Dawn of the Mummy

DAWN OF THE MUMMY starts out in ancient Egypt, and right away we're taken into a tomb, where the invocation of a curse lets us know that the titular monster will arise in the future to wreak havoc. 3000 years later, the tomb is uncovered by thieves, and the curse is enacted. Hideous death ensues.

Meanwhile, a group of supermodels and photographers arrive in Egypt from NYC. Ultimate terror begins.

Right from the opening of this lemon, we know we're in for a treat. The supermodels add the perfect ingredients for grade-A schlock. Every character is an idiot, especially the blonde-haired, cackling leader of the thieves. Where the hell did they find this guy? He's a riot!

The dialogue and actions are like nothing that any real human being would ever actually say or do, not even in the 1980s! The director must have instructed them all to be as vaccuous and irritating as possible. There's also an old hag that pops in and out of the story. She's in a whole other dimension of hilarity!

Just wait until you see the undead army! A bunch of guys with mudpack on their faces!

You'll be more than ready for the mummy to start killing these people! He and his "army" do get a few here and there, up until the big finale, which is sort of like a ham-fisted tribute to Lucio Fulci's ZOMBIE. This is also when we get to see the supermodels turn into explosives experts!

WARNING: You'll want to be at least 10 sheets to the wind before watching this movie! Anything less could result in permanent harm...