A visiting general, appearing to be more eccentric than the usual army brass and a stickler for regulations, tries to move the camp closer to the front and court martial Hawkeye before they discover that he's completely loony.
Hawkeye and Trapper are Tokyo-bound, Frank is jealous; but Trapper wants 3 days without amputating something. Father and Henry bring shopping lists but Radar brings news of more casualties. Thirty-six hours and 473 cases later (an all time record) Henry tells the officers about an unusual radio call Radar took from the Chinese. The Chinese have 9 shot-up GIs they are willing to free...but only if unarmed doctors, a corpsman and a driver travel 50 miles into Chinese territory in one vehicle to retrieve the GIs. All must be totally without weaponry. Margaret and Frank ...
It is a beautiful Spring day that makes one yearn for a group lobotomy. Trapper grabs a nurse; Radar wants to grab pretty Lt. Simmons (Mary Kay Place) and Henry grabs some golf. In the field, nostrils flare as Hotlips and Frank grab each other. A hairy English rose reads Rupert Brooke... and a telegram. She said yes! Hawkeye almost gets grabbed by a disturbed feline fondler, but his new buddy, Gargantuan Marine, Lyle Wesson (Alex Karras) saves him. And he keeps on saving him! Henry arranges a wireless wedding between Korea and Toledo with Father Mulcahy presiding. The...
Henry suspects his wife is having an affair, Hawkeye searches for presidents' faces to try to win a pony and Father Mulcahy officiates at a Jewish Bris with the help of a rabbi on a faraway aircraft carrier.
When Henry goes to Tokyo for a conference, Frank outlaws alcoholic beverages, dismantles the still, and enlists Father Mulcahy to present a sermon on the evils of drink. But Frank discovers that it's not so easy to dry out the 4077th.
After a run-in with Major Houlihan, Henry is not altogether unhappy when the nurses are evacuated due to a possible enemy attack but soon finds out with rest of the camp just how much the nurses mean to the unit.
Hawkeye records a letter to his Dad, detailing the exploits of a mad Turkish soldier, the loss of a Luxembourg Lieutenant's corpse, and a lieutenant's strong-arm tactics to obtain medical care for a comrade.
While Radar tries to stop the camp from being shelled by their own artillery, Frank finds a wounded enemy soldier wired to explode, Margaret and Trapper get stuck in a supply shed and Henry and Father Mulcahy get blown up in the latrine.
Trapper writes a letter to his daughter, Shirley Temple dances, and the 4077th tries to take a mental break from GIs suffering from hypothermia and post-op bleeding by throwing a benefit picnic for the orphanage.
After Hawkeye makes an insulting remark about Margaret, Frank snaps him with a towel and Hawkeye responds with a nicely placed right cross to Frank's eye. Hawkeye is then placed under house arrest and instead of being treated like a criminal, he is treated like a conquering hero for what he did even to the point of getting some very tasty water buffalo steak and having movies shown in the Swamp. In the meantime, Colonel Reese, the woman in charge of all the nurses in Korea, arrives to observe Margaret and her staff and, for some strange reason, becomes attracted to ...
Hawkeye and Trapper try to unite a Korean medic with his family in spite of Frank's interference and find out that a young GI isn't telling the whole truth about his upcoming marriage to a Korean woman.