Robin Hood (1973)
Peter Ustinov: Prince John - A Lion, King Richard
King Richard : Oh, Friar Tuck. It appears that I now have an outlaw for an in-law.
Little John : [as Sir Reginald] Ah, milord, the esteemed royal sovereign of the realm. The head man himself. You're beautiful.
Prince John : Such savoir faire eclat elan, Hiss.
Little John : You took the words right out of my mouth, P.J.
Prince John : [Absolutely delighted] P.J.! I like that, do you know I do! Hiss, put it on my luggage.
[Prince John and Hiss have just been robbed by Robin Hood and Little John]
Hiss : I knew it! I knew this would happen! I tried to warn you, but no, no, no, you wouldn't listen. You just had to.
[Prince John is about to hit Hiss with his mirror]
Hiss : Ah! Ah! Ah! Seven years bad...
[Hiss yelps as the mirror crashes right down on him]
Hiss : Luck. That's what it is. Besides, you broke your mother's mirror.
Prince John : Ahh! Mommy!
[sucks his thumb and gets mud all over it]
Prince John : I've got a dirty thumb.
[the Sheriff of Nottingham enters the castle singing]
Sheriff of Nottingham : He throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way / He calls for Mom and sucks his thumb and doesn't want to play / Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
[to Sir Hiss]
Sheriff of Nottingham : [speaking] Am I right?
Hiss : [chuckles] That's P.J. to a "T". Let me try, let me try.
[lowers his voice]
Hiss : [singing] Too late to be known as John the First, he's sure to be known as John the Worst!
[sees an angry Prince John peeking behind a door, with a glass jug of wine in his hand, shrivels]
Hiss : The Fabulous, Marvelous, Merciful, Chivalrous.
Sheriff of Nottingham : Oh, you've got it all wrong, Hiss. The Sniveling, Groveling, Measely, Weaseling.
Prince John : [shouts] Enough!
[throws the glass jug at the Sheriff, but it hits the wall and the wine rains down on him]
Sheriff of Nottingham : But, but Sire, it's a big hit. The whole village is singing it.
Prince John : Oh, they are, are they? Well, they'll be singing a different tune. Double the taxes! Triple the taxes!
[grabs Sir Hiss by the neck]
Prince John : Squeeze every last drop out of those insolent musical peasants.
Prince John : [chasing Sir Hiss into the burning castle] You cowardly cobra! Procrastinating python! Agravating asp! Ooh, you eel in snake's clothing!
Prince John : Stop! Executioner, stop! Hold your axe!
Little John : [threatening him with a dagger] Okay, big shot, now tell him to untie my buddy, or I'll.
Prince John : Sheriff, release my buddy! I mean, release the prisoner!
Sheriff of Nottingham : Untie the prisoner?
Clucky : You heard what he said, bushel britches!
Prince John : Sheriff, I make the rules! And since I'm head man.
[to Little John]
Prince John : Not so hard, you mean thing.
[back to the Sheriff]
Prince John : Let him go, for heaven sakes! Let him go!
Hiss : [Prince John is sucking his thumb] Sire, if you don't mind my saying, you see you have a very loud thumb.
[starts to hypnotize him]
Hiss : Hypnosisss can cure you of your psychosis so easy.
Prince John : [Snaps out of it and screams] No, no! None of that!
Hiss : Well, I was only trying to help.
Prince John : I wonder. Silly serpent.
Hiss : Silly serpent?
Prince John : I sentence you to sudden, instant, and even immediate death!
Marian : Oh, no. Please. Please, sire. I beg of you to spare his life. Please have mercy.
Prince John : My dear, emotional lady, why should I?
Marian : Because I love him, Your Highness.
Prince John : Love him? And does this prisoner return your love?
Robin Hood : Marian, my darling, I love you more than life itself.
Prince John : [Sincerely] Young love, your pleads have not fallen upon a heart of stone.
[Tone changes to fierce and determined]
Prince John : But traitors to the crown must die!
Robin Hood : [cutting him off] Traitor to the crown? That crown belongs to King Richard. Long live King Richard!
Crowd : Long live King Richard!
Prince John : [gives the crowd a dirty look]
[Throwing a childish tantrum]
Prince John : Enough! I am King! King! King! Off with his head!
Prince John : Hiss! You're never around when I need you!
Hiss : Coming, coming.
[begins singing 'For I'm a Jolly Good Fellow' until Prince John uncorks the barrel he's in]
Hiss : Oh! there you are old boy! P.J., you're not going to believe this, but the stork is really Robin Hood.
Prince John : Robin Hood?
Prince John : [ties Hiss around a pole]
Prince John : Get out of that if you can.
Hiss : Sire, taxes are pouring in, the jail is full. Oh and good news, Sire. Friar Tuck is in jail.
Prince John : [Angry] Friar Tuck? It's Robin Hood I want, you idiot! Oh, I'd give all my gold if I could get my hands on. Did you say, Friar Tuck?
Hiss : Did I? Y-yes, I did.
Prince John : Yes, yes! I have it, Hiss! I'll use that fat friar as bait to trap Robin Hood.
Hiss : Another trap?
Prince John : Yes, you stupid serpent. Friar Tuck will be led to the gallows at the village square, don't you see.
Hiss : B-But Sire! Hang Friar Tuck? A man of the Church?
Prince John : Yes, my reluctant reptile, and when our elusive hero tries to rescue the corpulent cleric
Prince John : my men will be ready.
Robin Hood : [posing as a fortune teller] A face appears. A crown is on his noble brow.
Prince John : Oo-dee-lally! A crown! How exciting!
Robin Hood : His face is handsome, regal, majestic, lovable. A cuddly face.
Prince John : Handsome, regal, majestic, ha ha. Lovable, yes, yes. Cuddly.
Prince John : Oh, that's me to a T. It truly is.
Robin Hood : [is slapped by Hiss] Ooh!
Prince John : Now what?
Robin Hood : I uh I see your elustrious name.
Prince John : [shouts] I know my name! Get on with it!
Robin Hood : Your name will go down, down, down in history, of course.
Prince John : Yes! I knew it! I knew it! You hear that, Hiss? Oh you can't. He's in the basket. Don't forget it!
Prince John : Hiss, this is a red letter day. A coup d'etat, to coin the Norman phrase.
Sheriff of Nottingham : [Little John is secretly holding a dagger on Prince John and demanding Robin Hood's release] There's something funny going on around here.
Little John : [whispering] Now, P.J. tell my pal to kiss Maid Marian, or I've just found a new pincushion.
[the Sheriff goes behind the throne and sees Little John]
Sheriff of Nottingham : Why, you!
[tries to hit Little John with his sword, but misses. Little John lets go of Prince John and hits the Sheriff back]
Prince John : [shouts] Kill him! Don't stand there, kill him!
Prince John : This crown gives me a feeling of power! Power! Forgive me a cruel chuckle. Heh-heh-heh. Power.
Prince John : Stop, hee hee hee, stop hissing in my ear!
Prince John : That insolent blackguard. Oooh! I'll show him who wears the crown!
Hiss : I share your loathing, Sire. That scurrilous scoundrel who fooled you with that silly disguise, who dared to rob you and made you look so utterly ridiculous.
Prince John : Enough!
[swings at Hiss, who dodges him]
Prince John : Hiss, you deliberately dodged.
Hiss : But, but, but Sire, please.
Prince John : Stop sniveling and hold still.
[Hiss holds still while Prince John hits him]
Hiss : [dazed] Thank you, Sire.
Hiss : [hisses in Prince John's ear after Little John steals the diamonds from his rings]
Prince John : [screams and chuckles] Hiss oh you have hissed your last hiss.
Hiss : [gulps after his neck has been tied into a knot and has a dirty look after Prince John puts him in his basket]
Prince John : Suspicious snake.
Prince John : [sobs] Mother. Mother always did like Richard best.
Prince John : [talking in his sleep] It's Robin Hood I-Iwant.