Caddyshack (1980) Poster


Bill Murray: Carl Spackler



  • Carl Spackler : What an incredible Cinderella story. This unknown comes out of nowhere to lead the pack. At Augusta, he's on his final hole. He's about 455 yards away. He's going to hit about a two iron, I think. Well, he got out of that. The crowd is standing on its feet, here at Augusta. The normally reserved Augusta crowd is going wild. For this young Cinderella who's come out of nowhere, he's got about 350 yards left. He's going to hit about a five iron, l expect. Don't you think? He's got a beautiful back swing. That's - oh! He got out of that one! He's got to be pleased with that. The crowd is just on its feet here. He's a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He's got about 195 yards left, and he's gonna - looks like he's got about an eight iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent. Cinderella story. Out of nowhere. A former greenskeeper now about to become the Master's champion. It looks like a miraculous - it's in the hole! It's in the hole!

  • Carl Spackler : So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.

    Angie D'Annunzio : A looper?

    Carl Spackler : A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

  • Sandy : I want you to kill every gopher on the course!

    Carl Spackler : Check me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key...

    Sandy : Gophers, ya great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents!

    Carl Spackler : We can do that... we don't even have to have a reason.

  • Carl Spackler : This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.

  • Richard Richards : Better come in till this blows over.

    Bishop : What do you think, fella?

    Carl Spackler : I'd keep playing. I don't think the heavy stuff's gonna come down for quite awhile.

    Bishop : You're right. Anyway, the Good Lord would never disrupt the best game of my life.


  • Carl Spackler : Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. A man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.

  • Carl Spackler : Your place got a pool?

    Ty Webb : We have a pond in the back. We have a pool and a pond... Pond'd be good for you.

  • Carl Spackler : [preparing to dynamite the gopher tunnel]  In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'.

  • Ty Webb : This your place, Carl?

    Carl Spackler : Yeah, whatta ya think?

    Ty Webb : It's really... awful.

    Carl Spackler : Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know... credit trouble.

  • Groundskeeper Sandy : Carl. Damn your eyes. I told you, today is the day we change the holes. Now, do it, and no more slacking off.

    Carl Spackler : I'll slack you off, you fuzzy little foreigner.

  • Carl Spackler : Bark like a dog.

  • Carl Spackler : Wait up, girls; I got a salami I gotta hide still.

  • Carl Spackler : Oh, Mrs. Crane, I'm looking at you... You wore green so you could hide. I don't blame you - you're a tramp! Ooh! That was right where you wanted it! Ooh Mrs. Crane, you're a little monkey woman you know that? You're a little monkey woman... You're lean and you're mean and you're not too far between either I bet, are ya? Would you like to wrap your spikes around my head?

  • Carl Spackler : I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.

  • Carl Spackler : I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days.

  • Carl Spackler : [singing, while trying to kill the gopher]  Great big globs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts!

  • Carl Spackler : This is a hybrid. This is a cross of bluegrass, Kentucky bluegrass, featherbed bench and northern California sinsemilla. The amazing stuff about this is that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejesus belt that night on this stuff. I got pounds of this stuff. Here.

    Ty Webb : No, thank you. I don't, I don't, eh...

    Carl Spackler : Say, let's have a little bit of this. I made a big Bob Marley joint. Look at this. Try this

    Ty Webb : Carl, I really don't do this very often.

    Carl Spackler : You'll love it. This is dynamite. Watch out for this.

    Ty Webb : Well, maybe one drag.

  • Carl Spackler : Freeze Gopher!

  • Carl Spackler : I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a few days. Who's the gopher's ally. His friends. The harmless squirrel and the friendly rabbit.

  • Carl Spackler : [Prepping a hose to drown the gopher]  Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts! How 'bout a nice cool drink, varmints? Scum... slime... menace to the golfing industry. You're a disgrace and you're varmints. You're the lowest members of the food chain and you'll probably be replaced by the rat.

    [Notices the gopher in another hole nearby] 

    Carl Spackler : Well, I have been pushed... I think it's about time somebody teach these varmints a little lesson about morality and what's like to be a decent, upstanding member of a SOCIETY!

    [Pounces but misses catching the gopher. Fumbles around in the hole, gives the gopher the finger, it bites him] 

    Carl Spackler : OOOOH!

    Carl Spackler : [Grabbing the hose]  Ok, I guess were playin' for keeps now! I guess the kidding around is pretty much over! I guess it's just a matter now of pumpin' about 15,000 gallons of water down there to teach you a bit of a lesson! Is that it? I think it is!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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