack_B5 June 2002
Back in the 60's, the Beach movie was a popular genre in the fluff-type of film that was prevalent then, but Frankie and Annette were not the ideal types that looked good in bathing suits (Linda Evans was, though). In the mid-90's, we finally had hunks and babes, but by then, drive-ins were out and these films could only be seen on VHS tape or DVD and a lot of them were awful. In the early to mid 80's we had some knockouts in the female department, but the guys were wiry and geeky. However, with Hardbodies, that all changed, because the lead (Grant Cramer)was a handsome man with charisma, and it ushered equality for both sexes.

Cramer plays Scotty, a typical L.A. drifter with no job, but probably gets by somehow. He has a steady girlfriend named Kristi (the lovely Teal Roberts) but lives in a dumpy apartment that he's way past due on rent. He also has a goofy looking friend named Rags (Courtney Gains) who hangs out with them. The story involves three middle-aged men who come to L.A. to have "philosophical discussions" with the babes of L.A., but they don't know how to approach them. They spot Scotty using his techniques (dialoguing and BBD) on various women and they soon ask him for his help. He refuses their offer of room and board at their swank beach house, but after getting evicted and sleeping under the boardwalk, he agrees to teach them his techniques.

Of course, what prevails afterwards are the typical: beach parties that last until dawn, music, the usual double-crosses, and the eventual plot resolution. Still, it's great fun. The acting is O.K., some are fine, others are gawd-awful. The music is cool (Vixen is in it). The ambiance is fun and the dialogue is fresh. Worth renting on VHS; I doubt it's on DVD, but avoid the sequel; it's a bore.
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10/10
Watch this with booze and a big pizza
dindy-228 September 2000
I watched this as a teen in the 80s and have watched it a few times recently. Great T & A comedy including nudity, geeks, and great music by Vixen. I wish a soundtrack was available. As us teens of the 80s start getting older, we appreciate more the 3 middle aged dorks. Great for laughs... funny and trashy.
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5/10
Good waste of time.
Peach-219 December 1998
This film is a good waste of time if you like gratuitous nudity and bad acting. Watch it on a rainy day.
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8/10
Great dialogue and amusing plot
rlcsljo5 March 2000
It is rare when a writer seems to flawlessly catch the rhythm of a local "dialect" of english and the writer of "HardBodies" did a fantastic job of capturing the beach/surfer/valley "lingo" in this film. Not only this, but the movie had a highly original plot, great characterizations, a minimum of stereo types and many memorable phrases. The story revolves around three older divorcee males who come to the beaches of California looking for some fast action with the local bubble headed beach babes. Their ineptness at catching any action leads them to hire a down on his luck beach bum to teach them that the girls were even more bubble headed than they originally thought!(No person ever stayed a virgin underestimating the IQ of a bikini wahine). The tides are turned on the bum when the newly enlightened lotharios use their talents on his own girl friend. There are some amusing sidelines concerning body building females, hence the title, girl rock bands, and some inept younger dorks with the same intentions as our divorcees. Of course more than your average number of buxom females turn up topless on the wayside. Altogether this is a classic of the beach movie genre.
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8/10
Genuinely entertaining T&A flick with a heart
tpaladino9 May 2011
When you think 80's T&A comedy, you think of Hardbodies, even if you've never seen it. This is the epitome of the genre, and it delivers on every level you could possibly want from a movie like this.

The girls are gorgeous and frequently naked, the plot is light but not asinine, the acting is better than passable and the locations tie it all together nicely. Throw in a nice little ending with a lesson about the importance of being yourself, and you've got a winner.

If you want to watch a very lighthearted and enjoyable T&A comedy that is cheeseball without being unbearable or ponderous, then you should definitely check this one out.
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5/10
Mildly Entertaining
Uriah4317 June 2016
Warning: Spoilers
"Scotty" (Grant Cramer) is a young man who has a definite gift when it comes to talking to the ladies. So much so that he has recently hooked up with a great girlfriend named "Kristi" (Teal Roberts). But even so, that doesn't stop him from flirting with the opposite sex every chance he gets. It's during one of those times that his amazing abilities are observed by three middle-aged men who essentially beg him to teach them how to pick up beach babes—or what he refers to as "hardbodies". At first he declines but after being kicked out of his apartment for failing to pay rent he agrees for a set dollar amount and free room and board. What he doesn't take into consideration is just how unscrupulous one of these men actually is and the lengths he will go to in order to achieve his goals. Now rather than reveal any more I will just say that this was a decent representative of the "summer beach" sub-genre which enjoyed particular success in the early-60's before dying out a few years later and then reemerging in the late-70's and early-80's. The difference between the two eras being that the earlier films centered more on music, surfing and swimsuits whereas the latter focuses more directly on sex and partial nudity. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing as I suppose this evolution in film was probably inevitable due to the change in generations and social norms. Be that as it may, this movie contained both some light humor and several attractive ladies wearing skimpy attire to keep it mildly interesting and for that reason I have rated it accordingly. Average.
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4/10
Hardbodies may be hot...but no plot!
tdrish3 July 2015
For its category, Hardbodies is a good movie to watch if you want minimal plot, and you want to countless babes topless. Other then that, this movie doesn't have anything to offer, even the comedy/humor is dumb down a bit, which is sad, because if the laughs existed a little more, I would have given this a better rating. There are a few, how do I say, COOL scenes in the movie...such as a disco ball that lights up over a bed, and there's another cool scene...no, wait, that was the only cool scene, the rest of the movie just plays out like a random T & A nudie montage. If you do like Hardbodies, I can't stress how much you should stay clear away from the sequel, it's a stink fest! The only other good point I can say about this, is the music wasn't too bad in the movie, it brings back the "fun times" memories of the 80's...if you've lived through them, then you sure know what I'm talking about.
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Above Average T&A Comedy
gerard-2115 July 2011
First saw this on HBO numerous times in the mid-1980s. Didn't see it again until recently, and I have to say it holds up pretty well. Decent plot, passable acting and plenty of eye candy. The odd thing is, this low-budget movie, comprised of unknowns and just a T&A sexploitation flick, holds together better than many contemporary big budget star comedies, such as Grown-ups or Hot Tub Time Machine. There is more cause and effect here than in either of those two current movies. Meaning, instead of starting with an idea and then just moving from one comic vinette to another, the actions of the characters are actually germaine to the plot throughout the movie. The movie breezes along, but keeps the viewer interested the whole time.
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8/10
A supremely silly'n'sleazy serving of vintage 80's sex comedy trash
Woodyanders20 August 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Smarmy wannabe hipster Hunter (nicely played to the smug hilt by Gary Wood), tubby Rounder (solid Michael Rapport), and easygoing Carlton Ashby (a wonderfully amiable performance by Sorrells Pickard) are three lecherous and hopelessly square middle-aged guys who rent the most swank house on the beach. The bumbling trio hire slick and hunky beach bum stud Scotty Palmer (a very likable turn by Grant Cramer) to teach them how to score with hot young babes. Directer/co-writer Mark Griffiths relates the cheerfully goofy and naughty story at a bouncy constant pace and maintains a blithely raunchy tone throughout. Better still, this film certainly delivers what it promises: wall-to-wall tasty female nudity, gorgeous honeys aplenty in skimpy bikinis or less, a cool rockin' soundtrack (the theme song is extremely catchy and the all-girl band Vixen seriously smokes), some sizzling soft-core sex, no pretense whatsoever to get in the way of the delightfully raucous go-for-it bawdy fun, and loads of heavy-duty partying. The ladies are undeniably hot: Teal Roberts as Scotty's sweet girlfriend Kristi Kelly, Kristi Sommers as the sassy'n'spunky Michelle, Cindy Silver as the perky Kimberly, Darcy De Moss as aggressive Dede, and Crystal Shaw as the enticing, yet unavailable Candy. Courtney Gains has a ball as Scotty's funky buddy Rags and the ever-radiant Roberta Collins acquits herself well as friendly land lady Lana. Popping up in nifty bits are Kathleen Kimmont as a sexy skater, Kane "Jason" Hodder as a pesky geek, and Joyce Jameson as Rounder's overbearing mother. Tom Richmond's sparkling cinematography gives the picture an attractive sunny look and surveys all the luscious chicks with unabashedly leering aplomb. Vic Caesar's lively score keeps things humming along. Of course, this flick is absolute tacky and idiotic cheese, but it's way too energetic and good-natured in its very unapologetic stupidity to be remotely offensive. A complete hoot.
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1/10
ALMOST the bottom of the barrel (the sequel is the bottom)
movieman_kev13 January 2005
Scotty (Grant Cramer, who would go on to star in the great B-movie "Killer Klowns from outer space") agrees to help three middle-aged guys learn how to 'dialog' the ladies in this bad '80's comedy. Not bad as in '80's lingo, which meant good. Bad as in bad. With no likable characters, including, but not limited to, a kid who's the freakiest looking guy since "Friday the 13th part 2"' a girl who leads men on and then goes into hissy fits when they want to touch her, and the token fat slob, because after all what would an '80's sex comedy be without a fat slob?? Well this one has two. This movie is pretty much the bottom of the barrel of '80's sex comedies. And then came the sequel thus deepening said proverbial barrel.

My Grade:D-

Eye Candy: too numerous to count, you even see the freaky looking kid imagined with boobs at on point, think "Bachlor Party" but not as funny, and VERY disturbing.

Where I saw it: Comcast Moviepass
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One of the best "Teen Movies" of the 80's era
Anthony Thomas (dj4monie)4 December 2002
I have always enjoyed watching this movie. The movie features a few actors that are still working today. This movie also feature before the "big hair days and makeup" of the rock band Vixen, who would later score some minor hits during the mid to late 80's Glam Hard Rock era.
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10/10
Pretty fun in an 80's sort of way.
star-5410 March 1999
I saw this movie as a kid and film student in the 80's, drank a couple of "brewskies" and didn't give it a second thought.

Watched in again on HBO and want to know how I could reach Candy and if she puts out yet? In a film of actors who basically memorized their lines and ran around naked, This character tried to have some depth. I still remember her, she's cute and funny in a sad kind of way.
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A bit better than you might expect
Wizard-817 April 2017
With a movie like "Hardbodies", you might think that you can pretty much predict what it will be like before actually watching it. To a degree that is true. The humor is unsubtle and unfunny. Also, there is next to no plot, and what little plot there is is geared to having lots of women taking off their clothes. Nudity aside, this could have turned out to be hard to sit through, but it was somewhat more bearable than I thought. What gives the movie some appeal are the characters - most of the characters are shown to be pretty nice people, even the middle-aged characters who are simply looking for sex. (Actor Sorrells Pickard gives the best performance, coming across as very agreeable and likable.) Yes, at its heart the movie is just another dumb youth- oriented 1980s sex comedy, but there is a little charm to be found here that makes it tolerable for those simply looking for some sexy eye candy.
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7/10
"Cause she don't do fossils for freeeee"
Predrag25 December 2016
This 1984 classic exceeds all expectations - story of the quest for "Hardbodies" never takes itself too seriously and holds up just as well today as the day it was made - this movie has a lot of good laughs and one liners - also, Steve Gold should have won an Academy Award for his portrayal of "Farnsey", a scene stealing, robe wearing, toupee loving womanizer who is introduced during the film's final act. It's one of those mindless movies where boy meets girl and they fall in love, but the boy meets these older rich guys and tries to teach them how to score with younger babes! Plenty of beach bikini babes and some fun sexy love scenes. The young actors are attracted and it's just a feel good movie.

The synopsis of the film is three middle aged men in mid-life crises rent a beach house and are having absolutely no success in scoring with the beautiful young women on the beach. So they acquire the help of a young stud to show them how to succeed with these hotties. But one of these guys turns into a jerk and puts the moves on the young stud's girlfriend. Eventually the jerk gets his (come)-uppance, and our hero gets his girl back. Quite a fascinating story-line, huh? The only actor of any note whatsoever in this film is goofy looking redheaded Courtney Gaines, who also starred in Children Of The Corn and Can't Buy Me Love, and had a small part in Back To The Future. Also, there's an early appearance by girl rock group, Vixen, before they grew their hair out and had some success as a metal act in the late 80's!

Overall rating: 7 out of 10.
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7/10
The 80s personified!
udar5526 August 2009
Beach bums Scotty (Grant Cramer) and Rag (Courtney Gains) take a trio of old dudes up on their offer to pay them how to pick up chicks on the beach. Gnarly! But old fossil Hunter (Gary Wood) turns out to be a nefarious wolf looking to move in on Scotty's main girl Kristi (Teal Roberts). Bogus! You can almost smell the Coppertone during the opening credits of this 80s time capsule. This hits all the 80s T&A marks perfectly with the requisite nudity, music montages and crude humor. It ain't SUMMER SCHOOL (1987), but it will do if you are looking for a way to kill 90 minutes looking at neon designs, wicker furniture and 80s fashion. Look for Kathleen Kinmont and future Jason Voorhees Kane Hodder in small supporting roles. This turned into a minor box office hit in the summer of 1984 and saw an inferior sequel - where out lead duo is recast and sent to Greece - a few years later. Anchor Bay recently released both on a single DVD labeled the HARDBODIES Collection. Party hardy!
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Bombs Away!
barryjdominey12 October 2001
With a title such as this, it could lead people to believe the following film depicts pornographic material. Although it displays numerous unsheathed young females, it is far from erotic. Scotty Palmer (Grant Cramer), a young man blessed with the gift of the gab, is propositioned by three middle-aged businessmen, in order to teach them the tricks of the trade with the opposite sex. Being in a hopeless predicament, due to his dispirited landlord, Scotty agrees to coach his newfound buddies, where he gets to live in prosperity, seeing they've rented the hippest pad on the beach. Soon, however, sour grapes appear on the horizon, when one of them puts the moves on his girlfriend Kristy (Teal Roberts), and Scotty finds himself out on the street once again. Enlisting his best buddy Rags (Courtney Gains), he fights back in order to prove to Kristy that he is the only one for her. It is certainly perplexing to understand how this tommyrot actually spawned an equally mindnumbing sequel, Hardbodies 2 (1986). Trivia note - star Grant Cramer actually became involved in the O.J. Simpson murder case as he was a good friend of the late Nicole Simpson Brown.
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