A Vacation in Hell (1979 TV Movie)
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Priscilla Barnes looks hot, and is a good actress. Maureen McCormick looks good too. Maureen's mother is played by Barbara Feldon, and Andrea Marcovicci (another good actress) rounds out the girl power.
All four of these women meet each other at Club Harmony while on vacation, and they decide to take an inflatable dinghy excursion with Michael Brandon's character, who is the swaggering would-be hero, or so we think. Marcovicci and Brandon have some unresolved love issues, and Marcovicci is a man-hating unhappy wretch.
Pop goes the dinghy, they sink very close to a beach on an uncharted area of the jungle beyond the resort, and decide that if they can just hike over the mountain, they will get back to civilization. Meanwhile, there are two natives in the jungle who don't do anything except provide menace for our storyline.
Movie limps along with various morbid plot twists:
They steal one of the native's shotgun and kill him. Barnes is attracted to Brandon, Marcovicci rages on out of jealousy, and McCormick makes googly eyes at him, to the chagrin of Feldon.
Michael Brandon gets shot in the foot and the women then fashion a stretcher and cart him around the jungle until they accidentally drop him down a waterfall.
Marcovicci's character is done in by her man-hating anger which causes her to slip and fall down the side of a mountain.
Priscilla Barnes sings London's Burning. Maureen McCormick does a strange whirling dirvish dance for Michael Brandon. Barbara Feldon whines incessantly.
Only three women finally make it back to Club Harmony on foot, where they walk directly to one of those public showers on the beach to wash themselves clean, while the vacationing resort goers look on. The movie ends with a freeze frame of the three orgasmic looking wet women, happy to be back to civilization.
A Vacation in Hell was really awful, but London's Burning and the Marsha Brady dance were the highlights.
The plot starts when their boat wrecks on a remote part of the island and they unwisely to decide to walk back to the resort through the jungle. There are a couple of dark-skinned natives lurking about, and for awhile the movie turns into a cross between "Deliverance" and "Walkabout" without being a fraction as good as either. The most annoying characters do die fairly horribly, however, so it's not a total loss.
The British director David Greene did two very good theatrical movies in Britain, "I Start Counting" and "The Strange Affair", and the very decent Anglo-American horror film "The Shuttered Room". He definitely knew his away around attractive actresses (Jenny Agutter, Susan George, Carol Lynley, etc.), but story-wise he has little or nothing to work with here. He does seem to have filmed this with three cameras--one focused on Barnes' cleavage, one on her (and sometimes McCormick's) hot-pants clad ass, and one filming everything else. Barnes is very sexy (although she was better in the similar theatrical film "Tintorera" where she gets her kit off and almost gets eaten by a giant shark). Marccovi and McCormick are similarly easy on the eyes, but the former is saddled with an irritating character and the latter is miscast and turns in a truly wretched performance. Feldon still looks good, but she stays more conservatively dressed than the other women and is really give no opportunity to act (which, if you've seen her in "Smile" you know she can do far better than any of her co-stars here).
This is far from the worst TV movie made (it doesn't even have Jane Seymour or Delta Burke in it, for christsakes!), but it's not great either.
A single man takes 2 women, a mother and a daughter on a boat ride to a secluded beach from their vacation club on a raft. The raft pops when they reach the beach. They decide to wait, but there's a problem. The man rented it for 2 days. They decide to try to find their way back to the club but run into trouble along the way including finding dead animals on sticks, tigers, and natives. When they kill one native, another native comes after them. They try to run, but he keeps catching up with them. After 2 deaths, the purpose comes clear.
I loved Maureen McCormick (Marcia Brady) as the daughter on the trip. There is one messed up part where she dances to soft music and it looks weird. I gave this a vote of 8/10 and *** stars.
Well, if it comes on, watch it. It is a rare one. Don't let my review trick you. You will never find this one on video, of course, I have it. Just be warned. The "Terror Trap" web site claims it to be a horror. It is more of a Drama/Thriller/Adventure.
Sitcom ladies Barbara Feldon (Get Smart), Maureen McCormick (Brady Bunch) and Prisilla Barnes (Three's Company) are joined by Andrea Marcovicci (not Pamela Bellwood) as they are led through the tropics by a guide who is eventually killed by a native lad.
Peculiar moments of bonding for the women, such as when they sing the "London's Burning" song.
The final fate of one of the women is interesting, then we learn what the native boy is really after. LIked the way it was done with the gun as Barnes was totally terrorized.
The conclusion seemed obvious, the survivors made their way back to civilization.
It would be fun to see this one and "Five Desperate Women" (1971) as a box set.
This movie, like the others of that era, contrives to bring this about, and the viewer knows this. There is no mystery or suspense. The people squabble, but everything is so predictable for the prejudices of the time, it is laughable.
The five people happen upon two savage young characters, and go nuts. Everyone is nuts, so that the director-writer team can justify their Nazi propaganda.
For some reason, the guy is attracted to the blonde, who is really not much to look at, and ignores a super hot looking brunette that any heterosexual man would go nuts over. One must remember that in the seventies, movies were meant to appeal to women and not men.
Totally crap and totally depressing.