Never Say Never Again (1983)
Female Computer Eye Scan Voice: Mr. President, please stand by while authority for this procedure is confirmed by eye print check. If confirmation is not authenticated within 8 seconds, the base will be sealed. 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Thank you. Presidential authority is confirmed for change of test procedure. Dummy warheads will be replaced by a W-80 thermonuclear device. Have a nice day.
Fatima Blush: You know that making love to Fatima was the greatest pleasure of your life.
James Bond: Well, to be perfectly honest, there was this girl in Philadelphia...
Fatima Blush: SHUT UP!
Fatima Blush: *I* am the best.
James Bond: Yes. Yes, you're right. In fact, i was going to put you in my memoirs as "Number One".
Fatima Blush: Right.
James Bond: Still here, Moneypenny? You should be in bed.
Miss Moneypenny: James, we *both* should be!
Nurse: Mr. Bond, I need a urine sample. If you could fill this beaker for me?
James Bond: From here?
Fatima Blush: Write! Now write this: "The greatest rapture in my life was afforded to me on a boat in Nassau by Fatima Blush." Sign: "James Bond, 007."
James Bond: I just remembered. It's against Service policy for agents to give endorsements.
Fatima Blush: *Write*!
James Bond: Right now?
Fatima Blush: Right - now.
Largo: [Bond has defeated Largo at 'Domination'] It seems like I underestimated you. $267,000.
James Bond: I'll settle for one dance with Domino.
Largo: So. Do you lose as gracefully as you win?
James Bond: I don't know, I've never lost.
Largo: This game has been played, and *I* have lost. That's it.
Q: Good to see you Mr. Bond. Things've been awfully dull 'round here. Bureaucrats running the whole place. Everything done by the book. Can't make a decision unless the computer gives you the go ahead. Now you're on this. I hope we're going to have some gratuitous sex and violence!
James Bond: I certainly hope so too.
[Fatima Blush lands in James Bond's arms when she water-skis up the ramp to the bar]
Fatima Blush: Oh, how reckless of me. I made you all wet.
James Bond: Yes, but my martini is still dry. My name is James.
Miss Moneypenny: Have you got an assignment, James?
James Bond: Yes, Moneypenny. I'm to eliminate all free radicals.
Miss Moneypenny: Ooh. Do be careful.
M: Too many free radicals. That's your problem.
James Bond: "Free radicals," sir?
M: Yes. They're toxins that destroy the body and the brain, caused by eating too much red meat and white bread. Too many dry martinis!
James Bond: Then I shall cut out the white bread, sir.
M: Oh, you'll do more than THAT, 007. From now on you will be suffering a strict regimen of diet and exercise; we shall PURGE those toxins from you!
James Bond: Shrublands?
M: You got it!
Patricia: Lentil delight, dandelion salad, goat's cheese.
James Bond: Beluga caviar, quails eggs, vodka, foie gras - Strasbourg.
Fatima Blush: Jack must do as he's told to keep his FAST CARS and his PRETTY CLOTHES. And if he wants to keep his sister alive...
Jack Petachi: You leave Domino out of this or I'll...
[He attacks Fatima but she quickly beats him up]
Fatima Blush: Now darling must do his little trickie in eight seconds. Then nursie will give baby his candy.
Doctor at Shrublands: Miss Fearing tells me you're making fine progress. But, I must say, you're looking a bit peaked this morning.
James Bond: I was up all night.
Doctor at Shrublands: Don't overdo it. A herbal enema should fix you up.
M: I send you to a health farm to get yourself in shape! Instead you DEMOLISH it! Now I've had to notify the local police, get a minister to muzzle the press, and allocate a sizable chunk of my meager budget to renovating the establishment!
James Bond: A man DID try to kill me, sir.
M: Oh! Caught you seducing his wife, did he?
James Bond: No, sir, not at all. But, in fact, I did lose 4 lbs and God knows how many free radicals.
M: [slams the table] That is the KIND of attitude that tempts me to suspend you, 007!
Fatima: Spread your legs. Good. Very good! You're quite a man, Mr. James Bond, but I am a superior woman. Guess where you get the first one?
[Fatima lowers the gun towards James' crotch]
James Bond: My name is Bond.
Patricia: Oh, you're Mr. Bond. I believe I'm having you in half an hour.
James Bond: Oh, splendid. Your room or mine?
Largo: Tears of Allah. The story is that the prophet wept for the barrenness of the desert and his tears made a well. It's a legend, of course. But, like all great legends, it is also the truth.
Receptionist at Health Spa: Bon jour, Monsieur.
James Bond: Do you serve men here?
Receptionist at Health Spa: But, of course. Some men more than others.
Domino Petachi: That feels *so* good.
James Bond: It certainly does.
Domino Petachi: Excuse me?
James Bond: It *certainly does* need it. You have slight lesions in the upper vertebrae.
Blofeld: I am Supreme Commander of SPECTRE, the Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion. Yesterday morning, the American Air Force launched 2 cruise missiles from Swadley Air Base in Great Britain. Through the ingenuity of SPECTRE, the dummy warheads they carried were replaced with *live*, *nuclear* warheads. Your weapons of destruction are now safely in our possession and will be moved to two secret targets. Please note the serial numbers of the missiles; they will confirm the truth. Your weapons of deterrence did not deter us from our objective! A terrible catastrophe now confronts you. However, it can be avoided by paying a tribute to our organization, amounting to twenty-five percent of your respective countries' annual oil purchases. We have accomplished two of the functions that the name SPECTRE embodies: terror and extortion. If our demands are not met within seven days, we shall ruthlessly apply the third: revenge!
[Small-Fawcett is thrown into the pool by James Bond]
Small-Fawcett: I'm sorry Mr. Bond. I obviously caught you in a bad moment.
James Bond: M sent you!
Small-Fawcett: Only to plead for your return, Sir. M says that without you in the service, he fears for the security of the civilized world.
James Bond: Never again.
Domino Petachi: Never?
[they hug and Bond winks to the audience]
James Bond: Is it conceivable that he could have used a false eye?
M: Oh, do come along, Bond! Let's think of a more logical explanation, shall we?
Domino Petachi: [after Largo forces her to break the statue] You're crazy!
Largo: Crazy? Yeah... maybe. I'm crazy.
Blofeld: We have invested heavily in the Middle East and Central America to promote insurgency and revolution. Fortunately, our capital outlay has been handsomely offset by the result and sale of armaments and missiles. You will note, that we have supplied both to rebels and government forces, on an equal basis. In matters of death, SPECTRE is strictly impartial.
James Bond: What's the Americans' story on how the damn things were stolen?
James Bond: I won't need one of these where I'm going.
Q: Where's that or - are you not allowed to say?
James Bond: The Bahamas.
Q: Oh, lucky, bloody you!
Small-Fawcett: Nigel Small-Fawcett. British Embassy. Nassau.
James Bond: How do you do, Nigel?
Small-Fawcett: Sorry I'm late. But, as you're one of these undercover johnnies, I took the precaution of not being followed.
James Bond: And that's why you shouted my name across the harbor.
Small-Fawcett: Oh, God! Did I? Oh, I'm sorry. Damn! Damn! Sorry, I'm rather new to all this.
James Bond: You appear tense.
Fatima Blush: You affect me, James.
James Bond: Well, that's bad. Going down, one should always be relaxed.
James Bond: With due respect, I played the war games for two weeks and only got killed once.
M: Twice. You've forgotten the land mine on the Black Sea beach.
James Bond: Correction, sir. I lost both legs. I did not die.
M: [Unimpressed] You were *immobilized.*
James Bond: It can never be the same playing with blanks. It is somewhat different in the field. With your life on the line... your adrenaline gives you an edge.
M: But is your edge sharp enough? That's the difference between a "Double-0" and a corpse.
James Bond: [In the lab, curious about yet another one of Q's interesting little spy gadgets] What is this for?
Q: I'll show you. You unscrew it... then stick it up your nose.
Q: [as he sticks the inhaler up his nose and sniffs] For my sinus.
Q: Rather tasty this is. It looks like a watch, but, it's really a laser. It keeps perfect time.
James Bond: But, for how long?
Q: At least your lifetime.
James Bond: C'est la vie.
Domino Petachi: C'est la vie?
James Bond: Such is life.
Domino Petachi: Such is life.
James Bond: Commander Pederson, are you equipped with the new XT-7B's?
Captain Pederson: That's Top Secret! How do you know about them?
James Bond: From a Russian translation of one of your service manuals. Sorry, old boy.
Blofeld: Now, for the future. SPECTRE's most audacious enterprise of any; next to which our previous ventures are inconsequential. Our esteemed Number One is in complete charge of the entire operation, which will henceforth be called: The Tears of Allah.
James Bond: We're both humble servants of the Crown, Alge.
Q: If the CIA made me an offer, I'd be off like a shot! Unlimited resources. Air conditioning. Twenty-eight flavors of ice cream in the restaurant.
Q: Wait a minute, I've got something in here that could be useful. The prototype came from a KGB defector. A bit of a whiz kid in their technical section. Not a bad chap. Though I thought a bit is prone to melancholy. I suppose it's all that vodka and English weather.
James Bond: What's the score with Largo?
Small-Fawcett: Oh, he's highly visible in these parts. Enormously wealthy. Owns the biggest boat in the Caribbean...
James Bond: You've met him?
Small-Fawcett: Yes. He's charming. I mean - foreign. But, charming, nonetheless.
Small-Fawcett: You're not going to make any trouble, are you Mr. Bond? Let's face it. Your reputation has proceeded you.
James Bond: Do I look like the sort of man who would make trouble?
Small-Fawcett: Well, yes, frankly. And you're going to jeopardize the tourists trade if you start going around killing people.
Fatima Blush: Hello, James. I'm Fatima Blush.
James Bond: You ski very well.
Fatima Blush: I do many things very well.
Domino Petachi: Oh! Could you go a little lower, please.
James Bond: Lower?
Domino Petachi: Yes, please. Yes. Oh, right there. Oh, it feels *so* good!
James Bond: Hello, again. I do owe you an explanation. My name is Bond, James Bond. May I offer you a drink?
Fatima Blush: I think you have lost her.
Largo: Do you actually imagine that I could lose a woman to an underpaid British agent? Ya?
Fatima Blush: Yeah. And I warn you, if he is not executed at once, he'll have your Domino turned over.
Fatima Blush: Maximillian, why torture yourself over that kind of woman?
Largo: Maybe one day you have to kill her, Fatima.
Fatima Blush: Your sense of humor is delicious!
James Bond: [about one of Q's spy gadgets: a pen that shoots a lethally explosive charge] You could write a very binding contract with this.
Q: [Talking to Bond, in his lab] I wish I had a new contract. They slashed my budget. You can't get the spare parts. And when you can, there's usually some strike that stops delivery. Look at this place. They keep it bloody freezing down here. Plays havoc with my sinuses.
[Largo explains about the Domination video game]
Largo: This game has one objective: power. We will be fighting for countries, chosen at random by the machine. But for this demonstration, I will choose France. Target areas will light up on the map. Whoever hits them first with his laser beam will score a point. But there is another way to win: with your left hand, you control two nuclear missiles; with your right hand, you control a shield to block my missiles. But if you fail... Boom, I win the game. You will be red. I will be blue.
James Bond: Since you took over, sir, you've had little use for the "Double-O"s. I've spent most of my time teaching, not doing.
M: It's no secret I hold your methods in much less regard than my illustrious predecessor did. But my duty is to keep you up to par.