The Cannonball Run (1981)

Jack Elam: Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing

Photos 

Quotes 

• Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : I'm Nikolas Van Helsing, professor of proctology and other related tendencies. A graduate of the University of Rangoon and assorted night classes at the Knoxville, Tennessee School of Faith Healing.

  J.J. McClure : You may be a little overqualified for this job.

• [finding the men's room locked, Van Helsing follows Pamela into the women's room] 

  Pamela Glover : Wait a minute, you can't come in here.

  Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : Madam, not to be indelicate but in my profession; if you've seen one, you've see them all.

  Pamela Glover : Oh, okay.

• [At the Portofino Inn, Victor, in his Captain Chaos persona, saves a woman's dog from drowning in the bay and is hailed a hero, but J.J. is furious, as his selfless act cost him and J.J. the championship win] 

  Victor Prinsi : [as Captain Chaos]  J.J., I saved that woman's dog.

  J.J. McClure : [furious]  Victor! We could've won that race! Do ya understand what I'm telling you? We could've won it!

  Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : You understand that? You had to go and pull that stupid stunt.

  Pamela Glover : He's right, Victor.

  J.J. McClure : We are sick of Captain Chaos. We are so sick of Captain Chaos that we could throw up. So you know what, Victor? There's not gonna be anymore Captain Chaos.

  [grabs and rips the mask off Victor's head, yells] 

  J.J. McClure : NO MORE! Ya see what I'm telling you? NO MORE!

  [snatches Victor's cape and slams it to the ground] 

  J.J. McClure : No more Captain Chaos, EVER! Now, what do ya think of that?

  [crowd laughs as Victor seemingly feels broken-hearted over J.J.'s act of poor sportsmanship] 

  Victor Prinsi : I don't care, because...

  [changes into a new superhero persona with an American Flag-like mask and cape] 

  Victor Prinsi : ... I've always wanted to be... Captain USA! Da-Da-DUM!

  [J.J. and the racers laugh] 

  Victor Prinsi : It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it!

• [the racers, all neck and neck, are approaching the finish line, with Mad Dog and Batman in the lead] 

  Mad Dog : We got 'em!

  Batman : We got 'em!

  [Suddenly, a car gets in the way, forcing Mad Dog & Batman's GMC truck to skid to a 180° stop. Bradford and Shakey's motorcycle slips and skids] 

  J.J. McClure : [screams]  LOOK OUT!

  [J.J. and Victor's ambulance and all the other cars come to a screeching halt] 

  J.J. McClure : [yells]  Okay, it's a foot race!

  Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : I've got the card!

  J.J. McClure : No, gimme that, Doc! Come on, it's a foot race!

  [All the racers storm out and begin running to the finish line to see who can be the first to punch out at the time clock and win the race] 

  Victor Prinsi : Have no fear! Chaos is here! DA-DA-DUM!

  J.J. McClure : [hands Victor the time card]  Take it and win, Captain!

  Pamela Glover : Come on, Chaos! You can do it!

  [as Victor and Marcie sprint, J.J. jumps on the other racers, tackling them to the ground] 

  Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing : Does anyone need medical attention?