Robin Hood (1973)
Terry-Thomas: Sir Hiss - A Snake
[Prince John and Hiss have just been robbed by Robin Hood and Little John]
Hiss : I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. You just had to.
[Prince John is about to hit Hiss with his mirror]
Hiss : Ah! Ah! Ah! Seven years bad...
[Hiss yelps as the mirror crashes right down on him]
Hiss : Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.
Prince John : Ahh! Mommy!
[sucks his thumb and gets mud all over it]
Prince John : I've got a dirty thumb.
[the Sheriff of Nottingham enters the castle singing]
Sheriff of Nottingham : He throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way / He calls for Mom and sucks his thumb and doesn't want to play / Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
[to Sir Hiss]
Sheriff of Nottingham : [speaking] Am I right?
Hiss : [chuckles] That's P.J. to a "T". Let me try, let me try.
[lowers his voice]
Hiss : [singing] Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
[sees an angry Prince John peeking behind a door, with a glass jug of wine in his hand, shrivels]
Hiss : The Fabulous, Marvelous, Merciful, Chivalrous.
Sheriff of Nottingham : Oh, you've got it all wrong, Hiss. The Sniveling, Groveling, Measely, Weaseling.
Prince John : [shouts] Enough!
[throws the glass jug at the Sheriff, but it hits the wall and the wine rains down on him]
Sheriff of Nottingham : But, but Sire, it's a big hit. The whole village is singing it.
Prince John : Oh, they are, are they? Well, they'll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes! Triple the taxes!
[grabs Sir Hiss by the neck]
Prince John : Squeeze every last drop out of those insolent musical peasants.
[after being stuffed into a barrel full of ale]
Hiss : Please! Please! I don't drink!
Hiss : [Prince John is sucking his thumb] Sire, if you don't mind my saying, you see you have a very loud thumb.
[starts to hypnotize him]
Hiss : Hypnosisss can cure you of your psychosis so easy.
Prince John : [Snaps out of it and screams] No, no! None of that!
Hiss : Well, I was only trying to help.
Prince John : I wonder. Silly serpent.
Hiss : Silly serpent?
Prince John : Hiss! You're never around when I need you!
Hiss : Coming, coming.
[begins singing 'For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow' until Prince John uncorks the barrel he's in]
Hiss : Oh! there you are old boy! P.J., you're not going to believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood.
Prince John : Robin Hood?
Prince John : [ties Hiss around a pole]
Prince John : Get out of that if you can.
Hiss : Sire, taxes are pouring in, the jail is full. Oh and good news, Sire. Friar Tuck is in jail.
Prince John : [Angry] Friar Tuck? It's Robin Hood I want, you idiot! Oh, I'd give all my gold if I could get my hands on. Did you say, Friar Tuck?
Hiss : Did I? Y-yes, I did.
Prince John : Yes, yes! I have it, Hiss! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood.
Hiss : Another trap?
Prince John : Yes, you stupid serpent. Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows at the village square, don't you see.
Hiss : B-But Sire! Hang Friar Tuck? A man of the Church?
Prince John : Yes, my reluctant reptile, and when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric
Prince John : my men will be ready.
Hiss : What cheek! Creepy? Buster? Long one? Who does that dupey duke think he is?
Hiss : I tried to tell you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. Your traps just never work. And now look what you've done to your mother's castle.
Prince John : That insolent blackguard. Oooh! I'll show him who wears the crown!
Hiss : I share your loathing, Sire. That scurrilous scoundrel who fooled you with that silly disguise, who dared to rob you and made you look so utterly ridiculous.
Prince John : Enough!
[swings at Hiss, who dodges him]
Prince John : Hiss, you deliberately dodged.
Hiss : But, but, but Sire, please.
Prince John : Stop sniveling and hold still.
[Hiss holds still while Prince John hits him]
Hiss : [dazed] Thank you, Sire.
Hiss : [hisses in Prince John's ear after Little John steals the diamonds from his rings]
Prince John : [screams and chuckles] Hiss oh you have hissed your last hiss.
Hiss : [gulps after his neck has been tied into a knot and has a dirty look after Prince John puts him in his basket]
Prince John : Suspicious snake.