Annie Hall (1977)
Alvy Singer: [the man behind him in line is talking loudly] What I wouldn't give for a large sock with horse manure in it!
Alvy Singer: [to audience] Whaddya do when you get stuck in a movie line with a guy like this behind you?
Man in Theatre Line: Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion? It's a free country!
Alvy Singer: He can give it... do you have to give it so loud? I mean, aren't you ashamed to pontificate like that? And the funny part of it is, Marshall McLuhan, you don't know anything about Marshall McLuhan!
Man in Theatre Line: Oh, really? Well, it just so happens I teach a class at Columbia called "TV, Media and Culture." So I think my insights into Mr. McLuhan, well, have a great deal of validity!
Alvy Singer: Oh, do ya? Well, that's funny, because I happen to have Mr. McLuhan right here, so, so, yeah, just let me...
[pulls McLuhan out from behind a nearby poster]
Alvy Singer: come over here for a second... tell him!
Marshall McLuhan: I heard what you were saying! You know nothing of my work! You mean my whole fallacy is wrong. How you got to teach a course in anything is totally amazing!
Alvy Singer: Boy, if life were only like this!
Annie Hall: It's so clean out here.
Alvy Singer: That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.
Alvy Singer: [narrating] After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.
Alvy Singer: I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.
Alvy Singer: Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.
Alvy Singer: Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do?
Alvy Singer: [addressing the camera] There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.
Alvy Singer: Hey listen, gimme a kiss.
Annie Hall: Really?
Alvy Singer: Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna go home later, right, and then there's gonna be all that tension, we've never kissed before and I'll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we'll kiss now and get it over with, and then we'll go eat. We'll digest our food better.
[Alvy and Annie are seeing their therapists at the same time on a split screen]
Alvy Singer's Therapist: How often do you sleep together?
Annie Hall's Therapist: Do you have sex often?
Alvy Singer: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
Annie Hall: [annoyed] Constantly. I'd say three times a week.
[after sex with Annie]
Alvy Singer: That sex was the most fun I've ever had without laughing.
Alvy Singer: A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
[Alvy addresses a pair of strangers on the street]
Alvy Singer: Here, you look like a very happy couple, um, are you?
Female street stranger: Yeah.
Alvy Singer: Yeah? So, so, how do you account for it?
Female street stranger: Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say.
Male street stranger: And I'm exactly the same way.
Alvy Singer: I see. Wow. That's very interesting. So you've managed to work out something?
[Alvy confronts Annie about having an affair]
Alvy Singer: Well, I didn't start out spying. I thought I'd surprise you. Pick you up after school.
Annie Hall: Yeah, but you wanted to keep the relationship flexible. Remember, it's your phrase.
Alvy Singer: Oh stop it, you're having an affair with your college professor, that jerk that teaches that incredible crap course, Contemporary Crisis in Western Man...
Annie Hall: Existential Motifs in Russian Literature. You're really close.
Alvy Singer: What's the difference? It's all mental masturbation.
Annie Hall: Oh, well, now we're finally getting to a subject you know something about.
Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
Annie Hall: We're not having an affair. He's married. He just happens to think I'm neat.
Alvy Singer: "Neat." What are you, 12 years old? That's one of your Chippewa Falls expressions.
Annie Hall: Who cares? Who cares?
Alvy Singer: Next thing you know, he'll find you keen and peachy, you know. Next thing you know, he's got his hand on your ass.
Annie Hall: You've always had hostility towards David, ever since I mentioned him.
Alvy Singer: Dav - you call your teacher David?
Annie Hall: It's his name.
Alvy Singer: It's a Biblical name, right? What does he call you, Bathsheba?
[Alvy has killed two spiders]
Alvy Singer: I did it. I killed 'em both.
[Annie starts crying]
Alvy Singer: What's the matter? What are you sad about? What did you want me to do? Capture 'em and rehabilitate 'em?
Alvy Singer: Awards! They always give out awards! I can't believe it. Greatest Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler.
Alvy Singer: I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh, that those who can't do teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym. And, uh, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school.
Alvy Singer: I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
Pam: Sex with you is really a Kafka-esque experience.
Alvy Singer: Oh. Thank you.
Pam: I mean that as a compliment.
Alvy Singer: I'm sorry, I - I can't, I - I - I've gotta see a picture exactly from the start to the finish, 'cause -'cause I'm anal.
Annie Hall: [laughs] That's a polite word for what you are.
Alvy Singer: Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.
[after Annie parks the car]
Alvy Singer: Don't worry. We can walk to the curb from here.
[Alvy questions an old man on the street about his sex life]
Alvy Singer: With your wife in bed, does she need some kind of artificial stimulation, like, like marijuana?
Old man on street: We use a large vibrating egg.
Alvy Singer: [walking away] Well, you ask a psychopath for advice, that's what happens...
Alvy Singer: My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
[Alvy Singer does a stand-up comic act for a college audience]
Alvy Singer: I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
Annie Hall: Sometimes I ask myself how I'd stand up under torture.
Alvy Singer: You? You kiddin'? If the Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em everything.
[Annie's family and Alvy's family converse through a split screen]
Mom Hall: How do you plan to spend the holidays, Mrs. Singer?
Alvy's Mom: We fast.
Dad Hall: Fast?
Alvy's Dad: No food. You know, to atone for our sins.
Mom Hall: What sins? I don't understand.
Alvy's Dad: To tell you the truth, neither do we.
Alvy Singer: Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.
Doctor in Brooklyn: Why are you depressed, Alvy?
Alvy's Mom: Tell Dr. Flicker.
[Young Alvy sits, his head down - his mother answers for him]
Alvy's Mom: It's something he read.
Doctor in Brooklyn: Something he read, huh?
Alvy at 9: [his head still down] The universe is expanding.
Doctor in Brooklyn: The universe is expanding?
Alvy at 9: Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything!
Alvy's Mom: What is that your business?
[she turns back to the doctor]
Alvy's Mom: He stopped doing his homework!
Alvy at 9: What's the point?
Alvy's Mom: What has the universe got to do with it? You're here in Brooklyn! Brooklyn is not expanding!
Doctor in Brooklyn: It won't be expanding for billions of years yet, Alvy. And we've gotta try to enjoy ourselves while we're here!
Robin: There's Henry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Hershel Kaminsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell.
Alvy Singer: Yeah? Two more chairs they got a dining room set.
Duane: Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.
Alvy Singer: Right. Well, I have to - I have to go now, Duane, because I, I'm due back on the planet Earth.
Alvy Singer: Sylvia Plath - interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality.
Annie Hall: Oh, you see an analyst?
Alvy Singer: Yeah, just for fifteen years.
Annie Hall: Fifteen years?
Alvy Singer: Yeah, I'm gonna give him one more year, and then I'm goin' to Lourdes.
Alvy Singer: They did not take me in the Army. I was, um, interestingly enough, I was, I was 4-P. Yes. In the, in the event of war, I'm a hostage.
Annie Hall: You're what Grammy Hall would call a real Jew.
Alvy Singer: Oh. Thank you.
Annie Hall: Yeah, well, you - she hates Jews. She thinks that they just make money, but let me tell you, I mean, she's the one, yeah, is she ever. I'm tellin' you.
Alvy Singer: I'm so tired of spending evenings making fake insights with people who work for "Dysentery."
Alvy Singer: Oh really? I had heard that "Commentary" and "Dissent" had merged and formed "Dysentery."
Alvy Singer: You - you play very well.
Annie Hall: Oh, yeah? So do you! Oh, God, whatta - whatta dumb thing to say, right? I mean, you say it, "You play well," and then right away I have to say "you play well". Oh, oh, God, Annie. Well, oh well, la-de-da, la-de-da, la-la. Yeah.
Alvy Singer: Annie, there's a big lobster behind the refrigerator. I can't get it out. This thing's heavy. Maybe if I put a little dish of butter sauce here with a nutcracker, it will run out the other side.
Annie Hall: So I told her about, about the family and about my feelings towards men and about my relationship with my brother. And then she mentioned penis envy. Do you know about that?
Alvy Singer: Me? I'm, I'm one of the few males who suffers from that.
Alvy Singer: In 1942 I had already discovered women.
[Young Alvy kisses girl in school]
Alvy's Classmate: Yecch. He kissed me, he kissed me. Yecch.
Miss Reed: That's the second time this month. Step up here.
Alvy at 9: What'd I do?
Miss Reed: Step up here.
Alvy at 9: What did I do?
Miss Reed: You should be ashamed of yourself.
Alvy Singer: Why? I was just expressing a healthy sexual curiosity.
Miss Reed: Six year old boys don't have girls on their minds.
Alvy Singer: I did.
Alvy's Classmate: For God's sake, Alvy, even Freud speaks of a latency period.
Alvy Singer: Well, I never had a latency period. I can't help it.
[a guest is calling his meditation guru]
Party guest: Hey, Mr. Davis, I forgot my mantra.
Alvy Singer: I think, I think there's too much burden placed on the orgasm, you know, to make up for empty areas in life.
Pam: Who said that?
Alvy Singer: It may have been Leopold and Loeb.
[Alvy is asked to try cocaine]
Alvy Singer: I don't want to put a wad of white powder in my nose. There's the nasal membrane...
Annie Hall: You never want to try anything new, Alvy.
Alvy Singer: How can you say that? Whose idea was it? I said that you, I and that girl from your acting class should sleep together in a threesome.
Annie Hall: Well, that's sick.
Alvy Singer: Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new. You didn't say it couldn't be sick.
[Alvy fantasizes being in love with the Wicked Queen from Snow White]
Wicked Queen: We never have any fun any more.
Alvy Singer: How can you say that?
Wicked Queen: Why not? You're always leaning on me to improve myself.
Alvy Singer: You're just upset. You must be getting your period.
Wicked Queen: I don't get a period. I'm a cartoon character.
[Annie wants to smoke marijuana before sex]
Alvy Singer: Yeah, grass, right? The illusion that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday.
Annie Hall: Well, have you ever made love high?
Alvy Singer: Me? No. I - I, you know, If I have grass or alcohol or anything, I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. I don't know why you have to get high every time we make love.
Annie Hall: It relaxes me.
Alvy Singer: You have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed?
Annie Hall: Well, what's the difference anyway?
Alvy Singer: Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentathol. You can sleep through it.
Annie Hall: Oh come on. Look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for 15 years. You should smoke some of this. You'd be off the couch in no time.
Alvy's Classmate: I'm into leather.
Allison: I'm in the midst of doing my thesis.
Alvy Singer: On what?
Allison: Political commitment in twentieth century literature.
Alvy Singer: You, you, you're like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.
Allison: No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.
Alvy Singer: Right, I'm a bigot, I know, but for the left.
Annie Hall: Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean you're like New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself.
Alvy Singer: I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.
[On Pam being a Rosicrucian]
Alvy Singer: I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics.
Alvy Singer: Oh my God, she's right. Why did I turn off Allison Portchnik? She was beautiful, she was willing. She was real intelligent. Is it the old Groucho Marx joke that I'm - I just don't want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member?
Alvy Singer: Lyndon Johnson is a politician, you know the ethics those guys have. It's like a notch underneath child molester.
[Rob has bailed Alvy out of jail]
Rob: Imagine my surprise when I got your call, Max.
Alvy Singer: Yeah. I had the feeling that I got you at a bad moment. You know, I heard high-pitched squealing.
Rob: Twins, Max! 16 years old. Can you imagine the mathematical possibilities?
Alvy Singer: [glum] You're an actor, Max. You should be doing Shakespeare in the Park.
Rob: Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max. I got mugged. I was playing Richard the Second and two guys with leather jackets stole my leotard.
[Alvy is having sex with Annie]
Alvy Singer: Hey, is something wrong?
Annie Hall: No, why?
Alvy Singer: I don't know. It's like you're removed.
[a ghost of Annie rises from herself, and sits in a chair to watch]
Annie Hall: No, I'm fine.
Alvy Singer: Are you with me?
Annie Hall: Uh, huh.
Alvy Singer: I don't know. You seem sort of distant.
Annie Hall: Let's just do it, all right?
Alvy Singer: Is it my imagination, or are you just going through the motions?
Ghost of Annie Hall: Alvy, do you remember where I put my drawing pad? Because while you two are doing that, I think I'm going to do some drawing.
Alvy Singer: [gesturing to the ghost] You see, that's what I call removed.
Pam: The only word for this is transplendent... it's transplendent!
Alvy Singer: You know, I don't think I could take a mellow evening because I - I don't respond well to mellow. You know what I mean? I have a tendency to - if I get too mellow, I - I ripen and then rot, you know.
Alvy Singer: Hey, Harvard makes mistakes too! Kissinger taught there!
Alvy Singer: What are you depressed about?
Annie Hall: I missed my therapy, I overslept.
Alvy Singer: How can you possibly oversleep?
Annie Hall: The alarm clock.
Alvy Singer: You know what a hostile gesture that is to me?
Alvy Singer: You're extremely sexy. Because you are polymorphously perverse.
Annie Hall: What does that mean?
Alvy Singer: You're exceptional in bed because you get pleasure in every part of your body when I touch it. Like when I touch your nose or stroke your teeth or your kneecaps, you certainly get excited.
Annie Hall: You know what? I like you, I really do.
[Alvy sees a program from the Fillmore East and The National Review in Annie's apartment]
Alvy Singer: Are you going with a right-wing rock 'n roll star?
Alvy Singer: After that, it got pretty late and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I realized what a terrific person she was and how much fun it was just knowing her. And I thought of that old joke: this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken.' And the doctor says, 'Well, why don't you turn him in?' The guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships: they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, I guess, we keep goin' through it because most of us... need the eggs.
Annie Hall: [after having sex for the first time with Alvy] Mmm, mmm, that was so nice. That was nice.
Alvy Singer: As Balzac said, "There goes another novel."
Annie Hall: You're seeing an analyst?
Alvy Singer: Just for 15 years. I'm giving him one more year and then I'm going to Lourdes.
Annie Hall: [Annie Hall referring to a box of pin badges] I guess these are all yours, impeach ''Eisenhower'', impeach ''Nixon'', impeach ''Lyndon Johnson'', impeach Ronald Reagan''.
Alvy Singer: I - I don't know why they would have me at this kind of rally 'cause, excuse me, I'm not essentially a political comedian at all. I interestingly had, uh, dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration, briefly, and, uh, it was ironic to me 'cause, uh, 'cause I was trying to - do to her what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years.
Pam: I hope you don't mind that I took so long to finish
Alvy Singer: No - I'm starting to get some feeling back in my jaw now.
Annie Hall: [offering joint to Alvy] Here, you want some?
Alvy Singer: No. I don't use any major hallucinogenics. I took a puff about five years ago at a party... I tried to take my pants off over my head.
Alvy Singer: [to the waitress] I'll have corned beef, please.
Annie Hall: [to the waitress] I'm gonna have pastrami on white bread with mayonnaise, tomatoes, and lettuce.
Alvy Singer: Boy, sometimes I wonder where my classmates are today.
1st Boy in Classroom: I'm president of the Pinkus Plumbing Company.
2nd Boy in Classroom: I sell tallises.
3rd Boy in Classroom: I used to be a heroin addict. Now I'm a methadone addict.
Girl in Classroom: I'm into leather.
Alvy Singer: Lately the strangest things have been going through my mind, 'cause I turned forty, and I guess I'm going through a life crisis or something, I don't know. I - and I'm not worried about aging. I'm not one of those characters, you know. Although I'm balding slightly on top, that's about the worst you can say about me. I, uh, I think I'm gonna get better as I get older, you know? I think I'm gonna be the - the balding virile type, you know, as opposed to say the, uh, distinguished gray, for instance, you know? Unless I'm neither of those two. Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria with a shopping bag screaming about socialism.
Alvy Singer: Annie and I broke up and I - I still can't get my mind around that. You know, I - I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through my mind and - and examining my life and tryin' to figure out where did the screw-up come, you know, and a year ago we were in love.
Alvy Singer: You know what a hostile gesture that is to me?
Annie Hall: I know, because of our sexual problem, right?
Alvy Singer: Everybody on line at the New Yorker has to know our rate of intercourse?
Man in Theatre Line: [talking to his date, standing in line behind Alvy and Annie] We saw the Fellini film last Tuesday. It is *not* one of his best. It lacks a cohesive structure. You know, you get the feeling that he's not absolutely sure what it is he wants to say. Of course, I've always felt he was essentially a - a technical film maker. Granted, "La Strada" was a great film. Great in its use of negative energy more than anything else. But that simple cohesive core...
Alvy Singer: [to Annie] I can't stand this guy. I'm gonna have a stroke.
Annie Hall: Well, stop listening to him.
Man in Theatre Line: [keeps talking to his date] You know, it must need to have had its leading from one thought to another.
Alvy Singer: [to Annie] He's screaming his opinions in my ear.
Man in Theatre Line: [keeps talking to his date] You know what I'm talking about? Like all that "Juliet of the Spirits" or "Satyricon", I found it incredibly - *indulgent*. You know, he really is. He's one of the most *indulgent* film makers. He really is.
Alvy Singer: [to Annie] Key word here is "indulgent."
Alvy Singer: Let's go see "The Sorrow and the Pity".
Annie Hall: Oh, come on, we've seen it. I'm not in the mood to see a four-hour documentary on Nazis!
Alvy Singer: [arrives in a cab] Jesus, what'd you do, come by way of the Panama Canal?
Annie Hall: It's alright. I'm in a bad mood, okay?
Alvy Singer: Bad mood? I'm standing with the cast of "The Godfather."
Alvy Singer: Has the picture started yet?
Ticket Seller at Theatre: It started two minutes ago.
Alvy Singer: That's it! Forget it! I - I can't go in.
Annie Hall: Two minutes, Alvy.
Alvy Singer: No, I'm sorry, I can't do it. We - we've blown it already. I - you know, uh, I - I can't go in in the middle.
Annie Hall: In the middle? We'll only miss the titles. They're in Swedish.
Alvy Singer: Probably on their first date, right? Probably met by answering an ad in the New York Review of Books. "Thirtyish academic wishes to meet woman who's interested in Mozart, James Joyce, and sodomy."
Allison: Then everybody's in on the conspiracy? The FBI, and the CIA, and J. Edgar Hoover and oil companies and the Pentagon and the men's-room attendant at the White House?
Alvy Singer: I - I - I would leave out the men's-room attendant.
Alvy Singer: Whatta you mean, our sexual problem? I - I mean, I'm comparatively normal for a guy raised in Brooklyn.
Annie Hall: Okay, I'm very sorry. My sexual problem!
Annie Hall: Okay, my sexual problem! Huh?
[man standing in front of Alvy and Annie turns around and looks at them]
Alvy Singer: I never read that. That was - that was Henry James, right? Novel, uh, the sequel to "Turn of the Screw"?
Alvy Singer: It's always some kind of an excuse. You know, you used to think that I was very sexy. What - when we first started going out, we had sex constantly. We're - we're probably listed in the "Guinness Book of World Records".
Alvy Singer: Two minutes ago the Knicks are ahead 14 points and now they're ahead 2 points.
Robin: Alvy, what is so fascinating about a group of pituitary cases trying to stuff the ball through a hoop?
Alvy Singer: What's fascinating is that it's physical. You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on.
Alvy Singer: I think you're pretty lucky I came along.
Annie Hall: Oh, really? Well, la-de-da!
Alvy Singer: La-de-da. If I - if anyone had ever told me that I would be taking out a girl who used expressions like "la-de-da".
Alvy Singer: The failure of the country to get behind New York City is - is anti-Semitism.
Rob: Max, the city is terribly run.
Alvy Singer: But I'm not discussing politics or economics. This is foreskin.
Alvy Singer: It'll be great! It'll be great, be-because all those Ph.D.'s are in there, you know, like discussing modes of alienation and we'll be in here quietly humping.
Robin: Alvy, don't! You're using sex to express hostility.
Alvy Singer: 'Why do you always reduce my animal urges to psychoanalytic categories?', he said as he removed her brassiere.
Robin: There are people out there from "The New Yorker" magazine! My God! What would they think?
Annie Hall: This tie is a present from Grammy Hall.
Alvy Singer: Who? Grammy? Grammy Halls?
Annie Hall: Yeah, my Grammy.
Alvy Singer: What? You're kidding. What did you do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting?
Annie Hall: Does this sound like a good course? Um, "Modern American Poetry"? Or, let's see now, maybe I should, uh, take "Introduction to the Novel."
Alvy Singer: Just don't take any course where they make you read Beowulf.
Annie Hall: [singing at a crowded nightclub] It had to be you
Annie Hall: It had to be you
[waiter drops his tray]
Annie Hall: I wandered around, And finely found, The somebody who, Could make me be true, Who'd make me be blue, And even be glad
Annie Hall: Just to be sad
Annie Hall: Thinking of you...
Annie Hall: Some of her poems seem - neat.
Alvy Singer: Neat?
Annie Hall: Neat, yeah.
Alvy Singer: Uh, I hate to tell yuh, this is 1975, you know that "neat" went out, I would say, at the turn of the century.
Alvy Singer: I'm all perspired and everything.
Annie Hall: Well, didn't you take a shower at the club?
Alvy Singer: Me? No, no, no. 'Cause I never - I never shower in a public place.
Annie Hall: Why not?
Alvy Singer: 'Cause I - I don't like to get naked in front of another man, you know - it's, uh, it's uh...
Annie Hall: Oh, I see, I see.
Alvy Singer: You know, I don't like to show my body to a man of my gender.
Alvy Singer: [after sex] Jesus, you were great.
Annie Hall: Oh, yeah?
Alvy Singer: Yeah.
Annie Hall: Yeah? No.
Alvy Singer: I'm - I'm a wreck
Annie Hall: No.
Annie Hall: You're a wreck.
Alvy Singer: Really. I mean it. I - I'll never play the piano again.
Alvy's Dad: She's a colored woman, from Harlem! She has no money! She's got a right to steal from us! After all, who is she gonna steal from if not us?
Alvy Singer: Hey, what is this? You got black soap?
Annie Hall: It's for my complexion.
Alvy Singer: Whatta - whatta you joining a minstrel show?
Annie Hall: What's so great about New York? I mean, it's a dying city. You read "Death in Venice."
Alvy Singer: Hey, you didn't read "Death in Venice" till I bought it for you.
Annie Hall: That's right, that's right. You only gave me books with the word "death" in the titles.
Annie Hall: [singing] Seems like old times, having you to walk with, Seems like old times, having you to walk with, And it's still a thrill just to have my arms around you, Still the thrill that it was the day I found you, Seems like old times, dinner dates and flowers, Old times, staying up for hours, Making dreams come true, doing things we used to do, Seems like old times here with you...
Annie Hall: Hey, listen, what - what do you think? Do you think we should, uh, go to that - that party in Southampton tonight?
Alvy Singer: No, don't be silly. What - what do we need other people for? You know, we should - we should just turn out the lights, you know, and play hide the salam or something.
Alvy Singer: You know, you're always tryin' to get things to come out perfect in art; because, it's real difficult in life.
Rob: You're a total paranoid.
Alvy Singer: Well, how am I a para-? I pick up on those kind of things. You know, I was having lunch with some guys from NBC, so I said, uh, "Did you eat yet or what?" and Tom Christie said, "No, didjew?" Not, "did you", "didjew eat?" Jew? No, not "did you eat", but "Jew eat"? Jew. You get it? Jew eat?
Alvy Singer: Me? no, no. i-i couldn't make it that ni- my-my raccoon had hepatitis.