Tentacles

I guess the actors were excited about being sent to Italy, and the downside is that..it was to be in this movie. I guess the producers were thinking they would make some money doing a version of "Jaws" with an octopus instead.

But the casual moviegoer, who has reasonable intelligence, will either be laughing at the whole thing or bored to death. Either way, the movie is not insultingly awful. At least Shelley Winters is under control, for the most part, but John Huston as a reporter is a riot. Danova had all his dialogue dubbed, which seems strange since he speaks English (he did in "Viva Las Vegas" and "Mean Streets", to name two instances). Henry Fonda & Bo Hopkins are also along for the ride.

When people start disappearing in a small seaside resort town, Ned Turner (John Huston), a newspaper reporter, becomes suspicious that is has something to do with an underwater construction project being conducted by Trojan, a company run by Mr. Whitehead (Henry Fonda). As Turner digs deeper into the mysterious events, his suspicions that something more sinister is responsible begin to grow. These suspicions are supported by marine expert Will Gleason (Bo Hopkins).

The above sounds much more appealing than it has any right to. This is one of the worst films I've ever seen, and I like Ed Wood! Tentacles is one of the many films that were made in the wake of Jaws that tried to capitalize on Jaws' incredible success. Unfortunately, almost everything about the film is completely incompetent. There are only two minor saving graces that caused me to give this film a "high" rating of 2 out of 10. One, there are some quality actors involved--Huston, Fonda, Hopkins, and Shelley Winters have all done fantastic work in other films, and two, there are a couple moments where the incompetence achieves a level of sublime ridiculousness so that Tentacles becomes "so bad it's good". However, don't put too much weight on either of those "pros", as the better performances (Huston and Hopkins) can't even begin to save this film and you have to sit through a tortuous, boring hour to get to a point where the film starts being more funny than painful.

There are a couple reasons you might want to watch this film. If you're a completist with respect to a member of the cast or crew, you'll have to watch, and this will likely be the lowlight of their career for you (at least no other film will "top" it, even if others can match it). Also, if you're a horror film completist (as I am), you'll want to grin and bear it once. Another good reason to watch it is as a lesson in how not to make a film, from every technical aspect. The script is horrible and at times completely incoherent. It may also set a record for the largest number of abandoned threads. The director appears to have slept through most of the shoots. The composer scores every scene inappropriately, and to top it off, one of the primary instruments is a harpsichord. The score basically sounds like random 70s porno music. The editor seems to think that his job involves not leaving any footage unused.

At about the hour mark, the director decides to employ a lot of freeze frames during a "high tension" sequence. It's also accompanied by bizarre non-sequitur "jokes" told by a guy in an Uncle Sam outfit while Shelley Winters desperately tries to reach two other characters on a walkie talkie, only we can't hear anything she says--we just see her mouth moving while we hear Uncle Sam's performance art. This is where the film finally becomes unintentionally funny. It makes little sense in the context of the film, although that seems to be a leitmotif.

Tentacles contains the most boring action/suspense sequences I think I've ever witnessed. There wasn't one for which my attention didn't drift. I started thinking about things like mowing the lawn, cleaning out the refrigerator, and so on. It's difficult to believe that any of the crew had a career after this, but amazingly, most of them did.

This was a total let down. I was expecting something either truly over the top or something so bad that it was good, but director Ovidio Assonitis just sails right down the middle with a Jaws rip-off that is mostly dull, with the odd stupid scene to almost keep you awake.

Our aquatic nemesis this time around comes in the form of a mutated octopus, somehow changed into a man-eating monster by some sort of industrial, experimental tunnel (didn't quite catch that). It starts off by eating a baby and a sailor and the local police, plus nosy reporter John Huston, are baffled by the state of the bodies. You know the drill. Giant sea monster. Shady company covering up its errors (run by Henry Fonda of all people). Marine expert brought in to sort things out. Local authorities trying to stop public learning of monster in order to go ahead with big event (these days they would have been clapping their hands together with glee at all the money they'd save for cancelling).

There. That saved a few paragraphs, now let's look at some other details of the film. For some reason, John Huston lives with his sister Shelly Winters, and Shelly is divorced with a young son and his mate who are both taking part in the forthcoming Regatta. That whole scenario there smacked more of a US disaster film than an Italian rip-off film. Henry Fonda doesn't do much at all and unless I fell asleep, and may very well have done, the whole plot about the company creating the mutated octopus just kind of wafted away like a fart.

There are some laughs to be had, however, and not from that crappy comedian they have entertaining the crowd before the regatta (what was that all about?). First off, there's the big fat guy from Strip Nude For Your Killer going swimming while a guy false scares him twice (complete with dramatic music), only for the octopus to grab hold of him and stick his feet out of the water upside down like it was playing pee-a-boo with Sherry Buchanan. Before eating her too. I also burst out laughing when the authorities finally decide to stop the regatta after its already started by flying around in a helicopter with a tiny sign that says 'danger: go back'. The film cheated at this point by making me think the octopus had eaten every single person in the regatta, which would have been a much better result than the single person it actually at.

Best of all however was Bo Hopkins as the Orca whisperer. Here he gives a dramatic pep-talk to his two pet killer whales before they go into battle against the octopus in a sequence that seemed to last about a week. The speech was pretty funny though. Not enough to save the film.

So, boring then. Strange freeze frames here and there two which made me think the version I was watching was glitching.

Did this movie strike anyone else as odd in that the big name actors (mainly Huston and Fonda) seem to be delivering their lines as though they don't know the plot of the film? Fonda in particular has so many scenes where his lines are vague and could fit into any number of plots, I truly wonder if he signed on for a giant cephalopod film.

This one is fun to watch just to see the old stars who should have faded away instead of getting old in this picture. It's so bad, it's funny and makes for a great comedy as long as you're not trying to pay too much attention. The camera shots are the best, never quite getting the stars completely IN the shot. I'm sure they wish they weren't in the shots at all. If you've got time to kill and some friends who like to make fun of bad movies, wrap your tentacles around this one. Ha-ha-ha! Ok, it wasn't funny, but this movie definitely is.