Trama

Kenneth and Barbara introduce clips from all the Carry On movies. The two regulars converse at the Rank Film building to host the film with their own running gags involving Barbara's "assets" and Kenneth's desperate need of a toilet.

That's Carry on is a 'best of the carry on's' movie with Kenneth Williams and Barbara Windsor introducing clips from all the Carry On movies (from Carry on Sergeant to Carry on Behind). The two regulars converse at the Rank Film building to host the film, with their own running gags involving Barbara's "assets" and Kenneth's desperate need of a toilet!!!—Graeme Huggan <hia95gh@sheffield.ac.uk>

Kenneth Williams and Barbara Windsor are imprisoned in a Pinewood Studios projection room and trawl through film can after film can of the classic Carry-On series. There have been 28 films in the series so far, and countless number of actors. Kenneth is delighted with the slap-up food hamper and champagne, while Barbara loads the vintage clips.

Follow That Camel. Bo arrives at the French Legion fort and gets off the Camel. They meet ZigZig, the owner of the local tavern. Bo asks ZigZig about how to join the Foreign Legion. Sergeant Knocker arrives at the fort and pretends to be coming from patrol. Belly dancing by Cork Tip. Bo and Knocker are captured by Abulbul, who and his entire gang, have the habit of kneeling to the ground upon hearing the name of their spiritual leader Mustafa Ali. Abulbul blowing up Bo at the cricket match at the end, with a bomb disguised as a ball.

Up the Khyber. The parade organized by the Maharaja in the honor of Sidney. The Khasi and the English governor Sidney. The legend of the Devils in Skirts.

Don't Lose your head. The ballroom scene, where Sir Rodney cuts into a couple dancing, and requests permission to dance with the man instead of the woman. Rodney says that charity ball is for the SFA or the Stranded French Aristocrats.

Nurse. Shaving the pubic region of a patient. The various patients at the hospital and their peculiarities. One patient imagining himself as an expert piano player. A boxer with a busted hand being shy about getting his boxers removed by the nurses. The nurses eventually just pull the boxers down and put the patient to bed. One nurse gives a suppository to a patient but gives to him to swallow rather than inserting it in his behind. The colonel temperature being taken rectally with a daffodil.

Doctor. The ambulance being driven recklessly to take the patient to the hospital. The new patient trying to sleep but being interrupted by a 6 am wake up call, the nurse taking his temperature, then change of clothes and sponge bath, vacuum cleaning of the entire ward, medicines being distributed, bedpan being changed, being taken for an X-Ray and so on.

Sergeant. The recruits reach base camp with one recruit being particularly nervous about everything. Everyone missing the bayonet target.

Teacher. Gym teacher Allcock. Allcock wears a really tight gym outfit that rips apart at the seams when she bends down to do her exercises. Allcock gets drunk and takes a swing at the particularly snobbish school inspector who had come to observe and prepare a report about the school.

Constable. 3 new trainees assigned to a station for the first time and unknowingly assisting a robbery. Cold shower in the lockup cells. Potter burns consolidated notes of the captain. Potter is on dog walking duty.

Regardless. The chimp is not allowed on the bus or taxi.

Cabby. Charlie training the new driver who is an accident on wheels. The competition from GlamCabs, a rival company started by Charlie's wife, where all the drivers are nice looking women, who steal all the business from Charlie and his gruff looking drivers.

Spying. Barbara Windsor's first movie in the Carry-on series. The holster won't fit on her chest. The funny pass-codes used by the spies. The occupational hazards of spying.

Cruising (Binn hitting on Flo. Majoribanks trying to impress the captain),

Jack (They couldn't use the original name for Jack as it was censored. Incompetent Royal Navy crew),

Cleo (Caesar married to Calpurnia. The auctioneers Marcus Et Spencius. Vestal Virgins. Caesar attacked inside the temple. Antony besotted with doe eyed Cleopatra. Antony and Cleopatra plotting to assassinate Caesar),

Cowboy (Rumpo & Belle. Anne seducing Rumpo. Anne planning to kill Rumpo in her room. Knutt using the sewers to defeat Rumpo),

Screaming (Doris and Albert see Oddbod in the jungle. Python in the bed. Dr Orlando using electricity to bring the dead back to life),

Camping (Paradise nudist camp. Sid & Bernie taking Joan and Anthea to the camp. Barbara's bikini top comes off during the morning PT scene),

Doctor again (Nookey scaring off the patients in the hospital. Nookie examining Goldie in her model shoot clothes. Nookie messing with the X-ray machine and knocking off electricity in the entire hospital. Gladstone and the slimming potion. Nookie coming back and opening up his slimming clinic),

Up the Jungle (Lady Evelyn is serviced by a snake up her dress. Jane discovers Ug. The gang being kept prisoner by the tribe of Amazonians),

Loving (Couples having sex in public buses and cars. Sid and Sophie get married. The food fight), Henry (Henry having eyes for Bettina, instead of his wife Marie. Henry tries all tricks to get Bettina into bed. Marie has Henry by the "chandeliers"),

Matron (Maternity ward at the hospital. Mrs Tidey eats a lot, and is late with her delivery), Abroad (The unfinished hotel. Work starts at 5 am and the guests can't sleep. The hotel floods during the rains, even as the party inside rages on),

Girls (Hope and Dawn arrive for the modeling contest Dawn steals Hope's bikini. Girl fight),

Dick (Desiree is a French show girl. Fancey is an English cop trying to catch Big Dick, a highwayman. Dick is supposed to have a birthmark on his "Didler"),

Behind (The archaeological site, right next to the camp site. The beach ball causing mayhem at the camp site. Professor Crump and Anna),

At your convenience (The sanitation fittings factory. The company outing).

As the films remorselessly play out, Kenneth feels the need to relieve himself, but Barbara is determined to plow through every film. Finally, scenes of speedy roadside urinating from Carry On at Your Convenience prove too much for Kenneth to bear but he holds back the flow to enjoy his finest role as the Khasi in Carry On, Up the Khyber.

While Kenneth pontificates about the glories of the Empire, Barbara leaves the projection room and locks her co-star in. Unable to hold out any longer, Kenneth goes against the projection room door.