Lady in the Radiator: [singing] In Heaven, everything is fine. In Heaven, everything is fine. In Heaven, everything is fine. You've got your good things. And I've got mine. In Heaven, everything is fine. In Heaven, everything is fine. In Heaven, everything is fine. You've got your good things. And you've got mine. In Heaven, everything is fine.
Mrs. X: Henry, may I speak to you a minute? Over here. Did you and Mary have sexual intercourse?
Henry Spencer: [stammering] Why?
Mrs. X: Did you?
Henry Spencer: Why are you asking me this question?
Mrs. X: I have a very good reason, and now I want you to tell me.
Henry Spencer: I'm, I'm very... I love Mary!
Mrs. X: [interrupting] Henry, I asked you if you and Mary had sexual intercourse!
Henry Spencer: Well, I don't... I don't think that's any of your business!
Mrs. X: [interrupting] Henry!
Henry Spencer: I'm sorry.
Mrs. X: You're in very bad trouble if you won't cooperate...
[nuzzling at his neck]
Henry Spencer: Well, I...
Henry Spencer: Mary!
Mary X: [grabbing her away] Mother!
Mrs. X: Answer me!
Henry Spencer: I'm too nervous.
Mrs. X: There's a baby. It's at the hospital.
Mary X: Mom!
Mrs. X: And you're the father.
Henry Spencer: Well, well that's impossible! It's only been...
Mary X: Mother, they're still not sure it is a baby!
Mr. X: Mary usually does the carving but tonight since you are our guest, you could do it, Henry. All right with you?
Henry Spencer: Of course. I'd be happy to. So I just, uh... I just cut them up like regular chickens?
Mr. X: Sure, just cut them up like regular chickens.
Beautiful Girl Across the Hall: I locked myself out of my apartment...
Beautiful Girl Across the Hall: ... and it's so late.
Mr. X: I thought I heard a stranger. We've got chicken tonight. Strangest damn things. They're man-made. Little damn things. Smaller than my fist. But they're new! I'm Bill.
Henry Spencer: Hello. I'm Henry.
Mrs. X: Henry's at LaPelle's Factory.
Mr. X: Oh. Printing's your business, huh? Plumbing's mine. For 30 years. I've seen this neighborhood change from pastures to the hellhole it is now! I put every damn pipe in this neighborhood!
Mary X: Dad!
Mrs. X: Bill!
Mr. X: People think that pipes grow in their homes. But they sure as hell don't! Look at my knees! Look at my knees!
Mrs. X: Bill, please!
Mr. X: Are you hungry?
[the Baby is going into violent convulsions and has broken out in spots]
Henry Spencer: Oh! You ARE sick!
Beautiful Girl Across the Hall: Are you Henry?
Henry Spencer: Yes?
Beautiful Girl Across the Hall: A girl named "Mary" called on the payphone in the hallway about an hour ago. She said that she's at her parents' and that you're invited to dinner.
Henry Spencer: Oh, yeah?
[after a long pause]
Henry Spencer: Well... thank you very much.
[Henry enters his apartment, while the girl slowly closes the door to hers]
Mary X: [to the crying baby] Shut up!
[Baby continues to cry]
Mary X: I can't take it anymore! I'm going home!
Henry Spencer: What are you talking about?
Mary X: All I need is a decent night's sleep!
Henry Spencer: Why don't you just stay home?
Mary X: I'll do what I want to do! And you better take real good care of things while I'm gone!
Mr. X: The girls have heard this before but... 14 years ago I had an operation on my left arm here. The doctors said that I wouldn't be able to ever use it. But what the hell do they know, I said. So I rubbed it for a half hour every day. And slowly I could move it a little, and use it to turn a faucet... and pretty soon I had my arm back again. And now, I can't feel a damn thing in it. All numb! I'm afraid to cut it, you know?
Beautiful Girl Across the Hall: Where's your wife?
Henry Spencer: She must have gone back to her parents again. I'm not sure.
Beautiful Girl Across the Hall: Can I spend the night here?
Mrs. X: It's Henry, isn't it?
Henry Spencer: Yes.
Mrs. X: Mary tells me you're a very nice fellow. What do you do?
Henry Spencer: Oh, I'm on vacation now.
Mrs. X: What *did* you do?
Henry Spencer: I work at LaPelle's Factory. I'm a printer.
Mary X: Hen-Henry's very clever at printing.
Mrs. X: Yes, he sounds very clever.