This movie is BONKERS - and I do mean that in the best way possible. It opens with the apparent gundown-murder (a la Sonny Corleone) of the film's leading man (Henry Sanada). But, wait, no: it turns out it was his twin brother! Cut to Texas (?!) where the other Henry Sanada (incongruously called 'Georgie' in the English-dubbed version I watched) rides horses and ropes cattle (don't all Texans?) under the tutelage of none other than Milton Ishibashi (villain Junjo from the first two 'Streetfighter' films) who kidnapped Georgie as a child (as it turns out, for his own protection). Adoptive uncle dies, so Georgie goes to Japan to find out the truth of his family. There, among others, he meets up with none other than real professional wrestler Abdullah the Butcher as Spartacus (?!), bodyguard to a bevy of Japanese cuties in bikinis whose tops Georgie's pet spider monkey, Peter, keeps stealing. (Yes, I just re-read that last sentence and I'm still not sure whether or not this movie was the result of a chili-induced fever-dream.) Also, Georgie comes into contact with his blind, piano-playing, martial arts expert sister, played by - who else? - Sue 'Sister Streetfighter' Shiomi. She is under the protection of her seemingly kindly uncle who (SPOILER) turns out to be the man behind Georgie's parents' deaths (uncle gave the pilot of Georgie's parents' airplane coffee with an overdose of sleeping medicine - this is all related to Georgie and the audience by Mr. Magic and his hideous ventriloquist dummy, in a scene that baldly borrows from 'Hamlet', a play whose story this film's does bear some more than superficial resemblances). In case we weren't sure, we know that the uncle is REALLY bad because he fetishizes Nazis and Beethoven, hanging a portrait of Der Fuhrer himself in his secret bad guy HQ and having one of his evil henchwomen dress in something like a combination of Gestapo-meets-cheap hooker lounge wear (this character is the one who utters the above "honeymoon" line). The film's tone varies wildly, from deadly serious and bloody to drippingly maudlin to Benny Hill-style comedic (watch for the 'wacky' chase involving a cadre of ninja-monks going after Georgie through the streets of Tokyo, a chase which, at one point, has Georgie and his pal stealing a tandem bike from a pair of gay men necking by a fountain - I'm not making this up, really - and knocking over some nuns in full habits, one of whom is wearing red lace panties). Rappelling must have been big in 1982 because this movie features more than its fair share. Then there's the Hong Kong final showcase showdown which plays like a martial arts video game, with Georgie taking on wave after wave of variously armed and abled hench-dudes until his evil uncle finally clues into the fact that he'd better make a run for it. The final chase owes more than a little to the previous year's "Raiders of the Lost Ark", with Georgie pursuing the jeep-driving baddies on horseback while contending with other hench-dudes throwing bombs from a helicopter. When he finally faces off against his evil uncle (SPOILER), Georgie delivers the death-blow by karate-punching a 140-karat diamond into his uncle's eye socket (the pain of which causes uncle to fatally hurl himself off a cliff). With a theme song sung by Sanada and fight scenes directed by Sonny Chiba himself, this is one for the ages. And did I mention the lounge where they hang out called 'Casablanca', whose owner dresses exactly like Bogart from that movie?
