The Pirate Movie (1982)
Quotes
Mabel: You'll be hung!
The Pirate King: Oh I am, I am, and very well thank you.
The Pirate King: What's the age of consent around here?
Mabel: Eighteen.
The Pirate King: Good! I'm old enough.
Frederic: Lately I've been restless. I've been consumed by some... inner fire, and all I think about are girls.
Ruth: [Grabbing onto Frederic] I've waited 20 years for this!
The Pirate King: [Pulling Ruth off of Frederic] The sea, Frederic, is a jealous mistress. But she is her own reward. Believe me, you've missed nothing.
The Pirate King: [to other pirates] Tell him men, have you missed anything these 20 years at sea?
Other pirates: [Yelling in unison] SEX!
Mabel: Death before dishonor! Besides, you ever try running in one of these things? It's a real bitch!
[the Pirate King has just cornered Frederick in their swordfight, the Pirate King has his sword pointed between Frederick's legs]
The Pirate King: Drop it, or...
Frederic: *Nuts*!
The Pirate King: Them, too!
Frederic: [sitting rubbing his back as a horse runs off] Ohhh! Oww! Ouch! Well I've been at sea since I was one, how the hell would I know how to ride a horse?
Mabel: Frederic, you're not gay, are you?
Frederic: [high voice] No!
[clears throat and in a lower voice]
Frederic: No.
Mabel: The way you and the Pirate King get around in those rather feminine, pleated shirts and all that leather.
Frederic: Mabel!
Mabel: Hey! I'm not prejudiced. I mean, what does this country got a navy for? Screw 'em if they can't take a joke!
Frederic: You're weird.
Mabel: All kidding aside, tell me this. Are you a virgin?
Frederic: I don't know.
Mabel: Near enough.
Mabel: Frederic, these are the 1880s. You can't live your life by the outmoded conventions of a neo-imperialist society. Find your true center!
Frederic: What? You mean Zen piracy?
Mabel: [unlaces her shirt and pulls it down to show her corset] Frederic, have you ever worn a whalebone corset? Well no, we established that, didn't we? It chokes and strangles, Frederic! I won't be choked and strangled by someone else's dumb ideas of custom and duty!
[to stone statue]
Mabel: Would you Harry, would you?
[to Frederic]
Mabel: Never to know the rich and real, wondrous person beating and throbbing inside me. Frederic, can you see me throbbing?
Frederic: I see! I see! I'm throbbing too!
Major-General: Man, I'm older than the Beatles, but I'm younger than the Rolling Stones!
The Pirate King: Away to the ship and hoist up that chain doodad!
Samuel: Anchor, sir?
The Pirate King: No, Sam. Just disappointment.
Mabel: [to Pirate King] Is that a dagger in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
The Pirate King: Your Birthday?
Frederic: February 29, 1859.
The Pirate King: A leap year!
Frederic: yes...
The Pirate King: ...and you were indentured to us...?
Frederic: until my 21st year...
The Pirate King: [interrupting] ... until your 21st birthday! Leap years only happen every 4 years. Going by birthdays, you're still only 5 and a 1/4.
Frederic: [surprised] wha...?
The Pirate King: I'm merely making you aware of it... I'll leave the rest to your... sense of duty?
Ruth: Yes, Duty!
Frederic: Duty and honor are all I have... that's the one good thing you taught me!
Mabel: The body's an eight, the brain's a ten, so let's go.
Mabel: You poor thing. Pirates! You mean like walking the plank? Buried treasure? Hack, slash, off with his head, and the Jolly Richard, and everything?
Frederic: Roger.
Mabel: Oh, Roger I love it.
Frederic: No, Frederic without a "k."
Mabel: Mabel, also without a "k." God, we have so much in common.
[Mabel comes in and finds Frederic laying in a coffin]
Mabel: Frederic, what are you doing?
Frederic: Oh, hiding.
Mabel: My Frederic, hiding? It cannot be the lion-heart troubles at the coming conflict. My love - a wimp!
Frederic: No, Mabel. A terrible disclosure's just been made.
Mabel: Then zip it up!
Frederic: [scaring off Mabel's sisters and making them drop their flowers] I'm sorry! I didn't mean to deflower you!
Mabel: [song] If you're treadin' water and romance is on the slide/Don't you know you have to swallow somethin' more than water... it's your pride/Ah ha, a-huff and puff/Just to keep love goin'/A-ha, I've had enough/Of pumpin' and a-blowin'
Soundtrack Chorus: [song] Keep pumpin', blowin'/Keep pumpin', blowin'
Samuel: [doorbell rings] Avon calling!
Major-General: Damn cheek! With women leading our armies we'll never have a good war again.
Mabel: So true! So true.
Sergeant: [with heavy French accent] Name of the fugitive?
Mabel: [struggling to understand] Fyoog tiv?
Sergeant: [frustrated] Fugitive! F - U...
Mabel: Up yours, too, Froggy!... Oh! *Fugitive!* His name's Fredric - without a 'k.' And he's got a horse - I mean a nurse, her name's Ruth and... listen, why don't you just follow me to the castle?
Mabel: I'll see you get a thousand lashes!
The Pirate King: Promises, promises.
