- Aunt Ida: [to Gater] I worry that you'll work in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries. The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life.
- Dawn Davenport: Thank you! I love you! Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my black little heart! You came here for some excitement tonight and that's just what you're going to get! Take a good look at *me* because I'm going to be on the front of every newspaper in this country tomorrow! You're looking at crime personified and don't you forget it! I framed Leslie Bacon! I called the heroin hot line on Abby Hoffman! I bought the gun that Bremmer used to shoot Wallace! I had an affair with Juan Corona! I blew Richard Speck! And I'm so fuckin' beautiful I can't stand it myself!
- [shoots her gun in the air]
- Dawn Davenport: Now, everybody freeze! Who wants to be famous? Who wants to *die* for art?
- Guy who dies for art: [Jumps up from the audience] I do!
- [Dawn shoots him]
- Dawn Davenport: I've DONE everything a mother can do: I've locked her in her room, I've beat her with the car aerial. Nothing changes her. It's HARD being a loving mother!
- Dawn Davenport: Davenport. Dawn Davenport! I'm a thief and a shitkicker, and, uh, I'd like to be famous.
- Dawn Davenport: I'm afraid I'm going to have to be the one to break the news to you, Taffy. I've thrown Gater out and started divorce proceedings. I don't want to seem overly bitter, but I'd appreciate it if you would destroy all of his belongings.
- Taffy as a child: Why can't I go to school? Why can't I have friends?
- Dawn Davenport: You can't go to school because I said so. I won't have you nagging me for lunch money and whining for help on your homework. There is no need to know about presidents, wars, numbers or science. Just listen to me and you'll learn. And no little friends over here, repeating rhymes, asking flippant questions, and talking in those nagging baby voices. Can't you just sit here and look out into the air? Isn't that enough? Do you always have to badger me for attention?
- Aunt Ida: And remember my offer. It still stands. If you get tired of being a Harry Krishner, you come live with me and be a lesbian!
- [after sticking a carrot in Dawn's mouth at the moment of sexual climax]
- Gator: I got off on it! I really got off on it!
- Dawn Davenport: Oh DID you? Well, hip hip hooray for your cheap climax! What about ME, fuck face?
- [Dawn discovers the shoe box under the Xmas tree does not contain cha cha heels]
- Dawn Davenport: WHAT are THESE?
- Mrs. Davenport: Those are your new shoes, Dawn!
- Dawn Davenport: Those aren't the right kind, I told you cha cha heels, black ones!
- Mr. Davenport: Nice girls don't wear cha cha heels!
- Dawn Davenport: Gimmie those presents, I'll never wear those ugly shoes! I told you the kind I wanted! You ruined my Christmas!
- [stomps the Xmas presents]
- Mrs. Davenport: Please, Dawn! Not on Christmas!
- Dawn Davenport: Get off me, you ugly witch!
- [pushes mother into the Xmas tree]
- Mr. Davenport: Dawn Davenport, are you crazy, look at your mother!
- Dawn Davenport: Get off me... LAY OFF ME! I hate you, fuck you! Fuck you both, you awful people! You're not my parents! I hate you, I hate this house, and I hate Christmas!
- Mrs. Davenport: Not on Christmas! Not on Christmas!
- Taffy Davenport: Daddy? Daddy? It's me Taffy!
- Earl Peterson: I don't know nobody named Taffy. I'm busy right now.
- Taffy Davenport: Oh, please let me in, Daddy! Open the door!
- Earl Peterson: Ah, fucking shut up! Alright already!
- Taffy Davenport: [jumping into his arms] Daddy, it's me Taffy, your long, lost little girl!
- Earl Peterson: Hey, get off! I ain't your daddy! I ain't even married!
- Taffy Davenport: Oh, I know that, but you're my daddy alright. My mother told me. My mother is Dawn Davenport.
- Earl Peterson: Yeah, you can stay here awhile. Want a drink?
- Taffy Davenport: NO! You don't even believe me, do you?
- Earl Peterson: Yeah, yeah. I'll be your sugar daddy, how about that?
- [belches in Taffy's face]
- Earl Peterson: I'm feelin' a little drink, so don't mind me.
- Taffy Davenport: Shitface! You're my father! Doesn't that mean anything to you?
- Earl Peterson: Who'd you say your mother was?
- Taffy Davenport: Dawn Davenport. You know her.
- Earl Peterson: What does she look like?
- Taffy Davenport: Fat. Very fat.
- Earl Peterson: Yeah, yeah. I maybe remember.
- Taffy Davenport: Oh, daddy! I knew you would! Mother's been awful to me. For years, I've suffered. Please let me stay with you. I won't be any trouble. I'll help you clean and we can go out together and maybe... maybe you can buy me some regular clothes.
- Earl Peterson: Can you fuck as good as your mother?
- Taffy Davenport: [slaps Earl across the face] PIG! You goddamn slimy pig!
- Earl Peterson: Hey, little Taffy, can you stretch like taffy?
- Taffy Davenport: [struggling] Fuck you.
- Earl Peterson: Hey, you spilled my drink!
- [pulls out his syphillitic penis]
- Earl Peterson: Daddy Earl's got a little present for you.
- Earl Peterson: [vomits on Taffy] I'm sorry... I been drinking.
- Taffy Davenport: [sees butcher knife and begins stabbing Earl in the chest]
- [cries uncontrollably]
- Taffy Davenport: OH! OH!
- Taffy Davenport: [throws knife down and runs from house]
- Dawn Davenport: Hello, Taffy. Did you miss Mommy? I'm home from the hospital. I'm alright?
- Taffy: I was hoping the next time I'd see you would be at your funeral.
- Dawn Davenport: You sneaky, conniving little abortion!
- Taffy: She was in pain!
- Dawn Davenport: You're a pain too, Taffy. A pain in my big asshole.
- Dribbles: How's your little girl? Why don't you bring her in here more often?
- Sally: Why? So you can undress her with your eyes? For Christ's sake, she's only six years old.
- Dribbles: I know, but I just like to play with her. I wish I was a little girl.
- Sally: Well, throw a goddamn penny in a fountain and make a goddamn wish and maybe it'll come true.
- Taffy: You're not my daddy, you disgusting hippie pig! And I wouldn't get near a bed that had been defiled by the likes of you two! I'd sooner jump in a river of snot!
- Dawn Davenport: [famous last words for both Dawn and the movie] I'd like to thank all the wonderful people that made this great moment in my life come true. Ha ha ha ha ha! My daughter Taffy, who died in order to further my career. My friends Chicklette and Concetta, who should be here with me today. All the fans who died so fashionably and gallantly at my nightclub act. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! And especially all those wonderful people who were kind enough to read about me in the newspapers and watch me on the television news shows. Without all of you, my career could never have gotten this far. Ha ha ha ha ha! It was you that I burn for, and it is you that I will die for. Please remember, I love every fucking one of you.
- [the switch is thrown and Dawn sizzles in the electric chair, the end]
- Taffy: Hare Rama! Hare Rama!
- Dawn Davenport: Stop those chants! You're just trying to get on my nerves now. I would die with embarrassment if you ever dared to link my name with that pack of fools! Think of my career! Why, I'd sooner you be a secretary.
- Taffy: Hare Rama! Hare Rama!
- Dawn Davenport: I'm warning you right now, Taffy. If I am ever downtown and see you dressed in one of those ridiculous outfits, bothering shoppers, and dancing around like some sort of a fool - I'll kill you. And I mean business!
- Taffy: You can't *kill* love, Mother. You can't kill Krishna; because, Krishna is consciousness. Hare Rama!
- Dawn Davenport: God! I'll show you consciousness when I knock you unconscious!
- Wink: I'm getting a hard-on! Beauty always gives me a hard-on!
- Donna Dasher: Aim it the other way then, Wink. You know how I detest organs. Beauty has absolutely nothing to do with that WORD, that THING you have hanging there like an obscene pickle. Spare me your anatomy.
- School snitch: Mr. Weinberger, Dawn Davenport is eating a meatball sandwich right out in class! And she's been passing notes!
- Dawn Davenport: I was not eating!
- Taffy: I wish I'd been an orphan!
- Gator: You can tell she's retarded. Look at her face. She has a face of an old woman.
- Dawn Davenport: Oh, it's true. Look in the mirror Taffy. For 14, you don't look so good. It's because you've been such a brat all your life, that now all that brattishness is showing in your face. The face of a retarded brat!
- Gator: Yes siree, that's a real time warp of a face you got there.
- Dawn Davenport: What did you know about anything. Some of the faces I've seen you with could stop a train!
- Dawn Davenport: I'm so sorry you must be a witness to this. I didn't want to tell you, but, my daughter's retarded. A child psychologist told me to beat her unmercifully whenever she acts up.
- Aunt Ida: Ya little bitch! Get me out of this goddamn bird cage!
- Taffy Davenport: Little bitch? Is that all the thanks I get? I gave you a hook, didn't I? Mother will kill me as it is!
- Aunt Ida: Who cares about your stinkin' mother? She stole my Gator away. But she ain't gonna get me! And I'll thank you for for this fuckin' hook after I rip her eyes out with it. Give me some grub.
- Taffy Davenport: There's no food here! Mother doesn't buy food for me! Do you want an egg? There might be some old eggs in the kitchen.
- Aunt Ida: No I don't want no GODDAMN EGGS! I want MEAT and POTATOES!
- Taffy Davenport: What's that camera for?
- Donald Dasher: To take pictures of your mother.
- Taffy Davenport: HER?
- Donald Dasher: We happen to think she's quite beautiful.
- Taffy Davenport: You must be cockeyed, then! HEY, lady! Have some CHIPS!
- Donna Dasher: Really, I couldn't. Thanks, but uh, no thanks.
- Taffy Davenport: (mockingly) Nuh NYEHH nuh NYEEHHH.
- Dawn Davenport: You want your spaghetti with or without cheese?
- Donna Dasher: I'll have two chicken breasts please.
- Dawn Davenport: Well, uh, we're not having that, we're having spaghetti.
- Donna Dasher: I couldn't possibly eat spaghetti, do I look Italian?
- Donald Dasher: We rarely eat any form of noodle. But I'll take a small portion to be polite, with cheese, please.
- Donna Dasher: I'll have an extremely large glass of ice-water.
- Earl Peterson: [answering phone] Hello?
- Dawn Davenport: Is Earl Peterson there? Earl Peterson! This is Dawn Davenport. Dawn Davenport... you made love to me Christmas morning.
- [gasps]
- Dawn Davenport: Well I just called to tell you I'm pregnant and I want money.
- Earl Peterson: You stole my wallet, you fat bitch!
- Dawn Davenport: So what if I did? I want money!
- Earl Peterson: You'll never get any money from me, cow! Just cause you got them big udders don't mean you're somethin' special. Get the hook! Go fuck yourself for all I care. YEAH! Go fuck yourself!
- [hangs up]
- Dawn Davenport: Hello? Hello? UGH!
- Dawn Davenport: I'd like to set fire to this dump!
- Concetta: Just 'cause we're pretty everybody's jealous!
- Donald Dasher: We are a private salon, catering to ravishing beauties only. Even one average customer would be enough to plummet our reputation forever. So, we must pick and choose with great care. Firstly, I'd like to know your occupations.
- Stripper: I'm a stripper.
- Telephone Company Girl: And I work for the telephone company.
- Donald Dasher: Disqualified!
- Gator: She's retarded.
- Taffy: I am not retarded!
- Dawn Davenport: Oh, yes, you are, Taffy. I had you tested when you were a little girl. A staff of doctors examined you. And maybe the reason you don't remember is, that they told me that you are most definitely retarded.
- Dawn Davenport: I'm going to go sink into a long, hot beauty bath now - and try to erase the stink of a five year marriage.
- Dawn Davenport: I'd like you to meet my daughter Taffy. Taffy, this is Mr. and Mrs. Dasher. They're going to put mother into show business!
- Taffy: Is the circus in town?
- Aunt Ida: Oh, Ernie! Have another pretzel for Chrissakes! Wait 'til you meet my little Gater. You two are gonna fall right in love.
- Ernie: My dear, I hope so. Are you sure he's gay?
- Aunt Ida: Well I just use common sense. I mean, if they're smart they're queer, and if they're stupid they're straight, right Ernie? Are you sure you won't have another pretzel?
- Ernie: I'm sure, Miss Thing, I'm sure. Pretzels give you plaque.
- Aunt Ida: Aahhh! Ahhhh! Dawn, ya son of a bitch! You're the one who did it! YOU! You drove Gater away!
- [as Ida enters the room]
- Donald Dasher: Oh my God!
- Donna Dasher: Incredible!
- Dawn Davenport: Ida Nelson, you get out of my house!
- Aunt Ida: You made Gater leave! I got somethin for your face, motherfucker!
- [Ida hurls acid into Dawn's face]
- Concetta: Hey there, Taffy.
- Dawn Davenport: She's been a hideous little girl today, she was about to get a good whippin'!
- Chicklette: She looks so cute.
- Taffy as a child: Who are you, UGLY?
- Dawn Davenport: You know who they are!
- Taffy as a child: I've never seen THEM before.
- Dawn Davenport: Oh, TAFFY.
- Chicklette: I just saw you yesterday, Taffy. Come sit here with your Aunt Chicklette!
- [Taffy bites Chicklette's arm]
- Chicklette: OH MY GOD, this kid's BITIN' me! Get off!
- Dawn Davenport: This is ridiculous...
- Dawn Davenport: Some pitiful excuse for a husband you turned out to be. Why don't you just go take your fucking toolkit and go fuck a garage. I'm going to get my hair done!
- Donna Dasher: Oh, God, this neighborhood's hideous. I'm scared rats are gonna come out and bite my new nylons.
- Donald Dasher: Gorgeous! Gorgeous! Gorgeous!
- Donna Dasher: It makes the Mona Lisa look like a number painting.
- Dawn Davenport: I had never felt complete until I experienced an eyeliner rush.
- Donald Dasher: We've been on the stuff for months. Doctors and other simpletons may frown upon it; but, we beauty czars know what is good for the blood.
- Donna Dasher: Would you like to shoot some more? I had some orally earlier.
- Aunt Ida: Oh, Gator, I'm sorry about Ernie. I thought you'd be cute together. Anybody's better than Dawn Slovenport.
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