Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978)
Police Commissioner: You knew him intimately.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus: I hated him intimately!
Clouseau: [Dreyfus shoots a gun at Clouseau a couple times] It's me!
Chief Insp. Dreyfus: I know!
[Dreyfus laughs and starts shooting again]
Clouseau: Now, this time *I'm* going to stand on *your* shoulders!
Cato: What good will that do?
Clouseau: Because I'm taller than you are, you fool!
[Philippe Douvier just set up a trap for Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau and invited him to it with a phone call]
Simone Le Gree: That's so obvious, he's bound to think it's a trap...
Philippe Douvier: Yes, or it's so obvious that he's bound to think it can't be a trap.
Cato: It's so obvious, it's bound to be a trap.
Clouseau: That is why you'll never be a great detective, Cato. It's so obvious that it could not possibly be a trap.
[Inspector Clouseau, disguised as Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, explains why he can't give a tip to the postman]
Clouseau: I'm a little short.
[dressed as Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, and singing]
Clouseau: Thank heaven for the little girls. They keep getting smaller every day.
Clouseau: You mean Douvier killed a wandering transvestite just to impress his godfather?
Simone Le Gree: Now why do you suppose he wanted to have me killed?
Clouseau: Elementary. He wanted you dead.
[Clouseau is disguised as a salty Swedish sea dog and finds out about Le Club Foot from French informant Fernet. He starts walking away, singing a well-known pirate song wrong]
Clouseau: Ooohhh, sixteen chests on a dead man's rum/Yo-ho-ho in the bottle of the chest/Drink to the devils and done for the rums/Hooooooooooooooooooooo!
Cato: Please, boss! I thought you were dead!
Clouseau: So as a tribute to my memory, you open this... this Chinese nookie factory?
Clouseau: I am not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill transvestite!
Simone Legree: Simone.
[palm reading Scallini's hand]
Simone Legree: I can tell that you're a very passionate man. Do you see how long this line is?
Julio Scallini: Keep watching: it's gonna get longer.
Clouseau: [after Dreyfus faints when seeing Clouseau] Now I know why this place looks so familiar.
Simone Legree: Why?
Clouseau: Chief Inspector Dreyfus lives here.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus: Clouseau?
Chief Insp. Dreyfus: Are you wounded?
Clouseau: No. Fortunately I was saved by the darkness.
Chief Insp. Dreyfus: So what we need is more light.
Clouseau: But these aren't normal times. Cato. Someone just tried to kill me.
Cato: That's normal.
Clouseau: Ah, but this time, he thinks he had succeed.
Guy Algo: Man, New York knows even better than the President of France. A man with which our entire world organization is familiar, and would like nothing better than to see him out of the way.
Guy Algo: Who has given us nothing but trouble for the past ten years? Who has survived sixteen assassination attempts, including two by his own boss? Clouseau. You want to impress New York. Eliminate Clouseau.
Philippe Douvier: The bomb destroyed half the block and Clouseau survived!
Clouseau: Well, Sir, until we meet again in New York, the case is sol-ved.
Clouseau: Hey! Mamma Mia! Ho-ho! Spagettino to Al Pacino.
Clouseau: It's only an old salty Swedish sea dog out there from the salty seas, you know.
Man at Pier: Hello, Inspector.
Sgt. François Chevalier: Why don't you get out of those wet clothes? You could catch pneumonia.
Clouseau: Yes, I know that. I know that. I will do as soon as I get home, provided that idiot Cato does not attack me first.
Sgt. François Chevalier: Why don't you just tell him not to?
Clouseau: Believe me, it's not that easy. I have given him instructions to attack me wherever and whenever possible, and it has now become a matter of pride with him to try to outsmart me. I guarantee that at this very minute, his fiendish little yellow brain is plotting some new ambush.
Clouseau: [after his car literally breaks down] Cato, I very much suspect that the Hornet is overdue for a service, so if you don't mind, I'll use your car tonight.
Clouseau: You keep talking about this Douvier.
Simone Legree: Mm-hmm.
Clouseau: But Philippe, who is... who is-who is Philippe?
Simone Legree: Philippe Douvier.
Clouseau: His son?
Simone Legree: Whose son?
Simone Legree: He has no son.
Clouseau: His brother, then?
Simone Legree: His brother's name is Fred.
Clouseau: Then it has to be his father.
Simone Legree: His father's dead.
Clouseau: Ah! Now we're getting somewhere. Then who killed him?
Simone Legree: No one. He died of natural causes.
Clouseau: Then who is this Philippe?
Chief Insp. Dreyfus: Doctor, please, you must help me. Is Clouseau real, or am I going mad again?
Dr. Paul Laprone: What do you think?
Chief Insp. Dreyfus: What do I think? What can I think? If that nincompoop is really alive and the things I heard are true, he'll probably be decorated again for rounding up the biggest drug ring in France, and I'll be a-a laughingstock.
Dr. Paul Laprone: That sounds reasonable. What are you going to do?
Chief Insp. Dreyfus: What choice do I have? I either commit myself and come back to be locked up in here...
[a thought strikes him]
Chief Insp. Dreyfus: Or... I go to Hong Kong.
Julio Scallini: That's a nice hand.
Simone Legree: Oh, thank you. That's only the right one.
Julio Scallini: You type, too.
Simone Legree: A hundred words a minute.
Julio Scallini: I may faint.
Simone Legree: [laughing] Mr. Douvier has asked me to apolgize. He's going to be a little late. If you'd like, I'd be happy to keep you company until he arrives.
Julio Scallini: If I like? Does my mother cook spaghetti?