Play It Again, Sam (1972)
Dick: [On the phone] Let me tell you where you can reach me, George. I'll be at 362-9296 for a while; then I'll be at 648-0024 for about fifteen minutes; then I'll be at 752-0420; and then I'll be home, at 621-4598. Yeah, right George, bye-bye.
Linda: There's a phone booth on the corner. You want me to run downstairs and get the number? You'll be passing it.
Allan: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?
Museum Girl: Yes, it is.
Allan: What does it say to you?
Museum Girl: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of Man forced to live in a barren, Godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror and degradation, forming a useless bleak straitjacket in a black absurd cosmos.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum Girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
Allan: I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.
Dick: What? You got into a fight?
Dick: With who?
Allan: Some guys were getting tough with Julie. I had to teach them a lesson.
Dick: Are you all right?
Allan: Yeah, I'm fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy's fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.
Allan: If that plane leaves the ground, and you're not on it with him, you'll regret it - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.
Linda: That's beautiful!
Allan: It's from Casablanca; I waited my whole life to say it.
Linda: What reason did she give for wanting a divorce?
Allan: She wants a laugh; she doesn't laugh enough. Insufficient laughter; that's grounds for divorce. Oh, and skiing! She wants to go skiing. She wants to ski down a mountain laughing like an idiot.
Allan: I wonder if she actually had an orgasm in the two years we were married, or did she fake it that night?
Dick: Allan, you have invested your emotions in a losing stock, it was wiped out, it dropped off the board. Now what do you do Allan? You reinvest. Maybe in a more stable stock. Something with long term growth possibilities.
Allan: Who are you going to fix me up with, General Motors?
Allan: I'm so excited, I think I'll brush all my teeth today!
Dick: You know any other girls?
Linda: I don't know if any of my friends are his type. I mean, most of the girls I know are fairly normal.
Allan: I've got a big decision to make, do I go with Oscar Peterson or Bartók String Quartet No. 5?
Linda: Why don't you play Oscar Peterson and leave Bartók out so everybody can see it.
Nancy: You're a dreamer. You're awkward. You're clumsy. They can see how desperate you are. You know this. You said it yourself. Oh, face it, Allan. You may be very sweet but you're not sexy.
Allan: I had to go to Washington once when I was married, and even though I was the one leaving, I got sick; and when I returned, my wife threw up.
Allan: No, my parents never got divorced, although I begged them to.
Bogart: That was great. You've, uh, you've really developed yourself a little style.
Allan: Yeah, I do have a certain amount of style, don't I?
Bogart: Well, I guess you won't be needing me any more. There's nothing I can tell you now that you don't already know.
Allan: I guess that's so. I guess the secret's not being you, it's being me. True, you're - you're not too tall and kind of ugly, but - what the hell, I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
Bogart: Hmmph. Here's looking at you, kid.
Bogart: I never saw a dame yet that didn't understand a good slap in the mouth or a slug from a .45.
Allan: Here, I got you a present because it's your birthday.
Linda: How'd you know?
Allan: Well, you mentioned the date and I remembered because it's the same day my mother had her hysterectomy.
Linda: Allan, the world is full of eligible women.
Allan: Yeah, but not like Nancy. She was a lovely thing. I used to lay in bed at night and watch her sleep. Once in a while she would wake up and catch me. She would let out a scream.
Linda: I feel some sort of a mystical attraction for Van Gogh. Why is that?
Allan: I don't know. I just know he was a great painter and he cut off an ear for a girl that he loved.
Linda: That's the kind of thing you would do for a girl.
Allan: I'd really have to like her a lot.
Bogart: Now move closer to her.
Allan: How close?
Bogart: The length of your lips.
Allan: That's very close.
Allan: [Preparing room for guests] Got just the thing, my hundred yard dash medal.
Linda: Oh you're joking; you're not going to leave out a track medal.
Allan: Why not? I paid twenty dollars for it.
Allan: I gave her a home and affection and security. This was a little girl I found waiting tables at The Hip Bagel. I used to go in there every night and over tip her. A dollar fifty on a thirty-five cent check.
Allan: I attacked her. I'm a vicious jungle beast! She's panicking. By the time she gets home she'll be hysterical. What am I going to tell Dick? She'll probably go right to Police headquarters. Oh, what did I do? I'm not Bogart. I never will be Bogart. I'm a disgrace to my sex. I should get a job in a Arabian palace as a eunuch!
Allan: If you want me, I'll be home, on the floor, having an anxiety attack.
Dick: [Allan's imagines Dick walking out in the ocean to commit suicide] How could they? My wife and my best friend. I loved her. I loved him. Why didn't I see it coming? Me who had the foresight to buy Polaroid at eight and a half.
Bogart: Somewheres in life you got turned around; it's HER job to smell good for YOU.
Allan: I can't do it. How does it look? I invite her over and then come on like a sex degenerate. What am I, a rapist?
Bogart: You're getting carried away. You think too much. Just do it.
Allan: We're platonic friends. I can't spoil that by coming on. She'll slap my face.
Bogart: Oh, I've had my face slapped plenty of times.
Allan: Yeah, but your glasses don't go flying across the room.
Allan: I have met a lot of dames, but you are REALLY something special.
Allan: [to Bogart] She bought it!
Allan: I'll get broads up here like you wouldn't believe: swingers, freaks, nymphomaniacs, dental hygienists.
Allan: You want a Fresca with a Darvon?
Linda: Unless you have apple juice.
Allan: Apple juice and Darvon is fantastic together!
Linda: Have you ever had Librium and tomato juice?
Allan: No, I haven't personally, but another neurotic tells me they're unbelievable.
Dick: Could I get a coke with nothing in it?
Allan: This is a beautiful beach house.
Linda: Thank you.
Allan: Yeah, let's burn it down for the insurance money.
Linda: Maybe if you just leaned across the candlelight and kissed her.
Allan: I tried, she used to say, "Christ, not here, everybody's staring."
Allan: Maybe you move in with me for a while. As long as we handle this in a mature way. As long as I'm mature about it, you're mature about it, Both of us are mature, we can achieve a certain maturation, that guarantees maturiosity
Linda: You're mature, Allen, and very wise
Allan: The key to wiseness is maturiositude.
Allan: Look. Last night you felt like a woman and I felt like a man... And that's the kind of thing those people do.
[after the opening clips of Casablanca]
Allan: [voice-over] Who am I kidding? I'm not like that. I never was, I never will be... That's strictly the movies.
Linda: My God! Can't you cook anything but TV dinners?
Allan: Who bothers to cook them? I suck 'em frozen.
Linda: What were you thinking about the whole time we were making love?
Allan: Willie Mays.
Linda: Do you always think about baseball players?
Allan: It keeps me going.
Linda: Yeah, I wondered why you kept yelling "slide".
Dick: [On the phone] Hello, this is Mr. Christie, look, I'm no longer at 752-0420, I'm at going to be home at 621-4598. What? Yes, I'll hold on.
Dick: [On the phone] Marjorie, did Mr. Hardy call? Well, I'm at 922-3299. Yeah, well I'll be here - I'm picking my wife up. What? Who? Oh, Allan Felix. Yeah, all right. I'll call him later. Right. Bye-bye.
Linda: Sharon did a movie.
Allan: Stag film?
Sharon: Underground! You know, very arty. Sixteen millimeter.
Linda: Allan, do you realize what a wonderful thing has happened? Allan the most beautiful thing in the world has happened right under our very own noses. We've had a wonderful experience. Doesn't that surprise you? You didn't have to do anything. You didn't have to leave any half open books lying around. You didn't have to have on the proper mood music. Why, I even saw you in your underwear with the days of the week written on them.
Linda: Oh, I don't regret a moment of what's happened; because, what its done for me is to reaffirm my feelings for Dick.
Allan: I have a tendency to reject before I get rejected. That way I save a lot of time and money.
[Trying to be like Bogart]
Allan: Sorry I had to slap you around, but you got hysterical when I said, "No more."
Allan: You were fantastic last night in bed.
Linda: Oh, thanks.
Allan: How do you feel now?
Linda: I think the Pepto Bismol helped.
[clip from 'Casablanca']
Airport guard: Hello, radio tower, Lisbon plane taking off in ten minutes, east runway. Thank you.
Richard 'Rick' Blaine: Louis, have your man go with Mr. Lazlo and take care of his luggage.
Captain Renault: Certainly, Rick, anything you say. Find Mr. Lazlo's luggage and put it on the plane.
Airport guard: Yes, sir. This way please.
Dick: [On the phone] Hello, this is Mr. Christie. I'm no longer at 431-5997. I'm gonna be at Mr. Fe- what time did that come in? Yeah.
Dick: [On the phone] Hi, this is Mr. Christie. I'm at the Hong Fat Noodle Company - that's, eh, 824-7996. Yeah, Right. Okay. Bye-bye.
Dick: [On the phone] Hello, this is Mr. Christie. I'm no longer at 731-0711. I'll be at 885-0714. That's good for the whole weekend.
Sharon: This film I did got very good reviews. As a matter of fact, I got singled out. Of course, I was the only girl in it with nine men.
Allan: Really? What's it called? Maybe I saw it.
Sharon: Gang bang.
Allan: I like blondes. Little blondes with long hair and short skirts and boots and big chest and bright, witty and perceptive.
Dick: Well, don't set yourself ridiculous stands, Allan.
Linda: She must be beautiful with long hair and a big bust?
Allan: Yes. And a good behind - something I can sink my teeth into.