A young boy, Conan, becomes a slave after his parents are killed and tribe destroyed by a savage warlord and sorcerer, Thulsa Doom. When he grows up he becomes a fearless, invincible fighter. Set free, he plots revenge against Thulsa Doom.
James Earl Jones,
Max von Sydow
"Cactus" Jack Slade (Kirk Douglas) is the meanest bad man in the west, or so he thinks. When a bank robbery goes awry, he lands in jail facing a hangman's noose. When the corrupt owner of the bank offers him a job, Jack sees a chance to stay alive and get rich in the process. All he has to do is steal a strongbox full of money the banker lent to Mr. Parody Jones (Strother Martin) who needs it to keep his mining operation going. If he defaults on the loan, our "friendly" banker takes over the mine. Ms. Charming Jones (Ann-Margret) comes to town to collect the money and take it back to her father, Parody. To ensure the money makes it back home, Parody has called in a favor from a man who owes him a life debt. Enter Handsome Stranger (Arnold Schwarzenegger). The toughest and strongest hero in the west. As tough as a steel plate but, unfortunately, just as dense. As Charming and Handsome set off on their journey, Jack sets out after them. Using his trusty "Bad Men Of The West" handbook, ...Written by
The central character in this western spoof is "Cactus" Jack Slade. Similarly, there had been another western spoof with a central character called Evil Roy Slade (1972). This was a television movie. The Evil Roy Slade and "Cactus" Jack Slade characters were seen dressed very much alike, completely in black outfits with black hats, both sport moustaches, are villains, and share the same last name. The Slade surname in the earlier film was an acronym for "Sneaking, Lying, Arrogance, Dirtiness, and Evil." Also, both characters in posters are seen riding atop a Western vehicle, Jack on a locomotive, and Roy on a horse carriage. See more »
Horse stands available when Nervous Elk yells "charge" and all the horses race from out of the stands (only visible in open matte TV showings). See more »
Almost like a Roadrunner cartoon, but live action. Pretty much all the clichés you can think of, including names such as "Handsome Stranger" for the handsome stranger played by Ah-nold, and "Charming" for the beautiful heroine.
Frankly, IMHO, Kirk Douglas's horse was the star of the movie. While watching it with friends I said, "I love that horse." I think that animal should have won an Academy Award. (I think there is a "Patsy" award for animals, actually)
Probably best to see this one with friends. Probably pretty boring to see it alone, but where friends can feed upon each other it is wonderful.
None of Kirk Douglas's implements did come from the ACME company, though :-)
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