Kolchak: The Night Stalker (1974–1975)
Carl Kolchak: I promised I'd show up with a haircut, a new hat, and pressed suit... but I lie a lot.
Carl Kolchak: Son, I've seen more dead bodies than you've had TV dinners.
Carl Kolchak: If you want a job done right, you just have to foul it up yourself.
[Asked why he's going to visit a ritzy interior decorator]
Carl Kolchak: We're thinking of brightening up the office.
[Pointing at Updyke, then at Vincenzo]
Carl Kolchak: You are going to be replaced by Boston fern and you a snapdragon!
Carl Kolchak: [voiceover] Buck Finemann, seventy two years old. Cantankerous old geezer. No-one liked him much, but they allowed him to play poker with them once a week because he was a terrible card player and had been known to lose as much as seventy five cents in a single evening.
Tony Vincenzo: Your angle on the hospital dedication, Karl. How did you come up with it?
Carl Kolchak: Oh, a little research and, er, imagination.
Tony Vincenzo: Some angle. Two pages condemning the lack of geriatric facilities.
[pointing to Emily]
Tony Vincenzo: What did you promise her this time, orthopedic glitter boots?
Carl Kolchak: You must really enjoy your work.
Nurse Eisen: A well-done autopsy is a joy forever.
Carl Kolchak: Captain Leo Winwood and I had a relationship that was long and bloody, like the Crusades, only without the chivalry.
[Told that a dead panda at the zoo died from a heart attack]
Carl Kolchak: A raccoon, with a heart attack... maybe you fed it too much cholesterol.
Carl Kolchak: [about Updyke] He's persona non grata down the library.
Tony Vincenzo: He's what?
Carl Kolchak: Yeah, yeah. You see, he, he takes books out. He's got half the books in the library out and they're all over due. As a matter of fact, they've got a warrant out for his arrest.
Tony Vincenzo: Well, that's not like Ron.
Carl Kolchak: Oh, I know. I know. I was terribly disturbed about it when I heard it. I don't know, it must be some kind of er, deep-seated illness, a compulsion of sorts, a Biblio... philiac.
Jim Elkhorn: Macheminido. Er, he was called a bear God, Charles, and I don't really know why since he was invisible.
Carl Kolchak: [about Updyke] He got a raise?
Emily Cowles: Not that I'm aware of.
Carl Kolchak: He was promoted?
[Emily shakes head]
Carl Kolchak: Then why's he so happy?
Emily Cowles: You're in trouble.